ASVAB test.

Well, I slam-dunked the the ASVAB. I got a 95%.
I have to be at the recruiter's this morning to schedule my physical and to see what they are offering. I think I will get to choose from any job the Army has available except "Algebra Teacher".
I solved all the algebraic equations with no problems, but they got me when they asked me to break the equations down into their "factors". I missed that part in school, so I was completely lost. I tried to extrapolate based on the answers but nothing made sense. Now I need to learn how to "factor". Whatever THAT means...
I think one of the questions was a trick question, none of the answers made any sense at all.

I'm feeling a little under-the-weather today. My tummy gave me hell last night. I finally got up and ate some crackers and fell asleep on the couch. My eyes still haven't turned bright white and I've been up for hours drinking coffee. I may be trying to kick some kind of stomach bug. You should hear my tummy growling - Ms. Vicky heard it across the room this morning and asked me if I was hungry. Sounds like something out of a fast-food commercial. I also sprang a fever blister on my lip. Usually when I'm aggravated or concentrating I'll bite my upper lip and where I have a sharp bottom tooth against my lip it will blister there. So I'm not sure if the blister is from a fever or biting my lip, but it sure is tender and bothersome.

Well, I've gotta go heckle my recruiter. I beat his score by 19 points, and he expects me to come in and give him hell about it. Also, I'm going to find out when my physical is scheduled. My last obstacle to enlistment!
Repeat after me: "That don't hurt", and "There's no CRYING in the Army!".

...Fake it 'till you make it!

Ciao!
MsAmber

Blocked at every turn...

Something inside me keeps whispering: "It isn't meant to happen, don't force it."

Is it a shortcoming of mine that I consistently impose my own desires and ambitions in spite of resistance? Or possibly because of it?

Do you know what makes a beaver build a dam? The sound of trickling water. Yes, the sound of trickling water triggers something in a beaver's brain to stop the sound, it drives them crazy so to speak. In the same way that I feel the compulsion to open every door and tear down every brick wall that stands in my way. The problem is: the brick wall may have been put there to guide me in another direction. Instead of turning my course to go around it, I have to stop and break it down. I didn't know for sure that I wanted to go in that direction until I saw the obstacle, and even after conquering the obstacle, I still didn't know if that was the direction I wanted to go, but I commit anyway.

I'm not sure that I'm explaining myself concisely so let me tell you about the past week.

I went to the Army recruiters and started the paperwork to join the Army. I needed some information from a previous employer so I called Trans-Tel. I spoke briefly with the VP and he asked what I was doing. I told him that I had been struggling to find work so I was considering joining the Army. He said that he may have work for me so give him a few minutes to call Mark Sorrells and he will call me back. He called back a few minutes later and said that he spoke with Mark who is good with my return to Trans-Tel, that there is work for me and asked me to call Mark that evening. (Mark and I have a past: he never wanted to hire me in the first place - back in 2003) I called Mark that evening and he said his phone was about to die, he would call me back when he got it plugged in. He never called back. I tried him at 7:00 am the next morning, 6:00 pm the next evening, 7:00 am again, 6:10 pm again, and then at noon on the fourth day he finally answered. He said he already had Mike Wright slated for the Charleston job and he didn't need me, that he may call me if something comes up. Then he feigned anger that the VP said there was work for me and told me that he is going to "have a talk" with the VP and he would call me back afterwards. I didn't hear from him all day Friday, so I drove up to Norman to be in the office for Monday morning. I wanted to find out what's really going on up there.

I was received warmly enough, saw some old friends, gave Megabyte to Rob to keep for me, (whether I go on the road or join the Army I needed to put Meg in a good home), and attempted to figure out what's going on at Trans-Tel with regards to me. I honestly don't know... Rusty Nail is there as a recruiter and he seemed receptive enough until he talked to Mark, then: Brick Wall. The feeling of being shut-out was tangible. I can't explain it any better than that but you can just tell when things are changed but no-one wants to speak it.

