I shall write of a dream...

The picture is in sepia-tone. There is a hay covered hill with a rutted dirt driveway going up. Halfway up the hill is a big old two story house with wraparound porch. The paint has chipped away mostly, leaving bare weathered wood siding, I'm not even sure that it's not condemned. The driveway continues up the hill past the house. I'm at the bottom of the hill, and trudging upward with a sense of heaviness, and boredom mixed with stoicism. I walk past the house and continue up the hill. There are concrete rectangular pools of murky water, about 10' by 5'. I start feeding my alligators. I know they won't harm me, they are dependent on me. I walk on top of the cement dividers, and throw the food in measures into each pool. I know the alligators are watching me, and I feel annoyed about having to take care of them, but it's a necessary chore. If I stop feeding them then they will be justified in doing me harm, so I take care of them. But I don't have to like it... When I am done, I walk back down to the house. Everything is broken inside. The screen door is hanging off one hinge. The foyer table only has three legs so it's propped against the wall. I put my purse down there on that table. But EVERYTHING in this house is broken in one way or another. Still functioning, but broken. I look into the kitchen from the foyer and through it to the backyard. I have set up all the picnic tables back there in anticipation of company for Thanksgiving dinner. I have set all the food out and it looks beautiful, the wind gently sways the tablecloths and I see a perfectly roasted turkey and all the trimmings, I'm just waiting on company. Suddenly I notice a mound of dirt, then another. It's the damned alligators. They are wearing the mounds of dirt as disguises to sneak up on the Thanksgiving meal. This just really makes me irritated and I decide to finally do something about them: I'm going to shoot them. So I go upstairs to the bedroom where the old man and old woman are still sleeping, and I open the big wooden wardrobe/gun cabinet. I have stocks with no barrels, I have barrels with no stocks, I have rifles without bullets, and bullets that fit no rifles. Everything is broken and I can't put two things together to accomplish this. I look up in the dark and I see a snake trying to crawl up into the bed with the old man and old woman, so I reach out and grab it right behind the head. I squeeze it's head this way and it flexes but it won't squeeze off. I squeeze it's head that way and it flexes but it won't squeeze off. Suddenly I know that I can't squeeze it's head off but I CAN cut it's head off with my silver knife. I look up and ask a boy who's standing there to go get me my purse off the foyer table. He returns with my purse. With one hand I dump the contents on the floor. I have knives - a black one, no, a serrated one, no, all kinds of knives but not my Silver one. How can I cut this snake's head off without my Silver knife! AAAARGH! I stand up, so frustrated, so angry, so powerful, I just can't take it anymore! I blast off through the ceiling with all my destructive energy that I hope the house collapses and implodes. I'm so outta here.

Dogville

I just watched Dogville, starring Nicole Kidman. I feel that I understand intimately the fight to keep your own soul and stay true to your cultivated principles. The rest of the world will exploit you for those principles, while misunderstanding them and trying to break you of them. Grace was tortured immeasurably for her peaceful tolerance and nearly indomitable kind-spirited nature. She believed in forgiveness, and accepting others' behavior as a product of their life and experiences: in other words, she exonerated others for their shortcomings. However, she held herself to another standard, and self-punished for any perceived transgression. She was humble and demonstrated humility in every encounter with the residents of Dogville, and allowed herself to be exploited by each of them, taking the "higher path" every time. The residents of Dogville felt that they were helping her so therefore she owed them a debt, which she paid and paid and paid. I was getting frustrated with her lack of indignance and fight - a little too close to home for me, really. My soul resonated with her passivity and I fought to stay engaged in the movie, rather than introspecting on some of my experiences. I believe I now understand the use of the word "naivete" that has been so often directed at me. But like Grace - I have the uncanny ability to dismiss and move past corporal abuses. I'm sure if I thought on them, I should be vengeful indeed. In the end, she was convinced. Her high-mindedness was a form of arrogance; her personal moral code should be applied universally; and no-one deserves more forgiveness than you reserve for yourself. Of course the residents of Dogville failed these standards miserably and justice was harsh. The movie was intriguing, and I'm feeling a little pensive about it all right now. Is there a lesson in it for me? And - Is it the Right Lesson? After all: who could blame her for what she became - based on her life and experiences? I do love a circular argument...

