Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, Louisiana

Here am I.
There are green leaves on the trees, and green grass on the ground. Woo Hoo! Just as I knew there would be. I found a nice country setting, I'm in the RV park and I picked a nice back corner to call my own. My canopy is up, and I have a tether for Spot, and a picnic table. I grilled my first meal here last night and went to bed early. I'm really looking forward to doing some exploring. I think I may start by exploring for a laundromat. Ah, the neverending quest for clean clothes.
I didn't fare so well in my attempt to quit smoking. I bought another pack yesterday, but it's alright, I'll just keep trying until I succeed (or die trying).
I went to the Wal-Mart yesterday for butter, milk, and a dog collar for Spot. Everyone was wearing shorts. I'm not ready to take that leap yet, but I can see a time in the near future when my legs will peep their brilliant whiteness at the world.
I thought I was the only one awake at this terrible hour. I see a lady walking her Chihuahua out there right now. She looks like the walking dead, but like I said before: we all look butt-ugly in the mornings. Thank goodness for curling irons and makeup.
Abbeville is south of Lafayette, and not too far from Avery Island: THE home of Tabasco. I want to tour the Tabasco factory. I'm sitting pretty with a little money still in the bank and all my bills are paid up. Until the 7th of February, at least. First priority is to get a P.O. Box so I can get my mail forwarded. This RV park has that "no clotheslines" rule, but it's stated: "No clotheslines or other lines tied to trees." So I think that means I can tie it to my canopy.
Another cool little tidbit: Abbeville is 16 feet above sea level. I guess I could do worse. Parts of New Orleans are below sea level and that's what the pumps and levies were made for: to keep the water pumped out and barrier. At least I'm not below sea level, right?
I'm going to make a good breakfast and put on some comfortable walking shoes and go exploring today. This new town should meet me. Today I may concentrate on just the places within walking distance. It would be nice to get out from under my heavy gas-hog of a truck. Give it a rest, if you will. Poor thing is overworked anyway hauling this rig around.
Do I buy a bicycle or a wringer washer? Hmmm. Decisions, decisions.
You have a great day.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

I'm much warmer, thanks.

Oh yeah. It's much better down here.
I think I'll stay a while.
Had a good laugh yesterday:
The landlady came over to see if I needed anything and we visited a moment. She asked me if I was in tech support, then let me know that she had looked me up and read my blog. I know how easy it is to search for me, I have a huge presence all over the internet, but it caught me by surprise. Especially since my last entry was titled "I got 25 bucks and a cracker". Too funny. It's interesting when you meet someone who reads your work, you wonder just what kind of impression you have made. I figured that she read the current month and then clicked on November 2005.

The pup is starting to get into the routine. He and I had a meeting of the minds yesterday. I took both boys for a walk and we went up a firebreak. I put the leash on Spot and let it drag on the ground. We went to the end of the firebreak and next thing I know he's bolting across a road and ignoring my calls. I ran and got him and we walked back, this time with leash in hand. I walked the boys over to the pond and I sat down in a lawnchair. I parked one dog on each side and told them to sit. 30 seconds later, one of them gets up. I make him sit and stay. We did this exercise for about half an hour until both boys figured out that I wasn't kidding and they quit trying to get up. When I say sit and stay they both should reconcile themselves to the concept of submission. I'm not only alpha, but I control the food too. It was a good exercise, Meg needed the reminder also, he's been a little spoiled lately and doesn't listen too well either. The good news is: they are getting along just fine. Meg hasn't been too pushy, and they curl up together on the bench seat of the truck.
Well, this morning I've got to pack up and move further south. Gosh, I'm jonesing for a cigarette. It's hard to drink my morning coffee without one.
I'm thinking Abbeville, LA.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

I got 25 bucks and a cracker, do you think it's enough?

My situation reminds me of a Tori Amos song:
"I got 25 bucks and a cracker, do you think it's enough? To get us there?"
I had one of my meltdowns and was tired of being cold, and my water freezing up and the futility of my job and I decided to put in for an "indefinite leave of absence". I am headed to Louisiana. I said I'm going to head south and when I see a shrimp boat, I'll stop.
I picked up another dog - guess what kind... A blue heeler! How did you know?
I left Knob Noster Missouri and headed through Norman. I was in the parking lot when they opened. I did my out-processing paperwork and turned in a final expense report and drove off. I was out of there by 9:00 am. I stopped in Ardmore to visit friends and get a good nights' sleep, that's where I picked up "Spot". Spot used to be grandpa's dog but when he died, the dog wound up as part of the pack at Terry's house. They have too many dogs and Spot has some health concerns, so it seemed only natural that he would go with me.
I'm outside of Natchitoches (pronounced: Nak-O-Tosh)and I have green grass under my feet and I'm no longer frozen. I went ahead and paid to get the rig washed. I was sick of looking at the salt and grime from Missouri, so now I'm cleaned up and moving south!
Everybody wonders: Where's your plan? Do you have a Job lined up? What are you going to do?
My answer is "Nope". I have no plan. I have no job. I have no idea. I'm just going. I've always wanted to live in southern Louisiana, and I will figure it out when I get there. I'm on a tight budget, which involves quitting smoking. That's fine. Nobody but the dogs has to put up with my grumpy ass anyway.
So here I start my new adventure. I'm not scared, I know I can do it just fine. I have plenty of groceries and dog food, and actually I'm rather excited to finally be following my dream.
I'll let you all know how things are going.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Another Beautiful Day Ahead.

It's freezing at night, but during the day it gets up into the mid 40s.
It's time for me to start packing up and stowing away the breakables. I got a little too spread out for my own comfort. The back of the truck is all unloaded, that stuff has got to go back in. I just have too much stuff, but most of it is necessary, to me at least. I have a generator, tool box, drill cases, hand-tool carryall, shop vac, hard hat, floor jack, four-way, spare tire, tow rope, air can, 2 gas cans, lawn chairs, tupperware tub full of flammables, charcoal grill, shovel, rake, shepherd's hook, walking sticks, tackle box, fishing poles, garden hose, concrete blocks, pop up cones, spare battery, 3 gallons of drinking water, and a tupperware tub full of automotive liquids (WD40, oil, PS fluid, Tranny fluid, coolant, wax, fix-a-flat, brake fluid, tube of gasket sealant, etc), and my ladder. I now have all the oilcloth tarps to pack also. The above listed items must fit into the back of the truck, neatly, and in such a way that I could get to any of them easily. Boy, it's a good thing I have plenty of imagination. I was thinking that I would leave all the concrete blocks here but one for the hitch. I don't want to waste the space or carry the weight in the back of the truck. I'm already hauling around too much weight back there with an 8800 pound trailer also. Time to start being kind to my drive-train.
Inside the trailer I have spread out too much. I have clear mini-lights strung all around; left over from the holidays. I have knick-knacks set out from when I was rummaging through my craft boxes. Things have gotten out of hand in here. I've always kept my place "no floatation" which means: if there were a big earthquake, nothing would fall and break. I've really relaxed on that lately. It will take me a while to get all this stuff squared back away.
I'm actually just sitting here enjoying my coffee. I'm not really inspired to jabber on about anything in particular.
I do spend 'way too much time thinking about things, though. I need to get out more.
You have a great day.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Ok, I'm late posting this morning.

I worked on making a few necklaces and earring sets last night, and watched "Steel Magnolias" on the Oxygen Channel. I invited Andrea over but she was a little drunk and talked through most of the movie. Still, she managed to make a necklace and a pair of earrings that turned out quite nice. I've been just hanging out this morning, I finally made myself a bowl of corn meal mush with orange marmalade. Mmm Mmm good.
I was too confident that the temperature outside would stay above freezing so I turned off the faucet in the bathroom. It froze up overnight and I have no water in the bathroom. Maybe it will thaw today. I should have checked the weather. There's no excuse for being that careless when two clicks on the computer would have let me know that another cold front was moving in. It was just so nice and pleasant outside yesterday. I had the door open all day until about 9:30 last night, that's when I started to feel a chill.
Today I must load up all the laundry and drive to Warrensburg. It's 9 miles. I keep thinking that I would like to find an electric wringer washer. The method being: fill it with soapy water and let it agitate the light coloreds, then wring into a rinse tub, then wring into a second rinse tub with fabric softener or bluing, then wring and hang. Then put in the next darker load and repeat. It's so water conservative to do it that way, because you re-use the soapy water and the rinse waters. The only one you may have to change is the first rinse when it gets too soapy. You can do all your laundry in one day, and keep adding a pot of boiling water to the washer when it's level goes down. You know, usually I spend $15.00 in quarters at the laundromat and drive 18 miles round trip weekly. A wringer washer would pay for itself in two months, and save a lot of water. I can get my mean water usage down to 3 gallons a day if it weren't for laundry. That's bathing, dishes, flushing, and drinking/cooking. 3 gallons a day is not bad. I keep thinking to myself: what if I had to hand-carry my water, how conservative would I get?
One little obstacle is that some of the RV parks I've stayed in don't allow clotheslines because they look bad. Shoot. Because they "look bad"? Gimme a break. I'm not doing my laundry that way because I'm unemployed and destitute, it's a choice. That is just as bad as covenant-controlled communities. I really have a problem with that concept also. I know people who have to show a paint swatch to the community controller to get approval to paint their houses, and what's funny is: the paint color has to exactly match their palette of approved colors. Not beige, but "linen beige". Too hilarious for words, and definitely not something I would ever subject myself to, I don't care how wealthy I could become.
Well, it's nearly 11:00. I need to dress and motivate towards the laundromat.
You have a great day.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Today is gonna be a great day.

