Studying...

I've been reading so much that everything else I see is blurry. Though it is kind of nice and interesting to not be able to see, it's a little disconcerting. I have a romantic view of everything - nothing is in focus. Makes me think of that song "All Day Through The Rain" by Bora Yoon. She says: "Sometimes I like to leave my glasses at home and roam in a warm blur all day through the rain". I didn't stock up well enough to hermit in this weekend. I have to get out and buy more bread and smokes. I dread it: there's snow everywhere and I have to scrape my windshield. Maybe I'll just walk... I've found a lot of mistakes in the TDMM (the study book). They refer to a type of fiber connectors (LC) as Load Coil type connectors, when actually they are Latch Connectors. So will I fail if I correct them on the exam? It's too funny to me. I have my own words to help me remember the connector types: ST= Stab and Twist; SC= Square Click; and LC= Little Click. Works for me. They definitely love their acronyms. We could speak a whole other language based on acronyms. Frankly, I think acronyms are lazy. Like text messaging - I refuse to abbreviate in a text message. Like the ENTs say: "Anything worth saying is worth taking a long time to say it". Okay - I had to throw a Hobbit reference in there somewhere. You'd expect nothing less from me... Have a great New Year. Peace, Love, and Understanding. MsAmber

Looking for a project.

I've noticed lately that my thoughts regress too often to the negative. I'm not able to hang on to the "sunny side". I can blame it on the time of the year, the time of the month, or even on the amount of obstacles that keep diving into my path. But it seems that I'm missing something... something of vital importance. A Goal. I know that I tend to look backwards when I don't have something to look forward to... I did schedule my RCDD exam for the 22nd of January. That's a small goal. I can divert my spare energy into studying and preparing for that. I don't think it's enough though... I need a brain-diversion. Something so exciting that it occupies my dreams and waking daydreams. A Great Big Project. I'm thinking of buying a House. A project-house. A fixer-upper. Something that I can focus my energy and my budget into, with a future promise of returns or even a future place to call home. The only problem is: Where? I could live anywhere actually - I just haven't decided yet. As much as I know about the whole United States, I could pick someplace Geographically sensible. South-Eastern Oklahoma is very appealing, and it's midway between two major cities, but it's not very fertile. I could pick an old-country, mountainous setting - Kentucky, Virginia, or Tennessee. I kinda like the idea of a good sized wooded lot, maybe 15 miles away from a town, or an old house with 3+ acres or so on the outskirts of a town. Enough land to enjoy but not so much that it becomes burdensome. I know I couldn't be within a town, because I'm not all that capable of keeping the front lawn mowed and other "zoning" issues that may come up when I'm out working for months at a time. I'm fond of places in Arkansas; Missouri; Oklahoma; Louisiana; Tennessee; Kentucky; South Carolina; Ohio; Virginia; and Alabama. Well, THAT narrows it down...LOL. The place must have Water. A well or a pond. I don't want to be on anyone's city water, or at least have an option not to be. That's definitely a particular concern of mine. Water is important. I don't want to be isolated or hidden in the back-40. I'm not looking for a hermit-lodge, but at one time I thought I would like that. The house need not be Huge, but it needs to be interesting. Strange floor plan, or unusual architecture, something interesting and challenging. I abhor square houses and sheetrock. Yeah, I know... Bonus points for: porches, courtyards, windows, open floor plans, round rooms, root-cellars, usable attics, 8-foot ceilings, trees, oil-fired heat, detached garage, and flat yard space.

