Facebook: A tutorial

Facebook: A tutorial. 1. When you join facebook, you basically have two screens. One is your “Wall”, where people can share information directly with you by “Writing/posting on your Wall”, or by selecting something on their own facebook, clicking share, and selecting or typing in your name. 2. The “Wall” is what visitors to your facebook page see, along with a few menu items like: Friends, Photos, Maps, or “Likes”. The visitor can click on the menu items and check out your photos, or places you’ve pinpointed to have been, or anything you have “Liked”. They CAN ALSO browse through the people you have “Friended”. 3. If they browse through your friends, and let’s say: They see “George” on there and they want to see what “George” is up to on Facebook, based on HIS privacy settings: (Friends Only or Public). They can click and Facebook will either show a minimal screen with his name and description and a button that says Content restricted to Friends Only, Do you know “George”, if so click here to send him a friend request. Or if his privacy settings are Public, then they will be able to see “George” and the activity on his “Wall”. They could then click through George’s friends (and his friends’ friends) and keep going ad-finitem. It’s generally considered in bad taste to just cruise through friends’ friend lists. (You are friends with George who is friends with Amy who is related to Josh who broke up with my sister…) There is truly only 6-degrees of separation between any two people on this entire earth, social networking has made that painfully clear. 4. The other screen that YOU have access to is called “Home”. “Home” is like an RSS feed where you can see all the activity on all the facebooks of all your friends in one place. Your friends do not see your “Home”, so it’s not like a billboard service. When you respond to something “George” posted on HIS wall from your “Home” page, it will show up on George’s “Wall”. 5. In essence: The only way I could be an embarrassment to you on Facebook would be A: Post something offensive on your “Wall”. B: Share something offensive with you specifically. C: One of your friends snooping through your friends list and clicked on me and was shocked at my “Wall”. (Probably shouldn’t happen, but yes, it could. My privacy settings are set to Public.) There is also this option to “hide” status updates from people who are annoying: Just copy and paste into your browser – it’s safe. http://www.askdavetaylor.com/how_to_screen_filter_out_facebook_status_updates.html I don’t get the status updates from all my friends, because frankly, some of them are so active that it bores me to death to get through their “Farmville” requests and irrelevant chatter. So I just GO to their facebook page every once in a while to catch up on what’s going on, then I’m satisfied that everyone is safe, reasonably happy, and it’s “snafu”. Realizing that you probably don’t share my sense of humor or have anything in common with the life that I live, I understand that you perceive my updates out of context. Kind of like when Grandma was concerned that I was joining a cult when I announced the “End of the World, Zombie apocalypse” for the last day of my project. And, yes, in polite company, I may even be inappropriate – so I understand completely why you “Unfriended” me. However, in my defense, I work in construction, with men, I wear boots and get dirty and enjoy a beer now and again, so I don’t really hang with the “Sesame Street” crowd and probably never will. I cuss a little, but not too much. I think I’m a normal, red-blooded, blue-collar, underpaid, hard-working, good-hearted woman. Anybody who doesn’t get that or doesn’t like it can kiss my Gluteus Maximus.

Elevated frustration level Orange

What I want to say: "I am going above and beyond the call of duty in working for you. I have been working without the support I should have - which you signed this document stating that you would provide. You continuously ask for more, then act like you have every right to expect it from me, turning the situation around to always make it seem like I haven't been doing my job correctly. I am making compromises that get me in trouble with my own bosses because you don't know the restrictions that THEY place on me. You want what you want no matter how unreasonable, and no-body in your organization will stand up for me against you, so I'm stuck between seeming uncooperative with you or displeasing my bosses. What you need to understand is this: I don't mind taking responsibility, I don't mind going above and beyond, I don't mind working WITH you to really make this project a success, and I have no problem taking a certain amount of heat from my bosses for giving a bit more than is required. In fact, all my projects have been very successful. I just want you to consider that I have many more responsibilities that you don't see: I have decisions to make that require not only knowledge of my trade, but knowledge of contractual obligations and restrictions. I am responsible for the overall project and the daily needs of 11 people. I am 100% dedicated to the successful completion of this project. However: If you believe that I am not qualified to manage this project, then I urge you to report this to my superiors and allow them to move me to another and replace me on this one. But I assure you that anyone else would not do as much or be as accommodating as I have been, or provide you this quality of work." Instead, I say: "Yes Sir, I'll see what I can do."

