ASVAB test.

Well, I slam-dunked the the ASVAB. I got a 95%.
I have to be at the recruiter's this morning to schedule my physical and to see what they are offering. I think I will get to choose from any job the Army has available except "Algebra Teacher".
I solved all the algebraic equations with no problems, but they got me when they asked me to break the equations down into their "factors". I missed that part in school, so I was completely lost. I tried to extrapolate based on the answers but nothing made sense. Now I need to learn how to "factor". Whatever THAT means...
I think one of the questions was a trick question, none of the answers made any sense at all.

I'm feeling a little under-the-weather today. My tummy gave me hell last night. I finally got up and ate some crackers and fell asleep on the couch. My eyes still haven't turned bright white and I've been up for hours drinking coffee. I may be trying to kick some kind of stomach bug. You should hear my tummy growling - Ms. Vicky heard it across the room this morning and asked me if I was hungry. Sounds like something out of a fast-food commercial. I also sprang a fever blister on my lip. Usually when I'm aggravated or concentrating I'll bite my upper lip and where I have a sharp bottom tooth against my lip it will blister there. So I'm not sure if the blister is from a fever or biting my lip, but it sure is tender and bothersome.

Well, I've gotta go heckle my recruiter. I beat his score by 19 points, and he expects me to come in and give him hell about it. Also, I'm going to find out when my physical is scheduled. My last obstacle to enlistment!
Repeat after me: "That don't hurt", and "There's no CRYING in the Army!".

...Fake it 'till you make it!

Ciao!
MsAmber

Blocked at every turn...

Something inside me keeps whispering: "It isn't meant to happen, don't force it."

Is it a shortcoming of mine that I consistently impose my own desires and ambitions in spite of resistance? Or possibly because of it?

Do you know what makes a beaver build a dam? The sound of trickling water. Yes, the sound of trickling water triggers something in a beaver's brain to stop the sound, it drives them crazy so to speak. In the same way that I feel the compulsion to open every door and tear down every brick wall that stands in my way. The problem is: the brick wall may have been put there to guide me in another direction. Instead of turning my course to go around it, I have to stop and break it down. I didn't know for sure that I wanted to go in that direction until I saw the obstacle, and even after conquering the obstacle, I still didn't know if that was the direction I wanted to go, but I commit anyway.

I'm not sure that I'm explaining myself concisely so let me tell you about the past week.

I went to the Army recruiters and started the paperwork to join the Army. I needed some information from a previous employer so I called Trans-Tel. I spoke briefly with the VP and he asked what I was doing. I told him that I had been struggling to find work so I was considering joining the Army. He said that he may have work for me so give him a few minutes to call Mark Sorrells and he will call me back. He called back a few minutes later and said that he spoke with Mark who is good with my return to Trans-Tel, that there is work for me and asked me to call Mark that evening. (Mark and I have a past: he never wanted to hire me in the first place - back in 2003) I called Mark that evening and he said his phone was about to die, he would call me back when he got it plugged in. He never called back. I tried him at 7:00 am the next morning, 6:00 pm the next evening, 7:00 am again, 6:10 pm again, and then at noon on the fourth day he finally answered. He said he already had Mike Wright slated for the Charleston job and he didn't need me, that he may call me if something comes up. Then he feigned anger that the VP said there was work for me and told me that he is going to "have a talk" with the VP and he would call me back afterwards. I didn't hear from him all day Friday, so I drove up to Norman to be in the office for Monday morning. I wanted to find out what's really going on up there.

I was received warmly enough, saw some old friends, gave Megabyte to Rob to keep for me, (whether I go on the road or join the Army I needed to put Meg in a good home), and attempted to figure out what's going on at Trans-Tel with regards to me. I honestly don't know... Rusty Nail is there as a recruiter and he seemed receptive enough until he talked to Mark, then: Brick Wall. The feeling of being shut-out was tangible. I can't explain it any better than that but you can just tell when things are changed but no-one wants to speak it.

I called this morning and spoke to Rusty, he said he will talk to Mark Sorrells this evening and call me back when he knows something.

I have the ASFAB test this evening, I'm still pursuing the Army. I turned in all my records and aliases and divorce certificates, filled out the SF86 background check information, ad nauseum. I've been studying some of the little things that I've forgotten: like how to calculate a hypotenuse; order to solve algebraic equations (pemdas - thanks Kandelyn); looked over the first 500 prime numbers; looked for a formula to find a damn prime number (no formula really exists); and other little trivia stuffs that I may need.

I have always wanted to go into the military and it turns out that I'm too old now for the Navy or Air Force. I'm still age eligible for the Army, I just need to pass the physical and get a waiver for the new rule that GED's are only accepted with 15 college credits. I'm hopeful there. If they accept me: GREAT. If they don't: at least I gave it a shot. I would always wonder "What if...?" if I never tried at all.

Meanwhile, I still have a boat to float here. I need a couple hundred more dollars to pay up my July bills, then the clock starts all over. Yay. So much fun.