March 27, 2013

I'm high on life. Springtime is just around the corner, I can smell the early growth in the air. I completed Port Clinton Ohio and hitched up the RV. I had quite a few obstacles. The batteries were dead and I didn't have any electricity to run a vacuum cleaner or water to wash things down, and the slide-out was jammed up, so I just loaded my stuff in it and took off South. First I stopped by my Uncle's place in Kentucky and visited a couple of days. I wrangled pigs and petted dogs and had a very nice visit. He showed me all the projects he's working on - looks like he could use my help and asked if I had any time-off coming up - would I come back and help out? Sure. Then I hitched up and continued the trip back to Norman Oklahoma. I got my new badge, turned in paperwork, met all the new employees that I only knew by name, had lunch with the Safety Coordinator, dropped off all the ladders and tools, and picked up my powerwasher. I took Kandelyn out to lunch and we visited all day - we dropped by Rob's place to say "Hi" and they were in the middle of an electrical crisis - so I figured all that out. My girl Tayla came up to see me with her two little ones. We went to dinner and caught up on the last two years... Then I hitched up and traveled south to Ardmore. I met with my favorite father-figure, it was timely, too. We traded work: I fixed some wiring in my old van that he uses, and he had a friend who came by and re-aligned my slide-out on the RV. He saw my power-washer and lit-up like a lightbulb: That's exactly what I need - that diesel engine needs powerwashed so I can find the leaks, he said. So... today I think I'm powerwashing a diesel engine. LOL. Then, I'm going to hitch up and go back to my Uncle's place in Kentucky and help with a remodel project. I'm off work for about a month. THEN, hopefully, I'm returning to Ft. Indiantown Gap, Pennsylvania to work on the OSP construction portion. AND, it's springtime. I am so glad to see the end of Winter. I feel high as a kite. Okay then. Now you are up-to-date.

Saturday... Yayy.

I'm going to clean house while watching "Across The Universe". Time to start packing and moving stuff back into the RV. We are cabling the last building now, and it's getting close to the time to demobilize. I'm so disorganized. It will take weeks to get all my stuff consolidated, organized, and packed back up. I can't wait to leave here. This has seemed to be a long-ass Winter. I need a sunburn, some heat, a mosquito bite, SOMETHING. Oh how I miss the South. Two years I've been North of the Mason-Dixon. Two Whole Years. Have a great weekend. MsAmber

3 days until exam

I am taking the RCDD exam on Tuesday. I really hope I've studied enough. I am having a real hard time retaining the knowledge. So many numbers, so many vocabulary words, and so much fluffy, useless information that it distracts from the facts I'm supposed to remember. I wish they would hire me to fact-check and rewrite the TDMM. I would be really good at it. In one chapter they say that Insertion Loss will now be referred to as Attenuation, but throughout they use Attenuation as a generic term - not specifically referring to Insertion Loss. And I've found that I really need to go back to school and take algebra...and I feel this strange compulsion to write letters of apology to all my former algebra teachers for not paying attention in class. I didn't hate algebra for being too hard; I hated it because I thought I'd never need it. Seemed like a waste of time. Ha ha ha ha haaaa. Today, I am taking a break from studying and going to the Architectural Artifacts place in Toledo. They claim to have over 30,000 square feet of old building salvage. Windows, doors, mantels, etc: from old buildings that were being demolished or renovated. I love old buildings and the way they were made. We just don't build in quality or unique fixtures anymore - I've been wanting to see this place for several weeks. I need to get dressed in something nice, but warm and comfy. I don't think I have that particular combination in my wardrobe. Maybe I'll just mix it up and go looking like Cyndi Lauper. OMG, I'm so funny today. I am a little excited, a little guilty that I'm wasting precious study-time, and a little tanked on Coffee - it's only 6:45 a.m. here, and I'm already bouncing off the walls. You have a wonderful weekend. Peace, Love, and Understanding. MsAmber

Feelin' pretty good about everything.

I finally found the right insurance. Thank Goodness. I've been arguing with my insurance agency to get me the right coverage and after three years of paying for an "Artisan" policy, the best thing they could come up with was a "Commercial" policy. So I started searching around myself online. I found that "Artisan" means going to multiple jobsites every day. Not true. The commercial policy they recommended has questionnaires that ask: Is this a start-up business? How long have you been in business? There were so many requirements and restrictions that it seemed like there were too many reasons not to get it, plus a high deductible. I just knew there had to be a policy written for us RV'ers that stay out on the road. I found a "Full-Timer's RV policy" through GMAC. It covers my truck, my RV, contents, traveling, RV parts, towing, rental vehicles, they won't leave my trailer on the side of the road if I need towed, etc. A policy that is tailor-made for the full-time RV'er. Like a home-owner's policy: it covers the park-lot that I camp in, contents of a shed, liability if someone falls out my door; nearly every contingency. It's expensive: I knew it would be and I wasn't worried about that. I just wanted the right policy. Also, they will correspond with me by email instead of unreasonably requiring me to receive postal mail. They understand! They "Get It". OMG! Finally! Weirdly enough: it even covers my canopy - which I just replaced last year for $1,100. AND: diminishing deductible, 25% off my deductible every year without a claim. By now I'd have no deductible if I'd found this coverage in the beginning. I spoke with a licensed insurance expert to find all this out. I'm so pleased. Now, I just have to cancel my current insurance. I've already paid for 6 months of the new insurance, starting Feb 1. My current insurance doesn't run out until April. Now, back to studying. The exam is in: 10 Days! OMG! Have a wonderful weekend. Oh, by the way - it's supposed to hit 60 degrees here today. I'm opening the cabin up for some long overdue fresh air. Put on a sweater and get to studying! MsAmber

