Monday, March 06, 2006

Zoloft Was Here

I found a new place to take my guitar lessons. It's in Norman, and it will be on Tuesdays at 8:00 pm. That gives me a 25 minute cushion. I leave work at or around 7:00, It's 35 minutes away. I think that will work out just fine. Now let's hope I get a good teacher... first lesson is free.

One of the kids I know said they got into trouble for telling their parent to shut up. He said his parents referred to me as the crazy lady. I don't know if my feelings are hurt or not. I'm sure they meant it disparagingly, but considering what fuddy-duddies they are, it's really not a big insult, but that statement hints on one of my darkest fears: that I really AM nuts.

Symptom: People tell me I've been to places that I'm sure I've never been. Doesn't even look familiar to me. This has happened many times. Too many to count. I say "Well, I must have purged it." Same with movies.

Symptom: Frequent crying. Even inappropriately. I laugh and cry at the same time.

Symptom: Panic. This is usually exhibited as uncontrollable giggling, and a very fluttering heart. Rarely hyperventilating.

Symptom: Obsessive with certain things. Spelling, for one. Misspelled words distract me.

Symptom: Nerve related hearing loss. When I am frustrated, my hearing is really bad - which frustrates me further. I get a really crappy look on my face and everybody seems to start mumbling. I say "What?" 3 million times, then I go do something like organize a drawer for peace & quiet.

I suppose these little things are pretty normal. I'm always joking around that I'll lose my memory when I'm old and be the next bag-lady character of Norman. We're looking for the perfect shopping cart now with ball-bearing wheels and hand brakes and a coffee-cup holder. Husband has promised to check up on me every once-in-a-while. (Marital Joke)

But what if I am a little over the top? How would I know?
I feel a little consolation in the fact that the kids like me.
My family is full of crazies. My whole family is on "meds" (drugs).
My Mother committed suicide on March 23, 2003.
My siblings are both certifiable loonies, and they are always trying to tell me that I need to go get "help".
Husband laughs at me and says "Yeah, but you're the GOOD kind of crazy."

These might also just be symptoms of my unique combinations of cosmic factors: Female; left handed/right brained; Scorpio and Dog; type-A; genius-level 156 IQ; mechanical & conceptual aptitude; visual learner, and Blonde.

I think I'm the nicest crazy person around.

One more thing: I made peace with one of the mothers whom I had given up on 1 year ago. We aren't friends by any stretch, but at least we got over the hump of animosity.

MsAmber

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

You might find "Proof" interesting. The mathematician played by Gwyneth Paltrow worries about her sanity--fears that are reinforced by her sister--but fortunately a man that she befriends provides some reassurance that she is fine.

Romeo Whiskey said...

You are the sanest person I have ever met. Or hey maybe I am just crazy in love my girl?

Flubberwinkle said...

You're too intelligent and too intuitive and these combined with the rest of the world's imbecility may cause your brain and emotions to go into overload. Happens to the best of us (even though we have lower IQs and are brunettes).
:-)

The kid's parents probably refer to anything and anyone out of their "norm" as crazy. You're fine. Don't let people who can't appreciate the uniqueness of others bring you down. If only all crazy people were as nice and caring as you!

Bob Hoeppner said...

There's a distinction between eccentric/quirky and clinically insane. You seem eccentric/quirky to me. (It takes one to know one.)

Destiny said...

Hi
did you ever have your thyroid checked? Some time ago they found that alot of the people who were institutionalized were not really crazy, but in fact had hypothyroid issues which were solved with thyroid meds. Also, and I know you wont buy into this but your past most likelly has alot to do with the anxiety. I have alot of loons in my family so i know what it does to you!!!
Sorry bout the spelling but i got to much going on to think.. :)

Ps
most leftys ar doctors and such.