When I was driving back to Louisiana from Oklahoma (with no radio or air conditioning), I had plenty of time to think. The more I thought about things clearly, my spirits began to rise: I had all kinds of ideas on how to get a job, and speeches prepared for companies I've applied to who won't call me back
and I was psyched up and ready to kick some proverbial ass! Then when I got here, I deflated. It's like this place is so depressing that it knocks the wind right out of your sails. Crazy, right? Where's that indomitable spirit that I was carrying with me all the way down?

I don't get it.
So, am I forcing things to happen that aren't MEANT to happen?
I am a queer duck sometimes.

Have a great day. I've got swampwater in the sink that I have to take care of.
MsAmber

I got a J.O.B. - finally.

I got a job.

Well, two small jobs actually. I'm going to be working two night shifts and one day shift per week initially at my first job, and cleaning three times a week at my second job. Then after August 1, I can pick up more shifts at my first job. I'll still squeeze the cleaning job into my schedule - that pays an extra $60.00 per week. So, even though I'm late on my bills this month, I should be able to catch up soon.

My cellphone service may be interrupted again this month until I can get it caught up, but that's no big deal.

We've had a lot of rain this past week. The lawn took off growing like it's springtime. It's already nearly knee high and I just mowed last Friday. Crazy, man. I don't know when I'll get time to mow it down again. Maybe Saturday or Sunday? I was hoping to go to the thrift store on Saturday - I desperately need clothes that fit. Everything I have is too big and baggy. Even shirts that used to hug my tummy now look like I'm a kid playing dress-up in daddy's clothes. I've passed the 50 pounds mark. I don't have a scale to keep tabs on my weight loss, but the flat belly and the jeans that I just got (which are already baggy) are speaking volumes.

I was approached in the parking lot at Mel's diner and a guy gave me his phone number. Then at O'Reilly's auto parts, a guy followed me out and gave me his phone number. Then again at B's Poppa P's, a guy waited for me and gave me his phone number. Geez. Must be the blue jeans... or maybe somebody snuck up behind me and doused me with pheromones. I dunno, but it seems as though the bucks are in a rut this week.

Actually I'm kinda enjoying the attention. It seems a little weird to me to be approached and looked at like that. Partially I resent them, because I know this wouldn't be happening if I were still chubby. I know they are all just looking at my figure. They have no idea if I'm a psycho, or a drug-addict, or a welfare momma lookin' for my next "baby daddy". Well, maybe not the guy at O'Reilly's, he was intrigued by my automotive skills - and my butt.
I'm pretty sure at this point that it's not my sparkling personality and witty sense of humor that elicits their attentions.
Men. Go figure!

I'm going to have to adjust my sleep schedule. I'm so used to getting up early and going to bed early. Now my schedule will be more random. I go in to work at noon today and will get off at 8 p.m. I'm actually very relieved to know that I'm done searching for a job. Now maybe my stomach can settle down. I've been getting a little panicked watching deadlines sneak up and I can't make the obligations, and knowing that usually I have a two week holdover before I see a paycheck, etc. It's had my stomach in knots for a couple of weeks now. I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch: but if hard work and enthusiasm can make a job fly, then mine should take off like a 747. I just need some cute clothes to cinch it.

Well, I need to take a shower and do the dishes. My cd player is on the fritz, so I may move the speakers back to the laptop so I can have some music up in here.

You have a great day.
MsAmber

Crush

My boyfriend Chad.

I feel like I've met my male-counterpart. He's very much like me in so many ways. A jack-of-all-trades, does the best he can, conservative, likes the old way of doing things, great work-ethic, and interested in survival skills. He's as anti-social as I am. I found someone who can take off with a backpack and know he'll be fine - just like me. He drinks as little as I do, no drugs, wakes up early, anti-television, disciplined, naturalistic, holistic, reads books, imaginative, physical, wide-eyed fascination with everything, interesting, philosophical, not hung up on the superficial, somewhat corny in his sense-of-humor, and open to changes. He's also only 3 1/2 months older than I. We've had enough difference in experiences to keep it interesting.

I've officially decided that I like him...

I avoid writing about boyfriends on my blog because I don't want to have to delete my blog when we've decided to break-up. I don't get attached very easily, and in typical Scorpio-fashion, I start compiling reasons why it won't work out from the very beginning. That's a terrible thing, I know, but in my life I've experienced shattering disillusionment and disappointments. Psychologically I'm right on par with Freudian expectation. I'm comfortable with Chad. I see and feel his vulnerabilities and empathize in the same way he sees, feels, and empathizes with mine. We are equals in so many ways - I feel as though I could trust him. Neither of us have the eternal sunshine of the spotless conscience, but we persevere anyway.

Just to be funny, we're both amateur nudists also. We are going to start nude hiking. Backpacks and boots. The first time I get arrested I'll let ya'll know. "I'll take that ticket, but you know officer, I have no pockets to put it in..."

He also thinks I'm beautiful, not only does he say it, but I can see it in his eyes. He doesn't care if I comb my hair and shave my pits, or if my clothes match. He doesn't like makeup and perfume, but he never fails to compliment me if I decide to wear it. He's unpretentious with his own appearance also. Grey t-shirts and jeans with work boots and his hair in a ponytail.

He calls me "onion butt" because every time he sees it, it brings a tear to his eye.

