2013 and 2014 Recap...

I made a huge mistake and a few smaller ones... May 2012 through March 2013 - I was on top of the world. Had a great job, traveled, earned big money. I worked all the time, paid my bills, gave money away, I was a huge tipper, I paid for repairs that I could've handled myself. I had respect at work, and lots of stress and responsibility. Then, I met a man who flattered me. He listened to me, he engaged me, he did all kinds of little things that I like: he played the guitar, he stoked the campfires, he joked and made me laugh, he encouraged me to go out and have fun more and work less. I was dating someone else at the time, but he was seemingly always around. I went on a few group outings, kayaking, with other campers at the RV park and he was the host. He taught me how to golf. He would ride by my campsite on his bicycle and ask if I wanted to go for a trail ride - which I did. The second year - March 2013, I returned to the same campground and there he was, waiting for me. We started seeing each other, and quickly he moved into my bedroom and never left. He took over my life. We got married on June 16th, 2013; it was a spontaneous decision, and not well thought out. He campaigned for me to quit my job, subtly at first, then more and more insistent. He would get angry when my phone rang in the evenings. He displayed mock-outrage at my work that called me at all hours, telling me that it's not right, I need to set limits with my job. Then his needling about how much money I deserve over what I get paid for all the hours I put in (Yes, I was on salary). He made some good points, but I let him get into my head. He created a mental picture of a future partnership where WE could work less and play more and maintain. He always seemed to be outraged by my work-related stresses, and he worked diligently towards convincing me that life doesn't have to be tackled alone. I felt that he was on my side, that he was advocating FOR me. He told me that work was winding down for him in Pennsylvania, but that he could work in Aiken, South Carolina in the winter. So I put in my two weeks' notice and lined up a job in Columbia, South Carolina for myself. I never let him pay a single thing for me, not even a restaurant meal, so I paid the entire cost to move us both down to South Carolina, and I started working at a new company. From September 2013 through December 2013, he never sought employment. I worked and he consumed. He was like a hungry baby. I couldn't keep up with his needs. He wasted all my resources, and became sullen and hostile. I talked with him about this, it's one of my major peeves to come home to hostility, and one that I wouldn't tolerate long. He was also getting angry with me when my phone rang after-hours for work, and starting his campaign against my work hours, pay rate, co-workers, and my responsibilities. I continued to work in spite of his objections and hostility - but it was really grinding on me. Early December, I lost my job due to a contract negotiation. From September, however, he had his own computer,(password protected) but during the day he snuck into MY computer (not password protected): he searched through my pictures and documents, logged in to my Facebook and read through all my posts and chats, read my WildernessGirl blog from 2005, logged into my Verizon online account and analyzed my call records and copied down phone numbers for my friends, coworkers, and exes. Read all my sent and received emails on my yahoo account. THIS is what he was doing all day while I worked. I had no idea. In October of 2013 he picked a fight over my call logs and that's how I found out about it. I forgave him after he explained that he was just depressed for being out of work and it was silly and he would never do it again, and promised that he would go find a job. By December, he was still sneaking and doing it and hadn't even looked for a job. December 17th, I kicked him out. It was all I could do to keep up with the bills and he wasn't helping. I called an old friend and borrowed a truck payment, promising to pay it back as quickly as I could. Amazing - the week I kicked him out he got a job. He called and kept apologizing for his behavior and wanted to help me out with the rent or the cellphone bill. I let him pay the cellphone bill, (not the rent or the truck payment or the rv payment), and I accepted his apology and let him move back in. January 2014, he found a better job as a horse keeper at a large farm that provided housing. This would take me too far away from Columbia to commute, but surely there were other opportunities for me in Aiken? We discussed it and moved to Longleaf Plantation in Springfield South Carolina. There, he was paid with a two bedroom house, all utilities included, and a salary of $400/week. I moved in with him and parked the RV. I first found a job as a cashier at a convenience store, but he had a fit when I was asked to work on a Sunday - he wanted me to have the same days off as he did. I had to quit. I started working at Longleaf Plantation running a chainsaw for $300/wk. A lot of manual labor for substandard wages, but at least it was something. My paychecks went into HIS bank account. I got behind on the truck payment, the rv payment and the cellphone payment. I kept the insurance paid, however. I knew that if it lapsed, he wouldn't let me get it back - he doesn't have insurance and probably never will. Finally tax time came. I filed my taxes and as soon as the amount hit my bank, I paid back the loan from my friend, and caught up on my back bills - truck and cellphone. He picked a big fight over paying my friend back, and tried to throw me out. He threw all my things down the stairs into a big pile in the kitchen and I started packing. I told him to stop, that I would get it, then he turned the conversation around to where I was leaving him - it was my own choice, my own fault, etc. He's not making me leave - it's my own choice. So, I didn't leave. The RV payment was overdue - I couldn't pay it, and the