So far this morning: I did the dishes, put the dining table back up, watered the plants, cleaned the stove, and rearranged stuff on the tables.
I have a little dwarf statuette on a shelf who turns himself when you're not looking. It's funny in a creepy sort of way. I turn him to face into the room. Two days later, he's facing his buddy to the right. Oooooh. Spooky. Ha ha.
It's perfectly pleasant out this morning. It's overcast, but the air is nice. I have the doors opened for some fresh air. I'll vacuum and sweep later.
I set the dining table back up because I want to make some more jewelry. This time I'm going to make a few pieces to sell. If I hang on to them, I can sell a few sets before Valentine's Day. I have a bad habit of just giving them away.
Tonight at 8 on the Oxygen channel they are playing "Steel Magnolias", one of my favorite movies of all time. I'm really looking forward to popping some popcorn and maybe I'll invite Andrea from next door over, I've taught her to make jewelry also and she just bought herself a bunch of tooling and beads, this would be a great evening to break them in. I need to quit being such a loner and share ideas and feelings with another woman. I make my own loneliness sometimes because I'm such a hermit.
Well, I think it's about time to run through the shower and get out of my nightclothes.
You have a great day!
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Uncle Jay Explains 2008.

I saw this in my email this morning and got a great kick out of it. I just had to share. I really liked the gas prices song.
Enjoy.

MsAmber

Happy New Year!

2009!
What a lovely day. The sun is shining. It's still cold, but it looks nice through the window, at least.
I wish I could say that I'm making some big, earth-shattering resolutions this year, I fully intend to quit smoking sometime soon, and also I would like to drop 20 pounds or so, but as far as being psyched up to change RIGHT NOW, nope. Just not feeling it.
I have taken some hard psychological hits this past year. The realization that I'm destined to stay single wasn't made as a deliberation; it slowly dawned on me that I'm too stubborn, independent, stuck in my ways, uncompromising, and butt-ugly in the mornings. Ha haaa!
I went out to the Cadillac Ranch last night at 9:30 pm for some good old-fashioned people watching. I danced to the songs I knew, and had a good time altogether but I still felt like a visitor to some alien planet.
Have you seen modern dancing? What I witnessed was group dancing. It's kinda like line-dancing but it's faster and more energetic. Everyone on the dance floor seemed to know the moves and it was really fun to watch, but I'm sure I don't have that kind of speed in me. "To the left, left, left. To the right, right, right. Now stomp two times. Hop. Turn around. Do the cha cha now"... and that was the easiest dance, I almost participated in that one. Then it got more frenzied and the songs didn't call out the moves anymore but the dancers still knew what to do in sync. The Cadillac Ranch was a Country & Western bar, I think. They still played all sorts of music: first a country song, then a hip-hop song, then an oldie, then rockabilly.
The doorman thought he was being cute. Two young ladies entered before me, I held the door for them, in fact, and another gal about my age. The doorman was all hugsy flirty with the young ladies and took their money and never checked their ID, then he looked straight at me and the other lady and said: "Now you two! I need to see your ID's. Are you sure you're old enough to be in here?" Meanwhile, the cutesy little girl (named Amber, by the way) beamed at me over her shoulder like "Aww, isn't that sweet? He's making a fuss over the old broads to make them feel good." And THEN: another doorman walked up as we were wrapping up our transaction and checking our coats, pointed at us and said: "Did you card those two?" with a cheesy condescending wink.
Maybe I was supposed to bat my eyelashes and blush and say: "Aw, you sweet thing. I'm old enough to be your mother!" giggle giggle, then grab my big stuffed handbag and my tissue from my pocket, delicately swiping my nose and adjusting my bifocals before I waddle my ancient ass into the nightclub, followed by my cloud of dusty, heady perfume.
Okay, okay. I'm a little too visual and sarcastic this morning. I seem to have a very dry sense of humor today.
I need to go to the convenience store and pick up some milk. I have a can of hash that I've really wanted to cook with eggs and toast for breakfast. I haven't had corned beef hash in a long time and it sounds delicious to me right now, but I really want a big glass of cold frothy milk. Yummy.
I do wish someone would explain to me what "Corned Beef" is. Does it have anything to do with Corn? And if not, why would they call it that? Regular corned beef doesn't taste all that good, but in hash it's delicious with eggs and buttered wheat toast.
OK. Gotta go now and buy some milk, I just made myself ravenously hungry.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Well, I'm not dead.

...Yet.
I'm trying real hard to get up and go to work.
There's nothing worse than being alone and being sick. I'm sure my dog would have poured me a cup of coffee if it weren't for that lack of opposable thumbs thing. Yesterday, I didn't have the motivation to shower or even brush my teeth. When I had to eat, I heated up a can of soup and sliced french bread, or made a bowl of oatmeal. I got overheated last night so I turned the thermostat down. This morning I discovered it was on 60. My muscles are so sore, it feels like I've been lifting weights, I can feel it in my shoulders when I lift my arms up. Even my skin hurts.
I don't think I could stand to be in here another day just sleeping. I slept most of yesterday, with brief interludes of checking my email or watching "The Dog Whisperer". I got kind of depressed, just wishing somebody would offer me a cup of coffee that I didn't have to pour myself. Yep, I was just a big baby yesterday.
I have got to shake this off. Mind over matter, you know? Take some Advil, kick the muscle soreness, drink a Red Bull and get back out there. I think the congestion in my neck may just be my eustachian tubes. My ears itch and pop inside something awful, it may be drainage in my ears causing my neck discomfort. I've been trying to burn out my tonsils with Orange Juice and hot coffee. I drank a half-gallon of OJ yesterday, and two pots of coffee which didn't keep me from sleeping one bit.
Yeah, a Red Bull sounds real good right now. All the B vitamins and an acidic base would feel real good on my throat. You know what else? I used to get Hot Sour soup from the Chinese restaurant when I was sick. That sounds real good right now, too.
Well, I'm going to motivate towards the shower. I feel a little bit perkier than I did before. Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Refrigerator is fixed.

I called a local mobile RV service and a fellow named Rick came out. He had an untrustworthy smirk and immediately diagnosed that I needed a whole new cooler. I asked if he could get one today, he told me all the suppliers were closed for the week. I was bummed. I asked if we could scavenge one from a used refrigerator? He called his supplier just to prove that they were closed and guess what? They answered. He asked the lady if they were open, she said "not officially", but there were some people there today and he could come get the parts. The guy drove all the way to Kansas and picked up my new cooling unit and came back and installed it. It turns out that he DID know what he was doing. I'm so skeptical about repairmen who give me that "know-it-all" smirk, and diagnose a problem in 30 seconds without sharing the "why"s. I handled the pre-authorization with my warranty/contract people. His total bill was $1351.55 and I had to pay $100 deductible and $60.00 freight charge out of pocket, the warranty covered the rest. I was also pretty impressed with how the warranty people made him break down his entire bill for them and they approved each item. That was cool, I need to take a lesson from them and make mechanics and other repair people break it down for me and then I can approve or negotiate every line-item. All in all, he did a fine job and he got my refrigerator working in just one day. Kudos to Rick with RRA, I'm a vigilant skeptic and I hovered over him like a buzzard on roadkill, but he got it done right.

When I was a girl...
(Oh no, there she goes again. Another childhood story.)
Don't interrupt!
When I was a girl, you know we were raised poor with no income, we had to make do with what we had. My Mother had an old F150 stepside that was starting to break down. She took it to a mechanic who told her that it needed new tie-rod ends. The bill came to over $300.00. We were in a panic. $300 was a lot of money and we had no idea how to come up with it, we almost lost the truck over that repair-bill which would have left us stranded up on the mountain. Afterwards, my Mother put me in charge of fixing anything that went wrong. I was 14. If I had a question about something, she would give an exhausted sigh and yell: "Amber! There's a book on that somewhere around here, look it up!" I learned how to fix anything by looking it up. Sure, I made a few mistakes and I rigged not a few things up with baling wire.
I used to drain some old oil out of the oilpan for the chainsaw, and put new oil in the top. That way we didn't waste new oil on the chainsaw and the truck didn't need an oilchange. Brilliant, huh?
I have to laugh about all that stuff we did when we were poor.
I still have a lot of those habits. I can't see spending the money on a mechanic when I could do it myself.
Heck, this last year alone I did the fuel pump, power steering pump, trailer wiring harness, battery, window motor, belts, tune up with new wires, coil, distributor and rotor, fuel filter, PCV valve, spark plugs... I do enough to keep me fresh and my nails dirty. I did pay a mechanic to do the brakes: brake cylinders, master cylinder, brake line replacement, shoes, drums and rotors, and a trailer braking control module. I was having a bad braking problem, and I happened to trust this particular mechanic: he had admired my truck one day while I was pumping gas and offered that if I ever needed work done, he knows that model truck inside and out. Still, he kept it for two days and my bill was over $900.00.
See why I'm such a skeptic?
I'm not feeling so good today. My tonsils are swollen and I have a fever and my stomach has a lump like I've been digesting glass. My muscles are sore, probably from the fever, and my neck feels congested. I don't know how to describe it any better, but it's like the pressure on both sides of my neck can't go any higher than my jaw. I can't stand to breath the hot air from the heater, but my body feels the chill in the room. I tried drinking a pot of hot black coffee thinking that I would snap out of it and go to work, but I think I will call in sick and go back to bed.
I haven't called in sick in a long time and I have 60 hours of sick leave saved up so it won't hurt anything, I just hate to leave the guys hanging without me.
I'm going back to bed now.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

My refrigerator quit.

