A Brand-New Company Truck!

The company bought me a new truck. It's a Ford (at least they circled the problem) F150 with a boxed-in toolbed. Nice and new. It's a base model extended cab. No frills, regular crank windows, I don't like electric windows. Leather interior. I was not aware that they made plain am/fm stereos though. I thought they all had at least a tape deck. Oh well. Ladder rack, tool boxes down the side, new company logos...
I really like my new truck.
I sat down this evening to write something and my phone rang. My old friend Jerry called and we spoke for 90 minutes. Now I have too much on my mind to think about and no idea what to write.
EXCEPT...

God sure is Great!

In two weeks the company is sending me to Las Vegas for the Bicsi Convention. I have a ton of classes to take while I'm there. Husband surprised me by purchasing a great seat for the Cirque Du Soleil event "Zumanity". I've been wanting to see it since I first heard of it. When Rob and I went to Vegas three years ago, the show wasn't open yet and I was bummed because I've always wanted to see a Cirque Du Soleil. What a wonderful husband I have! The ticket was very expensive, I'm (almost) embarassed to warrant such an expenditure. At least this is something that only happens once-in-a-lifetime.

Anyway, the jobsite is about to wrap up. I'm expecting to be finished Friday this week. All that's left is the testing and troubleshooting. Two days to completion, whew! The casino's decor is very elaborate, it's going to be beautiful when it opens on September 21st. We will probably eat in the new steakhouse next August for our wedding anniversary.

Speaking of Anniversaries: September 9th will be the 5th anniversary of Our First Date. Happy anniversary Darlin'. It seemed like 50 years... I mean 5 years. I Love You.

MsAmber

Laughingstock of the construction site

Ok, so it's terminating time. We've built 6 racks in the I.T. room and are lacing the cables in. The air conditioning ductwork is wide open in our room. It's like 40 degrees in there and windy. I put up a cardboard deflector to keep the frozen whirlwind from frostbiting our ears. My crew has taken to wearing sweatshirts and long sleeves. Poor Chris, he wears a hoodie and pulls the hood up over his head, then puts his hard hat over that. When we go on break or to lunch, we all come shivvering downstairs and head straight outside for some sunshine. It's 104 degrees outside. It takes 15 minutes for us to feel our fingertips again and for toes to thaw out.
Oh yeah, we're getting laughed at. The popsicle crew.

MsAmber

A Diary in Oklahoma...

Just moved to Oklahoma! Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least, it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th: Fell asleep by the community pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of mybody). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th: I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen upto the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon. The car now smells like Kibbles and $hits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again.

July 25th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th: Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now, $225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th: It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost$500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.

Aug. 8th: If another wise a$$ cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car, I thought my rear was on fire. My skin melted to the seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and butt . . . Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried butt, and baked cat.

Aug 10th: The weather report might as well be a stinking recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to move for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this blasted state? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow away. Even the cactus can't live in this unholy heat.

Aug. 14th: Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead. Forgot to leave the window open a tiny bit and the heat build up in the car blew the blasted windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me??? "Hot enough for you today?" My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Oklahoma. What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?? Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.

Damn. Got the Strep. Aargh!

I have been unable to eat. My stomach is ill, my head hurts. I left early from work on Tuesday and had to pull over to the side of the road for a two hour nap before resuming the drive home. I got home and laid down and crashed for 5 more hours. I got up and ate a cookie, I complained to husband that I had a headache, so he gave me two ibuprofen. I puked. My headache escalated into the most painful thing I have ever felt (comparable even to the time I had appendicitis for 17 hours). I tried a Hydrocodone. Puked that up. It felt like I was sweating from every pore in my body. Little needles coming from every sweat gland. I was sooo miserable. My shoulder and ribs on my right side hurt, my neck, my head, oh how miserable.
I went to the Dr on Wednesday. He gave me a strep test. Work doesn't want me to come in, so I don't share my illness with everyone.
I have a scrip for antibiotics (which always give me the runs and a nice stomachache), and another scrip for an anti-nausea medicine Phenergan, and another scrip for migraines. I think I'll just store the migraine scrip away for emergencies. It's a little overkill, don't you think?
Anyway, still having a hard time eating anything. My stomach is really sensitive right now, anything I eat hurts badly. I just had some Chunky Chicken Noodle soup and I appear to be holding that down ok. I finally got up and cleaned the bathroom. Nothing quite as fun as cleaning up your own puke when you are nauseous. I need a shower, but I just don't have the energy. I need to vaccuum the floors. I need to change my sheets. Gosh, where is my energy? This is just too damn depressing for words. I'm burning up and too tired to move. Argh.

MsAmber

Everybody knows but US?

http://www.ifamericansknew.org/history/index.html

Dyslexics Untie! I mean, how could we not know what and why we are doing this to innocent people? What can I do?
This was probably the most information I have found. It is so scary to me that I wonder how 'bent' it is. Please, somebody make an intelligent defense of the U.S.'s decision. Should I believe what I just read? If I do, that makes me decidedly un-American.
I already struggled with my dislike of commercialism and conspicuous consumption, this made me fairly unpatriotic as it were. Now I am extremely revolted by what I find we are messing with in the Middle East.
I am very worried and outraged.

Ignorance was bliss. My cherry has been smashed.

MsAmber

Current Affairs.

I've been watching the World News on BBC for several weeks now. At first, I was excited because they appeared to cover the Israel/Lebanon situation better than the American News programs. Now, I am seriously in doubt as to whether I should continue watching. There is a decidedly anti-American agenda, and I thought Great Britain were our allies.
I shouldn't turn my head just because the news is unpleasant to watch, but they really aren't reporting on the side of keeping Israel as a state. It seems as though they consider the bombing of Lebanon to be an over-reaction on the part of Israel over the kidnapping of two Israeli soldiers.
I understood the situation to be more about the Hezbollah organization terrorizing Israel and by not being in compliance with U.N. resolution 1559. Calling for the disbanding and disarmament of all Lebanese militias, and for a free and fair presidential election in Lebanon. This resolution was passed in 2004 by the U.N. Security council.
I'm still not sure I understand the importance of keeping Israel as a state except that there are many neighboring countries with a claim on the holy land and the fighting would continue over that Big Old Rock. I think Israel should be sold to the Vatican (They can afford it) and turned into Disneyland/Holy Land. We could sell tickets to all the pilgrims and develop the area into a multi-religious melting pot. The newest vacation hotspot of the pious.
I don't know about you, but I don't think God is on anybody's side on this one. It's just a piece of land for goodness' sake.
I do know that the more we interfere with Middle Eastern land issues, the more it seems we become the problem, and therefor a target for terrorist acts.
BBC news really makes me want to gather supplies and head for the hills.
Cox Cable channel 173.

Any intelligent input is duly requested.
MsAmber

Alicia Villarreal

One of the Mexicans on the jobsite told me that the reason the Mexicans are always staring at me is because I look like Alicia Villarreal. He said that she is a star in Mexico, like Tina Turner is in America.
I have to laugh about this. Does he mean I'm an old ageless icon? Ha ha ha.
I looked up Alicia Villarreal and the resemblance is amazing.
What do you think?

Have a great week.

MsAmber

Does Jesus wear a Yarmulke?

Hey! How come I've never seen a rendering of Jesus wearing a Yarmulke or some Hassidic curls?
Hmmm?

The Attitude of the Three Hairs.

Once a lady woke up and looked in the mirror and saw that she only had three hairs left on her head. So she said to herself "I think I'll braid my hair today." She did, and had a wonderful day.

The next morning, she awoke to find that she only had two hairs on her head. She thought to herself "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today." She did, and had a fabulous day.

The third morning she awoke to find that she only had one hair left. So she said to herself "I think I'll wear my hair in a ponytail today." She did, and had a very fun day.

The fourth morning she woke and found that she had no hairs left. She looked at herself in the mirror and thought "Yay, I won't have to do my hair today!"

This is my personal reminder to myself that it's not about bad things happening, it's how we deal with them that matters.

Yesterday on my way home from work, the fuel pump went out on the truck. It was cutting out, so I turned off the air-conditioner and limped down the berm to Jiffy Lube. The truck died in the parking lot, so we pushed it into the bay. I suggested that my fuel-filter was clogged and asked them to replace it. The new fuel filter didn't fix the problem, so I checked the fuel-pump relay (I swapped it out with the brake light relay). That didn't solve the problem either. So I talked with the boys at the shop and they suggested that it would be easier to remove the bed from the truck to get to the in-tank fuel pump, than to drain the fuel tank and drop it. I walked to the parts store and bought a new fuel pump and had the truck towed home.
I worked on those 8 bolts for 4 hours. They were tough. I broke one ratchet and bent a box wrench getting the bolts broken loose. It got dark. I put on a miner's light on my head and kept working. I got the bed of my truck unbolted, then I grabbed a hoe and a rake. I propped up one side with the hoe, then propped the other side up with the rake. I put a concrete block on the frame, just in case the bed fell, it wouldn't crush me.
You can see where I'm going with this right?
I figured out the wierd retaining-ring mechanism that holds the pump, filter, and gas gauge float inside the tank. I replaced the fuel pump all by myself. Rob got home and he helped me put the bed back on the truck and he cleaned up my mess and swept the driveway. I finished everything by 1:00 a.m.
I'm pretty proud of it. Rob said if he were here, he wouldn't have let me tackle the job, but I'm pretty proud of the fact that I figured that one out myself and saved about $300.00 in labor. An impact wrench would've sure made the job easier though.