He has long hair and a goatee, broad shoulders, tanned arms and legs, hairy chest, and a very pleasant smile. He turns his shoulders sideways to walk through a doorway as a matter of habit. Rough carpenter's hands that can be both strong and gentle.

It's been only four months since we started dating, so I'm still a little sheepish that I put all this in writing, but for the first time in my life I can see into the future. Not an unrealistic pipe dream involving lots of money and a fairytale ending, but a practical evolution of us with our eclectic outlook and complementary sensibilities.

Ok. There it is. I've said it. Chad, you are now officially in my blog. Let the whole world know: MsAmber likes Chad - very much.

This ends my cheesy mushy post. Back to real-life next time.

Have a great week.
MsAmber

I found a little work...

The neighboring storage place asked me to clean out a climate-controlled warehouse. I spent most of the day on it yesterday and I need to finish today. It's a big dusty mess, but at least it's some work, and it pays cash.

I mowed the property on Friday, and I had to stop in one place because I found what I thought was a huge beehive. I called a guy named Rob, he's a beekeeper in the area to come get it. He showed up that evening and walked straight up to it. Put his nose within inches of it and took his sunglasses off, he stuck the arm of his sunglasses through it and said it's a swarm, no hive at all. It was about three feet long by about a foot-and-a-half in diameter. Thousands of honeybees. He went home and got a bee box and his equipment; a smudge pot, bee screen helmet, gloves, etc. He came back and cut the branch and dropped all the bees into his bee box and left it overnight. He returned Saturday evening and took them all away. It was really cool to watch him work. I learned a lot. He said that when a hive gets too populated, they will hatch another queen. She takes off and half the swarm accompanies her. Wherever she lands, the swarm covers her. That branch was just the temporary resting place. He thanked me for calling him, that was exactly what he was looking for. I was just glad I could save their lives, I just knew that somebody would get alarmed and spray them with insecticide, so I guarded the swarm until I could get somebody out to get them. It was really cool.

Well, I've got to go finish the warehouse this morning. You have a great day.
MsAmber

Wednesday Morning

Yeah, everything's peaceful around here so far. It rained all night Monday night, and all day Tuesday until about 2:00 p.m...
It's pretty soggy outside. I think we got 4 inches here.
I'm shampooing the carpets today, the dogs have tracked in a fair amount of mud and I can't let it set-in the carpets.
Spot has been acting particularly scared of the thunderstorms. He wouldn't go outside unless you essentially dragged him out. He never had an "accident" in the house, but I just knew he shouldn't be holding his pee that long. Poor dude, clung to my legs like a wet nightgown the whole time.

I dug out the demo cd from a friend's band "5th Wheel Avenue", and I've been listening to it on repeat. It's actually really good, it's a shame there's only 4 songs on it. They have a site on Myspace if anyone cares to check it out. Daniel is the drummer and Samuel is the bass player. They are a couple of good kids who worked on my crew in Shreveport last year. They have a good sound, I went and listened to them play a couple of times.

It seems as though someone has taken to commenting on my blog anonymously. They obviously don't know me well or they would realize that I have no misery, I'm a "roll with the punches" kind of girl. Does it seem as though the tone of my posts have been pessimistic of late? My apologies if that is so. I get a little frustrated every now and then, but otherwise I'm a pretty happy person. I enjoy life immensely, even when it presents challenges. I blog about current events as a way of documenting timelines so that I won't forget when things happen, but I've never claimed to be a victim of anything but my own decisions. Which I guess is exactly what the anonymous commentary said. I just feel it's a little creepy that someone won't at least sign their name or an alias to a comment directed at me.
Oh the intrigue...

Chad has decided that his side-work is getting busy enough that we may be able to step out on our own as independent contractors. I've always wanted to learn carpentry, he's been tutoring me a little on using the speed-square and the most common angles, marks, and terms. I'm ready to embark on a new adventure. It will be great to learn a new skill, especially one that I've dreamed of learning for a long time now. I'm psyched! He's really very good at it, I couldn't have aligned myself with a better teacher. I have my tool-belt already set up and ready to go. I dug out all my tools, cleaned and oiled everything and organized them. I even replaced all missing drill bits from my index, I'm just missing one 3/4" paddle bit. As a present: Chad bought me a set of chisels. Isn't that cool? I have a set of chisels!

Anyway, I need to get the carpets shampooed before it starts getting hot. You have a wonderful day.

MsAmber

P.S. Anonymous Poster: feel free to sign your comments with some alias or something. At least give me some sporting hint as to your identity. Please?

I smell trouble brewing...