Yep. What to do?
I'm going to look around and see where the nearest RV parts & repair facility is in relation to Knob Noster, but I'm betting there aren't any close.
Maybe I can get a refrigerator repairman to come here?
Argh. Monday is right on schedule.
Gotta go to work now.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

The sun is shining this morning.

...but it's cold. Brrrr.
I get the sales fliers for JCPenney and Walgreens in my email so I looked around to see what's on sale. I bought two dresses and a smock from JCPenney this morning, saved 80% off retail. It's 9:30 in the morning and I've spent $37.00 already just sitting here. I stayed up late last night shampooing my carpets. I drank two cokes and had a caffeine buzz going on, so sleep was out of the question.
I intend to go to the laundromat and wipe out the little bit of laundry I have, to get ready for the week ahead. Thank goodness there's work tomorrow, I have a touch of cabin fever. The sun may be shining, but it's derned cold out there.
I bought a Furminator. My aunt Susan bought one for her golden retriever and it works wonders, so I bit the expense and bought one for Megabyte. It removes all the undercoat and reduces shedding by 90%. I know it works, he's never looked better and I've almost gotten a grip on all the dog hair around here. I love the boy to death, but his shedding is unbelievable. Year round he sheds, and it gets worse if he's upset. I've tried other brushes but nothing compares to the Furminator. He feels so soft and clean, too.
Speaking of products that work well. I had a storage cubby that smelled like mildew. I don't know how the water gets in, but I knew I had to get rid of the moisture so I bought this hang-up thing called "Damp Rid". It has a bunch of chemical beads in the top of the bag, and then an empty compartment in the bottom of the bag. I put it in the cubby for a couple of weeks and the bottom compartment started filling up with water. It removed about 4 cups of water from the air and completely dried out the cubby, carpet and all. It still had beads left in it, but the bag was full so I had to throw it away. It's supposed to work until all the beads are dissolved. It was pretty weird, but it worked. I should have taken a picture of it. Strangest thing I've ever seen, and I've seen some weird stuff... They should modify the design to be a top tray with a screen and beads, over a bottom tray for the water, then you could drain the bottom tray and keep adding beads to the top. Unless of course the beads are toxic, then I suppose the closed-bag thing makes sense. Anyway, if you have moisture problems in a closet or something, that's the way to go. "Damp-Rid".
(end of commercial.)
Well, I'm going to run through the shower and get loaded up for the laundromat.
You have a great day.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

After Christmas

Yesterday Megabyte and I went hiking. I am directly across the street from a Missouri State Park, so we went there. I bundled up in my carharts with double socks and gloves, grabbed my walking staff, and we took off. We followed the road for a long ways until we came upon a trail head, it said: Buteo Trail. We went. Wow, what a trip. I saw a beautiful buck deer, lots of evidence of beavers chewing the trees, and a frozen lake. Megabyte started running and playing on the surface of the lake so I joined him. It was fun. He pranced and ran and slid all over the lake. He was full of energy like a puppy. I haven't seen him play like that in a long time. He was testing himself to see how fast he could run on the slippery ice. We hiked for better than three hours around that lake. When we returned to the trailer, I had to rinse Meg off under his belly and legs, he was caked in mud. It was a lovely Christmas Day.
I turned the heat off before we left. The outside temperature soared to 48 degrees yesterday. It stayed warm in the trailer. It's nearly 7:00 am now and I still haven't turned the heat back on. Either: I'm running a serious fever or it really is too warm in here. I have the door open this morning to cool it off. It's breezy outside and the sun hasn't come up yet, but it feels very good.
I took a package of Zatarain's black-eyed peas and rice (Hoppin' John)and put it in the roaster with some chicken thighs and three cups of water. I let that roast for over an hour at 350 and it turned out delicious. Megabyte and I ate it all. I'm going to have to remember that concoction and do it again sometime.
I can't believe it's Friday already. The good news is: I got paid, and just in time too. I was broke, broke, broke. I bought myself a dresser because I needed drawers to store clothes. I've been looking around and never found the right size to go under the window in the livingroom until last week. Wouldn't you know that I found the right size when I can least afford it? It's a nice dresser and it's all wood. No particle-board drawers or chintzy laminate surfaces. It has 6 drawers and it fits perfectly in the space I had it planned for. This is my last splurge. If I don't start saving up for the eventual new transmission or engine problem I'm going to put a serious hurt on myself. I know that major work on my truck will only happen when I'm not prepared, so I try to stay prepared and nothing will happen. See? It's like reverse psychology for Murphy's Law. The best way to beat it is to not show vulnerability. If I'm expecting the transmission to go out and I'm prepared to replace it, the derned thing will last forever. That's my plan!
Besides, my insurance will come due in February and I would rather pay it off in lump sum than make 4 monthly payments. Insurance sure is a pain.
Oh how I would love to get a small windfall sometime in my life. Just enough to pay off my creditors and get ahead on stuff like insurance and upgrade my computer...
Yeah, dream big.
You have a great day.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Christmas Eve in Missouri

It's snowing this morning. I'm stocked up and thawed out. I have no reason to go anywhere until work on Monday... snug as a bug in a rug. Well, I may need milk, but I can get that at the convenience store around the corner. I still must fire up the truck every day, in this cold it's best to do that. I put in a new battery, but I find that it's hard to start if I let it set for more than two days. Cantankerous old truck, she is. Funny, I've always named my vehicles and I've had this one for over a year now and haven't given her a name. Penelope sounds too frou frou. Quasar is too high-tech. I know... Imelda! My truck is certainly an Imelda. Always needing new shoes, too. I dub thee Imelda! (poof)
I bought a pre-fab potroast kit. All the vegetables are cut up and the spice packet and the meat are included. You just dump it all into a slow cooker and let it go. I'm going to put that on the stove today. Eh, what the heck, it was on sale. I was reaching under the sink for my iron skillets and found that the sink has been leaking and they were all full of water. I took brillo pads to all of them, they were full of rust and yuck. It will be a long time before I get my iron skillets back to normal, I just lost months' worth of seasoning on the surface. My cast-iron roaster is what I'm using today, I sure hope it doesn't turn the food iron-black like a new skillet does.
I'm so thrilled that it's snowing. It looks pretty outside. Megabyte went out and took care of his business, but when he came back in, he ran straight for the bed and curled up under the covers where I was just laying. Funny dog, but now I've got to change the sheets again. What a dork! He doesn't seem to mind the cold when we are both outside, but he doesn't like it when he's by himself. If I were to go out there with him, he would prance around and act like he likes it. Sometimes I wonder what goes through his head. He is such a wonderful companion, though.
The toggle switch that I rigged up for my windshield wipers quit working. I know it's the switch because it won't flip and it's sparking out. I bought a new toggle switch so I need to go pull the wiring harness and re-wire in the new one. That's on my agenda for today.
I'm going to take a hot shower and get bundled up for the day.
You have a great Christmas Eve.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Tired of being frozen?

I went all out and rented a blast heater. I got myself thawed, by golly!
When I disconnected my frozen drain pipe, I got deluged with gallons and gallons of water...it just gushed and I couldn't stop it. It was two tanks' worth of gray water. I suppose I should have thawed the drain pipe first, then the tanks, but instead I thawed the tanks and went to replace the frozen drain pipe and got soaked. It would have been hilarious except for the fact that it was only 11 degrees outside yesterday. I was wrapped up like a polar bear and stood there helpless as 40 gallons of water shot out two feet before it went onto the ground.
I've got to return the blast heater this morning, but I don't have anyone to help me load it into the truck. I just called RSC and asked them if they have anyone coming by the AirForce Base, would they stop by and help me load this heater. It's still full of kerosene, so it weighs over 100 lbs.
I gotta get moving this morning, so ya'll have a great day!
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Saturday in Missouri

Gosh, I'm exhausted.
I couldn't get out of bed to save my life this morning. I hit snooze about 10 times, if it weren't for the need to go pee, I'd probably still be under the covers. The worst night of cramping, back-aching, and sweating I can imagine. It was too cold to stay out from under the covers, then too hot to stay under the covers. I tossed and turned all night. Sleep finally came, then my alarm went off.
I drank a cup of coffee at 6:00 pm. That may have contributed to my problem, but it's never affected me that badly before. I also woke up with no desire to put sugar in my coffee. I wanted black coffee this morning, I even anticipated how good it would taste. I used to drink my coffee black, but then I got in the habit of sugar and milk. I think I'm going to be drinking it black from now on. Strange how one night could cause me to forswear sugar.
I have a building to cutover this morning. Then I think I will spend the rest of the day unloading and rearranging the back of my truck. I'm hauling too much weight back there. Junk, stuff, and lagniappe.
I got a call from my ex-husband yesterday. He informed me of the death of my father-in-law yesterday morning. My father-in-law and I were fairly close. He loved me like a daughter. That may have contributed to my funky night. I'm hoping I just acquired a new guardian angel. I miss my in-laws. That's one terrible thing about divorce: you lose a whole family. I called them Mom and Dad, just like they were my own, and I could talk to them about anything. Even with their old-fashioned sensibilities, they always tried to relate.
Anyway, I gotta go to work and it does me no good to get all worked up and teary-eyed beforehand.
Have a great day.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Friday in Missouri

I had a cutover last night, it went well. It started raining while I was on base. When I got home, the lightning and thunder began and there was a real rain downpour. I love to sleep with the sounds of a thunderstorm.
At 2:00 am the water thawed. I woke up to hear all the faucets running, so I got up and turned them down to a drip.
This morning there is not a bit of white on the ground. The rain was warm enough to thaw every bit of snow.
I just experienced a very strong, direct, and sustained wind against the trailer. Usually that means another weather front. I heard this one is supposed to bring freezing temperatures back this morning. I'd better do the dishes and batten down the hatches before going to work. Who knows how long this thaw will last? But I'm glad for it. I can get the dishes done and take a real shower this morning.
Gotta go, lots to do.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Thursday Morning in Missouri

