I'm Baaaack!

Sorry. Didja miss me?

I survived my vacation. My back has peeled, and my pinched nerve is finally chillin' out. I'm such a mess sometimes. But I sure know how to get stuff done.

My Fort is built, so I've spent the last few evenings outside. I took apart my old broken down glider chair, I need some Elmer's wood glue and sandpaper. I'll have it fixed better-'n-new in a few days. My Fort is a canvas screened tent that I erect on the back patio. I have to secure it very well to the back of the house. This is after all, Oklahoma: Tornado territory. The dogs appreciate the Fort too, it knocks the temperature down about 10 degrees. We have planted plenty of trees in our yard, but it gets over 100 degrees out here sometimes. The dogs have a sheltered kennel with a concrete floor and hay that they use when it's too hot. I would hate to be a dog in Oklahoma. They suffer from the heat so badly in some places, I want to knock on peoples' doors and give them a piece of my mind sometimes when I see a dog tied out in the sun. Sorry, I digress....

I got all my gardening done. Before Mother's day, even. I am hosting the second annual sunflower contest again this year. I busted up all the dirt along the fence row and mixed in some topsoil and compost, then I planted 250 mammoth sunflower seeds, then I fertilized it. Hope I didn't overdo it. Leave it to me to fertilize a weed!

I'm trying a new type of insecticide. I know, I know. I hate poisons too. This is by Bayer, and it's a systemic poison that my rosebushes absorb to kill blackspot and aphids, also other diseases and pests. Blackspot and aphids just happen to be my particular malady. My rosebushes are covered with buds, and last year I let the infestation go too long and I had a very short blooming season. Hopefully this year they will do better. I've also started using my coffee grounds and eggshells around them.

Now that I feel better, I still have the kennel to clean out and 6 cu. feet of mulch to spread. Rob and I are going over to a friends' home later to wire up a soundsystem on their pontoon boat. Good times.

An out-of-town visitor dropped by the other day and delivered two six-packs of Ziegenbock Amber. It's Rob and Mine's favorite beer. In Oklahoma we only have 3.2 beer, so you have to drive to Texas to get 6. beer. It's not worth the drive, but it's considered a mighty fine gift if someone should happen to be travelling through and brings you a 12 pack. Also Ziegenbock Amber is only available in Texas and we just fell in love with it a couple of years ago, it's a rare gem among beer. (Shameless plug or Love divine? You decide.)

Gotta go - Mulch ain't gonna spread itself, you know.

Peace,
MsAmber

Introducing the Amazing Self Bathing Dog.

Here she is folks. The dog you've been waiting for. May I present Brinka....
The incredible, amazing self-bathing dog.
Simply turn on a waterhose, pour shampoo on her back and watch her go.
At the same time she thouroughly lathers and rinses, she also cleans her teeth!
That's right. Complete orthodontic water pik flossing. This incredible dog flosses with the water for a sparkling smile every time.
As an added bonus, her breath is simply wonderful.
Thank you, thank you very much.
And if you call within the next 3 minutes, I will include the water nozzle with bidet setting ABSOLUTELY FREE!
MsAmber

 

Vacation Day #2

Last evening after I blogged, Kandelyn came over and we double-teamed the house cleaning. She did her normal chores and I Pledged the furniture and cleaned the glass. Then we moved out the old recliners and unloaded the truck. We re-arranged the livingroom. We finished at 9:22 exactly.
This morning I woke up earlier than usual, I wanted to beat the heat. Mom and I cleaned out their shop building. It's a 15X20 outbuilding with a loft. I get to climb on the ladder and put the stuff up in the loft. I stacked all the lumber across the beams up there and then I put boxes, coolers, pet taxi, wicker baskets, and old plastic flowerpots. Then we went through several boxes full of castoffs that were never given away or sorted. It seems we have a plethora of medical equipment out there. Bedpans, toilet booster seats, knee braces, foot braces, crutches, walkers, canes, all those plastic tubs that they give you in the hospital. I bet there is enough equipment out there to supply a small nursing home. Oxygen tubing, support hose, specialty undergarments, girdles, ...
We did find the original manual and accessory kit for my sewing machine. I was glad to retrieve that. We waited for Dad's nurse to come and check him out and give him a breathing treatment, then we went to lunch. I drove "Miss Daisy" to Ruby's restaurant in Purcell for some big ol' hamburgers and french fries. Then we drove the long way back so we could stop at Northcutts Nursery. Mom bought a new bush, a bag of fertilizer, and a half-ton of river rock. I bought two bags of mulch. I went back with my truck and put plastic in the bed (even though I have a bedliner, I thought it would save me from some dust - NOT.) They dumped a whole scoop of river rock into my truck, you should have seen the bed sag. I'm surprised my springs held out. We drove it home, and I backed it straight up to the house and we shoveled and spread all that rock. It took maybe an hour, but it sure wore me out.
Then I got out the hose and sprayed down the stains in the driveway, we hauled the bags of garbage over to the porch, I rolled up all the hoses and loaded my tools (and some found-treasures) back into the truck, and I was outta there. I'm home now, and it's 7:00 and I am frazzled, burnt, tired, sore, and smiling.