It was hard work, I've been pretty sore all day and I can't get the grease out from under my fingernails. Ha! That is sooo me!

Have a great week Ya'll.
MsAmber

Sunflower contest update!

Sunflower contest of '06.
Now you see how magnificent it really looks.
The wind has been really blowing lately, so I thought I should snap a few photos before they start looking beaten down.
So far the potential winners are: Kandelyn and Mike and Mel are running close in height. At over 9' tall, it's hard to judge.
For largest flower: Calliope and NormanKnight are looking like good bets.
Have a sunflower wonderful day!

MsAmber
 

Everything is wonderful!

I'm working hard at my new job. I'm cabling a new casino out here in Oklahoma. I'm sore, sunburnt, tired, and smiling. I actually have quite a nice tan, for the second time in my entire life.
The electricians on this jobsite are funny, funny guys. They heckle my crew all day long. I enjoy the good-natured bantering. My crew is working hard and learning the trade. We pulled 150 cables on Saturday, and another 104 today. That's busting butt.
The job is supposed to be finished by August 20th. I'm sure we'll make deadline on the original bid, but the add-ons are going to kick our collective arses. They like the quality of my work, so we are getting the phone and fiber cabling also - that's the add-on part. Oh well, more money and more work.
I'm like the sweetheart of the construction site, I attend meetings with the honchos and everybody knows my name. I use the outhouses just like the guys, and I'm as hard-working and responsible as anybody out there. I guess you could say I'm back in my element and I feel good.
I'm also losing weight like crazy...
Bonus!

Shalom,
MsAmber

The Great Sunflower Contest - 2006

The Great Sunflower Contest is in full swing again this year. So far the NormanKnights (Rob) and MsAmber's Beauty (Mine) are in the lead for height. Calliope (Earl) is looking very thick, which might mean a big head. (For Earl, or the sunflowers, maybe both...)
Mike and Mel's unnamed flowers, as seen here, are doing great. They appear to be just a couple inches taller than the Mustangs (Kandelyn's). Team Dork (Rob's second set) are lagging behind. Might be because I sent the dog over their to mark them...
MsAmber and Beauty are reaching high for the top rung of the fence. The extra doses of fertilizer just may give me an advantage this year. I deny allegations that I'm using steroids to enhance their performance. These athletes are pure, raw talent. Plus a little pep-talking and some Miracle Grow.
Gotta feed my little athletes if they are going to be champions, you know.

Have a great week ya'll.
MsAmber

Good news all around.

1. Kandelyn is off to horse camp. She saved enough money for the second week, AND had $80.00 left over to go shopping with. I'm so proud of her. I'm thinking of sending her that set of horse brushes we saw at Atwoods last week. She loves to get mail.
2. I've got a good crew of guys on the jobsite now. All cooperative and wanting to learn. Good attitudes and good workers.
3. The Contractor bought me from the Recruiting Agency. I negotiated a good salary plus company truck and gas card, and a 2GHz laptop! Woo Hoo! Amber's in da hay-ouse! I'm now the job supervisor over this project also.
4. I went to Goodwill and bought 1 pair of jeans, 2 pair of shorts, 1 belt, and 4 blouses. I spent $22.00 and now I have enough clothes to wear. I've been washing and wearing the same three pair of jeans and shirts over and over, I think people are starting to notice....

I came home and layed down in my bed. I crashed hard. The phone rang, but I was so confused and tired that I was trying to shut off the alarm clock, thinking it was 5:00 a.m. already. I need to re-adjust my mental clock, I get up at 5:00 a.m. but I still try and stay up till midnight to visit with Rob. I need to start going to bed sooner.
I've been having some really funky dreams lately. I dreamt that my mother called me, she wasn't dead after all, she was in Florida and needed some money. I was so mad at her! It took a couple of waking hours to realize that it was just a dream, but the wierd thing was that I heard her voice, loud-and-clear. I haven't heard her say my name in years, but there it was. "Amber, this is your Mom, sorry about tricking you, ha ha ha. But listen, I need a favor..."

MsAmber

Boogie boogie boogie!

Run run run.
Git 'er done!

Have patience with me, I'm full of things to say, but I just can't think of anything right now.

MsAmber

Alrighty Then.... Hmmmm.

I found out today that I am the lead tech over the whole project. Pretty cool.
I was also taken aside and asked who I would cut if I had to get rid of some extra employees.
OUCH!
I tried to waffle a little bit, and I thought of all my guys. Some of them aren't the sharpest tools in the shed, but they have willing hearts. They will do their best for you, all you have to do is give them some direction. Others are overly hard workers, but not exactly on the reliable side... And then others have already proved dishonesty. I really struggled with my list...
I picked one who has proven dishonesty, and he's a little disgruntled anyway - I have a feeling he's looking for something else and isn't too pleased with the long drive.
I picked two who have no experience and move slowly. I appreciate somebody who can hustle, not take 10 minutes to fetch some allthread from the trailer. It doesn't take two people to walk out for one piece of allthread, etc.
The next section is a hard one - Do I pick the two that are funny and hard working but may not be reliable if they have a hangover? Or do I pick the two who went along with the dishonesty of number 1? Do I pick the two young guys who are acting like rednecks on the jobsite (calling the hispanic crew "Beaners")?
It makes sense to remove one from each pair, and it would straighten out the other one, since these bad habits are a direct result of a "pack mentality".
The problem here is that I am vaguely familiar with all of their life-situations. Who has a new baby, who is going to school, who is really trying to ____________. (fill in the blanks)
I'm more of a mentor than a dictator, I see the potential in every one of my guys. Wishing I could work with them and teach them a trade that would guarantee a meal on their table and pride in their work for life.
I'm so sad for having to choose. I guess this is the next step for me in becoming a project manager though. I have to let go of wanting to make a difference in people's lives, and just focus on the job.
I really should be a trainer.

Peace,
MsAmber

There's a Party in Hell (Wisconsin)

I started my new job. Couldn't be happier. I've got a good crew of guys to work with, and I get to wear my hardhat and workboots again. Heck, I even feel and look slimmer, though I've only lost 5 pounds so far.
I have a dilemma:
I am paid by a Recruiting Agency, and I answer to the Contractor.
I am a team leader, and there are three team leaders total.
As a team leader, I am responsible for the timecards for my team.
On Thursday, the other team leader: I'll call him "Gramps" for blogging purposes, Gramps dismissed the teams for lunch at 11:50. We walked out to the trucks and he had them wait for 10 minutes to clock out. Then they all clocked back in at 12:30. Nine guys at 10 minutes each equals about $23.00. No big deal right?
On Friday, my guys had to leave at 3:00. I clocked them out then I went back in to continue working. We are trying to make up time to get them 40 hours. Also, I was waiting for a container to be delivered. I received a phone call at 3:50 from the container company saying that the truck had broken down and the container wouldn't be delivered until Monday. I was up on the lift straightening out the cable track, and Gramps went to talk to his crew. He came back over and said he wanted to call it a day. I said that we were trying to get 10 hours in for the day to make up time. He said that's what he was negotiating with me, he wanted to leave at 4:00 but clock out at 5:30, to "Give the guys a break". I said "The guys have had a break all week. No, uh uh. I'm going to keep working." He was a little pissed and walked away. I finished my track and put my lift away and plugged it into the electricity, and stacked my tools in a box next to the lift. Then I walked over to his team and saw how far they had gotten, I complimented them on a good run and said I was stepping outside for a cigarette.
I only barely finished the cigarette when the guys all walked out, carrying my tools and ready to go. When we got to the trucks it was 5:10. I met Gramps at his truck and said "I don't mind 10 minutes here and there, but an hour-and-a-half is pushing it. I can't justify stealing." (That would be 4 guys at 1.5 hours = $90.00) He frowned at me and his team walked up with their timecards and looked straight at me and asked what time to put down. I said "5:30's fine, if you want." (That's about $20.00 worth for 4 guys at 20 minutes each.)
Saturday: 6 of us showed up at 7:00 and completed a walk-thru. There was only about 3 hours' worth of work and materials. I was there for half an hour and got the guys started, spoke to the PM, he wanted us to stretch it out until noon if we could. I got permission to let Gramps run the job and I went home for the day. I asked the guys to call me with their time when they leave, because I have to have the timecards turned in on Sunday. At 2:00 in the evening, I hadn't received a phonecall so I called Gramps and left a message, clearly asking him to call me back when he checks his voicemail. Sunday, I called again at 12:30 (after church), and again asked for him to return my call. At 4:00, I called my guys and asked them personally what time to put down for Saturday. The answer was "Gramps told us to put down 12:00. Did he not call you? He told us not to call you because he would do it." (notice the answer was not "we worked until 12:00", it was "Gramps told us to put down 12:00.")
My problem is this: Because Gramps is angry with me, he is not returning my calls. He told my guys not to call in their time yet he didn't call it in for them. Secondly, I don't know who to report this to. The Recruiting Agency? The Project Manager?
Is it even worth reporting?