I got the landlady packed off to her daughter's house on Friday. I swept out her floorboards, loaded up her stuff, loaded the dogs and got her gone. She's been very grumpy and stressful since she got a phonecall from California on Tuesday or Wednesday. Some guy called her real early in the morning and asked if he could send her son home. (Oh boy.) She gave me a key to her house for emergencies (not to give to him), and left instructions to tell him that the back window was unlocked, and asked me to pay for the taxi cab if necessary when he gets here. Saturday morning about 10:00 a.m. he arrived. He had money to pay his own taxicab, and I gave him the instructions on how to get in. Then I called Ms. Doris at her daughter's house and told her that he looked real good. Sober, tan, and well-fed.
He knocked on the door as I was getting out of the shower and I'm sure he got a free peek because I was just wrapping up in a towel. Pissed me off already. He wanted a ride to Chase bank. I looked at the clock: it was 11:50. Everybody knows that the banks are closed on Saturday afternoon, plus it's July 4th. I told him I was tired, I had been moving the RV all morning and I wasn't planning on going anywhere.
A little bit later a green pickup truck pulled in, and left within about 15 minutes. Apparently he called somebody to bring him a 12 pack of beer. Within the hour he was drunk. He sat out on the porch facing my house and kept yammering on to anybody who would listen: "Hey, listen, when I bury my momma that's going to be a sad day, I'm going to kick my brother's ass, makes me cry just to think about it, that (expletive) hasn't called momma in over a year, hey listen, I'm gonna kick his ass. When I put my momma in the ground, everybody's gonna know...I'm the baby of the family...hey listen, when I bury momma..." blah blah blah. He was drunk and talking shit. I came into the house and closed the door so I wouldn't have to listen. Ms. Doris called me and told me that he called her and he was partying with Jason and he had $50, and she isn't coming home until he's broke. I was a little angry, she and I had agreed to set some house rules that this is an alcohol-free property and he will not be drinking if he is going to stay here. A little while later, I bathed Spot in the bathtub and took him outside to shake off, and Larry was still out there on the porch. He was still talking. He said he liked me, I'm just very direct, he thanked me for taking care of his momma, and started talking about kicking his brother's ass again. I wanted to say: At least your brother isn't coming around and sucking off the old lady's social security every month, but I didn't. Why pick a fight with a drunk. I came back inside and started bathing Megabyte in the tub. Chad said: "Next time he knocks, I'll get it." So, sure enough, Knock knock on the door. I just had Meg lathered up. Chad was working on a bid for a job and he got up and answered the door. I heard him tell Larry that Amber was busy. Then he told Larry that HE was busy. Then Larry started yelling "I've been traveling for three days and I just got home and ya'll are going to treat me like a fucking Nigger!" That's when I came out of the bathroom covered in suds and I stuck my soapy hand out the door and yelled "Larry, get out my door! Go home, don't you knock on my door anymore! You are supposed to leave me alone! I'm a tenant, not your fucking friend!" He said he was going to kick my ass, and I better get ready to pack my shit because as soon as momma gets home I'm getting kicked off the property. I told him I can move and I will move if I want, don't think I feel threatened, and I slammed my door in his face. Chad called the police. The officer showed up, and he said he's dealt with Larry before and he went over there and told Larry that I'm a tenant and he needs to stay away. When the police left, Larry shouted from the porch "How do you like them apples?" and he turned up the music as loud as it would go and proceeded to have a one-man party. All night long.
I heard a truck pull in at 3:30 in the morning on Sunday and it left at 4:00, so I got up and started the coffeepot. Larry was still partying with the music turned up and the door open facing me - just being creepy. I started working on the pile of garbage outside about 6:30, he shut his door but kept the volume up. He didn't turn it down until about 9:30 in the morning. That's when I figured he went to bed. Ms. Doris called me about 10:00 and was concerned that he was dead or overdosed or something because he wouldn't answer the phone. I just told her he was probably asleep. She called again that evening about 7:00 pm, I told her I hadn't heard anything or seen any signs of life from him all day. She was worried and wanting to come home. I told her don't worry, if I see him alive and well I will give her a call. He stayed hidden all day, all night, and now it's 1:15 pm on Monday and I just now see him walking down the driveway. I figure that he thinks if she's worried then she'll come home. I just now called her and told her that he's alive and she said she's coming home today. There's no food in the house and she's coming to put groceries in the house for him. Well, why didn't he buy food with his damn $50 instead of beer and whatever drugs he bought? Geez.
No freaking common sense. I do wish she would just stay at her daughter's and enjoy the visit.
Well, anyway. I don't give a shit what happens, just as long as he leaves me alone. And I'm not feeling too much like sympathizing with Ms. Doris right now either. She's creating her own misery.
I'm done with this post.

You have a great week.
MsAmber

Saturday Morning

Alright, it's only 9:00 a.m. and already I'm ducking for cover from the heat. It's 87 degrees in the house. Probably low 90's outside. I hate locking myself up, so I might just get out the hose and wash the truck. I feel claustrophobic when I close the doors. And, yes, I'm still drinking hot coffee. Probably should switch to lemonade.

Spot attacked Meg under the table the other night, so I whipped his butt and made him go lay down. He's been acting strangely since then. He doesn't listen, and insists on going out the door when I go, and coming back in when I do. He is clinging to me hard. Chad and I wrestled for a minute in the kitchen yesterday and Spot got very upset. He was snappy all evening. When Chad's daughter reached down to kiss Spot on the head, he snapped at her. Scared the daylights out of her. He's regressed to his aggressive behavior, which I thought I had cured. I probably shouldn't have raised a hand to him when he attacked Meg, but Meg was yelping and I overreacted. So, I need to reassure Spot that he's still my boy, and get him over his insecurities again. One step forward and two steps back. I can't show preferential treatment to Spot, though, or he'll assume the dominant stance over Meg again. Poor Meg. He wasn't hurt as far as I can tell, he's just a tender-hearted old man.