I called this morning and spoke to Rusty, he said he will talk to Mark Sorrells this evening and call me back when he knows something.

I have the ASFAB test this evening, I'm still pursuing the Army. I turned in all my records and aliases and divorce certificates, filled out the SF86 background check information, ad nauseum. I've been studying some of the little things that I've forgotten: like how to calculate a hypotenuse; order to solve algebraic equations (pemdas - thanks Kandelyn); looked over the first 500 prime numbers; looked for a formula to find a damn prime number (no formula really exists); and other little trivia stuffs that I may need.

I have always wanted to go into the military and it turns out that I'm too old now for the Navy or Air Force. I'm still age eligible for the Army, I just need to pass the physical and get a waiver for the new rule that GED's are only accepted with 15 college credits. I'm hopeful there. If they accept me: GREAT. If they don't: at least I gave it a shot. I would always wonder "What if...?" if I never tried at all.

Meanwhile, I still have a boat to float here. I need a couple hundred more dollars to pay up my July bills, then the clock starts all over. Yay. So much fun.

When I was driving back to Louisiana from Oklahoma (with no radio or air conditioning), I had plenty of time to think. The more I thought about things clearly, my spirits began to rise: I had all kinds of ideas on how to get a job, and speeches prepared for companies I've applied to who won't call me back
and I was psyched up and ready to kick some proverbial ass! Then when I got here, I deflated. It's like this place is so depressing that it knocks the wind right out of your sails. Crazy, right? Where's that indomitable spirit that I was carrying with me all the way down?

I don't get it.
So, am I forcing things to happen that aren't MEANT to happen?
I am a queer duck sometimes.

Have a great day. I've got swampwater in the sink that I have to take care of.
MsAmber

I got a J.O.B. - finally.

I got a job.

Well, two small jobs actually. I'm going to be working two night shifts and one day shift per week initially at my first job, and cleaning three times a week at my second job. Then after August 1, I can pick up more shifts at my first job. I'll still squeeze the cleaning job into my schedule - that pays an extra $60.00 per week. So, even though I'm late on my bills this month, I should be able to catch up soon.

My cellphone service may be interrupted again this month until I can get it caught up, but that's no big deal.

We've had a lot of rain this past week. The lawn took off growing like it's springtime. It's already nearly knee high and I just mowed last Friday. Crazy, man. I don't know when I'll get time to mow it down again. Maybe Saturday or Sunday? I was hoping to go to the thrift store on Saturday - I desperately need clothes that fit. Everything I have is too big and baggy. Even shirts that used to hug my tummy now look like I'm a kid playing dress-up in daddy's clothes. I've passed the 50 pounds mark. I don't have a scale to keep tabs on my weight loss, but the flat belly and the jeans that I just got (which are already baggy) are speaking volumes.

I was approached in the parking lot at Mel's diner and a guy gave me his phone number. Then at O'Reilly's auto parts, a guy followed me out and gave me his phone number. Then again at B's Poppa P's, a guy waited for me and gave me his phone number. Geez. Must be the blue jeans... or maybe somebody snuck up behind me and doused me with pheromones. I dunno, but it seems as though the bucks are in a rut this week.

Actually I'm kinda enjoying the attention. It seems a little weird to me to be approached and looked at like that. Partially I resent them, because I know this wouldn't be happening if I were still chubby. I know they are all just looking at my figure. They have no idea if I'm a psycho, or a drug-addict, or a welfare momma lookin' for my next "baby daddy". Well, maybe not the guy at O'Reilly's, he was intrigued by my automotive skills - and my butt.
I'm pretty sure at this point that it's not my sparkling personality and witty sense of humor that elicits their attentions.
Men. Go figure!