MsAmber

Vacation Day #1

I started out with a truck full of branches and clippings. Over the top of the bed, held down with a strap. I cut down three trees last Sunday, and have been driving around for four days with them in the back of the truck. I called my Mother-in-law (heretofor referred to as Mom) at 9:30 this morning, and told her I would meet her at my neice's at 10:45. We met there at exactly 10:45 and Mom triggered the house alarm. The roof horn actually. I just stood in the doorway and giggled. She finally got it figured out, and the alarm company called, Mom had the secret password, so it was all ok. But it was funny. I took down the diningroom ceiling fan and replaced it with a flush mount light fixture. While I had the electricity off, I secured one of her wall outlets.
Then Mom and I went out to the farm and loaded a bunch of small peices of posts. There were perhaps 80 of them. I asked Mom where she wanted my trees dumped off. I had told her where there was a pile of tires, and there were two more by the pond so she wanted to see them. I drove her out to the ditch full of tires, there were 8 of them half buried in the red clay and leaves. So we pulled them up and threw them on top of my load of brush and post-pieces. The truck was really loaded up. Whew! She had me take her around to a section of a washout where she had been trying to fill it in, and we unloaded the whole truck. We couldn't just pull the stuff off the tailgate, no. We had to throw everything about 10 feet out. I felt like the discus throwing champion of the world. Those tires were full of mud, so they were pretty heavy and gross. I had mud splattered all over my face.
So we get that unloaded and we drive around to the pond and look at that, discuss getting a bulldozer out to dam it up over by the shallow end.
Then we drive up to the house. Dad wanted to treat us out to lunch, so I drove them in their car to Lexington for Mexican Food. Best place around. We asked if we could eat out on the patio, Mom and Dad really liked that. The weather today was a perfect 80 with a slight breeze. I did not stuff myself, I ate conservatively, so I wouldn't run out of steam. Then I drove them back to the farm (They don't get out much). I call Dad "Miss Daisy" as in "Driving Miss Daisy". Just my way of teasing him. When we got back to the house, I took down their old ceiling fan from the dining room and replaced it with the ceiling fan that I had just de-installed at my neice's house.
Then we loaded a glider chair and it's footstool into my truck, on top of the leaves and pine-needles. (It's ok, it'll blow out when I get to driving home.) Then I say my goodbyes, and drive back to Noble to my neice's house. I visit with her for a few minutes, she is ecstatic about the light fixture. We load up an exercise machine and two blue recliners into the back of the truck. She's getting ready to go to the movies with some friends. So I headed home.
Now, here I am. My cheeks are rosy red sunburnt. My pinched nerve in my back is bugging me. I just took an 800 mg Motrin. Trying to get the guts up to go unload the truck.
I probably shouldn't try and unload it myself, so as soon as my pinched nerve lets up, I'm going to call my neighbor-friend Tamara to come down and help.

This has been day one of my vacation.

MsAmber

My impending Vacation.

Well, I haven't heard from everyone regarding that last post, but I decided to move on anyway.
I start my vacation on Thursday, so I have only two more days of work and I am off for a whole week! Woo Hoo! I can't wait.
My neice wants me to replace her ceiling fan with a light fixture, and secure a couple of electrical outlets into the wall.
Mother and Father-in-Law have requested help moving furniture and hanging gutters.
I am going to unload the trees that I cut yesterday out of my pickup bed.
I'm going to hang gutters at MY house also.
I need to erect my summer clubhouse on the back porch. Oklahoma is 'way too hot in the summer to not have shade back there. It's more for the dogs than it is for me.
I want to put out a plastic swimming pool for Brinka, but Rob is against the idea. He says she's just going to make a mess. I say she'll make a mess anyway, might as well keep her occupied with a kiddie pool full of water. It might keep her from dumping over the water bucket. I'm buying half a rain-barrel for watering now, since I don't think she can dump that over. I don't know, she's a strong dog, I have a feeling that "where there's a will there's a way."
All my vines are greening up, my hundreds of bulbs are up, my baby trees are sprouting leaves, my two big willows are almost casting shade. I moved my tropical tree outside for the summer, I halfway bury the pot outdoors. I will dig it up in the fall and bring it back in. I need to get a jump on the aphids. By the time I see aphids on my rosebushes, it's too late. So I need to get them before I can see them. North side of the house is an aphid paradise.
Let's see, what else? That about does it.
I did go out to the farm and did some 'plinking'. That's hillbilly-speak for shooting turtles with a .22. We got about 30 of them. Barely made a dent in the population. I did pull on some waders and picked up 4 big bags of litter. We found green glass bottles from the '50s, several brown Anheuser Busch bottles, hundreds of aluminum and steel cans of beer and soda with brands I have never even heard of. We even found a bottle full of hypodermic needles. That caused quite a scandal. The family has owned that property for over 40 years. Hmmmm.
Anyway, with regards to my last post: Flubberwinkle surprised me. Nicole did not. Bob Hoeppner really surprised me. Zardoz did not.
Thanks everybody.