I live by four basic principles:
1. If it's right, do it.
2. If it's wrong, don't.
3. If you mess up, fix it.
4. Love is a verb not a noun.

I know the fourth is not applicable in this situation.

What would Dear Abby say?

MsAmber

The Hostel - Quentin Tarrantino

What a quaint little movie. So pleasant to watch.
Has anyone ever created an award for the sickest movies ever?
Quentin Tarrantino is such a sicko, I just love him. I don't know how he comes up with some of this twisted stuff.
Can't wait to see his next one...

MsAmber

a Nuclear Meltdown was imminent...

A lot of small personal frustrations built up: I've gained 35 pounds and my husband is mad about it, this has caused a couple of nice little fights. He told me in the beginning that he doesn't like fat chicks. Well, I became one. I'm undecided whether to be mad at him for being shallow, or mad at myself for losing control. Situationally, it was bound to happen when I took a desk job and didn't cut back on my caloric intake. I was used to working outside, and genetics are against me in that way. Even at 170 pounds, I'm still the smallest person in my entire family. That's no excuse, mind you, that's just the way the cookie crumbles. (mmm, crumbled cookies...)
Emotionally I'm a wreck. Rob dismissed our plans for adopting a child. We didn't even discuss it, it just came up in conversation with friends and that's how I found out that the plans were off. Yeah, maybe I'm just being unrealistic, the adoption would have cost a lot of money that we don't have, but dammit now I'm in mourning over a child I never had.
Yeah, my antidepressants were changed again. No more Wellbutrin or Zoloft. Now I'm taking Lexapro.
When I look in a mirror, it's not me I see. I see a big old puffy faced double-chinned old hag. It seems as though my self-image has taken a nose-dive. I want to go to sleep forever and block it all out. If you knew me you would see how strange this is. I am usually such a funny girl who never has time to sleep.
The office manager at my work has been particularly abusive towards me lately. I don't like being screamed at. The boss asked me if there was anything wrong because I don't seem myself. I mentioned that I'm fat, and the office manager has been particularly mean, he said he would say something to her about it. The next day, it was only she and I in the office and she turned into a card-carrying witch before my very eyes. I walked out. I don't like people screaming at me, and this is the second time she's done it. I left work and was driving home, my intentions were to login from home and finish my work and give her some cooling off time. BUT, halfway home I thought I should just quit, since now we have established that she can abuse me without repercussion, I've become an easy target. The thought of quitting actually pleased me. Felt like a weight was lifted and I was happy for a moment.
Then my feelings crashed again... I've got to tell Rob. He will not be happy. He's already mad at me for being fat, now he's going to have a cow over my new employment status. Sure enough I was greeted with his frown and bad attitude, I got the speech about how we are going to suffer financially, then for two days he wouldn't leave the issue alone about how I should talk to my boss and ask for my job back to work from home or some other type of arrangement. Rob even went so far as to log me onto MSNMessenger and tell me to IM my boss.
What? Now you're my parent? Buzz off dude.
I told Rob that I really needed him on my side not against me, I would never treat him that way. I think the break I need is not from my job, but from my husband. He is such a downer sometimes.
So now I'm looking around. I found a 9 month contract job starting next week. It pays $16.00/hr pulling cable in a new casino out in Shawnee. No problem, I can pull cable with both brains tied behind my back, easy money. I'll be getting back into shape in no time and the excitement of working in the field again will be nice. I've already warned Rob that when I lose the weight and get my figure back, that I will certainly be too good for him... I might find me a young hottie and take him under my tutelage...
I've been going out to the farm and clear-cutting an area in the back. I'm immune to poison ivy, so I'm ideally suited to that work. We bought a new chainsaw. There is something innately pleasing about cutting down bad trees so the good trees can grow. I have 14 new tick bites, thorn scratches from head to toe, bruises and splinters. I work hard when I'm frustrated. Used to be, when I was younger, I would take off running. I would run and run until my body couldn't take it anymore. Then my mind would take over and I would be numb to the pain and I could keep on running forever. It was hard, it was cleansing, it was purgatory. Now, I cannot do that, I don't have the mind-over-matter power anymore.
These events are a symptom of my inner will trying to regain control of myself again. I'm not quite sure when I lost control, but I can't be smothered and squished anymore. I hope it's not my antidepressants making mountains of molehills, somehow I don't think that is the case, but it's always a possibility.
Anyway, I pressed the nuke button. Watching the fallout is always interesting.

MsAmber

Ewwww. Disgusting.

Okay, a medical grossness blog entry.
Today I was scheduled for an abdomenal CT scan. This involved 24 hours of clear liquids only diet, then a complete bowel cleansing kit... Lots of water, some gross alka-seltzer-like stuff first, then four laxatives, then a suppository. Meanwhile, drinking three big banana flavored barium smoothies. One at 10:00 last night, then one at 5:00 this morning, and another at 7:00 this morning. When I got to the hospital, I had to drink another one. So, I thought the worst was over... After the first CT scan, they injected another kind of contrast-material into my bloodstream. This stuff made me flush, I tasted and smelled strong chemicals, and it felt like I peed myself, even though it was expected, it still felt awful. I got my second scan. Then, I puked.
The CT scan technician held my head and a garbage can while I heaved. She put wet washcloths on my neck and forehead. She said that was normal, lots of people puke. Then I got the third scan. I left the hospital and I felt so hungry and tired and disgusting. I just drove straight home and went to bed. (I was supposed to go to work!)
I just woke up and fed the dogs and fixed myself a bowl of Chunky Chicken Noodle soup. I'm thinking I'll never eat bananas or banana-flavored anything ever again.

MsAmber

I didn't fall off the planet... yet.

Hello everyone. I've been a little busy with normal living-stuffs.
Saturday last, I hosted a very successful bar-b-que for my Father Bill, his wife Brenda, my Father-in-law Dick and my Mother-in-law Dolores. Rob perfectly grilled the most scrumptious T-Bone steaks ever seen on this side of the Earth. The company was great, the house was clean, the dogs were on their best manners. I still have a warm fuzzy from the event.
One nice surprise of the evening. My step-mom Brenda greeted me with the biggest heartfelt hug I have ever received from her. I truly felt the warmth and sincerity in that hug. I know I'm strange to take so much meaning out of a simple embrace, but when it's there, you can feel it. That means the world to me. Oh how I dislike a fake hug, as much as a man would dislike a wet fish handshake. It just meant so much.
How is it that I am a 35 year old woman, with all the stubbornness and self-confidence of any other adult, but at the mere sight of my parents, I become an insecure, try-too-hard-to-please, freak? I shampooed the carpets until the water ran clear. I couldn't get the house clean enough. I worried about the refrigerator being dirty, the dogprints on the floor, the smells exuding from our well-loved furniture, etc. I wish I could be confident enough to say "Screw it, either take me as I am or leave me alone." But no, I have to be a clean-freak and bust my azz to get everything not just clean, but perfectly clean. I'm such a child sometimes.
The dinner went wonderfully, everyone enjoyed it and I can let the house get dirty again.
Now I'm back to work and I am having a hard time finding my motivation. I hope my complacency doesn't get me fired. I think I may have just expended too much energy on one weekend, and now I don't have any motivation left.
Ah, C'est La Vie, I guess.

MsAmber

I'm Baaaack!

Sorry. Didja miss me?

I survived my vacation. My back has peeled, and my pinched nerve is finally chillin' out. I'm such a mess sometimes. But I sure know how to get stuff done.

My Fort is built, so I've spent the last few evenings outside. I took apart my old broken down glider chair, I need some Elmer's wood glue and sandpaper. I'll have it fixed better-'n-new in a few days. My Fort is a canvas screened tent that I erect on the back patio. I have to secure it very well to the back of the house. This is after all, Oklahoma: Tornado territory. The dogs appreciate the Fort too, it knocks the temperature down about 10 degrees. We have planted plenty of trees in our yard, but it gets over 100 degrees out here sometimes. The dogs have a sheltered kennel with a concrete floor and hay that they use when it's too hot. I would hate to be a dog in Oklahoma. They suffer from the heat so badly in some places, I want to knock on peoples' doors and give them a piece of my mind sometimes when I see a dog tied out in the sun. Sorry, I digress....

I got all my gardening done. Before Mother's day, even. I am hosting the second annual sunflower contest again this year. I busted up all the dirt along the fence row and mixed in some topsoil and compost, then I planted 250 mammoth sunflower seeds, then I fertilized it. Hope I didn't overdo it. Leave it to me to fertilize a weed!