Amnesia pill

I'm not insecure. Never really have been. I mean, I have my moments of doubt - wondering if I'm too far gone for a real relationship, but it's only temporary. I know that I'm kind, independent, fair-looking, competent, generous, adventurous, funny, bold, intelligent, loyal, etc. What the real problem seems to be is that I don't feel love. I don't trust - anyone. Even those who DO love me, can't get me to see it. I am subject to temporary infatuations. They usually last about 18 months, then it's over. I'm sure that it has much to do with my childhood and being betrayed by those who were supposed to love and nurture me, broke my ability to trust. How do you get that back? And don't tell me to go see a shrink, a shrink would just make me re-hash all the memories I've tried so hard to put behind me. I'm not looking to dust off all the bad things in my life and re-live them. I'm looking for an amnesia pill. Make me forget so that I can see the rainbows and flowers again. It's the last thing I need to do for myself. Learn to trust. How do you learn to trust?

Harrisburg PA

An uninteresting blog post. I'm going to wash the truck today and vacuum it out. I went to Moose's LZ last night and had a prime rib with baked sweet potato and a Guinness Draft beer. Man, was it good! This morning I bought and drank an energy drink, so I've cleaned the house and swept the porch. It's only 10:00 a.m. and it's already starting to get hot outside. Well, that's my day. Have a great day yourself. MsAmber

Pet Peeve: Drive Thru Timers!

I would like to address all the corporate fast-food restaurant chains who have bought into the concept of drive-thru timers. Drive-thru timers are unfair to the employees of the restaurant who live in fear of the repercussions of having an average drive-thru time of 2:11 (two minutes and eleven seconds). The Timer reports an end-of-shift average to the local manager and sends a network message to the corporate office to tattle on the average for each shift. Drive-thru timers are unfair to the customers. Almost every experience I have with a drive-thru goes like this: At the speaker: "I'll be with you in a minute". At the speaker: "Can I take your order?" At the speaker: "That will be $9.00 at the second window" At the window: "$9.00 please." Then they thrust out my drink and my change at the same time, then my bagged food, before I've thrown the change in the console and put the bills in my wallet. I can't put the straw in the cup without being rushed to get moving. I can't even turn away from the window to set my drink in the cupholder before my bagged food is being shoved out at me. This happens every single time - I've tried making myself more efficient to handle the fastball pitch: I've cleared out my cupholder ahead of time. I've got my wallet open in my lap to make paying and putting away my bills more convenient. I've even considered putting a change-cup in the door holder so I don't have to waste all that precious time turning towards the console to pitch in my loose coins. There's just no pleasing these people - they want you to simply slow down to 15MPH, pay in exact change and have the back window open so they can throw your food in. Now, in order to shorten their average time for the shift, sometimes the manager will circle through the drive-thru and order just a drink, and then circle around again and order another drink, so a couple of :20 (twenty second) drive-thru times will average out their shift time to just under 2:11. So, they are cheating the system anyway. The purpose of having me wait at the speaker is so they don't get backed up, that makes sense. But it still proves that the system is beatable, and just having the system in place is robbing the customer of a pleasant experience. Also, because of the timer, the staff is focused more on the drive-thru speed than the dine-in speed, so my choice is to either get my food fast and rudely, or slower and complacently. I SAY BAN THE DRIVE THRU TIMER! OUTLAW IT! P.S. How long does it take to cook a chicken breast? Certainly longer than 2:11... wouldn't you wonder at a chicken sandwich that was cooked, made into a sandwich, wrapped, bagged, and served to you in under 2:11? That's my rant for today.