Countdown to exam.

Aaagh! Only 15 days till my exam! OMG, OMG, OMG! I went to a salon yesterday and got my hair trimmed and an acid-peel facial. When I got home, I laid down to take a quick nap. The cat got up on my bed and started cleaning herself right next to my head. I got frustrated and picked her up to move her, when her claws struck out and she sliced me across the nose. Now I have raw skin and a razor slice across my nose that's bleeding. I'm not sure what I can put on it to keep it from scarring. It's a diagonal slice that goes right through the scar I already have. Today, I must study. I need to do laundry also, but the good news is we are on 8-hour days this week. So I actually can do laundry after work on Monday if I want. I'm going to take a refreshing shower, make a pot of coffee, and get to crackin' on those books. I'm excited and nervous. Have I studied enough? Do I learn as well as I used to? I'm getting to the point where I don't trust my brain anymore. Used to be, I could read something, then take a test and get 100%. Now, that's not the case. I am reading the material, then taking a fake-test, and only getting about 70% of it. Not to mention all the errors in the material to begin with... I know the fill ratios of cable in conduit. The book says something entirely different. If I have to answer by what the book says - I'm in trouble. It says you can put up to 155 cables in a 4 inch sleeve at a 60% fill ratio. I KNOW for a fact that you can only put 96 cables in a 4 inch sleeve and that it's about 80% fill ratio. I don't let my crews make any bundles larger than 96 cables anyway. The weight of the bundle would crush the bottom cables if you went any larger than that. I also know that you can put 12 cables in a 1" sleeve MAXIMUM, 9 is preferred. Then there's the pull-box section. It specifies a 4"X8" pull-box on 1" conduit runs. We usually use 4x4 boxes, sometimes 6X6. I never get pull-boxes that aren't square. For a 4" conduit, it specifies 12"X60" pull-box. Really? A 5-foot-long pull box? A 24X24 box works JUST FINE. If you have more than 96 cables, you need more 4" sleeves or some lay-in basket tray. When I'm designing a closet, I just take the amount of cables and divide by 96, round up for future expansion. I also add-in the backbone and the fiber innerduct, and voila'- I never miss. It's the parts of the books that I disagree with that I remember the best. So maybe I should just disagree with the whole thing! And don't you find it annoying that I have to memorize what YEARS certain entities were incorporated? Bicsi was incorporated in 1977. Prior to 1967 the organization that set the standards in telecommunications was BICS. The EIA/TIA was founded in... Goodness! I'd better memorize who the book was dedicated to: Just In Case it's a bonus question. Peace, Love, and Prosperity. MsAmber

It's 2013.

2013, 2013, 2013, 2013, 2013, 2013, 2013. If I can get used to typing it, I won't mess up on my paperwork and type 2012. I've made myself a pot of Gevalia Coffee, after a few more cups I'll be ready to hit the books. It snowed again yesterday - silently. I can't believe the weekend is over already. All I did was study and drink coffee, and I took myself to dinner at Frisch's Big Boy yesterday evening. I like going there, but they won't let you study - the waitresses are a bit too attentive. Which normally I like, but how many times can you say "I'm fine" in half an hour? Oh, I also re-watched "Cold Mountain". The girls used to say I reminded them of Ruby Thewes in that movie. I get a kick out of the resemblance sometimes... "Alright then". Okay, now for the resolutions: This year I will quit smoking. This year I will see what 6-pack abs look like on me. This year I will earn my RCDD and my PMP. This year I will spend less on "stuff" and pay off my RV. I think four resolutions are enough. It's all do-able. My blog will remove all the line breaks and publish this as one, long, run-on paragraph. I do apologize for that. Just so's you know: I did type it with paragraph breaks and indents and line-items. Have a great New Year! MsAmber