I'm trying a new type of insecticide. I know, I know. I hate poisons too. This is by Bayer, and it's a systemic poison that my rosebushes absorb to kill blackspot and aphids, also other diseases and pests. Blackspot and aphids just happen to be my particular malady. My rosebushes are covered with buds, and last year I let the infestation go too long and I had a very short blooming season. Hopefully this year they will do better. I've also started using my coffee grounds and eggshells around them.

Now that I feel better, I still have the kennel to clean out and 6 cu. feet of mulch to spread. Rob and I are going over to a friends' home later to wire up a soundsystem on their pontoon boat. Good times.

An out-of-town visitor dropped by the other day and delivered two six-packs of Ziegenbock Amber. It's Rob and Mine's favorite beer. In Oklahoma we only have 3.2 beer, so you have to drive to Texas to get 6. beer. It's not worth the drive, but it's considered a mighty fine gift if someone should happen to be travelling through and brings you a 12 pack. Also Ziegenbock Amber is only available in Texas and we just fell in love with it a couple of years ago, it's a rare gem among beer. (Shameless plug or Love divine? You decide.)

Gotta go - Mulch ain't gonna spread itself, you know.

Peace,
MsAmber

Introducing the Amazing Self Bathing Dog.

Here she is folks. The dog you've been waiting for. May I present Brinka....
The incredible, amazing self-bathing dog.
Simply turn on a waterhose, pour shampoo on her back and watch her go.
At the same time she thouroughly lathers and rinses, she also cleans her teeth!
That's right. Complete orthodontic water pik flossing. This incredible dog flosses with the water for a sparkling smile every time.
As an added bonus, her breath is simply wonderful.
Thank you, thank you very much.
And if you call within the next 3 minutes, I will include the water nozzle with bidet setting ABSOLUTELY FREE!
MsAmber

 

Vacation Day #2

Last evening after I blogged, Kandelyn came over and we double-teamed the house cleaning. She did her normal chores and I Pledged the furniture and cleaned the glass. Then we moved out the old recliners and unloaded the truck. We re-arranged the livingroom. We finished at 9:22 exactly.
This morning I woke up earlier than usual, I wanted to beat the heat. Mom and I cleaned out their shop building. It's a 15X20 outbuilding with a loft. I get to climb on the ladder and put the stuff up in the loft. I stacked all the lumber across the beams up there and then I put boxes, coolers, pet taxi, wicker baskets, and old plastic flowerpots. Then we went through several boxes full of castoffs that were never given away or sorted. It seems we have a plethora of medical equipment out there. Bedpans, toilet booster seats, knee braces, foot braces, crutches, walkers, canes, all those plastic tubs that they give you in the hospital. I bet there is enough equipment out there to supply a small nursing home. Oxygen tubing, support hose, specialty undergarments, girdles, ...
We did find the original manual and accessory kit for my sewing machine. I was glad to retrieve that. We waited for Dad's nurse to come and check him out and give him a breathing treatment, then we went to lunch. I drove "Miss Daisy" to Ruby's restaurant in Purcell for some big ol' hamburgers and french fries. Then we drove the long way back so we could stop at Northcutts Nursery. Mom bought a new bush, a bag of fertilizer, and a half-ton of river rock. I bought two bags of mulch. I went back with my truck and put plastic in the bed (even though I have a bedliner, I thought it would save me from some dust - NOT.) They dumped a whole scoop of river rock into my truck, you should have seen the bed sag. I'm surprised my springs held out. We drove it home, and I backed it straight up to the house and we shoveled and spread all that rock. It took maybe an hour, but it sure wore me out.
Then I got out the hose and sprayed down the stains in the driveway, we hauled the bags of garbage over to the porch, I rolled up all the hoses and loaded my tools (and some found-treasures) back into the truck, and I was outta there. I'm home now, and it's 7:00 and I am frazzled, burnt, tired, sore, and smiling.

MsAmber

Vacation Day #1

I started out with a truck full of branches and clippings. Over the top of the bed, held down with a strap. I cut down three trees last Sunday, and have been driving around for four days with them in the back of the truck. I called my Mother-in-law (heretofor referred to as Mom) at 9:30 this morning, and told her I would meet her at my neice's at 10:45. We met there at exactly 10:45 and Mom triggered the house alarm. The roof horn actually. I just stood in the doorway and giggled. She finally got it figured out, and the alarm company called, Mom had the secret password, so it was all ok. But it was funny. I took down the diningroom ceiling fan and replaced it with a flush mount light fixture. While I had the electricity off, I secured one of her wall outlets.
Then Mom and I went out to the farm and loaded a bunch of small peices of posts. There were perhaps 80 of them. I asked Mom where she wanted my trees dumped off. I had told her where there was a pile of tires, and there were two more by the pond so she wanted to see them. I drove her out to the ditch full of tires, there were 8 of them half buried in the red clay and leaves. So we pulled them up and threw them on top of my load of brush and post-pieces. The truck was really loaded up. Whew! She had me take her around to a section of a washout where she had been trying to fill it in, and we unloaded the whole truck. We couldn't just pull the stuff off the tailgate, no. We had to throw everything about 10 feet out. I felt like the discus throwing champion of the world. Those tires were full of mud, so they were pretty heavy and gross. I had mud splattered all over my face.
So we get that unloaded and we drive around to the pond and look at that, discuss getting a bulldozer out to dam it up over by the shallow end.
Then we drive up to the house. Dad wanted to treat us out to lunch, so I drove them in their car to Lexington for Mexican Food. Best place around. We asked if we could eat out on the patio, Mom and Dad really liked that. The weather today was a perfect 80 with a slight breeze. I did not stuff myself, I ate conservatively, so I wouldn't run out of steam. Then I drove them back to the farm (They don't get out much). I call Dad "Miss Daisy" as in "Driving Miss Daisy". Just my way of teasing him. When we got back to the house, I took down their old ceiling fan from the dining room and replaced it with the ceiling fan that I had just de-installed at my neice's house.
Then we loaded a glider chair and it's footstool into my truck, on top of the leaves and pine-needles. (It's ok, it'll blow out when I get to driving home.) Then I say my goodbyes, and drive back to Noble to my neice's house. I visit with her for a few minutes, she is ecstatic about the light fixture. We load up an exercise machine and two blue recliners into the back of the truck. She's getting ready to go to the movies with some friends. So I headed home.
Now, here I am. My cheeks are rosy red sunburnt. My pinched nerve in my back is bugging me. I just took an 800 mg Motrin. Trying to get the guts up to go unload the truck.
I probably shouldn't try and unload it myself, so as soon as my pinched nerve lets up, I'm going to call my neighbor-friend Tamara to come down and help.

This has been day one of my vacation.

MsAmber

My impending Vacation.

Well, I haven't heard from everyone regarding that last post, but I decided to move on anyway.
I start my vacation on Thursday, so I have only two more days of work and I am off for a whole week! Woo Hoo! I can't wait.
My neice wants me to replace her ceiling fan with a light fixture, and secure a couple of electrical outlets into the wall.
Mother and Father-in-Law have requested help moving furniture and hanging gutters.
I am going to unload the trees that I cut yesterday out of my pickup bed.
I'm going to hang gutters at MY house also.
I need to erect my summer clubhouse on the back porch. Oklahoma is 'way too hot in the summer to not have shade back there. It's more for the dogs than it is for me.
I want to put out a plastic swimming pool for Brinka, but Rob is against the idea. He says she's just going to make a mess. I say she'll make a mess anyway, might as well keep her occupied with a kiddie pool full of water. It might keep her from dumping over the water bucket. I'm buying half a rain-barrel for watering now, since I don't think she can dump that over. I don't know, she's a strong dog, I have a feeling that "where there's a will there's a way."
All my vines are greening up, my hundreds of bulbs are up, my baby trees are sprouting leaves, my two big willows are almost casting shade. I moved my tropical tree outside for the summer, I halfway bury the pot outdoors. I will dig it up in the fall and bring it back in. I need to get a jump on the aphids. By the time I see aphids on my rosebushes, it's too late. So I need to get them before I can see them. North side of the house is an aphid paradise.
Let's see, what else? That about does it.
I did go out to the farm and did some 'plinking'. That's hillbilly-speak for shooting turtles with a .22. We got about 30 of them. Barely made a dent in the population. I did pull on some waders and picked up 4 big bags of litter. We found green glass bottles from the '50s, several brown Anheuser Busch bottles, hundreds of aluminum and steel cans of beer and soda with brands I have never even heard of. We even found a bottle full of hypodermic needles. That caused quite a scandal. The family has owned that property for over 40 years. Hmmmm.
Anyway, with regards to my last post: Flubberwinkle surprised me. Nicole did not. Bob Hoeppner really surprised me. Zardoz did not.
Thanks everybody.