I have a little wart growing on my right-ring-finger knuckle. I need a razor blade to cut it out. I'll probably get to that today, so the tenderness will be gone by Monday. I just can't stand the thought of a wart. Ewww, disgusting.

Already I'm bored. Isn't there something I can do? Maybe I'll dig out all my mending and get that done. I know there are a couple of things missing buttons and my white sweater has a hole in the back...
I just don't want to sit around all day in the cool indoors.

You have a great day. I'm going to go find some mischief.
Speaking of mischief: I want to find my old boss's truck and saran-wrap it real good. Doesn't that sound like fun? Preferably in the evening when he's in a bar getting drunk. Harmless prank. A friend suggested that I pull an old-fashioned bologna fry - that's when you put a bunch of slices of bologna on the hood of a vehicle in this heat. I understand it peels the paint off in perfect circles. That's a little too hard-core for me, I don't want to do damage. Just a friendly reminder that I'm still offended and still around. That's the statement I want to make. I'll probably never get around to doing it, but I can't help fantasizing about it. Saran-wrap. Too funny.
I heard through the grapevine that Nate fired Penny. It will wind up being a good thing for Penny when she finds another job. She's a very good girl and sharp as a tack. Some company will be very lucky to get her. I'm glad in one way that she's free from his abuses, but sad for her because I'm sure she feels slighted. Just think of it like this: you've been ejected from the trash. Not because you're not good enough: but because you are too good.
I've worked for a lot of companies and I've never felt this hateful towards any of them. This will show up in a search engine someday: Atlantic Cable Services Incorporated in Lafayette is the worst company to work for. Abuse, dishonesty, crappy pay, broken promises, and hostile work environment. Nate Yancey is the sorry Manager of Lafayette ACSI. Wanna sue me for this? Go right ahead and try. I have documented these abuses, this is my blog, and I stand behind my words.
Now, if you have any questions about this company, just respond to this post.
MsAmber

Tuesday evening blog...

Yesterday morning I went and bought 5 gallons of gas. I put the Toyota and the Nissan nose-to-nose and hooked up the jumper cables, then I ran a piece of fuel line from the fuel pump on the Toyota directly into my 5 gallon gas-can and fired-that-mother-up.
It idles for a bit, then it loads up and burps through the carburetor and dies. Sometimes it works through the loading up and returns to normal idle, but it never idled for more than about 3 minutes at a time. But it sure was loud. With that catalytic converter removed, it was very noisy. I had the neighborhood's attention anyway. They all heard me working on the truck.
Mr. Wilton's grandson, Jason, came by and tried to tell me that he thinks it's the fuel pump, (even though I told him I changed it) and he wanted to stand over it and pour gas from a bottle directly into the throat. We did discover that I had gasoline in my oil. I just changed that oil and now it's about a quart overfull with gas. Sooo, Jason thinks he can finish the Toyota and he made me an offer of $250.00, (actually, he came up with $249.00) and I let him take it away. Boy do I feel relieved. It's Outta Here!
Mr. Wilton came with him to pick it up, and I tried to tell them what I've already done to the truck and he shushed me, he said he knows what all I've done. So at least they know what they're getting into.
I'll take my time and find another builder, but it will be at least a 3/4 ton.

I wasn't feeling all too energetic today. I had an interview this morning, and put my paycheck in the bank then came home. I stayed inside all day - I took a little nap under the air conditioner vent and woke up and I couldn't breathe. My lungs were totally seized up. I hate it when that happens.

This evening I cooked shrimp-n-grits. My specialty. I had Chad and his daughter over for dinner, and I fixed a plate for Ms. Doris. She never heard of serving shrimp with grits but she loves it. I'm still stuffed. There's a leftover brownie from Saturday in the fridge... maybe I'll eat that too. Mmmmm.

You have a great night.
MsAmber

I mowed yesterday.

I mowed the entire field, moved the Toyota and organized my stuff. It looks rather nice if I do say so myself. Got a little more tan. I'm really getting dark across my shoulders and arms. I have freckles that I never knew I had. It would seem also that I'm becoming impervious to the heat, or maybe it was just that pleasant outside yesterday... who knows. I have a tiny touch of a headache today, I think it was from breathing all that dirt and grass.

Man, I couldn't sleep a wink last night. I tossed and turned and tossed and turned. I was tired, but I just couldn't shut my mind off.

Why do ant bites always make a little white head? There's a mystery for you.

Yesterday, being Father's day, I was unable to get my Dad on the phone. It went straight to voicemail. So I left him a happy message.

My friend Nicky went back to work for ACSI. She was getting a little frustrated looking for another job, so she went back and asked to be reinstated. Not me, I'll dig ditches first. I feel as though some serious grovelling and apologies are due me before I would even consider it. Life is hard enough without having to hate your job. I'm naturally a cheerful employee, and some jobs bring out the best, some bring out the worst. I belong in a job that brings out the best in me.

Well, I got my jeans on, I think I'll head down to the grocery store and stock up on cheap-foods while I still have a little bit of money. Mmmmm, ramen noodles...