When I got home last night, it appeared as though the drains have thawed. I'm reluctant to believe it, but if that's true, then I can get the water working again.
I had to let the water freeze because my tanks weren't draining and the sinks were filling up. If the drains work, then I can thaw out my water line and at least get water back in the kitchen. I'm hopeful. The outside temperature didn't warm up above freezing but it may have warmed up enough that the milk-house heater could keep up.
I still must skirt the front end of the trailer. Today we are expecting either: rain or freezing rain. There are two different weather forecasters in this region, and they apparently don't talk to each other.
As a funny: I've been hit on by two different guys in the past couple of weeks. Both men are over 70 years old. The first guy was surprised to find out that I'm only 38. He had thought that I was over 40. The second older gentleman is one of my escorts in the top-secret areas. He's a flight instructor. I don't know if I should be flattered or...what?
I had two cutovers yesterday, the first one in the morning and the second after 5 pm. I didn't get home until 11 pm. I have two cutovers scheduled today. One in the morning and another after 4 pm. Then I have one big cutover tomorrow, and another on Saturday. Somewhere in there I need to take my propane tanks (yes both of them) to Warrensburg and get them filled. I've been using the second tank for over 3 days now, so I expect it should run out soon. It's kinda scary running them both out in weather such as this. I also broke off one of my windshield wiper arms when I was scraping ice off the windshield the other day. Must get that replaced also.
Ah, fun fun.
You have a great day, I must wash my hair and get to work.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Another day in Missouri

Still froze up solid. I have no drainage, my holding tanks are full blocks of ice, and I have no water. I went to the neighbor's and filled up my coffeepot, tea kettle, and my bean pot. I made a cup of hot cocoa last night, I have coffee this morning, and I just heated the bean pot so I can wash my hair and take a sponge bath.
I can do this. No problems, no worries.
I gave myself a sassy little haircut. It's pretty short, but I think it looks good. If you can't wash it, cut it.
This situation is quite laughable. The only real pestering inconvenience is not being able to do the dishes. I still cook dinner and eat from plates, but I can't wash the dishes. The trailer is clean and comfortable otherwise...
I'm pretty booked up this entire week with work, but if I get any time at all, I need to rent a blast heater and set it at the head of the trailer and get myself thawed out. I wonder if pouring salt down the drains would do any good?
Just a few hours off is all I need... It may be possible on Friday.
I turned off the hot water heater, I worry about it staying on with no fresh water coming in.
Well, I gotta go scrub down now, the water is hot.
You have a great day!
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Tuesday Morning.

It looks like it may have snowed a little overnight, the ground is white. I haven't gotten out to feel of it yet. It might just be more frozen rain, but I think maybe it is snow because I didn't hear any ice hitting the trailer roof last night. The weather forecast is calling for snow today... yay.
I checked my lotto tickets. If there were a prize for absolutely not picking any right numbers...
My right tonsil is red and swollen, but my left tonsil is still tiny. Strange that only one tonsil would be acting up. I think breathing cold air at night while I sleep may be causing this sore throat and tight lungs. I was so thirsty all night, I kept chugging water and Orange juice. I drank about a half-gallon of each and I kept getting up to pee and drinking some more. When I'm coming down sick, I tend to crave pepper sauce (Tabasco) and Orange juice, both of which give me heartburn.
Speaking of heartburn. A neighbor turned me on to these chewable papaya tablets. They work faster than Tums or Rolaids, but they don't seem to keep it at bay for very long. It is amazing though, chew 2 tablets and the heartburn goes away instantly. A homeopathic remedy that seems to work pretty good, and they don't taste bad either.
Well, it's time to bundle up and trundle to work.
You have a great day.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!

Yesterday morning, it was a nice temperature. I put on a sleeveless dress with a sleeveless sweater and opened up the doors. It was overcast but relatively warm. Probably around 57 degrees. I went to WalMart to get some more jewelry findings for my project and the temperature started to drop. By 2:00 it was freezing. Then it started to rain ice. It rained ice all night. I left my faucets dripping, but when I woke up this morning the bathtub faucet had quit. Once again, I have kitchen water but I have no bathroom water. It's 16 degrees outside right now, and there are sheets of ice over my windows. I can feel the chill coming from the walls and floors.
Darnit, darnit, darnit!
I just want to go back to bed and stay there.
Okay, maybe I am overreacting. But goodness, can't a girl catch a break?
The good news is: It ain't windy.
The good news is: I'm still alive.
The good news is: I still have heat.
The good news is: I still have food.
The good news is: I still have shelter.
The good news is: I still have my dog.
There is a lot that I should be grateful for, so I'll just shut up, live with these minor inconveniences, and go to work.
Forgive me for complaining.

Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

The wind, it was outrageous.

Where did that line come from? "The wind, it was outrageous and the snow was howling."
Ah, yes. Bob Dylan. In "Isis" I believe...

It's not snowing, but the wind is sure blowing. The trailer is rocking with the gusts.
Doesn't bother me none, I'm cozy warm and comfy inside, but it makes Megabyte nervous.

I got all the chores on my list done except for: vacuuming out the truck, repacking the wheel bearings, and I'm adding dumping the blackwater. I think I could knock out two of them today. The wheel bearings will have to wait, again. I also need to stuff some silicone in the screw holes left by the visor on the cab of the truck.

Did I tell you about that? No, probably not. After Thanksgiving, I drove up to OKC. I was towing the RV into a 30 mph headwind. The visor over my windshield ripped out of the roof of the cab. I took it off to prevent any more damage, but it shredded the screw holes. I went to a body shop to inquire what they would do about it. They said they would weld it and grind it down smooth and repaint. The estimate is $619.00. Well, I can't pay that, but I think I will tap-tap-tap it down smooth, and fill it with silicone until the weather warms up, then clean it up and put JB Weld in the holes, let it set, then drill new holes and re-mount the visor. $619.00. Can you imagine? Wow. It's a good lookin' old truck, but I sure ain't paying that.

Well, I'm in a crafty mood today, so I think I'll drag out and open up the old craft-trunk and see what I can make.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

My Little Christmas Tree...

I had a strange night.

I couldn't sleep.
When I got home, I frustrated myself by looking around at all that I have left undone for the past week. I go to work before sun-up and I return after sundown. I had a sink full of dirty dishes, muddy paw prints on the floor, dead insects in the light fixtures, clean laundry in bags on the floor, full trashcan in the kitchen, and a funky smell in the refrigerator. Not to mention I've needed to repack the wheel bearings, clean out my truck, replace the photographs in the collage on the wall, refill the soap dispenser in the bathroom, and finish skirting the front hitch on the trailer.
I had a tummyache and muscle spasms by my kidneys that wouldn't let me sleep. So, I got up and started cleaning. First, I did the dishes, then I pulled out the pine sol and wiped down every inch of walls and ceilings. I took the covers off all the light fixtures and washed them. I swept the carpets and hand-scrubbed the linoleum, set a pot of black-eyed peas to soak, washed the dog dishes, cleaned the toilet, windexed all the glass, and dusted. It was like an OCD nightmare. I finished by 1:00 this morning and went to bed. Slept like a baby. I woke up at 5:44 this morning with the song "Jolene" by Dolly Parton running through my head. I'm not sure what I dreamed, but it included that song.
My tummy feels better this morning, but the muscle spasms in my lower back are bugging me. I did lift some heavy batteries yesterday, then exacerbate that by scrubbing on my hands and knees. I think I'll take some advil and see if that helps.
I'm going to take a shower, haul all the trash to the dumpster, drop off my dirty laundry, vacuum out the truck, buy canvas snaps from Lowe's, oil for my Sabbath lamp and milk from WalMart, change my sheets, and rearrange the pictures in the collage this morning. Then maybe this afternoon I'll attack the refrigerator and shampoo the carpets.
All should be right in the world by sundown tonight.
Now I've got to find that Dolly Parton song...
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Frozen Wasteland

OK. The rain never did turn to snow. Instead we had freezing rain all day. I had some waiting time at the shop, so I decided to get out my Carharts and go help the outside plant guys. I found my Carharts and they were wet, so I laid them out to dry in the office and bundled up. I had two shirts, my hoodie pulled up over my head, a thick coat over that, and two pair of gloves. I could only take the windy cold for a little over an hour. My feet and legs were froze, my fingers were cold even through the gloves, and we all had drippy noses. Man, it was cold, and you know I'm no wussy.
I woke up this morning and my door was frozen shut. My lungs hurt, I think I've got some chest congestion starting too. Oh boy!
Today, I shall wear my longjohns and every item of clothing I can layer and still move. I may be waddling like a penguin, but at least I'll be warm.
I put the adapter on the extension cord for the milk-house heater underneath the trailer, but the bathroom water froze up anyway. Today will be a hat day for sure.
I don't mean to sound negative or pessimistic, but this is a lot of aggravation for one job. Honestly, this jobsite is management-heavy, ill-conceived, and contrary to what I was told: they really don't need me. I was ordered here as though they were understaffed and I needed to get here as quickly as I could. I find that they aren't understaffed, but overstaffed with fluffers.
Do you know what a fluffer is? In the porn industry, they are the persons responsible for making the male actors ready for their scenes. Get it?
No, I don't care to slam my company or co-workers on my personal blog, so I won't. But a job like this could make me look for other, more interesting work.
I'll just stick this one out and hope it gets better, (or die trying).
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Tuesday.