I went to Sears

So I went to Sears to buy a new battery pack for my Craftsman 19.2V cordless drill. Mind you, I just got off work, so I'm in jeans, steel-toed boots, and a tool pouch on my hip. A single battery was $40, or two for $66.30. So I bought two. Then I saw that they have the little cordless 5 1/2" circular saw that matches my set so I picked up one of those and a new blade for it. I get to the register and the cashier looks at me and says: "Does he have a charger?" I really was laughing - on the inside - so I repeated back to him "Does HE have a charger?" I think I might have shaken him up a little bit... 'nuf said.

Had to share...

What happened???

I've written this blog post twice. It didn't publish the first time. I went online and downloaded a code scanner for my smartphone, then I went to www.e-nigma.com to read more about the QR barcodes and they had a utility to create your own QR code. I made one that points here. I see all kinds of possibilities for this technology... If anyone has any experiences (good or bad) with scanning these codes that are found almost everywhere nowadays, please let me know. Anyway... I'm still here in Pennsylvania. The weather finally broke and it's a beautiful sunny day outside. So I shaved my legs and put on a dress. I'm just going to hang out and enjoy the lovely day. Maybe I'll paint. Have a great weekend. MsAmber

In Harrisburg Pennsylvania

What an interesting place. I need to show you what I've been driving lately: A big Skytrak forklift. It's baaaad! For 2 1/2 weeks I've been unloading trucks. I've gotten pretty good at that forklift.

I've driven around to get the hang of this place. It's a little confusing, but I'm close to Hershey, PA; the chocolate factory and amusement park. I have some very distant memories of the place. I always remembered being a little kid and being at Hershey Park. I remember getting a plastic candy bar that I filled with water from a water fountain and squirted out. I was fascinated by the little squirty fake candy bar. I know I have been to Hershey Park and my sister was there with me because we had to hold hands. I just have no idea when it was. I just have a distinct memory of the waterfountain, the sunny day, the pea-rock embedded walkway, and the plastic Hershey candy bar. I'm going to try to dream and remember more details about it tonight. Maybe I can pull some more details from the memory.
Maybe I'll call my sister and ask her about it tomorrow and see if the memory jives, she has a phenomenal memory and she was old enough probably to put in into context.

Anyway...
I'm starting a new project here and I should be in this area through the Summer. I'm looking forward to it. There are several caves I want to explore. Indian Echo cavern for one.
I'm going to see about getting family to visit me here, we'll do the touristy thing and have a good time, but when I'm by myself: I'm going to take the cavern tours. That's my favorite thing in the entire world. I imagine myself as an old-time explorer and that I'm the first person ever to see the dark deep crevices that are older than anything you can imagine.

Well, I'm watching a movie. I better pay attention to it - there's a fight scene and I'm missing it.

Peace Out.
MsAmber

Countdown!

This project is nearly done. I'm ready to get the caravan rolling again. I've packed up and re-arranged the RV. I've packed my tools back in the truck. Only thing left is my TV, clothes, and dishes; and I'm ready to hitch up and go to my next project. Heard a rumour that it might be New York? I don't care where, just gotta go. This place is boring! Cows and dairy and Amish. Yep, that's about it.
Cheese curds all around!
It's 30 miles to the nearest Home Depot!

I've been having some female-troubles since October. I'm apparently on an 18-day cycle now. It's just too much! I have a consultation to discuss the new radio frequency procedure (ablation?), which may cut back on the problems I've been having. It's either that or a hysterectomy. I had my physical and a full panel of bloodwork, and I'm otherwise healthy. It's just perimenopause is kicking my ass and it's hard to work like a man when you have the inconveniences of being a woman - especially at this "unique" time of my life (eg: perimenopause!). I'm done ovulating so I don't get the dose of progesterone. Makes me a little crabby and impatient - I'm living on coffee and nicotine and breakfast cereal. Whew!