You have a great day.
MsAmber

I've been remiss.

OK, I was reading through some of my most recent posts and realized that I've left out some important stuff.

I went for an interview on a Friday (not yesterday, but the one before), and found a start-up company that installs root barrier systems. The gal is nice, and she's certainly a talker, but I'm pretty sure her mouth is writing checks that her ass can't cash. We'll see, the verdict is still out. Anyway, she wanted a website, so I came home and bought the domain (www.TLCProtectiveEdge.com) and directed it towards my hosting space at MsAmber.com. I threw down a simple three-page spread. She had my friend Nicky call me and ask for tri-fold brochures also. So I made a simple brochure. I'm pretty sure that I won't get paid for my efforts, but I am supportive of what she's trying to do, so I'll help out. But I did tell her that I can't afford to hemorrhage money, so unless she has work for me to do, I don't plan on driving to Rayne just to show up. She's offering $125.00/day to go put in barriers. The job primarily consists of digging and cutting roots.

Well, it dawned on me that I needed to solve my transportation problem pretty quick. If I am to take any decent job, I need wheels. Just so happened that Mark Crabtree called from Shreveport to see how I was doing. I told him about my lack-of-transportation and he offered to loan me his old red Nissan pickup. I said "Hell, yeah! I'll be there tomorrow." I joked that I would ride my bicycle to Shreveport if I needed.

Saturday morning I started hitchhiking to Shreveport. I got to Opelousas and the police stopped to check me. I discovered that I had left my stupid wallet on my desk. (Remember, I bought that domain name?) I had memorized my license number, but boy did I feel dumb. I didn't have any money or my debit card. How was I supposed to drive that truck back? Anyway, I was too far to turn back so I just kept on truckin'. I caught some good rides, I left at 8 a.m. and I got to Shreveport at 1:00 p.m. A strange coincidence of the day: Two different guys who picked me up were named Michael, and a couple pulling hay gave me a ride and they had two Archangel Michael medallions hanging from their rear-view mirror. I can't help but think that Michael was looking out for me. I had no incidences and I didn't walk too too much, but boy was it hot! The last ride practically forced me to take a $10.00 bill to buy something to drink. (I counted the change in the bottom of my purse and it came to exactly $.99 cents.)
Mark and Missie were glad to see me. They saw how skinny I am and they asked me what I did with Amber. I responded that I ate her. I had a nice visit. Missie handed down her small jeans to me, because I was lamenting the fact that I have no clothes that fit. I gave her the clothes I was wearing, and I left with a really cool pair of patched jeans and a low-cut black and pink polka dotted top. We dug out all the change to be found = $12.00. So, I left with $22.99 and I found a penny on the ground when I got to the gas station. That was just enough to get home on. I was worried that I was driving on fumes by the time I got here. I ran the whole way without air-conditioning to increase my gas mileage, glad I did.

So now I have transportation. I don't have any solid job prospects yet, but the main obstacle to progress has been removed. I washed the truck real good. It has a front license plate that says: "Stay Clear Bitch On Wheels", which I think I shall turn around. I like statements, but that's not exactly what I want to say.

So, I'm going to end this entry with a heartfelt shout-out and gratitude to Mark Crabtree and Missie. Thank you guys so very much.

MsAmber

Went out last night.

Two beer, two soda, three games of pool. Had a great time.

I'm sitting at my desk this morning, a little later than usual, drinking my coffee and responding to emails. I'm listening to some Bob Dylan, and the sound of the washer agitating my final load of whites. It's only 8 a.m. but it's starting to warm up a bit; my indoor thermometer says 82 degrees. I have the doors and windows open and a fan gently blowing my direction. Is this heaven or what?

I got the clothes all sorted and put away, so my closets and cupboards are completely organized. All my tools are safely stashed away. My only real chore left is to put air in the flat tire on the Toyota and push it around to the other side of my camper. I filled my air-tank for this occasion, but I really can't do it alone. It needs to be pushed AND steered, and it's unfortunately settled into some really deep grass. I'll wait until some unsuspecting victim comes by for a visit. Muwah ha ha ha haaaaa.

...Tangled Up In Blue.

I think I'll soft boil an egg and make toast.
You have a great Saturday (Sabbath).
MsAmber

Biting off more than I can chew.

Doesn't that seem like me?
I'm doing laundry right now and sorting out my clothes. I want to put away all cold-weather stuff, and bag up all the clothes that are too big. So far I have done the drawers, and now I'm pulling all the clothes out of the cupboards and closets and piling them on the bed.
I erected the cabin-tent to use as a shed, and I've stacked all my outdoor stuff inside. Bicycle, lawnmower, fishing poles and tacklebox, my tub of automotive liquids, extra stuff like that. I need the storage space under my bed cleaned out so that I can store my tools. I have tools in the back of the Toyota covered with a tarp, and all the tools that I just unloaded from the company truck. I need them in a safe place, so the storage compartment under the bed is being appropriated.
I may have undertaken too much of a task. It's only 10:45 and it's getting so hot out there that I'm soaking wet in 10 minutes. Whatever, I can finish tomorrow if I must.
I took a cool shower and shaved my legs and lotioned them. They are getting a little tan, my shoulders and back are splotchy from peeling, I'm a little self-conscious over that, but my chest, neck and arms look real good (IMO, of course).