I bought a 30 amp to 110 adapter at WalMart yesterday, it was only $5.
I got a couple of hours off to run errands because I had a building cutover scheduled for after-hours. I went back to work at 5:30 and didn't finish until 11:00.
I really didn't want to get up this morning. Not because I'm tired, but because it's raining. I love to hear the rain when I sleep.
The rain is supposed to turn to snow today. I'm actually looking forward to the snow. I haven't seen snow in 3 years. Not since I was stuck in a snowstorm in New Mexico for Thanksgiving. Danielle and I were working on the Windstream project and got ourselves stuck in a snowstorm. We rented a motel room then went and soaked in the outdoor hot-tub in the middle of a snowstorm. It was cool. (Actually, it was COLD! Brrr.) But it was fun to watch the steam and the snowflakes above our heads. When we got out of bed the next morning it was a winter wonderland. About a foot of heavy wet snow had fallen. Perfect for making snowballs. Oh, what memories I have.
I see crystal ice formations on the windows this morning. It's starting to frost up, so I anticipate the transition to snow will be fairly soon. I hope it doesn't just turn to freezing rain. I don't care for falling ice at all.
While I was at WalMart, I bought two pairs of really thick winter socks. I'm definitely wearing a pair today!
Meg doesn't want to stay outside to do his business. Poor guy. How he can hold it I will never know.
I gotta run through the shower and get to work.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Monday again.

Good morning.
How very fortunate I am. I still have water and drainage.
The trailer is considerably warmer inside than it was before I put the canvas around.
I feel pretty good about everything right now.

I pretty much stayed indoors this weekend. I didn't get out so I didn't get cold.

An older male neighbor came by on Saturday. He had seen me working on my underpinning on Friday. He waited until I was done and came by to see if I needed any help. How funny.
I asked if he had an adapter 30 amp male to 110 female, he left to go check. He came back without one, but decided to tell me all about electricity, and how I need to get that milk-house heater on another circuit because it may be pulling too many amps and that's why it keeps tripping the breaker. He even went so far as to explain that one appliance may be pulling 10 amps and another 5 amps and it's only a 15 amp breaker... duh! I had already explained the reason I wanted the adapter is because I want to move the milk-house heater to the circuit on the pedestal. It's on the GCFI circuit inside, so whenever it cuts itself off, it trips the breaker. I had to listen to him go on and on about what I should do. I really dislike being lectured on what I already know, but I didn't argue I just let him talk. He didn't come up with any usable solutions, the most absurd of which was to cut the end off of an extension cord and just stick the bare wires into the outlet on the pedestal. I told him no. Old men like him are the reason I can't stand to work with them. I suppose he thinks he was explaining something complicated to a simple girl, and he's sure that I rejected his reasonable idea because I'm afraid of the mystery of electricity. Instead, I perceive him as a dumbass who would burn my trailer down with his dumbass idea.
(Sigh). I'm so misunderstood.
Why do men think they know things by virtue of being men? And why would they assume I don't know? Good grief!
Three of the guys from the crew dropped by to see my winter solution. They were impressed. I showed them the snaps that I used. Greg said if he would have done this then he would still have his RV here. He took his RV back to Oklahoma when the weather turned cold because he froze up too, and now he's in a motel. I have to say that I think I did a pretty good job making a skirt for my trailer. It cost quite a bit, but it will last. The oiled canvas is water repellent and mildew proof, and it's heavy enough that it won't blow. I paid $250 for all this canvas, and another $35 for all the snap kits, then it took me about 6 hours to manufacture it into a custom skirt. Voila'.
Well, I have ranted enough for one morning.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

I have thawed!

I have water, I have drainage... I'm ecstatic.
I bought $250.00 worth of oiled canvas and put snaps all around my trailer. I cut the canvas into 4' strips and hung it all around, and I put a milk-house heater underneath the trailer. Then I waited. All night long I wondered if it would work.
I woke up this morning and my drains are empty and I can finally do my dishes.
Yesterday working outside I got so cold, my pinkies hurt, my skin hurt, but I was determined to finish. Megabyte stayed with me the whole time, but he tried to stay in the sun. When we came inside for a break, I noticed he was shivering. That's when I decided to turn the heater on. When the dog starts shivering, you know it's cold. When I finished I put the drain plug in the bathtub and took a shower. The drain plug was to warm up my feet. After the shower, my skin was still cold, so I turned on my heating pad and used it for 10 minutes on each part of my skin. It's been a long time since I was this cold. Quite invigorating it was...
So now I have a brown canvas skirt around my trailer. Looks pretty good, and it helps keep the inside of the trailer warm also. I think I just might survive the winter in this thing.
Today, I need to refill the other propane bottle so I don't run out, fill up the truck with real gasoline, and buy the last package of snaps from Lowe's. I'm not quite sure how to skirt the front of the trailer where the hitch sticks out, that is the only part I didn't get to finish. Then, if I feel warm enough, I just might shave my legs.
But then again, it might be interesting to see if they do grow out to look like a golden marmoset...

Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Another day, another 50 cents.

When I got home, the bathroom pipes had thawed, I anticipated a hot shower... I washed my dishes and discovered that my graywater was full, so I went and hooked up my sewer hose to drain it. Yep, you guessed correctly: my holding tank is frozen. Wouldn't drain. Oh goody.
I took a shower anyway, because it drains into a separate graywater tank which isn't full yet. Boy, I hope those tanks thaw today. I doubt that they will because the weather is supposed to turn colder today.

Aren't I just a mess?
I know you're jealous. You want to be me, right? Such an adventurous person, a devil-may-care kind of life...
Trade ya!

I dreamed that the hair on my legs was long and luxurious, kinda like a golden marmoset. It seemed perfectly natural in my dream, but I woke up and had quite the laugh over it. I was grateful to reach down and find just the normal stubble growing there, but I'm sure my subconscious is telling me that I need to either shave, or reconcile myself to being a hairy ape.

Well, It's time to bundle up and get to work.
You have a great day.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

I'm in Knob Noster, MO.

Okay. I made it. It was snowing when I arrived (alright, maybe just flurries). But it was cold. I set up the camper and wrapped my water line, had to wait until 6 pm to get the electricity turned on. I left the kitchen faucet dripping so it wouldn't freeze but I forgot about the bathroom. I have no bathroom water this morning. Good day to wear a hat! I went to town and got one of the propane bottles filled so I wouldn't run out in the middle of the night. Now I'm toasty warm.
I tried to call the PM this morning to inquire whether or not we are working outdoors, since I hadn't heard back from him I put on my longjohns, two pair of socks, three shirts and my wool hat. He just now called and said I would be working indoors. Oh well, at least I'll be warm.
I checked my lottery tickets. Again, I didn't win. But I'll let you know when I do...
I have to go to work now, you have a great day.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Obstacles to Overcome.

I have a couple of obstacles to overcome today.
Nothing earth-shattering, mind you. Just little aggravations.
I am somewhat stuck in Joplin, MO.
I had anticipated having all this week off, so I cut my finances a bit close.
I paid my Cellphone bill early, I paid my trailer payment early. I bought parts to fix up my truck, and I had a cheap place to park my rig.
Yesterday morning, as I was tearing down the truck to install a new power steering pump, I received a call asking me to get to Whiteman AFB in Missouri.
I told them that I needed my mileage in order to drive that far.
He said they aren't paying mileage but he would get me my next two weeks' perdiem deposited overnight. I knew I only had about $160 in the bank.
I fixed up my truck, gassed up and rigged up, and headed that way. I drove all night. I got to Joplin MO at 1:00 this morning and pulled off into an RV park.
I slept for 6 hours and woke up with a bad headache. I made my coffee and logged on to my online banking only to discover that I have $19.00 left. I have to pay $30.00 for the RV park this morning. I bought 5 tanks of gas and paid $17.00 in tolls, and I have a headache, and I find that they didn't deposit my perdiem. I'm a little aggravated. Plus, I need propane. My feet are cold. I need a shower. I need the Advil to kick this derned headache. My skin is sore from being scrubbed with Dawn dishsoap, and I have scrapes on my arms from yesterday's wrenching. They are stinging a bit. I'm waiting for the office to open up so I can get them to wire the money into my account this morning before I leave here, so I can pay for my parking spot. Aargh!
Sometimes it's a bitch, Sometimes it's a breeze.
I'll probably be able to think my way through this pickle just as soon as this headache goes away.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Happy happy Thanksgiving!

Good morning everyone!
It's supposed to be a beautiful day today, and we have the Thanksgiving gathering this afternoon at 2. I'm going to see some aunts, uncles, and cousins that I haven't seen in years. I'm taking the game Pente over, just in case any of the nieces or nephews wants to play. It's simple and fairly quick.
I woke up at 5:45 because I'm all excited about today, I may even paint my fingernails.
I have been stuffed with so much food this week. I'll have to fast for a month to work it off. Deserts after every meal.

Grandma was putting together a fruit desert to take today, and I stood around to watch. She was crushing cranberries. They looked so plump and red and pretty, and I realized I've never tasted a fresh cranberry so I asked her for one.
Ewww, gross, blech, urg! Those things are awful! Not a lesson I'm going to repeat anytime soon. I can't imagine the first time somebody ate one. "Hmmm. Maybe with a little sugar?" I would have determined that they were inedible. So bitter. My Dad always liked to say: "Can you imagine the first guy to eat an egg? He saw this thing coming out of a chicken's ass and said I wonder what THAT would taste like?" Ha haaa.