MsAmber

Turtle Management - an Ecological Dilemma

Out at the farm we have a pond. I like to hike back there and see the pond, maybe dip my feet in it. Look down in it to see how the fish are doing. We have a little overturned canoe on the bank if you feel like rowing out, you can chase down our own version of the Loch Ness Monster: a three foot long grass catfish which no-one has been able to catch. Along one side we have dumped in some branches to give the sunfish some protection against the bass-fish when they nest and make minnows. A couple of years ago, the pond level was high and we watched thousands of sunfish nesting in the shallows. Millions of minnows were produced, ensuring a new generation of sunfish.
We do our best to create a healthy eco-system back there.
Until the turtles had a population boom.
Last weekend I hiked back to the pond and found hundreds of turtles sunning themselves on the banks. The pond level is low and the fish are getting scarce. The scarcity of fish is a direct result of the turtles, but the turtle population growth is a direct result of having such a rich feeding source.
My solution is to hike back there today with my .22 rifle and shoot as many as I can. There is no way I can get them all, but I can randomly commit "population control".
My dilemma comes from speaking to friends (women mainly). They claim that it's cruel. I can make the arguement that it's similar to having a grain silo full of mice, or a cornfield full of crows.
If it makes you feel better, I can demonize them by saying that they are snapping turtles. Mean little cussers who could take a toe off. That seems to make people say "Oh, well in that case, it's ok."
When you manage a micro-ecology sometimes you have to do population control. Sorry. I know it's offensive to think of randomly shooting animals that you aren't going to eat.
Would YOU do it? Do you have another solution? I really want to hear the opinions of:
Nicole
Flubberwinkle
Crall
Mary
Zardoz
Snake

S.P.C.O. Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Owners

So this morning I was putting on a little makeup and my cat Joey jumped up on the sink and made me stab myself in the eye with my mascara brush. Gee, ouch, that's never happened before. Next time I'm poking the cat in the eye. See how HE likes it.

Kidding, really. I'll just shove my mascara brush up his a$$ next time. Wouldn't want anyone to think I'm cruel to my critters. But nobody cares if they're cruel to me. I've had a red weepy eye all day.

Forget S.P.C.A. , I need the S.P.C.O. Society for the prevention of cruelty to owners. I'll have a hard time proving that the animals torture me knowingly and with premeditation. But I assure you they do.

Example number 1:
Joey meets me at the door as I am stumbling in with groceries and fumbling with the locks. He gets directly underfoot, and when I am as precarious as possible, he meowls loudly so I think I have stepped on him so I spin around, hit my foot on the doorjam, drop the groceries and jar myself so hard I think I may have whiplash. Joey escapes unscathed.
Example number 2:
While I am away at work, somebody thinks it's funny to push all knick-nacks to the edge of shelves in the kitchen. So just when I least expect it - BAM! A mason jar falls off the top shelf and narrowly misses braining me upside my skull. It's sabotage, but I can't prove a thing.
Example number 3:
On more than one occasion I have awakened to see a cat's face within inches of my own. Just staring at me in the dark. What is he looking at? Why is he there? What is his motivation? Hmmm?

I think they're out to get me. It's not paranoia, I tell ya, it's real.

What was that? Did you hear something?
Gotta go. I don't think this communication is private anymore.

MsAmber

No Chocolate in da house!

There's not a single m&m to be found in this entire office.
That's just weird, man.
Usually I have to wear blinders throughout the office - monkey no see, monkey no eat.
I just went sharking around everyone's workspaces, looking for one of a hundred hidden m&m dispensers, and I can't find one.
There are some tootsie rolls over there, and my candy dish has starburst fruit chews and some sweettarts. But nothing to satisfy the chocolate monster that has seated himself on my shoulder today.
But wait,
There is half a chocolate sheet cake with whipped non-dairy frosting in the refrigerator. Terrie's birthday was Friday last. Hmmm. I wonder if it's still good?