Anyway, I'm looking forward to getting the heck out of here and back to civilization.
Wish me luck!

MsAmber

The Project is STARTING! Yayyyy.

All new project. All new challenges.
I've started receiving materials. I've set up my office and I'm nearly done with the numbering of the prints and the spreadsheets.

All my tools are unloaded from the truck, sorted, and stacked in my office. The campershell is off my truck. Boy, does the truck look weird without the campershell.

I held a training class for two of the guys on my crew for the Forklift. One of the guys is as enthusiastic as I used to be. He's having fun running the forklift. I love to see someone embrace something new like that. I was always that person - thrilled to learn what others consider mundane.

I left all my work AT WORK, so this weekend is all freed up to relax. I might clean out the spare bedroom, maybe clean out the truck. Otherwise, I'll be painting and drinking coffee. I bought a pot roast and some carrots. That will satisfy my urge to smell something cooking. I also bought some pie-crust mix and a jar of apple pie filling. Maybe I'll bake an Apple Pie! Since I don't have to worry about the recipe, just assembly, I'll make the lattice-work top for it and sprinkle it with sugar and cinnamon. I haven't done that in years.

Mmmm. Apple Pie!

Have a great day!
MsAmber

I had a dream

I dreamed that I knocked on the old lady's door, and when she opened it I pushed my way in. I was friendly, but insistent. Then I proceeded to introduce myself and started rummaging through her kitchen cabinets and refrigerator. She was bothered by it and was trying to protest, but I wasn't stopping. I told her I wanted to make sure she had plenty. In my dream, I was a little out-of-character with my pushiness, but it seemed real enough and do-able.

So now, I have this compulsion to see my next door neighbor. The little trailer she lives in is painted all white, and the windows are whited-out. There are pictures of Jesus and Madonna/Mary all over the place. One of each in every window. My landlord told me that she is in her 80s and insists on pictures of Jesus everywhere - including the lawnmower that they use to mow her grass.

Problem is: I've not seen hide-nor-hair of this lady. She doesn't appear to own a car. I've watched for evidence of lights, or cooking, or mail-checking. Nothing. I would even expect to see her peering through cracks in the window just to see all the activity of me moving in next-door. Nothing. So I bought a can of cookies and went over yesterday and knocked. Nothing. I detected no movement.

Now what do I do? I tried calling the landlord and asking him, but he is curiously not answering his phone. Is the old lady home? Has anyone seen her? Should I ask the Priest at the Catholic church around the corner? Call the fire department?
And why do I even have this compulsion, was it the dream?

I'm imagining an "Eleanor Rigby" right next door. If she is there, and is such a shut-in, I really think I should follow through with the instructions in my dream.

Or maybe my imagination is running away with me again. LOL. Won't be the first time.

Have a great week.
MsAmber

New Lisbon Wisconsin

I'm here!
I found a mobile home for rent with a vacant space next-door for storing the RV. I've rented the mobile home and made all my utility deposits, moved all my furniture into the mobile home. I didn't know I had all this stuff in one tiny little RV. I only needed to buy an entertainment cabinet, bedframe, and nightstands.
Next I need to winterize the RV and clean it up real good, then close it up for the winter. I'm ready for work.
I cooked a good meal tonight and now I'm ready to kick back and watch a movie: The Curse of King Tut's Tomb. Sounds cheesy, right?
Yeah, I'm in the mood for a cheesy movie... lol.

Have a great week.
MsAmber

I get to leave here soon!!!

That's the good news.
The bad news is: I get to jump straight out of the frying pan and into the fire.
I'm starting another project (just like this one) in Volk Field Wisconsin.
(Yeah, same latitude - can I get off the 45? Please?)