I just about laughed myself silly the other night. Grandpa said he thought the ham would be good on Rye bread with mustard. I concurred. A couple of times that day he had mentioned mustard. I thought maybe he just had a craving for it. We sat down to eat: Pinto beans and rice, ham, and sweet potatoes. I saw Grandpa pour mustard all over his sweet potato and I thought to myself: "Boy, he must have some craving for mustard." My Dad saw him do it too, and he thought: "I've never put mustard on a sweet potato before, maybe I'll try it." About halfway through the meal, Grandpa exclaimed: "Goodness, I thought that Ham tasted funny until I just now realized that I've been eating sweet potato!" My Dad and I just about fell out of our chairs. I've been giggling about it ever since. From now on, I'm sure everyone will serve him mustard with his sweet potatoes.

Well, I got to get moving. Dishes to do, shower to take, makeup to paint on my face. I'm really excited about today!
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Is it really Wednesday already?

Stop the clock. This week is just flying by. Gosh it seems like I just got here.
I slept in until 7:20 this morning. Drank coffee in my trailer, then went into Grandma's house and drank some more. I spliced the cable on her vacuum cleaner, took a shower, now I'm back out in the trailer drinking my Red Bull and getting ready to clean it up. Gosh, I let it get so dusty-dirty in here. I've been running around all week and haven't spent any time in the trailer. The half-gallon of milk that I bought last night has a hole in the bottom, so a quart leaked out and dripped into the lunchmeat drawer. What a mess! I poured the rest into a little water jug that I usually keep and now I have to clean the refrigerator. I don't want to pour that mess into my sink-drain because I'm having to retain all my gray water while I'm here and I don't want sour milk in the tank.
I'm still having a wonderful time. It feels good to be wanted by your family.
I scored a copy of the picture of my Grandparents' wedding in 1947. What a prize!
I want to run over to the store and get a frame for it and hang it on the wall. I'll scan it in and share it with you.
Since Grandpa had his stroke, he has been working real hard to get moving again. When he stands up, he musters all his willpower to make his legs walk. He has this really endearing habit now of humming a marching tune and marches in place for a second then taking a step forward. That's how he makes himself walk. I see the consternation on his face when he makes himself start to march, like it takes a lot of patience but then he makes himself cheer up and gets to moving. I admire him so much. He marches around the house like a soldier. He doesn't give up, and he actually walks a lot. He won't be made to stay in a chair for very long. Amazingly enough, I don't see either of them popping pills. Grandfather is 86 and Grandmother is 77, they have been married for 61 1/2 years. They are both still very sharp and quick witted, no dulling of the senses or slowness of thought at all! I really have a hard time believing that they are that advanced in age. I know people who are younger by 20 - 30 years that are completely falling apart. Grandmother's neighbor is one: ready for the assisted living center.
Well, enough about that. Puts me in a sad frame of mind to think of it.
Work called but I didn't have my phone with me, I was worried so I called them first thing. Turns out they didn't pay me for 11 hours in September, so I have an extra check coming. Wonderful! I've been being extra conservative these last couple of weeks because I didn't know how much driving I would have to do, and you know that my gasoline expense just kills my budget. It took 5 tanks of gas just to get here. I still have to be extra careful, you never know if I'll be dispatched to the East Coast or something, and I need to have a little saved back for that kind of expense. But at least I don't have to worry so much about it.
Well, I need to get crackin' on this trailer, it ain't gonna clean itself no matter how much hoodoo I put on it.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Another great day!

Good Morning!
Yesterday, I left out early and found a car wash. I got the truck cleaned up and went to the parts store for some power steering fluid and a window motor.
It took some time and a lot of figuring out, but I got it installed. Yay! Now I can roll my window down. I'm so happy about that. I was worried there for a while that I might not get it. It's rather complex and you have to do it by feel. You can't stick your head in and see what to do, you just have to feel around blindly. I'm so glad that's over, but now I know I could do it again if I had to.
Next, I need to address the wheel bearings on the trailer! Woo Hoo!
My aunt Susan came by to see me and we visited a while, it was great to see her again. I used to think the sun rose and set for my aunt Susan. She is so pretty, her smile just lights up the room. When she was 18 I was 8, she was frequently saddled with babysitting duty. I remember she drove a Subaru Brat, it was a little car with a little pickup truck bed in the back. We used to go take care of her horse, "Rose". She and I would secretly dip Copenhagen and spit and be the best buddies. I never had the attention of a popular, beautiful, and mysterious Teenager before, so I was totally smitten with her. I knew exactly who I wanted to be like when I grew up. Oh, she was so awesome.
Then later, my cousin Brooke came by to see me. She is 10 years younger than I. We had a great visit. I've always liked Brooke, she is Susan's daughter. Very accomplished and very self-aware. Also, beautiful like her mother. She and I looked over the wall of fame (Grandma's hallway of pictures), and Brooke started pointing out pictures and saying: "You look a lot like my Mom", or "I always thought you looked like Lindsay, she has your face-shape", and stuff like that. It made me feel good because all the Anderson girls are so pretty. I'm not a hideous witch or anything, but I always thought myself a bit too plain. It was cool to hear how my cousin perceived me.
This visit to my family is full of healing for me. I know that sounds stupid, but I've never felt this kind of love and acceptance from them before. It's as though they truly missed me, and everyone knows who I am, instead of the surprised look on their faces, I get happy smiles. Grandma told me that my pictures (on the bookshelf and on the refrigerator), weren't just put out because I was coming, they have been there all the time.
The visit with my little sister Brandy was the best one ever. I sat beside her at supper and we got to chat a little. I spent time with my nieces and nephew, the highest compliment I can say is "Those are some really cool kids". Not "They are really good kids", which they are. Or not "They are really sweet kids", which they are also. But they are really Cool kids. Such wonderful, big eyed, considerate, sincere, intelligent, funny, and happy kids. A pleasure to know. I just went camera crazy the whole time. I felt all the tension between Brandy and me just dissipate, almost palpably. We are, after all, almost strangers.
My Grandmother is a caregiver for her elderly neighbor (who is actually younger than she), and they had a little crisis yesterday. The DirecTV audio quit. I went over to have a look-see, and we reset the converter box, checked the settings on the TV, and several other little troubleshooting things and couldn't really decide what the problem was. I took over a component cable and hooked it up and disconnected the HDMI input, then changed the setting to use the component input, and voila': she had picture and sound. I told Grandma that she probably needed a new HDMI cable, that is the simplest solution, and she wouldn't have HD tv on the new component cable, but it would work just fine anyway. So I got to be the hero, even though I really did nothing. Grandma bragged about it several times, makes me feel good but kinda embarrassed.
Well, Grandma wants a recent picture of me, so I need to stop procrastinating and see about making my printer spit out a decent picture or two.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Camping in Grandma's Driveway.

I'm here. I made it to Ft. Worth.
I had asked my Dad to research RV parks in the area to find one that was close to family. He talked to my grandparents about it and they all suggested that I park at Grandma's house. They used to have an RV so they wired an outlet for 30 amps and poured a concrete pad. They sold the RV years ago. Grandpa said they wouldn't charge me to park there, so I inquired about cable TV and High-speed internet. After all, that's what I get at the RV parks, right?
I really wanted to wash this truck and RV before I got here, but I couldn't find a truck wash. It's embarrassingly dirty. I'll take the truck to a carwash today and get it shined up, but now there's not much I can do about the RV. They haven't been washed since Ponca City, and that was a very dirty place!
Now I'm sure I need to re-grease my wheel bearings. I got out and let my Dad back it in and was shocked at the squeaking noise this thing makes. It was hideous, and loud.

I was talking to my Dad on the phone as he was guiding me to the right exit. It was Saturday evening at 5:00 pm and the traffic on 820 was busy and slow. I said "How can you stand this traffic?", he said "Aww. You get used to it." I said "Not me, I'm a dirt-road kind of gal."
Since I feel like the country cousin already, I'm really resisting the urge to hang the dork lights out on the camper. Welcome to Yuppie-ville, ha ha haaaa. I need to put on some over-alls, chew on a piece of hay, wear my dirty cowboy hat and go around barefoot. Where did I put that harmonica? Okay, now I'm just being facetious.

I'm really gonna have a great time. They decided to hold Thanksgiving twice. Once today, with Dad and Brenda, my sister and her family, Grandparents, Brenda's sisters and some other people. Then again on Thursday at my Aunt Susan's house with Dad and Brenda, Grandparents, and I'm not quite sure who else.
My Dad has a Pit bull named Mia. She's a sweet girl, but I can't help but worry about putting the two dogs together. The good news is that she's a girl and Meg's a boy. The bad news is that Mia could kill Meg with hardly a thought if she took a notion to. I'm probably worried for nothing. She is a sweet dog and has never shown any aggressive tendencies. It's just personal prejudice against the breed, I need to get over it. Meg has always held his own. I remember when he and Pongo got into a fight. Meg did just fine. Sometimes I wish I had gotten him neutered when he was young. I wouldn't worry so much. Anyway, we've devised that we will introduce them in the front yard with Mia on a leash, to see how they get along before we take them to the back yard (Mia's territory).
I've got to go and give Meg a bath. Can't have him smelling like a dog. Ha ha.
Have a great day.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Time to Boogie!

I slept in until almost 6 this morning. I am officially on Vacation!
I'm so excited!
I need to shower, do laundry, wash the truck, gas up, refill my propane, hitch up the trailer, secure my breakables, do the dishes, and hit the road for Fort Worth.
No time to blog.
Gotta go, gotta go.

It's Friday!