I'm going to have to adjust my sleep schedule. I'm so used to getting up early and going to bed early. Now my schedule will be more random. I go in to work at noon today and will get off at 8 p.m. I'm actually very relieved to know that I'm done searching for a job. Now maybe my stomach can settle down. I've been getting a little panicked watching deadlines sneak up and I can't make the obligations, and knowing that usually I have a two week holdover before I see a paycheck, etc. It's had my stomach in knots for a couple of weeks now. I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch: but if hard work and enthusiasm can make a job fly, then mine should take off like a 747. I just need some cute clothes to cinch it.

Well, I need to take a shower and do the dishes. My cd player is on the fritz, so I may move the speakers back to the laptop so I can have some music up in here.

You have a great day.
MsAmber

Crush

My boyfriend Chad.

I feel like I've met my male-counterpart. He's very much like me in so many ways. A jack-of-all-trades, does the best he can, conservative, likes the old way of doing things, great work-ethic, and interested in survival skills. He's as anti-social as I am. I found someone who can take off with a backpack and know he'll be fine - just like me. He drinks as little as I do, no drugs, wakes up early, anti-television, disciplined, naturalistic, holistic, reads books, imaginative, physical, wide-eyed fascination with everything, interesting, philosophical, not hung up on the superficial, somewhat corny in his sense-of-humor, and open to changes. He's also only 3 1/2 months older than I. We've had enough difference in experiences to keep it interesting.

I've officially decided that I like him...

I avoid writing about boyfriends on my blog because I don't want to have to delete my blog when we've decided to break-up. I don't get attached very easily, and in typical Scorpio-fashion, I start compiling reasons why it won't work out from the very beginning. That's a terrible thing, I know, but in my life I've experienced shattering disillusionment and disappointments. Psychologically I'm right on par with Freudian expectation. I'm comfortable with Chad. I see and feel his vulnerabilities and empathize in the same way he sees, feels, and empathizes with mine. We are equals in so many ways - I feel as though I could trust him. Neither of us have the eternal sunshine of the spotless conscience, but we persevere anyway.

Just to be funny, we're both amateur nudists also. We are going to start nude hiking. Backpacks and boots. The first time I get arrested I'll let ya'll know. "I'll take that ticket, but you know officer, I have no pockets to put it in..."

He also thinks I'm beautiful, not only does he say it, but I can see it in his eyes. He doesn't care if I comb my hair and shave my pits, or if my clothes match. He doesn't like makeup and perfume, but he never fails to compliment me if I decide to wear it. He's unpretentious with his own appearance also. Grey t-shirts and jeans with work boots and his hair in a ponytail.

He calls me "onion butt" because every time he sees it, it brings a tear to his eye.

He has long hair and a goatee, broad shoulders, tanned arms and legs, hairy chest, and a very pleasant smile. He turns his shoulders sideways to walk through a doorway as a matter of habit. Rough carpenter's hands that can be both strong and gentle.

It's been only four months since we started dating, so I'm still a little sheepish that I put all this in writing, but for the first time in my life I can see into the future. Not an unrealistic pipe dream involving lots of money and a fairytale ending, but a practical evolution of us with our eclectic outlook and complementary sensibilities.

Ok. There it is. I've said it. Chad, you are now officially in my blog. Let the whole world know: MsAmber likes Chad - very much.

This ends my cheesy mushy post. Back to real-life next time.

Have a great week.
MsAmber

I found a little work...

The neighboring storage place asked me to clean out a climate-controlled warehouse. I spent most of the day on it yesterday and I need to finish today. It's a big dusty mess, but at least it's some work, and it pays cash.

I mowed the property on Friday, and I had to stop in one place because I found what I thought was a huge beehive. I called a guy named Rob, he's a beekeeper in the area to come get it. He showed up that evening and walked straight up to it. Put his nose within inches of it and took his sunglasses off, he stuck the arm of his sunglasses through it and said it's a swarm, no hive at all. It was about three feet long by about a foot-and-a-half in diameter. Thousands of honeybees. He went home and got a bee box and his equipment; a smudge pot, bee screen helmet, gloves, etc. He came back and cut the branch and dropped all the bees into his bee box and left it overnight. He returned Saturday evening and took them all away. It was really cool to watch him work. I learned a lot. He said that when a hive gets too populated, they will hatch another queen. She takes off and half the swarm accompanies her. Wherever she lands, the swarm covers her. That branch was just the temporary resting place. He thanked me for calling him, that was exactly what he was looking for. I was just glad I could save their lives, I just knew that somebody would get alarmed and spray them with insecticide, so I guarded the swarm until I could get somebody out to get them. It was really cool.