MsAmber

I Wasn't Tagged by Nicole

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 24 and find line 5:
"...suddenly been compelled to dance around this dimly lit base-..."
May This House Be Safe From Tigers Alexander King

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, what do you find?
My husbands flight bag which he always places in front of the printer. It keeps his maps and flight logbook and any magazine he picks up.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Besides the music channel with it's seldom changing label screen (They really should allow you to download screensavers with that.) Ummm. Last night we watched a sci fi miniseries episode of the DragonKing or Dark Kingdom, or something like that. I dunno, I purge things. I just looked at the DVR menu to remember what we watched and it's been deleted. Must have been unremarkable.

4. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
There is a big speaker right next to my right ear playing "No Goodbyes" by The Subways. I just became aware of it and realized it was jangling my nerves. Thank goodness it ended. Now I hear "Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight" by Amos Lee (I thought it was called "Over The Rainbow") Nice song.

5. When did you last step outside?
I just came inside. I took a couple of gourds out front and primered them with green Rustoleum.

6. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
I can't remember. Another thing I've purged. Must have been unremarkable.

7. What are you wearing?
A brown cotton 3/4 sleeve hippy pullover top with turquoise embroidery and a matching long broomstick skirt and white hanes socks. Brass bangle bracelets and brass colored hoop earrings and a long strand of beads for a necklace. Two barettes in my hair.

8. Did you dream last night?
I'm sure I did. But I don't remember it either. Maybe I purged it? Must have been unremarkable.
(Deja Vu)

9. When did you last laugh?
I was assembling a table with a lamp yesterday at my neice's house. They are all a bunch of comediennes.

10. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Knights and Maidens. Mideival themed framed posters - but you can't really tell. I have two Leightons, two Waterhouses, and a Dicksee. In between spaces I have mounted swords, shields, coat-of-arms, and candle sconces.

11. Seen anything weird lately?
I see weird stuff all the time... I found one of those balls from which an insect is incubated. It was pretty, like a little Easter-egg. I used Rob's pocketknife to show him where these little buggers come from, and dissected it for him. There is a breed of little 'wasps' who fly in and sting a tree. The tree has an allergic reaction to the sting, so it encapsulates the embryo in a 'fruit'. The larvae draws all his nourishment from inside this little pseudo-fruit, and when it is dried out, the little wasp eats his way out, leaving a tiny hole. Next year she will return to the same tree, and sting it several times. So this little dried 'fruit' hull is the evidence. They are pretty little hollow balls, along the lines of a tiny gourd. I think they are kinda cool looking.

12. What do you think of this quiz?
Definitely breaks the boredom.

13. What is the last film you saw?
King Kong. (Again)
We love the dinosaur stampede, that has the coolest special effects we've seen. And it goes on and on.

14. Four people who you’d like to complete this survey:
Flubberwinkle , Flamingo , Drea .

Nice Weekend

What a nice weekend it was. Saturday, I made a pot of black beans and sausage, and played around in the backyard all day. I moved my two foundering azalea bushes over to the shed, and moved some vines over to the trellis. Dug up a silver leafed maple that had started growing too close to the foundation, and moved it to the outside of the fence. I doctored the dogs. Brinka for earmites and Megabyte for his mouth ulcers. We played with Brinka for a long time with her favorite fetch-toy. I cut some coupons and Rob and I handled the grocery shopping.
Around 9:00 Saturday evening, a storm blew in. We opened all the windows and doors, and turned off everything electrical except the refrigerator, Rob and I sat on the couch at opposite ends with blankets on our feet, and talked till 'way after midnight watching the lightning and rain. It was very nice. I lit a couple of oil-lamps and we drank Iced tea and just talked. All the animals safe and quiet, laying in the floor beside us.
Sunday, we washed the van and the car, and drove out to our neice's house just in time to rescue her from a bad furniture-assembly debaucle, we brought sandwiches. Then we drove out to the farm and grabbed the 9mm and a big Vietnam-era rifle, and walked out to the woods. We made our way to the pond, where we saw that the snapping turtle population has gotten out of hand. We knocked off a few turtles, and walked some more to the back of the property. I picked up a few ticks - they love me. I took my boots off and walked barefoot all the way back. The red mud was so soft and cool. I like cold red mud squishing between my toes. Stopped by my sister-in-law's house as we were walking back. I hosed my feet down, but they're still stained red.
We hugged everyone goodbye and drove home, where we medicated and fed the critters, I cooked two game hens and a delicious London broil for lunches this week. We ate one of the hens for supper with carrot sticks dipped in Ranch, and fresh brussel-sprouts.
So, fat-and-sassy we head into another week of thankless labor. I didn't get any laundry washed, or the dogs bathed, or the carpets shampooed, but I had a great weekend.

MsAmber