The wind stopped blowing. Thank God for that. Yesterday was a bear.
I had to do some major figuring-out yesterday. We received paging equipment for this job, but it wasn't simple cut-and-dried. I had to make a chinese blueprint and expand the existing paging system by adding one zone and then extracting a subzone to send down to building 45. It was a matter of following wires to figure out what they do and where they go to make sense of it all, then repeat it. Seems pretty simple, huh? That's what I thought. I wired in the new components just like the old ones, and left the wires hanging out for the missing component. I called the office to inquire about the missing component and found out that "They don't make those anymore. Just wire it up straight." So then I had to think my way out of the box. It was quite complex, to say the least. I got it all figured out now, I guess you could say I learned a new brand of paging system that I've never gotten to play with before. The brand was Lucent/Valcom. I used to know Valcom, but I haven't had a chance to learn their new Lucent/Valcom products.
This is the stuff that makes my job fun, and the reason I love getting up in the morning. If a company could just understand that, they would know how to hang on to me. All I need is interesting work, a pat on the back now and again, and always deal straight with me, and I'll be the best employee they ever had.
I need to clean my truck out, vacuum it and wash it. I'm also out of clean clothes, which is amazing considering that I own 14 pairs of jeans. I also need to get my propane refilled, gas up the truck, top off the power steering fluid and oil. I'm anxious to get rolling again. I think maybe I'll just hit a truck wash on the road so I can get the camper washed also. That costs like $55.00 but they always do a great job.
My back aches something fierce this morning and I feel that derned sinus headache starting. I think I'll take some Advil and "run through the shower".
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Wow! The wind is so strong that I barely got the door open to let the dog out. It is blowing at about 30+ mph straight into the side of the trailer this morning. I really, really, really don't want to go outside. Meg didn't stay out very long. I saw him go pee on two things then he was right back at the door. Usually when it's windy, he doesn't like to be inside the trailer because it rocks.
Yesterday, we pulled a 300 pair and two innerducts into a 4" pipe between building 1 and building 7. Then we pulled 3 runs of 12 strand freedom fiber into one of the innerducts. So today the guys are going to terminate all the copper and pull a few short runs of feeder. Tomorrow they will install the paging system in building 45. As soon as they get done with those two jobs, then they (and I) can leave Amarillo. Phase two doesn't start until January. All the Ponca City crews are being freed up this week so the company has a lot of people to re-dispatch. I opted to take the next week off and go to my Dad's. The way I see it, there's no need to send me to a new job for three days before the Thanksgiving holiday weekend, and it's a lot of driving for me. I called my Dad and asked him to research an RV park in the area. I'll just spend a week in Ft. Worth and visit family, maybe do a little work on the trailer that I've been too busy to get done. I have vacation days saved up, may as well use them before I lose them.
OK, that was scary. I just heard a piercing alarm sound and I looked around for the source. The gas hot water heater couldn't kick on because the wind is blowing directly into it, so my gas leak detector went off. The wind is blowing the gas directly into the trailer and it couldn't ignite the burners. It's all ok now, but it made me jump a mile high out of my chair. I usually kick on the gas hot water heater before I shower because the electric alone makes it so I run out of hot water just as I am rinsing the conditioner out of my hair. I get a few more seconds of hot water if I turn on the gas part. The good news is: now I know the gas leak detector works! Bad news is: it brings a new meaning to the saying "run through the shower".
Ha Ha!
I really really really don't want to go outside.
Did I mention that?

Thanks for listening,
MsAmber

Wednesday already?

Good morning.
I had a lovely day yesterday. My new crew is great. First off, we unloaded the trailer to see what materials we have, then we reloaded the trailer. We did a walk through of the jobsite to see what needed to be done, then we started pulling the 300 pair. When people walked by, they would always ask "What is that?", so I answered it was a 300 pair cable. Pulling it is like wrestling an elephant. "I got it by the tail guys, now ya'll can take 'er down!" (my little joke... very little...there it goes, poof.)
We got it pulled from the end of one hallway to the end of another hallway, and fed into the idf and switchroom, through 5 firewalls. Now that was fun! We joked and laughed and worked very hard until 6:00 pm. It makes the day go faster when you really have some good work to do. I'm glad this crew is relaxed enough around me to joke and let me work with them. I was brought in as a supervisor and I had never met these guys before, sometimes that works out, other times they have had a bad experience with other supervisors and start out with a chip on their shoulders. These guys are ok.
My propane tank is empty this morning, so it's a little cool in here. I need to switch over to the other tank. That would require me to bundle up and go outside and fumble around in the windy dark to get the cover off the tanks and manually switch it over. Nope. I'll just sit here drinking my coffee and shiver, thanks. The funny part of this equation is that the tanks have an automatic switch over, but I won't use it. I keep one valve closed because I want to know when a tank is empty. I'm afraid to run out both tanks. I can be so silly sometimes. Since it's been cold, I am averaging 8 days on a tank. There really needs to be some method of checking propane levels that doesn't require me to pour a glass of warm water over the side of the tank to watch the gauge change colors. How about a re-settable flow meter on the inside? I know they hold over 7 gallons each, so if I reset it each time I fill the tank, then when it hits 7 gallons I'll know one of my tanks is empty. Gosh. Amber for President!
Actually, there is one modification I would like to make to this trailer. A battery powered red strobe light on the front. I would connect it to a temperature sensor. If it gets over 95 degrees in here, I want the light to flash and a sticker that requests the casual observer to call me. I worry about my dog during the day. I had an incident last summer where the outside breaker popped and the air-conditioner shut off. My dog was in here and the temperature soared to at least 105. Fortunately for me I took off early from work that day and went home. If I had stayed at work, my dog might have been hurt. I marched my butt up to the campground manager and chewed them out (actually, I had a hysterical meltdown). If it were my trailer's AC that caused the breaker to flip, it would have flipped inside the trailer first. When too many trailers in the park have their air conditioners on, the outside breakers usually flip. So I'm going to make sure that never happens again. I feel very fortunate that I felt compelled to go home early that day. But now I know what I need to do and I will get it done before any hot weather.
Well, I gotta run through the shower before heading to work.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

Tuesday, November-something, 2008

Ah, it's 4:30 a.m. on Tuesday morning. I don't have to be to work until 8. It's a little chilly outside but otherwise clear and peaceful. I'm in Amarillo, Texas. Yesterday I got up at 4, drank my coffee, unplugged from water, electricity, and sewage, and hit the road at 5. I drove down to Norman OK and arrived at 7:30. Waited around for people to show up, turned in some paperwork, and hung out until 9. As I was ready to leave, I was asked to stop off in Sayre to swap out a router in a college bookstore. I got to Sayre at noon and took care of the router, gassed up the truck, then I got a call from Danny. He left one hour after me but he was already in Amarillo. How in the world?!?
Yeah, it was pretty slow driving in the wind, but still: how did he pass me?
I pulled into Amarillo at 3:30 pm. I drove 415 miles yesterday, installed a router, set up the camper, and I was exhausted. I guess fighting the wind all day wore me out. So, like a dummy, I went to bed at 7:00 pm. Just couldn't stay awake any longer. So I started waking up around 3, looked at the clock and tried to go back to sleep, around 4 I figured it was morning enough to get up.
I made my reservations online at this KOA. I'm starting to think that I don't like KOA campgrounds all that much. The people at the Shreveport KOA weren't all that helpful so I didn't stay there. I told them I had about a month's worth of work and wanted a monthly rate, the little girl turned around and asked her supervisor who glared at me and sputtered that they "don't have long term sites". No, this place isn't that bad. It's maybe a little too manicured for my taste, but the real problem is the price. This campground is more expensive than the nice hotel I stayed at last time. My weekly rate at the hotel (with complimentary breakfast) was $189. The KOA for 6 nights is $208 with my 10% discount membership, and their cable TV is less than basic cable. No SciFi, no SPIKE TV, not even the women's channel: Oxygen. But we DO get the Weather Channel! Woo Hoo. You would think they could lower their rates during the off-season, when their little KOA diner is closed and the pool is closed, and their famous little kiddie-train isn't running...

My Dad invited me to Thanksgiving dinner in Texas this year. I always have to psych myself up for family gatherings. It's never been comfortable for me. I don't know why, I feel like a bug under a microscope. I dress up too much, or I don't dress up enough, I don't spend enough time with the women-folk, I smoke cigarettes, I stare at the children, my heart flutters and I stutter, I get nervous and say the wrong things, and usually I put both feet straight into my mouth early and I spend the duration of the gathering trying to extract them from my beet-red face. I'm much better at an outdoor beer drinking bar-b-que than I am at an indoor formal dinner. I never know if I'm supposed to be helping, I try to watch the hostess for cues, which are never straightforward (did she mean yes when she said no?). Some people dip their chips straight into the dip, some scoop a little onto their paper plate and dip from there... Yeah people, I'm a neurotic mess! Did you just figure that out?
I wish I knew how to play my guitar. I could just sit myself into a corner and lightly strum and play some appropriate little Christmas songs like background music. That way I can imagine my little "safe zone", thwart uncomfortable conversation, contribute to the ambiance, and keep myself busy and out of trouble.
Oh we can dream, can't we.
Well, I gotta hop in the shower. I still need to hitch up the box trailer full of materials and take it to the VA before anybody shows up.
Thanks for listening.
MsAmber