Well, I've got to go finish the warehouse this morning. You have a great day.
MsAmber

Wednesday Morning

Yeah, everything's peaceful around here so far. It rained all night Monday night, and all day Tuesday until about 2:00 p.m...
It's pretty soggy outside. I think we got 4 inches here.
I'm shampooing the carpets today, the dogs have tracked in a fair amount of mud and I can't let it set-in the carpets.
Spot has been acting particularly scared of the thunderstorms. He wouldn't go outside unless you essentially dragged him out. He never had an "accident" in the house, but I just knew he shouldn't be holding his pee that long. Poor dude, clung to my legs like a wet nightgown the whole time.

I dug out the demo cd from a friend's band "5th Wheel Avenue", and I've been listening to it on repeat. It's actually really good, it's a shame there's only 4 songs on it. They have a site on Myspace if anyone cares to check it out. Daniel is the drummer and Samuel is the bass player. They are a couple of good kids who worked on my crew in Shreveport last year. They have a good sound, I went and listened to them play a couple of times.

It seems as though someone has taken to commenting on my blog anonymously. They obviously don't know me well or they would realize that I have no misery, I'm a "roll with the punches" kind of girl. Does it seem as though the tone of my posts have been pessimistic of late? My apologies if that is so. I get a little frustrated every now and then, but otherwise I'm a pretty happy person. I enjoy life immensely, even when it presents challenges. I blog about current events as a way of documenting timelines so that I won't forget when things happen, but I've never claimed to be a victim of anything but my own decisions. Which I guess is exactly what the anonymous commentary said. I just feel it's a little creepy that someone won't at least sign their name or an alias to a comment directed at me.
Oh the intrigue...

Chad has decided that his side-work is getting busy enough that we may be able to step out on our own as independent contractors. I've always wanted to learn carpentry, he's been tutoring me a little on using the speed-square and the most common angles, marks, and terms. I'm ready to embark on a new adventure. It will be great to learn a new skill, especially one that I've dreamed of learning for a long time now. I'm psyched! He's really very good at it, I couldn't have aligned myself with a better teacher. I have my tool-belt already set up and ready to go. I dug out all my tools, cleaned and oiled everything and organized them. I even replaced all missing drill bits from my index, I'm just missing one 3/4" paddle bit. As a present: Chad bought me a set of chisels. Isn't that cool? I have a set of chisels!

Anyway, I need to get the carpets shampooed before it starts getting hot. You have a wonderful day.

MsAmber

P.S. Anonymous Poster: feel free to sign your comments with some alias or something. At least give me some sporting hint as to your identity. Please?

I smell trouble brewing...