Actually, I'm pretty excited. I'm always psyched up for a new project. I'm not really distressed by the prospect of snow and cold and such, as I am wont to complain about. It just amuses me, really.

I've worked very hard here, and I'm ready to hand the baton to another and move on to the next job.
I've been searching for apartments - furnished, unfurnished, room-shares, etc; in Wisconsin, and I have to say the prospects aren't very good. I'm going to park the RV in a safe, southerly place, and move myself and my portable goods into an apartment up there for 6 months.

Hey, wish me luck.
See Ya!
MsAmber

Been in Alpena Michigan for 2 1/2 months.

The project is going well. We have completed 18 buildings - over 600 drops so far, which puts us at the 1/3 milestone.

I've been in Alpena Michigan for 2 1/2 months already. Do you realize that I've been at the 45th latitude for the entire duration of Summer? Well, except for the time spent in Cincinnati with Robbie.

I get to use three days of vacation time next week to run down and visit Robbie. The contract that I am on expires on the 27th of September, so there will be a temporary work-stoppage, during which I can go make a booty call!

Okay, okay. Too Much Information. (I said booty call, tee hee hee.)

And yes, I DO know that my Grandmother reads this.

The time is coming when I'll have to hitch up the RV and take it South. I can't fathom trying to live through winter in this RV - especially all the way up here. Oh yeah, I forgot: my other project in New Lisbon Wisconsin is going to kick off in November. This means that I get to leave here and start that job right in the middle of the cold weather. It should last about 8 months - depending on if I'm running two crews or one. I do hope that I only have to run one crew. This job here has been like herding cats!

I bought a new bicycle. It's beautiful. It's a Schwinn hybrid. It looks like an old-fashioned cruiser but it has 7 gears. Red and White with a basket and a bell, and a wide seat for my old butt. (I said Butt. Tee hee hee.)

I think I will hitch up and move around the 22nd of October if the weather will hold out. I have to go to Oklahoma to take the RCDD exam then, and I can drop off the RV in either Cincinnati or Louisville for the Winter. This way: when the Wisconsin project is over I can simply jog down and retrieve it.

The truck is doing good. I should probably buy some more-aggressive tires for the Winter. Only 30k miles and they are already on thin tread. They just don't make tires like they used to...

I did laundry yesterday, and dumped the gray-water tanks, changed the sheets, and read a little bit of the TDMM (like, only 20 pages or so). So today I need to vaccuum and dust - maybe clean out the refrigerator. I'm thinking of packing my suitcase so it will be ready when I get off work on Tuesday. I might just hop in the truck and take off as soon as I get done working. I'm so excited to see my beau. It's like getting a shot of love-adrenaline. Gotta go, gotta go.

Have a great weekend.
MsAmber

Still in Cincinnatti...

Besides being sick, I'm having a wonderful time.
We went Ziplining this last week. That's a real hoot. Ziplining is where you put on a 3-point harness and you hook up to some steel cables and ZIP from tree to tree. Some spans were upwards of 650' long by about 1200' above the ground. It was a blast!

I have some major chest congestion, along with a breakout of allergy-blisters on my hands and feet. Coughing, headache, chest congestion, itchy hands and feet, yeah, I'm a real piece of work right now.

I can't stand the air-conditioning. I think that's what brought it on. It's hot outside but I can't bear to be INSIDE. So, I'm outside with the fan blowing on me, sitting in my chair with a makeshift desk so I can work on my 332s.
Oh, how I suffer... lol.

I do feel, however, that I'd like to strip down to my underwear. Wish I had some soft shorts or something breezy to put on.
I think that's what I'll go look for in my wardrobe. Something wispy and breezy.

You have a great day.
MsAmber

Cincinnati Ohio (actually Oregonia)

I got leave to rig up and head to my next project in Alpena Michigan, but I have a little time between the two projects, so I routed myself through Cincinnati. I am here visiting with Robbie.

