So this morning I was putting on a little makeup and my cat Joey jumped up on the sink and made me stab myself in the eye with my mascara brush. Gee, ouch, that's never happened before. Next time I'm poking the cat in the eye. See how HE likes it.
Kidding, really. I'll just shove my mascara brush up his a$$ next time. Wouldn't want anyone to think I'm cruel to my critters. But nobody cares if they're cruel to me. I've had a red weepy eye all day.
Forget S.P.C.A. , I need the S.P.C.O. Society for the prevention of cruelty to owners. I'll have a hard time proving that the animals torture me knowingly and with premeditation. But I assure you they do.
Example number 1:
Joey meets me at the door as I am stumbling in with groceries and fumbling with the locks. He gets directly underfoot, and when I am as precarious as possible, he meowls loudly so I think I have stepped on him so I spin around, hit my foot on the doorjam, drop the groceries and jar myself so hard I think I may have whiplash. Joey escapes unscathed.
Example number 2:
While I am away at work, somebody thinks it's funny to push all knick-nacks to the edge of shelves in the kitchen. So just when I least expect it - BAM! A mason jar falls off the top shelf and narrowly misses braining me upside my skull. It's sabotage, but I can't prove a thing.
Example number 3:
On more than one occasion I have awakened to see a cat's face within inches of my own. Just staring at me in the dark. What is he looking at? Why is he there? What is his motivation? Hmmm?
I think they're out to get me. It's not paranoia, I tell ya, it's real.
What was that? Did you hear something?
Gotta go. I don't think this communication is private anymore.
MsAmber
Bad Poetry?
- MsAmber
- I am complex, yet simple. I am hearty and frail. I am selfish and generous. I let my emotions prevail. I want to make some sense of it. Of Life, and Love, and God. I want to bring back the simple things. I know that makes me odd. But if you'll stay and read awhile maybe you'll start to see. Then maybe I can share with you a little part of me. MsAmber
4 comments:
I got a cat. My first cat. From a friend. Took it to the vet. Had fleas. And acute gingivitis. Needed surgery, so got some bloodwork. Discovered diabetes.
I ain't got no cat no mo.
MsAmber...you've been linked!
~ch
The cat looking at you in the dark is the lookout whilst the other critters are up to no good elsewhere in the house.
:-D
the mascara brush sounds painful. I always poke myself in the eye with it!
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