I paid all my bills and I'm proud to announce that I am $84.00 in the positive!
Oh, I have to laugh at myself for some of the situations I put myself in.
It's only money. They'll print more, right?

OK, I'm cooled off enough to get back at it.
You have a great day.
MsAmber

Got into a little "tiff" yesterday.

I went to the shop at 7:15 in the morning yesterday to get my tools and final paycheck. Nate was in a mood. He handed me the spare keys to the cab of the truck, but not the tool boxes. I hung around for an hour, expecting that the kid who was driving my truck might show up - by 8:15 he still wasn't there, so I asked Nate if the kid was coming in. He started yelling and gesticulating wildly with his arms: "I TOLD you that I have the keys, you can either wait until I'm not busy or come back LATER!" He screamed. So I mimicked him back and waved my arms around wildly and said: "I was fixin' to TELL you that I have some place to be and I will have to come back LATER!", and I stormed out. I went to Rayne and took care of that business and came back to the shop. I was back at 9:20. I received the Fed-Ex envelope which contains the paychecks and found out that I was not allowed to have mine. Penny called Nate to inquire whether I could have my check and he flew off the handle at her for putting him on speakerphone. She started crying. She's had enough of him yelling at her for everything and nothing. (Nate himself ALWAYS calls people on speakerphone.) He said I would just have to wait. I left, but I was once again outraged at his behavior towards Penny, so I called ACSI corporate and inquired if Nate had any justification for holding my check (and my tools, by the way). The receptionist put me on hold and called Nate. Apparently he was really rude to her also, she commented to me that he wasn't acting very "managerial". (There's the understatement of the year!) Later in the day when Nate came in, he called everyone but me to come pick up their checks. This morning I again showed up at 7:15, I was treated with a bit more courtesy. I was allowed to remove my tools. He almost tried to accuse me of taking a cell-phone charger, which I proved that I gave over to Jherric. I turned in the few company-issued tools and got them signed off and gathered the rest of my stuff. He tried to get the guys to corroborate with him that he handed out checks yesterday and I could have come in the evening and picked mine up - all I would have had to do was call and ask. I said "That's wrong, you're just trying to cover up the fact that you withheld my check deliberately yesterday." We almost engaged in another battle, but he was being cautious because his boss was there. I'm grateful that Barry was there because the transition went smoothly, but in a way I wish he wasn't because I was ready for another screaming match today. I'm not letting that bully push me around another second. He may make Penny cry, but I assure you he will not treat me with less than the respect or courtesy I deserve. I'm still daydreaming of slapping him soundly across the cheek for his past transgressions.
Well, I'm proud to say that my business there is wrapped up. I got my final check and I got my tools. I said my "goodbyes" to the boys. Each one confiding that they can't take much more of Nate themselves. It's a shame. That crew consisted of some good guys, I enjoyed working with them most of all. At least I made some solid friends while I was there.
Anyway, that's it for that little adventure. I'll keep you updated on what else comes down the pike for me.
You have a great day.
MsAmber

Official Results:

I went to WalMart this morning, and I'm thrilled to report that I weigh 129 pounds, fully clothed. Yes, that's right. I have lost 41 pounds and I am now smaller than I've ever been. Previously my skinny weight was 137. I never dreamed I would get down smaller than that.
I rarely drink soda. No sugar or cream in my coffee. I eat one meal per day, with a little snacking if I'm absolutely starving-hungry. I've pretty much shut down the feeling of being hungry. I barely recognize it anymore. I would estimate my daily caloric intake to be around 500. I drink mainly water and coffee, but the other day I drank a whole gallon of apple juice, just couldn't help myself.
I sweat all day. I am out in the sun doing something every day. Whether it's mowing, laundry, or moving stuff around, I'm outside.
So, this is the secret to me being skinny, suntanned/burnt, and happy.

Just thought I'd share.
You have a great day.
MsAmber

I like this poem. I think I shall print and display it.

At the next vacancy for God, if I am elected,
I shall forgive last the delicately wounded who,
having been slugged no harder than anyone else,
never got up again, neither to fight back,
nor to finger their jaws in painful admiration.

They who are wholly broken, and they in whom mercy is understanding,
I shall embrace at once and lead to pillows in heaven.
But they who are the meek by trade, baiting the best of their betters with extortions of a mock-helplessness,
I shall take last to love, and never wholly.

Let them all in Heaven - I abolish Hell -
but let it be read over them as they enter:
Beware the calculations of the meek, who gambled nothing
gave nothing, and could never receive enough.

My charisma is failing me.

Never in my life have I had such a hard time finding a job. For those of you who are out of the loop, or are dependent on this blog to know what I'm doing, I quit ACSI.
The work was too physical, paid too little, and the bullshit/degradation was too hard to take. I've never had to tolerate being screamed at for no good reason, and I've always been enabled to take responsibility for crafting solutions to attain complete customer satisfaction. There, I was "merely" an installer. Too much bending of the rules, too little common-sense. So, yes, I sabotaged myself again. I am sitting here in Lafayette with no truck and no job. Am I crazy? Probably.
I have faith that I will get back on top again soon, I just dread the struggle sometimes. The last fight cost me 30 pounds. I don't have 30 more to spare. I have few clothes that fit, I'm recycling the same two pairs of pants. But I have plenty of dogfood for the dogs and plenty of rice and coffee for me. I bought a bicycle also. I can ride that bugger till the cows come home if I must.