We've had a wonderful time. Getting acquainted again: talking, talking, talking.
Called my brother and invited him and his wife and child to visit, which they happily did last weekend. That, too, was a wonderful visit.

Next, my best friend Lisa (Robbie's sister) will visit on Thursday on her day off.
It's been many years since I've seen any of these people, but I found it quite heartwarming to realize the history I have with all of them.

I've known my brother all our lives, haven't seen him since 2003 or 2005.
I've known his wife for about 28 years.
I've known Robbie for 26 years.
I've known Lisa for 26 years.
I've been "away" for too long.
It was surprising and pleasant to sit around a campfire or sit around a dinner table and just talk with people who have so many years' familiarity.

Well, I'll be heading out of here soon to Michigan, but this was really worth it to steal a little time for some heart-healing.

You have a great day.
MsAmber

My new companion

I looked around at the local animal shelters - there was a St. Bernard, and a bull-mastiff, and some small dogs. But none seemed right. I looked at Craigslist and there was a Border Collie who was in trouble for killing chickens. The owners said lots of good things about her, but they couldn't tolerate a chicken killer. I arranged a meeting and I would like to introduce everyone to my new companion: "Haps".

"Haps" is a good girl. She's 7 years old, very fit and trim. Mature and quiet, but loves to run off-leash when she can. She makes me get up in the morning, which is a wonderful thing. Pretty much, she has all the good qualities from all my favorite dogs, wrapped up in one. So long as I don't own any chickens or rabbits, we're all good. She's darn funny, too.

Change of subject:

I bought a bag of nice ripe cherries on sale; I normally don't get ripe cherries or plums until July 4th weekend, so it was a pleasant surprise. I made Hamburger helper for dinner, then sat down to watch a Lara Croft - Tomb Raider movie. I got finished with dinner and decided to raid the refrigerator for something sweet - I found that I had forgotten about a bag of Dove Dark Chocolates stuffed in the door of the fridge. So I ate ripe, sweet cherries while nibbling on 3 Dove Dark Chocolates. Mmmm. Yummy. My forgetfulness sure does serve up some good surprises sometimes.... LOL.

Monday night I went to bed with a headache. I didn't have anything to take for it that doesn't contain caffeine, so I just thought I'd sleep it off. I woke up Tuesday with the WORST kind of headache ever! I dreamed that I was moving the longitude lines on the Earth because the minutes weren't correct and was calculating the TRUE circumference and my head was swelled up like a beachball and I had belly-buttons for eyes. I woke up with a terrible headache and couldn't bear the light and I thought for sure that my head really was swollen up like a beachball. I just covered my eyes and stayed in bed until 8:00. Well, I was late for work, I couldn't see, my eyes were swollen up pretty bad, but I was actually surprised when I looked in a mirror and my head wasn't a beachball. Light felt like big needles sticking me in the brain. I didn't actually feel better until about 2:00. It was awful. I haven't had a headache like that since 2008, I think. I actually can't remember when.
And to top it off: Tuesday was sunny and warm. I think that maybe big swings in barometric pressure set me off. I didn't get to enjoy the whole "warm sunny day" thing because I had a terrible headache.
The weather is turning rainy again, so I'm back to feeling alright. I had a pretty good day today - I guess when you survive a headache like that one, the next day you are giddy to be out of pain.

Ironic, isn't it?