Facebook: A tutorial

Facebook: A tutorial. 1. When you join facebook, you basically have two screens. One is your “Wall”, where people can share information directly with you by “Writing/posting on your Wall”, or by selecting something on their own facebook, clicking share, and selecting or typing in your name. 2. The “Wall” is what visitors to your facebook page see, along with a few menu items like: Friends, Photos, Maps, or “Likes”. The visitor can click on the menu items and check out your photos, or places you’ve pinpointed to have been, or anything you have “Liked”. They CAN ALSO browse through the people you have “Friended”. 3. If they browse through your friends, and let’s say: They see “George” on there and they want to see what “George” is up to on Facebook, based on HIS privacy settings: (Friends Only or Public). They can click and Facebook will either show a minimal screen with his name and description and a button that says Content restricted to Friends Only, Do you know “George”, if so click here to send him a friend request. Or if his privacy settings are Public, then they will be able to see “George” and the activity on his “Wall”. They could then click through George’s friends (and his friends’ friends) and keep going ad-finitem. It’s generally considered in bad taste to just cruise through friends’ friend lists. (You are friends with George who is friends with Amy who is related to Josh who broke up with my sister…) There is truly only 6-degrees of separation between any two people on this entire earth, social networking has made that painfully clear. 4. The other screen that YOU have access to is called “Home”. “Home” is like an RSS feed where you can see all the activity on all the facebooks of all your friends in one place. Your friends do not see your “Home”, so it’s not like a billboard service. When you respond to something “George” posted on HIS wall from your “Home” page, it will show up on George’s “Wall”. 5. In essence: The only way I could be an embarrassment to you on Facebook would be A: Post something offensive on your “Wall”. B: Share something offensive with you specifically. C: One of your friends snooping through your friends list and clicked on me and was shocked at my “Wall”. (Probably shouldn’t happen, but yes, it could. My privacy settings are set to Public.) There is also this option to “hide” status updates from people who are annoying: Just copy and paste into your browser – it’s safe. http://www.askdavetaylor.com/how_to_screen_filter_out_facebook_status_updates.html I don’t get the status updates from all my friends, because frankly, some of them are so active that it bores me to death to get through their “Farmville” requests and irrelevant chatter. So I just GO to their facebook page every once in a while to catch up on what’s going on, then I’m satisfied that everyone is safe, reasonably happy, and it’s “snafu”. Realizing that you probably don’t share my sense of humor or have anything in common with the life that I live, I understand that you perceive my updates out of context. Kind of like when Grandma was concerned that I was joining a cult when I announced the “End of the World, Zombie apocalypse” for the last day of my project. And, yes, in polite company, I may even be inappropriate – so I understand completely why you “Unfriended” me. However, in my defense, I work in construction, with men, I wear boots and get dirty and enjoy a beer now and again, so I don’t really hang with the “Sesame Street” crowd and probably never will. I cuss a little, but not too much. I think I’m a normal, red-blooded, blue-collar, underpaid, hard-working, good-hearted woman. Anybody who doesn’t get that or doesn’t like it can kiss my Gluteus Maximus.

Elevated frustration level Orange

What I want to say: "I am going above and beyond the call of duty in working for you. I have been working without the support I should have - which you signed this document stating that you would provide. You continuously ask for more, then act like you have every right to expect it from me, turning the situation around to always make it seem like I haven't been doing my job correctly. I am making compromises that get me in trouble with my own bosses because you don't know the restrictions that THEY place on me. You want what you want no matter how unreasonable, and no-body in your organization will stand up for me against you, so I'm stuck between seeming uncooperative with you or displeasing my bosses. What you need to understand is this: I don't mind taking responsibility, I don't mind going above and beyond, I don't mind working WITH you to really make this project a success, and I have no problem taking a certain amount of heat from my bosses for giving a bit more than is required. In fact, all my projects have been very successful. I just want you to consider that I have many more responsibilities that you don't see: I have decisions to make that require not only knowledge of my trade, but knowledge of contractual obligations and restrictions. I am responsible for the overall project and the daily needs of 11 people. I am 100% dedicated to the successful completion of this project. However: If you believe that I am not qualified to manage this project, then I urge you to report this to my superiors and allow them to move me to another and replace me on this one. But I assure you that anyone else would not do as much or be as accommodating as I have been, or provide you this quality of work." Instead, I say: "Yes Sir, I'll see what I can do."

Amnesia pill

I'm not insecure. Never really have been. I mean, I have my moments of doubt - wondering if I'm too far gone for a real relationship, but it's only temporary. I know that I'm kind, independent, fair-looking, competent, generous, adventurous, funny, bold, intelligent, loyal, etc. What the real problem seems to be is that I don't feel love. I don't trust - anyone. Even those who DO love me, can't get me to see it. I am subject to temporary infatuations. They usually last about 18 months, then it's over. I'm sure that it has much to do with my childhood and being betrayed by those who were supposed to love and nurture me, broke my ability to trust. How do you get that back? And don't tell me to go see a shrink, a shrink would just make me re-hash all the memories I've tried so hard to put behind me. I'm not looking to dust off all the bad things in my life and re-live them. I'm looking for an amnesia pill. Make me forget so that I can see the rainbows and flowers again. It's the last thing I need to do for myself. Learn to trust. How do you learn to trust?