This town is just so hard to break into. I feel like an outsider in a closed community. I guess if I drank, or hung out with the locals more, I might find a way in. Surely there's a job for me around here somewhere. I'm just starting to feel the burn of being without my truck. I feel a little trapped.

Today I'm going to finish painting the wheels on the Toyota and take it down off the jack-stands. I haven't solved the fuel problem yet, but I will before the end of the week. I need to move my trailer away from the doublewide house that's being moved soon. I've been told that they are coming this week to haul that thing off so I'm not going to wait until I'm in a bind to get my rig moved out of the way temporarily.

I woke up around 1:00 a.m. with my hands itching like crazy. I got up and washed them, lotioned them, then grabbed the cold compress out of the refrigerator and slept with the cold compress on my hands. It was weird to have such horribly itching hands.

Well, I have a lot to do before it gets too hot. The days have been near 90 degrees around here. Noon is not the time to be riding my bicycle to town. I felt the heart-palpitations and faintness of over-exertion yesterday, came home and laid down (for just a minute), I crashed for 4 whole hours, complete and total unconsciousness. I need to be more careful in this heat. The good news is that I'm drinking a lot more water nowadays. I'm sure my kidneys appreciate it.

You have a great day.
MsAmber

I had a bad dream last night.

I threw the dogs in a pond. I noticed that neither dog was swimming, they went straight to the bottom. I jumped in, it was only waist deep. I pulled Spot out, he was just sitting on the bottom, holding his breath and his eyes were wide open. He was waiting patiently for me to pick him up. I grabbed him and tossed him onto land, then I looked for Megabyte. I couldn't find him anywhere. I was screaming for some light, the water was so murky and I was feeling around with my hands and feet. I lost Meg. I felt so bad because he trusted me to find him and I could not. I was panicking and heartbroken when I woke up.
I'm still sad and I'm awake now. Both dogs are just fine, though. Why didn't they swim? And I'll never forget the look on Spot's face, just holding his breath and looking up, waiting for me to get him. It was pure trust.

Shake it off MsAmber, it was just a dream.

I have today off. I'm going to do laundry.
You have a great day.
MsAmber

I defurred the house.

I never got around to working on the truck yesterday. I wound up taking all the furniture out of the house and I cleaned every inch. I even scrubbed the shower walls. I rearranged the furniture a little bit, and Windexed the windows. It was overdue for a thorough cleaning. I feel so much better now.
RVs should never have carpet. I would like to remove all the carpet and just lay linoleum on the floors and a few scatter-rugs. Easier to clean. I shampoo'd the carpets and they are good and clean for the time being, but with my muddy boots and the dogs' muddy paws, it won't last long.
I really don't have anything else to say this morning, so I'm just going to hit "publish" and call it good.

You have a great day.
MsAmber

...so glad it's Sunday.

I had a good day yesterday. I knocked out my three 10-12's in record time and they put another job on me at the end of the day. I did 6 jobs total yesterday. All of them were ladder jobs. I had to put the ladder on the span once, and when it was time to bring it down, I hesitated. I actually had a weird feeling about it, after hitting myself on the head last time, I wanted to just leave the stupid ladder up there. This time I was surrounded by parked cars and the wind was blowing. I was worried about dropping it on a car. I unhooked it from the span, then got it vertical, collapsed it, then I pushed it over sideways in the only safe direction and let it fall. Problem solved.

I had a job to do over in the money neighborhood by Girard Park. The customer is a corporate pilot. He just purchased this old house and has plans to renovate. I told him that I thought the '60s wallpaper was adorable and some of the '60s styles are coming back. Then I told him about my favorite stove: a 1961 Frigidaire Flair Custom Imperial and all that it could do. I was just raving over it. I walked into the kitchen and guess what I saw? Yep. A 1961 Frigidaire Flair. It wasn't as big as my old one, it only had one oven, but there it was. He says he's going to remodel the kitchen and put in new appliances. I told him all about the stove - the temperature controlled burner, the meat thermometer, the oven being stainless steel runs a little hot like a convection oven, etc. He said he would call me if he decides to sell it. He doesn't care for antique appliances. Man, does he even know what he's got? That's a professional cookstove, they don't build them like that anymore. I hope he calls someday, even though I don't have a place to put it yet, I would certainly take it off his hands.

Ahhh, sunrise is beautiful this morning. I'm so happy to be home today. I'm also glad that my desk faces the East. Such a beautiful color in the morning - golden light through the water condensation on my window. It looks awesome. I bet even I look good in this lighting. (har har)

Well, I'm going to put on some shorts and tame my hair a little, maybe brush my teeth... Then again: who am I going to kiss? Kidding.
I'm on my third cup'o'java and I might just get back to working on the truck today.

You have a great day.
MsAmber