MsAmber

Turtle Management - an Ecological Dilemma

Out at the farm we have a pond. I like to hike back there and see the pond, maybe dip my feet in it. Look down in it to see how the fish are doing. We have a little overturned canoe on the bank if you feel like rowing out, you can chase down our own version of the Loch Ness Monster: a three foot long grass catfish which no-one has been able to catch. Along one side we have dumped in some branches to give the sunfish some protection against the bass-fish when they nest and make minnows. A couple of years ago, the pond level was high and we watched thousands of sunfish nesting in the shallows. Millions of minnows were produced, ensuring a new generation of sunfish.
We do our best to create a healthy eco-system back there.
Until the turtles had a population boom.
Last weekend I hiked back to the pond and found hundreds of turtles sunning themselves on the banks. The pond level is low and the fish are getting scarce. The scarcity of fish is a direct result of the turtles, but the turtle population growth is a direct result of having such a rich feeding source.
My solution is to hike back there today with my .22 rifle and shoot as many as I can. There is no way I can get them all, but I can randomly commit "population control".
My dilemma comes from speaking to friends (women mainly). They claim that it's cruel. I can make the arguement that it's similar to having a grain silo full of mice, or a cornfield full of crows.
If it makes you feel better, I can demonize them by saying that they are snapping turtles. Mean little cussers who could take a toe off. That seems to make people say "Oh, well in that case, it's ok."
When you manage a micro-ecology sometimes you have to do population control. Sorry. I know it's offensive to think of randomly shooting animals that you aren't going to eat.
Would YOU do it? Do you have another solution? I really want to hear the opinions of:
Nicole
Flubberwinkle
Crall
Mary
Zardoz
Snake

S.P.C.O. Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Owners

So this morning I was putting on a little makeup and my cat Joey jumped up on the sink and made me stab myself in the eye with my mascara brush. Gee, ouch, that's never happened before. Next time I'm poking the cat in the eye. See how HE likes it.

Kidding, really. I'll just shove my mascara brush up his a$$ next time. Wouldn't want anyone to think I'm cruel to my critters. But nobody cares if they're cruel to me. I've had a red weepy eye all day.

Forget S.P.C.A. , I need the S.P.C.O. Society for the prevention of cruelty to owners. I'll have a hard time proving that the animals torture me knowingly and with premeditation. But I assure you they do.

Example number 1:
Joey meets me at the door as I am stumbling in with groceries and fumbling with the locks. He gets directly underfoot, and when I am as precarious as possible, he meowls loudly so I think I have stepped on him so I spin around, hit my foot on the doorjam, drop the groceries and jar myself so hard I think I may have whiplash. Joey escapes unscathed.
Example number 2:
While I am away at work, somebody thinks it's funny to push all knick-nacks to the edge of shelves in the kitchen. So just when I least expect it - BAM! A mason jar falls off the top shelf and narrowly misses braining me upside my skull. It's sabotage, but I can't prove a thing.
Example number 3:
On more than one occasion I have awakened to see a cat's face within inches of my own. Just staring at me in the dark. What is he looking at? Why is he there? What is his motivation? Hmmm?

I think they're out to get me. It's not paranoia, I tell ya, it's real.

What was that? Did you hear something?
Gotta go. I don't think this communication is private anymore.

MsAmber

No Chocolate in da house!

There's not a single m&m to be found in this entire office.
That's just weird, man.
Usually I have to wear blinders throughout the office - monkey no see, monkey no eat.
I just went sharking around everyone's workspaces, looking for one of a hundred hidden m&m dispensers, and I can't find one.
There are some tootsie rolls over there, and my candy dish has starburst fruit chews and some sweettarts. But nothing to satisfy the chocolate monster that has seated himself on my shoulder today.
But wait,
There is half a chocolate sheet cake with whipped non-dairy frosting in the refrigerator. Terrie's birthday was Friday last. Hmmm. I wonder if it's still good?

MsAmber

I Wasn't Tagged by Nicole

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 24 and find line 5:
"...suddenly been compelled to dance around this dimly lit base-..."
May This House Be Safe From Tigers Alexander King

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, what do you find?
My husbands flight bag which he always places in front of the printer. It keeps his maps and flight logbook and any magazine he picks up.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Besides the music channel with it's seldom changing label screen (They really should allow you to download screensavers with that.) Ummm. Last night we watched a sci fi miniseries episode of the DragonKing or Dark Kingdom, or something like that. I dunno, I purge things. I just looked at the DVR menu to remember what we watched and it's been deleted. Must have been unremarkable.

4. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
There is a big speaker right next to my right ear playing "No Goodbyes" by The Subways. I just became aware of it and realized it was jangling my nerves. Thank goodness it ended. Now I hear "Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight" by Amos Lee (I thought it was called "Over The Rainbow") Nice song.

5. When did you last step outside?
I just came inside. I took a couple of gourds out front and primered them with green Rustoleum.

6. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
I can't remember. Another thing I've purged. Must have been unremarkable.

7. What are you wearing?
A brown cotton 3/4 sleeve hippy pullover top with turquoise embroidery and a matching long broomstick skirt and white hanes socks. Brass bangle bracelets and brass colored hoop earrings and a long strand of beads for a necklace. Two barettes in my hair.

8. Did you dream last night?
I'm sure I did. But I don't remember it either. Maybe I purged it? Must have been unremarkable.
(Deja Vu)

9. When did you last laugh?
I was assembling a table with a lamp yesterday at my neice's house. They are all a bunch of comediennes.

10. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Knights and Maidens. Mideival themed framed posters - but you can't really tell. I have two Leightons, two Waterhouses, and a Dicksee. In between spaces I have mounted swords, shields, coat-of-arms, and candle sconces.

11. Seen anything weird lately?
I see weird stuff all the time... I found one of those balls from which an insect is incubated. It was pretty, like a little Easter-egg. I used Rob's pocketknife to show him where these little buggers come from, and dissected it for him. There is a breed of little 'wasps' who fly in and sting a tree. The tree has an allergic reaction to the sting, so it encapsulates the embryo in a 'fruit'. The larvae draws all his nourishment from inside this little pseudo-fruit, and when it is dried out, the little wasp eats his way out, leaving a tiny hole. Next year she will return to the same tree, and sting it several times. So this little dried 'fruit' hull is the evidence. They are pretty little hollow balls, along the lines of a tiny gourd. I think they are kinda cool looking.

12. What do you think of this quiz?
Definitely breaks the boredom.

13. What is the last film you saw?
King Kong. (Again)
We love the dinosaur stampede, that has the coolest special effects we've seen. And it goes on and on.

14. Four people who you’d like to complete this survey:
Flubberwinkle , Flamingo , Drea .

Nice Weekend

What a nice weekend it was. Saturday, I made a pot of black beans and sausage, and played around in the backyard all day. I moved my two foundering azalea bushes over to the shed, and moved some vines over to the trellis. Dug up a silver leafed maple that had started growing too close to the foundation, and moved it to the outside of the fence. I doctored the dogs. Brinka for earmites and Megabyte for his mouth ulcers. We played with Brinka for a long time with her favorite fetch-toy. I cut some coupons and Rob and I handled the grocery shopping.
Around 9:00 Saturday evening, a storm blew in. We opened all the windows and doors, and turned off everything electrical except the refrigerator, Rob and I sat on the couch at opposite ends with blankets on our feet, and talked till 'way after midnight watching the lightning and rain. It was very nice. I lit a couple of oil-lamps and we drank Iced tea and just talked. All the animals safe and quiet, laying in the floor beside us.
Sunday, we washed the van and the car, and drove out to our neice's house just in time to rescue her from a bad furniture-assembly debaucle, we brought sandwiches. Then we drove out to the farm and grabbed the 9mm and a big Vietnam-era rifle, and walked out to the woods. We made our way to the pond, where we saw that the snapping turtle population has gotten out of hand. We knocked off a few turtles, and walked some more to the back of the property. I picked up a few ticks - they love me. I took my boots off and walked barefoot all the way back. The red mud was so soft and cool. I like cold red mud squishing between my toes. Stopped by my sister-in-law's house as we were walking back. I hosed my feet down, but they're still stained red.
We hugged everyone goodbye and drove home, where we medicated and fed the critters, I cooked two game hens and a delicious London broil for lunches this week. We ate one of the hens for supper with carrot sticks dipped in Ranch, and fresh brussel-sprouts.
So, fat-and-sassy we head into another week of thankless labor. I didn't get any laundry washed, or the dogs bathed, or the carpets shampooed, but I had a great weekend.

MsAmber

Yayyyy! It's Friday again!