I got the landlady packed off to her daughter's house on Friday. I swept out her floorboards, loaded up her stuff, loaded the dogs and got her gone. She's been very grumpy and stressful since she got a phonecall from California on Tuesday or Wednesday. Some guy called her real early in the morning and asked if he could send her son home. (Oh boy.) She gave me a key to her house for emergencies (not to give to him), and left instructions to tell him that the back window was unlocked, and asked me to pay for the taxi cab if necessary when he gets here. Saturday morning about 10:00 a.m. he arrived. He had money to pay his own taxicab, and I gave him the instructions on how to get in. Then I called Ms. Doris at her daughter's house and told her that he looked real good. Sober, tan, and well-fed.
He knocked on the door as I was getting out of the shower and I'm sure he got a free peek because I was just wrapping up in a towel. Pissed me off already. He wanted a ride to Chase bank. I looked at the clock: it was 11:50. Everybody knows that the banks are closed on Saturday afternoon, plus it's July 4th. I told him I was tired, I had been moving the RV all morning and I wasn't planning on going anywhere.
A little bit later a green pickup truck pulled in, and left within about 15 minutes. Apparently he called somebody to bring him a 12 pack of beer. Within the hour he was drunk. He sat out on the porch facing my house and kept yammering on to anybody who would listen: "Hey, listen, when I bury my momma that's going to be a sad day, I'm going to kick my brother's ass, makes me cry just to think about it, that (expletive) hasn't called momma in over a year, hey listen, I'm gonna kick his ass. When I put my momma in the ground, everybody's gonna know...I'm the baby of the family...hey listen, when I bury momma..." blah blah blah. He was drunk and talking shit. I came into the house and closed the door so I wouldn't have to listen. Ms. Doris called me and told me that he called her and he was partying with Jason and he had $50, and she isn't coming home until he's broke. I was a little angry, she and I had agreed to set some house rules that this is an alcohol-free property and he will not be drinking if he is going to stay here. A little while later, I bathed Spot in the bathtub and took him outside to shake off, and Larry was still out there on the porch. He was still talking. He said he liked me, I'm just very direct, he thanked me for taking care of his momma, and started talking about kicking his brother's ass again. I wanted to say: At least your brother isn't coming around and sucking off the old lady's social security every month, but I didn't. Why pick a fight with a drunk. I came back inside and started bathing Megabyte in the tub. Chad said: "Next time he knocks, I'll get it." So, sure enough, Knock knock on the door. I just had Meg lathered up. Chad was working on a bid for a job and he got up and answered the door. I heard him tell Larry that Amber was busy. Then he told Larry that HE was busy. Then Larry started yelling "I've been traveling for three days and I just got home and ya'll are going to treat me like a fucking Nigger!" That's when I came out of the bathroom covered in suds and I stuck my soapy hand out the door and yelled "Larry, get out my door! Go home, don't you knock on my door anymore! You are supposed to leave me alone! I'm a tenant, not your fucking friend!" He said he was going to kick my ass, and I better get ready to pack my shit because as soon as momma gets home I'm getting kicked off the property. I told him I can move and I will move if I want, don't think I feel threatened, and I slammed my door in his face. Chad called the police. The officer showed up, and he said he's dealt with Larry before and he went over there and told Larry that I'm a tenant and he needs to stay away. When the police left, Larry shouted from the porch "How do you like them apples?" and he turned up the music as loud as it would go and proceeded to have a one-man party. All night long.
I heard a truck pull in at 3:30 in the morning on Sunday and it left at 4:00, so I got up and started the coffeepot. Larry was still partying with the music turned up and the door open facing me - just being creepy. I started working on the pile of garbage outside about 6:30, he shut his door but kept the volume up. He didn't turn it down until about 9:30 in the morning. That's when I figured he went to bed. Ms. Doris called me about 10:00 and was concerned that he was dead or overdosed or something because he wouldn't answer the phone. I just told her he was probably asleep. She called again that evening about 7:00 pm, I told her I hadn't heard anything or seen any signs of life from him all day. She was worried and wanting to come home. I told her don't worry, if I see him alive and well I will give her a call. He stayed hidden all day, all night, and now it's 1:15 pm on Monday and I just now see him walking down the driveway. I figure that he thinks if she's worried then she'll come home. I just now called her and told her that he's alive and she said she's coming home today. There's no food in the house and she's coming to put groceries in the house for him. Well, why didn't he buy food with his damn $50 instead of beer and whatever drugs he bought? Geez.
No freaking common sense. I do wish she would just stay at her daughter's and enjoy the visit.
Well, anyway. I don't give a shit what happens, just as long as he leaves me alone. And I'm not feeling too much like sympathizing with Ms. Doris right now either. She's creating her own misery.
I'm done with this post.

You have a great week.
MsAmber