"The Guy" that my brother recommended me to meet turned out to be my second boyfriend (joke's on me). My first boyfriend was Steve Conrad, in Jr. High, and he was killed in a 4-wheeler accident. My second boyfriend, during High School, was Robbie. We went to the prom together, and I was really infatuated with him. My brother has always thought highly of Robbie, I think my Mom and my Brother both conspired to keep Robbie in the family. In fact: Brother warned ME to be good to HIM. Yeah, tells you how well my brother thinks of me, right? It's all good, I'm not insulted much - we all know I'm not very good at relationships.
I'm intrigued by the prospect of getting to know him again, but actually quite scared of it too. I've been bullying and bluffing my way through life, and here's somebody who knows me and could actually call my bluffs. That's just not right.
I like to keep the number of people who can dis-arm me down to a handful.
Oh, but I DO have a certain fondness for him. I know he's a good guy - maybe too good - and I'm too much.
I told my brother - "Just because I'm lousy at relationships, doesn't mean I'm not a darn good woman!" (my defensive posture)

I don't want to proceed because for the first time I know it's somebody I don't want to hurt.
(There's the truth.)

The Base is playing Taps, so it must be 10:00.

Goodnight.
MsAmber

Just lonesome rambling...

I need to go do my laundry.

It's another cold rainy day here in Great Falls Montana. I just can't seem to snap myself out of this - I don't know what it is - depression? Blues? Stir-craziness with an urge to get out, but a lack of motivation to do so? I really want to pack up and leave here. I know it's just a matter of a couple of weeks before I can go, but I'm ready NOW!

I bought a 32" flat-screen television and then went to Hastings and bought some great concert DVDs. It is kinda nice to watch concerts on a bigger television. I know I didn't need a new TV, but the bigger screen is so nice to watch.

I'm ready for a new adventure. Something exciting is just around the corner, I know it. Maybe SUMMER? Sunshine? Oh gosh how I need some sunshine. This rain is so oppressive, I feel it like a mute-button on the remote control of my life. Any minute now I'll be able to bust out and laugh or scream or (something?) again. Waiting...waiting...Somebody, anybody, please unmute me!

So I called my Brother. He's cheerful, I'm happy for that. I asked him if he has a friend he'd like to hook me up with - geez, he didn't even think about it for a second - he said "Why, yes, I do." Oh goodness.

I really didn't have anything important to say, I just felt like saying something. Getting the Megabyte memorial entry off the top of the blog, maybe.
My Excedrin is kicking in, the headache has faded to a dull ache in my neck, I can live with that.

I'm listening to Neil Young - Live Rust. Actually the song is my favorite "Like a Hurricane". I'm going to start it over and crank it up.

You have a great day.
MsAmber

May 19, 2011

I'm starting to miss him less.
At least I don't look for him 100 times a day.
I still feel a lump in my throat when I think about him.
It's been 10 days since I put my best friend to sleep.

I still want to rush home after work to let him out, then I remember he's not there.
I still look down at the floor when I get out of bed so I don't step on him, then I remember that he's not there.

I tried to manage his pain, but still he cried and whined at night, I wanted to cover my ears so I couldn't hear it, it made me so sad.
I carried him up and down the steps every day. I gave him his pain medication twice a day. I consulted and researched and obsessed over it every day.
He gave up before I did.
I know he wanted to be pain-free, but I held on to every vestige of hope that he could get better or at least be comfortable.

On Monday, May 9th, I made the appointment: carried him in and set him on the table. He put his head under my arm and leaned in to me. I may be fooling myself but I believe that he knew what we were there for. He didn't get excited or upset as he usually would in a Vet's office.
The Vet was a nice lady, she talked to us for a few minutes and we discussed things like cremation and other stuff I can't remember...
The first shot put him painlessly and blissfully to sleep, I petted him for a long time and spoke my words:
"Thank you for being my dog. Please speak kindly of me when you meet God."

Then we gave him the second shot. I held my friend until his heart stopped and his breath was still.

I couldn't cope. My heart was broken. The sobs seemed to start somewhere around my navel and travel up until they hit the lump in my throat where they burst into awful gutteral sounds. I left his shell on the table, but I knew he was gone. I ran out to the truck because I had to get away.

I miss him. Terribly.

Megabyte, buddy. I'm grateful that I knew you. I miss you. You were a damn good friend. Send some light and love my way, would ya? I'm still hurting.

Peace.