collection agency refused to work with me on moving payments to the end where I could be current, so I told them to come and get it. Repossession of my RV/home. Then comes the day that I graduated to a bigger chainsaw. The 16" chainsaw. I was working in the swamp with chest waders, cutting down oaks and climbing through muck and mud over stumps in the cold for $300/wk. I was sore when I got home. He wanted some affection, I told him I was too tired and my shoulders hurt - he got angry and promised to have me fired! He raised a big stink over it with our boss, that I was being worked too hard, it was dangerous, etc. Our boss came and talked to me and told me to just not tell my husband when I'm sore from work. That's when I discovered I was now a hostage. I was broke, unemployed, and obligated to have sex to appease my angry husband or there would be repercussions! How the hell did this happen? His boss offered me $100 to powerwash his new boat. I own a 3300 psi powerwasher which I had been trying to sell to pay bills. Gladly, I powerwashed that thing better than anyone ever powerwashed anything in the history of powerwashing. He taunted me the entire time I was working. Called me a brown-noser for doing a good job, I called him on his taunting and asked him what his freaking problem was. Angry words were said, he was very close to my face when he said "Thank Christ you never had any kids!" and I hauled off and slapped him. Then he told me to get out, get out of his life, he was sick of my shit. We ran to the house and he grabbed my stuff and threw it down the stairs into the kitchen and started hauling it outside. He threw my stuff into the front yard. He threw dirty rugs on my crate of toiletries, and broke the glass on one of my pictures. I told him I needed to pack my stuff, but he was violent and angry and screaming at me. I grabbed what I could fit into the truck, and my dog. I didn't have time to sort out what was important and I didn't have room for everything. I got my clothes and bedding - the truck was already loaded with most of my tools - it was a shortbed crewcab. His boss walked up and said "I'm sorry.", and I replied "Oh, it's alright, I wasn't even completely unpacked from the last time he threw me out." May 6, 2014 - I drove off with my $100 and an empty tank, my clothes and dog, and somehow I even managed to get my kayak in there. I went to beg at a friend's house in Columbia. I was unemployed, homeless, facing repossession of my truck, with a load of jumbled up clothes and tools - and my dog. I've never been so low. Then, it started: I found a job after one week, and posted the update to my LinkedIn. He started calling my work - since there are two locations he was directed to HR. Initially, he was asking for my address to send flowers, then when he got someone important: informing them that he's my husband. I got a phonecall from my new boss asking what this was about, and I had to explain that I am in exodus from an ex-husband. He opened a LinkedIn account to follow me. He harassed me on Facebook - I unfriended him. He harassed me on messages - I blocked him. I joined a kayaking meetup group, went to one event, then he joined the group and messaged me: "See you there!" He called me on my company cellphone every weekend - sometimes 7 times a day. If I didn't answer, he would leave threatening voicemails - "Don't make me call your work! You won't like it!" He put a watermark on some of the photos of me that I had been using on Facebook and sent threatening emails for me to take them down - he consulted with a lawyer about his "intellectual property". He called all my exes - including my first boyfriend from 1985, and the guy I was dating that first year we met, and tried to garner support. He read a book called "Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers", and proclaimed that I have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He wrote letters to the author and forwarded me the responses. I finally told him that I am seeing someone else and to leave me alone. He began a smear campaign and is trying to prove that I am an adulteress. Threatened me that I could face a $500 fine and wanted to prosecute me. He wrote an email to my ex-husband "informing" him that I had an affair before OUR divorce was final - my ex said: "Yes, I know, get over it, I did." To which he responded something like: Thanks for the information - I'll use it in court to prove my case. He calls and hints that he has insider information "Now that you have your shed built, would you like some of your things, like the cedar chest?" In May 2015 we will have been separated one full year, which makes us eligible for the "No-Fault Divorce" in South Carolina. I have offered to pay for this: after we have lived separate and apart for one year. He has decided to take advantage of my financial straits and push for a divorce for "cause". He has always been obsessed with the idea that all of his exes committed adultery, and he would love nothing more than to have this in writing so that he can wave it around like a flag. "Adultery" is not the cause of the divorce. "Constructive Desertion" is a valid cause. He will not get the divorce faster with his "cause", his intention here is to discredit me and possibly give me a criminal record (misdemeanor). The Divorce papers I received in the mail have an interesting blackmail clause: "9. Plaintiff is informed and believes that if Defendant contests any issues regarding the divorce that he is entitled to attorney's fees and costs for this action. WHEREFORE, Plaintiff prays that he be granted a divorce a vinculo matrimonii based upon the ground of adultery; that he be awarded attorney's fees and costs for this action if Defendant contests any issues regarding this action; and for such other and further relief as this Court may deem just and proper." So, am I to just agree and sign the divorce to bring a quick end to this, and deal with his flag waving and possible criminal record? Do I contest this and risk having to PAY to be insulted?