Why I Can't Be President - Reason #1

I can't control my face.
Yep, that's what I said.

When I see news reports about G.W.Bush, everybody is picking on his facial expressions. I realize that I HAVE A PROBLEM. It's not like I would roll my eyes at the Leader of China or anything, I just have a very expressionable face. I'm a clown when I get nervous.

This is serious.

The media would tear me up. My face would be photoshopped and plastered all over the comic strips.

The political cartoons would make a mockery of my beautiful nose, which would give me a complex and I would be forced to have rhinoplasty, which would then start a whole new line of jokes. Gee, I can't win.

I hear there is a treatment that might help me control my facial expressions.
Botox injections.
Botulism, as I have always understood it, is caused by not removing the blossom end from green beans when you can them, and also, not getting the beans up to temperature for enough time. My mother told me that it was the biggest danger facing young mothers who are canning for the first time.
That, and cooking dried peas in a pressure canner, when the Gunk clogs the steamer spout, too much pressure builds up and it blows out the sides of the seal with green pea sauce.
Anyway, most of you aren't interested in a lesson in canning your own food right now, you are here to find out why *I* can't be your President someday.

(You're disappointed, I know.)
Well, botulism is a toxic nerve agent. So the big brains in some laboratory somewhere figured out which exact toxin in botulism and how much of it, can be injected shallowly in your face to paralyze the little muscles that make expressions. They named it Botox.
See, if you go long enough without expressions, your wrinkles will fill in with hydration. Puffy face, kinda.
Voila' A younger you.
Ok, I now know that I might can get around the facial expression thing with Botox injections. I can claim it's for migraines and America just might go for it.
I didn't think about Tom Cruise. He might start something. Hmmm. (Note to self: Have Tom Cruise eliminated before running for Office.)
Hey, It's possible. I COULD run for President after all!
Okay, first excuse eliminated.
But I have several more...