Another exciting week in Amberville.
Megabyte still has mouth ulcers after taking three antibiotics a day for the past 14 days. The sores are getting better and he can eat dogfood again, but the mystery still rolls on. I had the vet draw some blood and test him for parasites. Negative, and it cost another $45.00, but at least I tried. Dr. Azlin says it's just nerves. I have a nervous wreck of a dog with "separation anxiety". The dog can't stand for me to go to work and leave him. Maybe he thinks I'm not coming back? Vet gave me another bottle of antibiotics, and wants to see him again in another couple of weeks.
Meanwhile - I think my boss has a problem with dogs. It's very interesting, and personally embarassing. Everybody says my dogs are so well behaved. Even the assistants at the Vet's office say my dogs are good. I can take them anywhere. Well, I have permission to bring my pets to work when they have to go to the vet. The vet's office is directly across the street. I brought Brinka, the german shepherd, into work a few weeks back and she nearly bit Paul, my boss. She went off with her very commanding bark and her hackles were up. It was quite intimidating. I apologised profusely, then made Brinka lay on my office floor all day. Paul never came into my office after that. Yesterday I brought Megabyte in. He's been here before, he knows the rules. Everybody likes him, including the mailman. Well, he slipped out of my office and went down the hall. Walked right up to my boss and... Yep, you guessed it - pissed on his trash can.
I was mortified. The boss came into my office to tell me, and I was on the phone. When I finished with my call, I went to see about it and everyone was laughing. I apologised profusely and took the trash can and cleaned it with windex. But my dog is housebroken. What in the blue blazes got into him? There must be something about my boss that my dogs don't like. I swear they have never done this to anyone else. It's just downright embarassing.
I have always been confident that I can take my dogs anywhere. Now I'm not so sure.
I know most of you aren't at liberty to bring your pets to work, but it's a little more casual around here, and also it's a necessity, they wouldn't want me to take off work to go to the veterinarian. It's not inappropriate at all. But pissing under the boss' desk isn't part of the deal.
Just my luck.
I put in to take a vacation... I have the time saved up. Paul and I agreed that April 13th through the 20th would work out great. I just have two more weeks and I'm FREEEEE!
I think I'm going to manicure the lawn, shampoo the carpets, paint the front door, clean the windows, hang rain gutters at the farm, weed my flowerbeds, and enjoy some fresh air and sunshine.
I am soo looking forward to my vacation.
(and I get paid too.)

MsAmber

Non Sequitur

Broken Synapses

I have a little problem.
Sometimes I am unable to comprehend anything.
Friday, March 24th, I could see people talking to me, but I couldn't understand a thing. All day.
I reverted to my usual smile and nod while people were talking, and my friend Tamara shook me by my shoulders and asked me if I heard her. I find myself doing this a lot. I don't like to do it, and it is very frustrating to me.
I think some synapse in my brain just shuts off my ability to comprehend simple speech. Why? I don't know. I've called it nerve-deafness, but I can hear noise it's not like my ears shut off. I am aware of the conversation and the other noises in the room, just no comprehension.
It feels like frustration and confusion rolled up into one. I feel like I've backed up a few inches behind my eyes and I can't come back out.
The 23rd was the third anniversary of my mother's suicide. I don't think that bothers me. After work I went to a gymnastics showing for Kandelyn. I enjoyed watching the girls show their new skills. I just didn't enjoy people trying to hold a conversation with me. I came, I saw, I left as soon as was appropriate.
I was conscious of my problem, and tried to focus and pay attention and correct my malfunction, but I couldn't. It's a terrible feeling. I don't like it and I need to fix it.
Any ideas?

MsAmber

International Women's Day was March 8

This is what the women of the world are doing.

I left out a few that were visually hard to take. There was a protest in which the female victims of attacks with acid by their jilted lovers. Apparently that is a common practice and these women are not protected by the law.

I understand the plight of my sisters.

These women wouldn't pick an arguement over the toilet seat.

They have much more important things on their minds.

Nepal
New Delhi, India
Nicaragua
(Go Grandma. Go Grandma. Go Grandma.)

International Women's Day was March 8

Kathmandu, Nepal
Manila, Phillipines - Protesting their woman President

who declared martial law to avoid a coup.
Pakistan
Tanzania

International Women's Day was March 8

This is what our sisters were doing.

Protesting and fighting for their rights.

On International Women's Day,

every group protested what they need or

what they believe.

Brazil - Landless Agriculture Workers fighting for their rights.
Hyderabad - Violence against Women.
Congo - (no protest found)
Bangladesh, India - Violence against Women
Caracas, Venezuela - Against war and invasions.

Just Stop

I wish I could move into the forest.
I would build a house up in the trees.
I would have a couple of fallow pigs for big celebrations,
and a few chickens scratching around on the ground and roosting on my porch.
A sassy little milk-goat with long horns and a big udder.
I would have one dog to guard us all, he would know his job and do it well.
I would tend to the forest and all it's creatures.
I would grow plants in containers, high up in the tree, to provide me with what the forest doesn't.
I would plant fruit bearing trees on that hill.
I would plant blackberries over there.
Wild onions down yonder.
Muscadine grapes everywhere.
Mushrooms to be found all around.
A trout stream just a short walk away.
I would share the bounty with whomever I meet.
I would wear long skirts and sweaters, and probably be barefoot.
Keep my hair in a braid, and wear buckeye necklaces.
Wash my body in cold water and call it 'invigorating'.
There would always be dirt under my nails,
and a smile on my face.

This is truly what I want. Not a passing fancy. I wouldn't miss people, television, commercialized holidays, contributing to the G.N.P., or anything like that.
I'll emerge every once-in-a-blue-moon for supplies like: a new knife, some koshering salt, brandy, iodine and antibiotic salve, strings for my guitar... But otherwise I would keep it as simple as possible.

Husband won't go for it. This isn't his idea of heaven as it is for me. He wants to always be a block away from a convenience store. Maybe he will let me go on sabbatical for a couple of weeks each Summer. I can go out to the farm and hike to the back 40 and camp out alone with the dog. It's not quite the same as I had imagined, but it's a possibility.
(sigh)
I don't like this rat race. I want everything to just stop. Let me breathe in the sunshine, let me be bored. I want to feel sleepy in the sun.
I don't want to talk to anyone but God, and I don't want to hear anyone but God.

Why are we all forced to work? Why do I have to spend $50.00 in gas per week to work 40 hours per week to get a paycheck and pay for insurance on my car, my health, and my house. Make a house payment, pay for electricity, water, sewer, garbage, telephone, cell phone, cable-tv, alarm, internet, groceries, periodicals, income tax, sales tax, property tax?
I feel trapped. I can't just decide to stop. I want to. But I won't.

This is being grown-up. It sucks.
And it goes on for years and years and years.

MsAmber

Calvin & Hobbes

Poor Megabyte - The Depressed Dog

So, here I sit at work. Everyone else is gone for the day. I have called a customer and I am listening to their HOLD music. I listen for 6 minutes, then the answering service picks up.
Apparently, they are closed for the day. I was really enjoying the Hold music. Some sort of symphony.
Megabyte has mouth ulcers again. He is such a nervous dog. Can't stand to be out of my sight. Doc says he has 'separation anxiety'. I brought him to work with me today, he hasn't eaten a bite, but he's content to lay on the floor next to my chair all day. He acts depressed. I wonder if dogs can be chronically depressed? If so, mine is the poster-boy for depressed dogs. He heaves a big sigh my way, and closes his eyes.
I wonder if they have doggy valiums or antidepressants? Remember the ugly dog on Spin City who was always trying to kill himself? Yeah. We keep belts and leashes and anything else that can be used away from Megabyte. He just might do it one of these days. What a miserable poor creature he is. I think he only hangs on for me. If I leave town for a couple of days, he really sinks down into the pits of despair. I was thinking about a theme song for him. "I'm So Blue Without You". I can almost imagine him singing/howling it. He is a Blue Heeler, after all.
And I thought "Blue" referred to the color of his fur.
Doc gave me a big bottle of antibiotics for him, and wants to see him again in two weeks. Poor guy is so miserable, he can't eat. I wonder why the doc doesn't test him for anything? He just looks at his mouth and gives me pills. Couldn't there be a parasite or something causing this? I hate to see Megabyte so miserable.
Anybody had any experience with a dog with mouth ulcers? I would love to hear about it.

MsAmber

This is the first guitar I was impressed by. It's handmade by the Liberty guitar company, and it's a dobro.

For those who don't know what a dobro is: It's that sound deflector dish in the middle. This guitar has a copper front facing, chrome center, and brass trimmings. I'm guessing that is what it's made of. I really don't know for sure.

I was looking for a guitar for gift at a pawnshop, and I spotted this beauty. I put it in layaway immediately.

My brother was living in Alaska at the time, so the guitar stayed with me for 8 months before I was able to gift it to him. It has such a beautiful sound. I was sorry to see it go.

My new guitar sounds WONDERFUL. I can lighten up on it and play softly to myself, or I can strum away and make the dawgs howl. I'm really glad I bought a red one. Wonder if I can dress it up any without affecting the sound? I'm thinking of a feathered fob hanging off the head, maybe a few beads...

No, I'm really looking for a seriously beautiful strap. That's what I want.

MsAmber

Bernadette Peters & Vargas

This is the album I am searching for.

