Bad Poetry?
- MsAmber
- I am complex, yet simple. I am hearty and frail. I am selfish and generous. I let my emotions prevail. I want to make some sense of it. Of Life, and Love, and God. I want to bring back the simple things. I know that makes me odd. But if you'll stay and read awhile maybe you'll start to see. Then maybe I can share with you a little part of me. MsAmber
Monday, October 27, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
October 2008
Sooo. Been awhile huh?
As I creep nearer to my 38th birthday, I'm finding myself staring hard into the mirror. The deep shadows and circles under my eyes are probably why I don't get carded when I purchase my Smirnoffs at the convenience store.
I don't really feel 38, but I'm beginning to realize that I look very much like 38.
How did this happen?
Nope, nevermind. I really don't want to think about my Mother having intercourse. (Probably on an orange shag carpet, beads and bellbottoms cast aside...){{{shudder}}}
I'm just feeling a little weird about things right now.
I'm on the road working still. I travel around and install telecommunications' stuff. Mainly in VA hospitals, Air Force Bases, or Oil Refineries.
This week finds me in Amarillo Texas. I had to install a DC power plant this past weekend. It was a 24 hour marathon of identifying, swinging, dressing, reterminating, heat shrinking, labeling, and connecting all the devices in the telephone room to the new power bay. It was good. Everything went as planned. Tomorrow I have to ensure the removal and disposal of all the old batteries and procure an EPA disposal certificate, hook up and test all of the alarm leads, and move some received equipment to another storage facility. Then I'm free to drive back to Ponca City where I'm helping to cable 33 buildings in an Oil Refinery.
I love my job. I really do.
But I'm considering joining the Peace Corps. I need more than what I'm getting. Sure, I get paid well. But where's the validation?
See, I have no children. I don't get the warm-fuzzy feeling at the end of the day that what I achieved has any meaning. I'm in a rut.
I don't want to simply attach myself to a man, so I can get a warm-fuzzy that I made his days better. I couldn't grab up a few children so that I can get a warm-fuzzy that I made their days better. So right now I simply live for me and my dog. I suppose I should be happy with that. We're doing just fine.
But what if?
Now I'm stuck, cursor blinking.blink.blink.blink.
Wrinkles and shadows.
Peace Corps.
Validation for hard work.
Meaning-of-life crap.
My sleep schedule is all messed up. I worked the 24 hours straight, then I watched a movie and went to sleep. Woke up at 6:00 pm and couldn't sleep all night. Here it is: Sunday night at 11:15 pm and I know I have to go to work tomorrow, lots to do, and if I finish reasonably I can drive back to Oklahoma (6 hours), and my sleep schedule will still be messed up.
Pretty bad for a girl who normally leaps out of bed at 5:15.
Oh yeah. And I'm in full blown PMS. Back aches, bloated, cramping, homicidal...
My brakes in the truck were failing at random. I went to Meineke and got a new master cylinder installed. $148.00. That's the going price for my life right now: $148.00.
I went to an online how-did-we-do-survey-to-win site with my gasoline receipt and let them have it about the lack of squeegees and windshield washer fluid at their gas stations. It would be totally ironic if I won their $2000.00 gas card. I'll find out on January 9, 2009.
Yep. I'll be 38 in just 4 days. Woo Hoo. Whoopie. Yee Haw.
Later peeps.
MsAmber
As I creep nearer to my 38th birthday, I'm finding myself staring hard into the mirror. The deep shadows and circles under my eyes are probably why I don't get carded when I purchase my Smirnoffs at the convenience store.
I don't really feel 38, but I'm beginning to realize that I look very much like 38.
How did this happen?
Nope, nevermind. I really don't want to think about my Mother having intercourse. (Probably on an orange shag carpet, beads and bellbottoms cast aside...){{{shudder}}}
I'm just feeling a little weird about things right now.
I'm on the road working still. I travel around and install telecommunications' stuff. Mainly in VA hospitals, Air Force Bases, or Oil Refineries.
This week finds me in Amarillo Texas. I had to install a DC power plant this past weekend. It was a 24 hour marathon of identifying, swinging, dressing, reterminating, heat shrinking, labeling, and connecting all the devices in the telephone room to the new power bay. It was good. Everything went as planned. Tomorrow I have to ensure the removal and disposal of all the old batteries and procure an EPA disposal certificate, hook up and test all of the alarm leads, and move some received equipment to another storage facility. Then I'm free to drive back to Ponca City where I'm helping to cable 33 buildings in an Oil Refinery.
I love my job. I really do.
But I'm considering joining the Peace Corps. I need more than what I'm getting. Sure, I get paid well. But where's the validation?
See, I have no children. I don't get the warm-fuzzy feeling at the end of the day that what I achieved has any meaning. I'm in a rut.
I don't want to simply attach myself to a man, so I can get a warm-fuzzy that I made his days better. I couldn't grab up a few children so that I can get a warm-fuzzy that I made their days better. So right now I simply live for me and my dog. I suppose I should be happy with that. We're doing just fine.
But what if?
Now I'm stuck, cursor blinking.blink.blink.blink.
Wrinkles and shadows.
Peace Corps.
Validation for hard work.
Meaning-of-life crap.
My sleep schedule is all messed up. I worked the 24 hours straight, then I watched a movie and went to sleep. Woke up at 6:00 pm and couldn't sleep all night. Here it is: Sunday night at 11:15 pm and I know I have to go to work tomorrow, lots to do, and if I finish reasonably I can drive back to Oklahoma (6 hours), and my sleep schedule will still be messed up.
Pretty bad for a girl who normally leaps out of bed at 5:15.
Oh yeah. And I'm in full blown PMS. Back aches, bloated, cramping, homicidal...
My brakes in the truck were failing at random. I went to Meineke and got a new master cylinder installed. $148.00. That's the going price for my life right now: $148.00.
I went to an online how-did-we-do-survey-to-win site with my gasoline receipt and let them have it about the lack of squeegees and windshield washer fluid at their gas stations. It would be totally ironic if I won their $2000.00 gas card. I'll find out on January 9, 2009.
Yep. I'll be 38 in just 4 days. Woo Hoo. Whoopie. Yee Haw.
Later peeps.
MsAmber
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