November 28, 2007

Rob and I have decided to divorce. It was a mutual decision and there are no arguments or animosity. We are trying to remain friends, but it's hard to see each other right now. Much less talk about anything.

It's been a wonderful 6 years. Wouldn't trade them for anything. But now it's over and I'm getting my spark back.

Have you ever noticed that when you are in a relationship you begin to get squeezed into someone else's mold of what you should be? It starts small enough: little things like shaving your legs or making sure you clean the hair out of your hairbrush because he can't stand it. Then, before you know it, you have to say "I love you" on queue. He says "I love you", then YOU have to say it back (even though at that moment you are actually wondering how he would look as a corpse).

I am an individual. Why do people think that two people getting together become one person? Can't they be two people, together?

I don't want to be "changed" by someone. I don't need to be fixed, I'm not broken. I like who I am. I am honest, hard working, funny, smart, and I have long hair that gets stuck in the hairbrush. I also have stubby pinky-toes, I have a tendency to be chubby, I get scratched up and bruised at work, I wear my toolbelt with pride, I hate shaving my legs, I'm a caffeine addict, I smoke too much, I don't brush my hair enough, I repeat myself, I make good money, I snore, I grind my teeth, I leave dishes in the sink, and I cuss sometimes.

Oh...freakin'...well!

MsAmber

November 23, 2007

I've been playing with my guitar lately. I had set it aside because I felt like I wasn't making any progress. Now, I've started at page 1 and read and practiced all the way up to page 10, and that's about when it lost me. I need to hear someone play the tune I'm stuck on, so I know what it's supposed to sound like.
I gave up on learning tabulature and decided to learn how to read music at the same time I'm learning how to play the guitar. Only now, I don't have the benefit of a teacher to ask questions of.
So... I'll just keep on practicing the early fundamentals until I can figure out the next part.
I've always imagined myself playing the guitar. Fantasizing about it, actually. Me with my long blonde hair sitting indian-style by a campfire and singing funny old songs like "Big Rock-Candy Mountains". So I'm going to learn how to play the guitar. Period. No more procrastinating, I've got nothing but time and I'm out of good books to read.
Anyway, I gotta get back after it... I'm on the third string.

Hugs and jack-o'-lanterns,
MsAmber

Shreveport Thanksgiving

So, here I sit in Shreveport for Thanksgiving.
I've always loved Louisiana. I have traveled all over the United States and have seen some beautiful places, but Louisiana has always stayed in the back of my mind as a place I want to live someday. I like the people, the food, the trees and the swamps. My daily commute to the city never has a traffic-backup. Everyone smiles and says "Good Morning". The poverty is fairly depressing to see, but the attitudes of the people are generally cheerful. There are birds and squirrels running around all the time. My apartment is on the second floor so the view from my bedroom is all trees. A big patch of trees. The wind started to blow and big black clouds were rolling in yesterday evening so I opened the windows and just watched. I felt electrified. It reminded me of when I used to watch the animals dance in the wind.
Have you ever seen wind-dancing?
Horses, goats, and sometimes dogs will start prancing and spinning and dancing around in the wind. I used to join them and start spinning and dancing in the wind with wild abandon. I'm sure anyone watching would have thought I fell off my rocker, but it's invigorating.
I used to explain to children that wind is important. It knocks the leaves off the trees before winter, it prunes the trees in the winter, it spreads seeds and pollen in the summer, and in the Springtime it opens up the 'veins' so the sap can rise in the trees. So when you view the wind from that perspective, you can really enjoy it.
The other day I pulled through a parking-lot that had some cottonwood trees shedding. It was awesome to see all the white fluff flying around. Wish I could have gotten out of the truck and just watched for a while. It was quite a sight.
I'll be in Shreveport for about 9 months. I am installing a new PBX in the VA Hospital. It seems like it's going to be a fairly easy install. I'm glad I get to see Autumn, Winter, Spring and Summer here. There are a lot of trees and you all know how much I love my trees! Mostly ancient Oaks, but some long-needle Pines and lace-leaf Elm scattered about. It's going to be a great time here.
I think I'll spend New Years' in New Orleans this year!

Ya'll have a great Thanksgiving.

MsAmber

Interesting tidbits

I just took a walk down memory lane. I cleaned out my jewelry box. I found mementos, tarnished jewelry, "things that are important only to me", and lagniappe.
I have:
a miniature turtle shell - given to me by a little girl who used to go plinking with me.
...a full set of baby teeth - I was the tooth fairy for an adored stepson many years ago.
...a silver cross - given to me by an older couple who entertained me on many a Sunday-after-church-buffet.
...a copper ring that a construction worker cut off the end of a pipe and presented to me on a jobsite years ago. I deburred it with a round file and scratched my initials around it.
...two zippos that need flints and fuel.
...two torch lighters that have flashing LEDs, but are empty of fuel.
...a silver-and-turquoise lighter cover and a custom made lighter cover.
...a waterproof container of matches and a snake-bite kit.
...dozens of miscellaneous buttons (buttons that fell off, and spare buttons that come in a little zip-baggie attached to most clothes from "Ross".)
...an antique rouge container by Cara Nome from Langlois New York.
...a 1920's gold Gruen watch with a broken crystal. I bought it about 17 years ago at a junk auction.
...two little plastic aliens. One is purple. The other is a yellow alien surfing on a missile holding up a "welcome" sign.
...plastic statue of "Pinkie". (From "Pinkie and The Brain" cartoon show, DUH!)
...a bubble-gum-machine ring that has a big pink stone surrounded by clear stones and it's completely adjustable to all ring sizes. A present from the aforementioned stepson.
...my silver-and-turquoise baby ring. I'll have to tell a funny story about it sometime...
...a flashing Budweiser pin.
...a flashing American flag pin.
...a "Future Homemakers of America" pin.
...an owl pin and the spectacles raise up and down.
...a green MDA shamrock pin.

There are many more items, they don't have any rhyme or reason, they just ARE. And I cannot seem to be able to part with any of these things.
Someday maybe.