This is my 101st post. My milemarker, if you will. In a bout of generosity, I'm sharing a Vargas of myself. Let this also serve as my HNT entry.
Ok, so it's not really me, and it's not really a Vargas. But if Vargas ever DID do a painting of me, I bet it would be just like this.
When I was 14 I got a Dorchester all-in-one stereo. It had a turntable, tuner, 8-track, and cassette capabilities. It came with two bookshelf speakers. My first records were: Bernadette Peters, Barry Manilow, Kool & The Gang, and I believe: Janet Jackson's first album. The Bernadette Peters album became my very favorite. Dude, seriously.
The album cover and centerfold was a Vargas of Bernadette Peters. In the original album, she did a rendition of "This is Dedicated to the One I Love". I can remember the song, but it cannot be found anywhere. It's like the song has disappeared. I ordered the CD from a catalog and had to wait for them to specially make a copy. The CD didn't have the magnificent Vargas that was the centerfold on it; and the song I wanted isn't there.
I know I have discussed with you how it's possible that I might have a screw loose, but I cannot find nor prove that the rendition exists.
Bernadette Peters - This Is Dedicated To The One I Love
I want the album for a keepsake, and I want to hear that song again.
Please, please, anybody. If you have a clue, help me to find it.

MsAmber

I like my new guitar teacher.

I met my new guitar teacher tonight. A young guy who just got out of the marines. Very well spoken, and very good at fundamentals. He taught me how to hold the guitar, and how to hold the pick, and he'll teach me any style of music I want. I like him.
I'm so excited. I learned so much in 30 minutes today.
His name is Jay. I think he'll do just fine. I've enrolled for hour-long sessions, four per month, on Tuesdays at 8:00.

It's nice to have something to look forward to every week.

MsAmber

Zoloft Was Here

I found a new place to take my guitar lessons. It's in Norman, and it will be on Tuesdays at 8:00 pm. That gives me a 25 minute cushion. I leave work at or around 7:00, It's 35 minutes away. I think that will work out just fine. Now let's hope I get a good teacher... first lesson is free.

One of the kids I know said they got into trouble for telling their parent to shut up. He said his parents referred to me as the crazy lady. I don't know if my feelings are hurt or not. I'm sure they meant it disparagingly, but considering what fuddy-duddies they are, it's really not a big insult, but that statement hints on one of my darkest fears: that I really AM nuts.

Symptom: People tell me I've been to places that I'm sure I've never been. Doesn't even look familiar to me. This has happened many times. Too many to count. I say "Well, I must have purged it." Same with movies.

Symptom: Frequent crying. Even inappropriately. I laugh and cry at the same time.

Symptom: Panic. This is usually exhibited as uncontrollable giggling, and a very fluttering heart. Rarely hyperventilating.

Symptom: Obsessive with certain things. Spelling, for one. Misspelled words distract me.

Symptom: Nerve related hearing loss. When I am frustrated, my hearing is really bad - which frustrates me further. I get a really crappy look on my face and everybody seems to start mumbling. I say "What?" 3 million times, then I go do something like organize a drawer for peace & quiet.

I suppose these little things are pretty normal. I'm always joking around that I'll lose my memory when I'm old and be the next bag-lady character of Norman. We're looking for the perfect shopping cart now with ball-bearing wheels and hand brakes and a coffee-cup holder. Husband has promised to check up on me every once-in-a-while. (Marital Joke)

But what if I am a little over the top? How would I know?
I feel a little consolation in the fact that the kids like me.
My family is full of crazies. My whole family is on "meds" (drugs).
My Mother committed suicide on March 23, 2003.
My siblings are both certifiable loonies, and they are always trying to tell me that I need to go get "help".
Husband laughs at me and says "Yeah, but you're the GOOD kind of crazy."

These might also just be symptoms of my unique combinations of cosmic factors: Female; left handed/right brained; Scorpio and Dog; type-A; genius-level 156 IQ; mechanical & conceptual aptitude; visual learner, and Blonde.

I think I'm the nicest crazy person around.

One more thing: I made peace with one of the mothers whom I had given up on 1 year ago. We aren't friends by any stretch, but at least we got over the hump of animosity.

MsAmber

Looks Like I've Been Tagged

Thanks to Flubberwinkle, I actually have something to Blog.
I've been tagged, and it appears to be a pretty strange meme.

Black and White or Colour; how do you prefer your movies?
Colour definitely. Closed Captioned would be nice too. If I can't read their lips, I do have a hard time understanding what's being said. Quite often, I look over at Rob and say "What did they say?" So we've started turning on the subtitles. Oh what a wonderful invention.

What is the one single subject that bores you to near-death?
Gossip. I can feel my good karma leaking out my ears when exposed to heartless gossip.

MP3s, CDs, Tapes or Records: what is your favorite medium for prerecorded music?
MP3s on a Mini-disk player. Never skips, never destructs, never had a problem with the lazer eye. I can fit hours of music on one disk. I LOVE my MD player.

You are handed one first class trip plane ticket to anywhere in the world and ten million dollars cash. All of this is yours provided that you leave and not tell anyone where you are going ? Ever. This includes family, friends, everyone. Would you take the money and ticket and run?
It's ok. Everybody knows I would be in Brazil. They would look there first. Yes, I would take the money and run off to Brazil. I can swim in the Amazon with the native children, and set myself up in a little river houseboat, and I would be happy as a clam. Oh Yeah! That's the dream.

Seriously, what do you consider the world's most pressing issue now?
As always, welfare of children. I can't believe that it's the year 2006 and we still haven't fixed this One Little Thing. Hard to believe children are starving to death daily.

How would you rectify the world's most pressing issue?
In America
Food: I would require all restaurants, as a condition of doing business, to feed any child for free, we could implement children's vouchers. This may seem harsh, but a precedent has been set with the telephone companies. As a condition of doing business, they have to provide life saving services for free to qualified people. Children should not go hungry just because their parents are spending the food stamps on crack.
The World
Food: I would assassinate any bastard who refuses shipments of food and medicine to impoverished areas. There is no reason ever for children to starve to death, and they do daily. I would 'tax' all the countries a percentage of all their food stores to distribute to areas of drought or disaster to ensure that starvation is eradicated worldwide immediately.
After I solve the food problem, then I will work on medical care, education, abuse, etc.

You are given the chance to go back and change one thing in your life; what would that be?
I would have... oh gosh, only ONE thing?
I couldn't pick one thing. I don't have a single regret. I have a bushel full.
I wouldn't have stolen pop-tarts from that handicapped guy in a wheelchair.
I'll tell ya'll about it someday.

You are given the chance to go back and change one event in world history, what would that be?
I would eliminate the holocaust. That is a big ugly black mark on our report card. AND it was only 60-something years ago. It's no wonder the MotherShip won't return to pick us up.

A night at the opera or a night at the Grand Ole' Opry? Which do you choose?
Half my life I would have chosen the Grand Ole Opry. Now, I would like to see my first real Opera.

What is the one great unsolved crime of all time you'd like to solve?
Where is Osama Bin Laden? Or Who killed JonBenet Ramsey?

One famous author can come to dinner with you. Who would that be, and what would you serve for the meal?
I would like to have Stephen King over for some short ribs, mashed potatoes with gravy, asparagus and some nanner pudding. Sweet tea to drink. I'm going to give him a piece of my mind for the last installment of "The Gunslinger". Then I'm going to act like Kathy Bates and give HIM nightmares.

You discover that John Lennon was right, that there is no hell below us, and above us there is only sky. What's the first immoral thing you might do to celebrate this fact?
I'm going to tear those tags off all my mattresses. Oh wait, that's a crime, not a sin. I'm going to eat a great big ham sandwich and wash it down with a big ol' glass of milk.
Actually, I'm going to run around saying "I told you so".



Thanks Flubberwinkle. This Meme was fun.

MsAmber

getting dressed up for Wal-Mart

Child Abuse

I have been inundated with news about child abuse travesties lately and I have to rant about this and get it over with.
I believe in:

1. Public Trials.
2. Mandatory Sterilizations.
3. State Run Orphanages.
4. Zero Tolerance.

It's all pretty much self-explanatory.
Politically, this makes me an "authoritarian"? It's a shame, because I think it's a great solution to the problem.
Public Trials would keep the public aware of each and every case, and also help tune the public's definition of acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
Mandatory sterilizations for convicted child abusers (This idea is specifically for pedophiles, but it can be expanded to include the chronic abusers).
State run orphanages, AND the legal ability for a parent to easily give up all rights and privileges of being a parent. (We have to offer an 'option', and terminate parents' rights in the process.)
We need to draw up specific guidelines to define abuse - legally.
Orphanages would solve the foster home shortage problem. The amount of money given to foster homes per child is more than enough to support a group home or orphanage.
A zero-tolerance policy would ensure enforcement.

This is a subject that is particularly close to my heart. My achilles' heel, if you will. It pains me deeply to hear about a mother who cut off her daughter's arms because "God told her to". Or a little boy who's mother deliberately burned him on the stove for wetting his pants, or scalded him with boiling water, or drowned all three of her children, or the molester in Florida who buried the child in his sister's flowerbed. I could go on but I can't see the monitor through my tears.

Damn these people.

I was at Crall's blog today and participated in a conversation about reprimanding another person's unruly children in a restaurant. I got to thinking about it.
I think they are right to correct the child, but their reasons are wrong.
Crall corrected the child out of personal irritation. An unattended child was banging on something repetitively, and Crall said "Stop". Unsurprisingly, the mother was offended.
I would have caught the child's eye and signed "Shhh" with my finger to my lips, then smiled. If the child didn't respond correctly I would have escalated to asking the child/parent/waitstaff to handle it.
The difference as I see it is: I perceive the child as a person who may not realize they are being irritating.
I would handle an adult the same. What if your officemate was thinking about something else and tapping absentmindedly, their pencil on the desk? Would you grumpily bark "Stop" and risk embarassing him/her in front of everyone? Or would you instant message/ sign language that the tapping is driving you batty?
Well, I guess that's not a good example, I know both types of people in the office also. But I would respect the dignity of the other person and discreetly handle it.
This is not a slam on Crall. I remember when I would take the hardline attitude towards what I considered to be bad parents. Since then I have grown older and I have re-defined bad parents.
The ones who's children are happily playing by themselves don't necessarily qualify as bad parents just because the child is a little noisy in public.
Children are not an annoyance. You shouldn't expect to control their thoughts or personality. The concept that "children should be seen and not heard" is wrong and outdated. Children, by nature, want to please. They want to be good. Give the child the "choice" to be good and they will usually take it.
I'll bet a "shush" and a smile would've solved the whole problem.

MsAmber

I Am Unworthy.

I love, yet dispise this culture of wastefulness I live with.
I know that I am among the elite, worldly elite, group of humans who is comfortable in the knowledge that I will have something to eat tomorrow, and the next day.
I feel this security should be a part of a world-wide minimum standard of living.
I am also not persecuted for my age/race/religion/gender/political beliefs, or financial status. This makes me what: Top 1 in 100,000 of the world's population?
How large is my responsibility for this?
I think this is what I was created for.

I have recurring dreams sometimes. They are very heartbreaking dreams.
The outcome is always that I can't save anyone.

On the edge of a canyon is a house-trailer with one half jutting out over the air and the other half on land. Inside the half on land is an old man with his beard grown to the table, he is catatonic. The inaccessible half has a window in which I can see a room full of red pillows and a tiffany lamp. There are a bunch (maybe 8?) kids playing with old-fashioned toys: stick-and-hoop, jumprope, and playing tag in the yard where I am standing. I know that I have to get the kids into the trailer before the sun goes down. The sun is across the canyon, and it is visibly moving downwards. Like in real-life.
The problem is: I'm made of nothing, and they are flesh. I reach out for the hula-hoop and it goes through my hand. I run into the trailer and start yelling at the old man - as though he were deaf- that I needed his help. It "is URGENT. Very URGENT." I see that he can't hear me, I stick my head out the trailer door and look right at the big orange sun as it's touching the horizon. I decide that I have to get 'her'. So I start edging my way over to the window. My toes barely hanging on to the little sheet-metal lip at the top of the skirting. My hands were grabbing the side-edges of the vertical sheet metal panels that serves as trailer siding. It was cutting into my fingers and I was so shaky and the flimsy ledge my toes were grasping was bending. I make myself not look down, I feel sick. All of a sudden I realize, the sun is halfway down, and now I'm becoming solid. That means the children are becoming ephemereal. I reach the window and look inside. It is 'me' sitting indian-style in the pillows. I bang on the window to get 'my' attention, but all 'I' do is pull the chain to turn off the tiffany lamp.
I am frustrated, but now I know that I have to do it myself, and hurry. I hustle my way back to the cliff's edge, since I'm now becoming heavy. I jump towards the cliff as soon as I think I can make it, scramble up the edge and grab the hoop. It becomes solid, I loop it over the heads of the kids, but they have faded too far, I wasted time and missed the exact moment when the children and I were of the same substance. . .

I realize that I have failed. The sun has gone down and I missed them. The heartache feels like swallowing a big rock, a bowling ball.
A couple of times I woke up sobbing.

Othertimes:
I walk back into the trailer and stare at the old man while anger fills up inside of me. I expand, I can feel the spark in my eyes, and the murderous energy that is swelling in my chest, so I blast off. I intentionally hit the ceiling in the corner to make the trailer go over the cliff, and I take off flying.

(Note: In my dreams there are two types of flying: One is like a rocket, where I blast off on my own energy. The second method of flying is where I have to climb up something and have faith that an updraft will catch me. This story is of the first type.)


MsAmber

It's Friday again, Yayy!

Today's Feng Shui tip is:
"Do enhance your money luck by planting in the SE (wealth) area of your garden or yard, any vegetables, flowers, or ornamental plants that you hope to sell or submit to a competition."

Hey, that's where my dead flower garden is. The little gray rabbit eats everything I plant there. I can't even get my peonies above ground. The little rabbit gnaws at the shoots.

I was kinda bummed out today at lunch. Rob packed me a sandwich on moldy butt-bread.
So I went to Long John Silver's and got a couple of little fish snackers.
I don't like moldy butt-bread.

I've got a question for you:
Let's say, hypothetically, I went to lunch a couple of weeks ago with my guitar teacher. He had written me a nice love-letter. It said things like: I believe things happen for a reason... God wanted us to meet... It is fate... etc. I read the letter, and handed it back, all I could say was: "Well, you have very nice handwriting." Then, when he walked me out to my truck, he DID kinda lean in for a kiss. I awkwardly jumped back, and said "No, uh uh."
Since then, I have skipped lessons. I haven't been to guitar class in three Thursdays.
Mostly it's because I don't know what to say. I feel kinda awkward about it, but I'm sure I would only have to tell him absolutely no way and he would be gentlemanly about it.
The part that I'm having trouble with is this: Should I tell Rob? He'll probably be mad at me anyway for having lunch with my music teacher. My new schedule isn't going to work with my lessons anyway, so he won't even question why I'm not taking lessons anymore.
I tried to apply the logic that if the shoe were on the other foot, would I want him to tell me?
--Probably not. I don't need to be given a reason to be jealous, especially when there is nothing I could do about it anyway.
This is purely hypothetical, by the way.
What do you guys think?

MsAmber

Hey, the company finally hired somebody new! Woo hoo!
Now I've been moved to a later shift. 10 a.m. to 7 p.m.
For the past 5 years, hubby has worked evenings and I work mornings. Our schedules are so obtuse that we only see each other for about an hour each night before I go to bed. It has kept the harmony between us, couples can't fuss if they never have anything to fuss about. This schedule change won't increase the amount of time we have together, but it will enable me to get more sleep of a night. I think the boss' motive is to make it so I will comb my hair and put on a little makeup before I come to work.
I hate combing my hair when it's wet. So every day I arrive at work with long, wet, uncombed hair. Around 9:30 or 10:00 I go brush it. I know, most of you wouldn't dream of leaving your house without your hair "just so", personally, I would love to have dreadlocks... No, not dirty hair, just organized tangles. I have actually very pretty hair, by the color and the length. You know how some dogs have two different textures of hair? Well so do I. The hair underneath the back has a different texture, and it has a slight curl, so it just loves to tangle up. I have tried different products at different times, sometimes I can control how badly it tangles, but when it gets this long, I just dread brushing my hair wet. I think it's time to start wearing double braids, and get some light bangs cut.

Ok. Two problems solved in one day!

I get to work a later shift, and I finally figured out what to do with my hair. Cool. Good Summer hair-do.

Thanks.

MsAmber

HNT - February 23, 2006

Me and Megabyte on the river.

I Look Like . . .

According to Genealogy.com
The two celebrities whose spawn would most resemble myself are:
Bebe Neuwirth and Bon Scott!

OMG! It's true!

MsAmber

How Quickly They Learn

Terrie brought her teenage daughter to work today.
I have an extra desk in my office, so she hung out with me most of the day. She, like many other teenagers, have a MySpace blog site. She showed me hers, and last weekend the other girls introduced me to theirs. Boy, they look pretty elaborate, very simple to setup and use, very graphically oriented. I would almost say the pages are a little too cluttered for my taste, but I was impressed with the teenage ingenuity.

She saw something she liked on someone else's blog and said aloud: "I wonder how she got that?"
"Asked the right question, you did, my little padouin."
"At the top of the browser, go to view, then view source." I said. Sometime shortly afterward, I told her to copy and paste her code into notepad before testing it.
I have to say this girl took to html like a fish in water. She got into the zone and started pulling snippets of code together and experimenting around. I gave her the briefest of instructions when she asked. Formatting text and closing brackets and such. By the end of the day, she was typing lines of code straight from memory. I'm still a cut-and-paste editor.
I know the relative intelligence of 16 year old girls, but I think I recognized a prodigy. She never knew that you can view the source of a webpage, once I showed it to her and told her the difference between html and xml, she read the code and started tearing it up.
Some people have the potential, some don't. This girl definitely has the gift.
She also has a new hobby that will keep her up at night for the next few weeks.
I told Terrie that I was a bit surprised at how fast her daughter picked it up.
That was fun.

MsAmber