November 16, 2008

I've been re-dispatched. I leave here in the morning to go to Norman, OK for materials, then off to Amarillo Texas.
I was expecting to be here in Ponca City through December, so I bought $100.00 worth of straw and packed it around the camper to keep the cold out. I insulated my water line, but I'm not sure what else I can do to make this camper winter-proof yet stay road-worthy. With winter coming on, I feel the need to stock up on emergency supplies. I don't really have room to store much, but I feel compelled to do it anyway. I have my generator for electricity which I bought last year, I still need to find a 5 gallon gas can, preferably a metal jerry can so I don't have to worry about it bursting.
I have lots of little chores I need to do: I need to look at the wheel bearings on the trailer. I notice some spin-off of grease, I want to put my grubbies on them to see what condition they are in, then re-pack them in grease. (wishlist: steel wheels and new trailer tires with some awesome tread!) I checked with a welding shop and they would only charge about $135.00 to fabricate a receiver hitch to the frame rails on the back of the trailer. Then I could buy a carrier to put a bicycle, generator, or a little motorcycle back there. I recently scavenged a charcoal grill and I don't know how in the world I am going to haul it around. I don't want it in the trailer and I don't want it in the back of the truck. It appears I'm gonna have to leave it here like the previous owners did.
I took the truck to the shop on Friday, the mechanic only charged me $111.00 for the swing bearing and u-joint. That is a far sight cheaper than the quote I received in Shreveport. I was pleased.
One of the floaters in my eyes has settled exactly in the center of my vision of my left eye. It's aggravating me to no end. I have to focus off-center to read what I'm typing. I hope I haven't misspelled anything.
It's early yet. The sun hasn't peeked it's head up. The weather is supposed to be warmer today with gentler winds. I've gassed up the truck and organized the tools, and loaded up the bed. I've secured all my breakables and shampoo'd the carpet. Today will be a wrap-up, I want to be hitched up and ready to roll by bedtime tonight so I can just drink my coffee and drive away at 5:00 a.m. tomorrow.

Thanks for listening,
MsAmber

November 14, 2008

My ex-husband emailed me this morning. Said he finished a webpage and hoped I didn't mind, and he sent me the link. http://www.normanknight.com/friends/TheEnd/amber.html

I read the page, it's very nice. I really like the last song: Learn To Be Still.

I was feeling a little blue yesterday. I think I'm reverting back to my old hermit habits. I was thinking about work, and people that I know, and feelings that I want to crawl into a cave and hide for a while. I realize that the depressing nature of November in a desolate place like Ponca City may have something to do with my moods.

The turn-signal-windshield-wiper-bright-dim-cruise-control lever on my truck has broken. The windshield wipers were stuck on, so I pulled the fuse and wired in a toggle switch which I wire-tied to my steering column so that I can turn on and off the wipers. I checked at the dealership and they want $208.00 for it. I can't afford that right now, so the toggle switch will have to do for now. Then, the drivers' side window motor went out. Oh joy. I pulled the door panel and I don't see any good way to get to it. It looks like I'm gonna have to find a junkyard to get those parts.
Maybe I could just get a whole new door, this time with manual window crank. I hate electric windows. I won't do that of course, unless it has the exact same paint scheme and is in perfect condition. I certainly don't want a blue door on a brown truck.
I made an appointment to get my swing bearing replaced this morning. Maybe I'll talk with the mechanic about that stupid window motor and see what he suggests... I guess that's the joy of owning an older truck. I am determined to keep it in perfect condition, but the truck isn't being all that cooperative. I also have a power steering leak, I'm topping it off with stop-leak every other day, maybe I'll eventually get it to stop leaking until such time as I can afford it replaced also. I cleaned everything under the hood last week so that I can see where my leaks and problems are.
It really is a nice truck, and very pretty. I'm completely upside down on it now: I have 'way more into it than I could ever sell it for. My first ex-husband would never have let me do that. He was very "practical" about vehicles. I am determined to have a really nice truck, but I have to do it one paycheck at a time.
So far the tally is this:
Original purchase price: $2,750.
Brakes, drums, cylinders, brake lines, rotors turned, trailer brake module: $908.00
Weight distribution hitch: $600.00
Tires: $630.00
Bed liner, window vent covers, tailgate cap, hub centers, bug shield: $698.50
TWO (yes I said two) fuel pumps: $60.00
(The first replacement fuel pump went out after 50 miles)
Windshield: $200.00
Stereo: $325.00
Trailer light wiring harness: $18.00
Interior dress up stuff (seat cover, wheel cover, seatbelt pad, floor mats): $35.00

So, I'm up to $6,224.50 total on an '84 Chevy Silverado C20.
And that doesn't count insurance, inspection, registration, washing, waxing, oil changes, air filter, fuel filter, or the many hours of labor that I have spent on this thing.
I also outfitted it with a 2-ton floor jack, 18' jumper cables, 20' tow rope, 2 pop-up reflective cones, a nice 4-way tire tool, a road atlas, and a first-aid kit. That's usually what I do with all my vehicles, I make sure I'm prepared for emergencies and I absolutely hate bottle jacks and bumper jacks. I gotta have a floor jack.
Anyway, here's a picture of my money pit.

Thanks for listening,
MsAmber

Walking through the woods.

Megabyte and I took a walk. The woods around here are pretty trashed out. People dump their garbage out at the back end of their property, you might find old bicycles, washers, refrigerators, oil drums, and other trash. Rusted metal and busted fencing everywhere, makes me sick to my stomach. Anyway. Meg and I decided to go exploring a little patch of woods at the back side of the RV park. We climbed under a barb-wire fence and found a little horse pasture. The 7 residents of which ran to the center and huddled in fear of us, watching us warily the entire trespass. We followed the fenceline until it ended at a wash. The precipice of the wash was a dump. We wandered through all the fascinating remnants of civilization. Curiously picking up the bicycle with a banana seat, or a piece of corrugated tin to see what was underneath. I saw an antique bathtub. Not the enameled type: the cowboy style you see in movies, set in the middle of the kitchen with someone's still-booted legs dangling over the sides. It was rotted through, but it looked kinda cool. And then we heard IT. Snorting and stomping. Sounded really close. Is it a bull? Meg started to growl. I looked to the direction whence the sound came, and saw to my surprise, a big brown horse. He looked too big to be maneuvering in the undergrowth of the woods. And he looked mad! Fortunately for me, there was the big deep crevice separating him from us. I laughed to myself for being so silly to be startled by a mad horse in the woods.
Meg and I continued our wanderings, we left the horse field and went East. Still staying on the North side of the wash. I kept thinking that I would like to see a clean part of the wash where the water runs clear and there are no rusted metal impediments, so we followed along beside the stream until we saw a clean area, and a nice hard-packed slope down to the water. Meg and I crashed through the undergrowth, making a path through the branches and brambles and went down to the stream. I saw a deep pool (I always call them "natural bathtubs") in a bend, and a fallen tree that is always fun to try to walk across. Meg and I played a while, and then went across to the other side and we went up, up, up to another pasture. Well, it wasn't really a pasture, It was overgrown with tall weeds, taller than me, but there was a stomped-down spot which I imagined to be where a herd of deer sleep. We stood there for a moment when all of a sudden I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up. We were being watched. Then I heard IT. Scraping and snorting. Uh Oh! That horse has found us. I was spooked! I whipped around and ran back to the stream, crossed it carelessly, splashing and stumbling, and then up the other side. Meg was right with me. When I finally stopped, I was laughing and gasping for air and the mud on my boots had splashed all over my blue jeans, I even had a few specks of it on my face. I looked back across the ravine to see that horse, all prickled up with his ears back and his rump up in the air and his tail high - he was trotting; high-stepping I tell you, back and forth past the trail that Meg and I had just made down to the ravine. "Whew! We made it", I said to Meg and then I laughed at myself for that whole spectacle.
I decided just to head back to the trailer for some more coffee. We walked through the back field and on to the trailer. Meg laid down on the boards outside while I poured a cup and sat down on the steps. All of a sudden Meg stood up and his hackles went up and he started growling towards the West. Oh Crap! That horse followed us out. The horse was trotting along the fenceline in the RV park. He looked excited. Meg started to go after him, but I called him back. I didn't know if the horse would try to stomp Meg, he seemed so aggressive.
The owners came and got the horse, but I don't think they've found how the horse escapes. Every morning now, the horse is in the RV park. He doesn't act aggressively now, he just grazes his way across the park. I got close enough to take this picture, and Meg will go run a big circle around him, but I'm not sure if this horse is approachable. I saw the aggression in this horse's eyes and body-language on that first day.
I'm still giggling inside. My imagination always takes over when I go exploring in the woods. The trees are always alive, the streams have bathtubs and waterfalls, every scraping noise must lead to a raccoon or a possum... My fascination. Except for the garbage, I always imagine that I am the only one who's ever seen this place.

Thanks for listening.
Later Peeps.
MsAmber

I'm Ba-ack!

The weather is a little cool this morning. I have the door open, as usual, and I put on a sweater and socks to keep me warm. For some odd reason, I hate being cooped up with closed doors and windows. Did I ever tell you guys how I dislike closed doors?
When I was growing up, we had wood heat stoves. It is necessary to keep doors open to bedrooms and other rooms that were in use, so that heat can circulate. During the winter, we would close off some rooms that didn't need heated, like the tool room. But we always made sure that our bedrooms and the bathroom doors were open. Nothing worse than a cold bathroom!
When I struck out on my own, one of the habits of city people that seemed strange to me was that they shut doors. Kids go to bed in a closed room, everybody in a house would be behind a closed door at night. That just didn't seem natural to me. It felt lonely and isolated. I can see the need to close a door for a little while for privacy, like to change clothes, or maybe to talk on the phone with your friends, but to sleep like that? Why?
I've spent a long time thinking of the pros and cons of this issue. It seems to me that people feel they are vulnerable in their sleep, so they want a closed door to give them security. But what they really need is to feel secure with their family.

Which brings me around to my personal story.

When I was real little: like maybe 6 or so, I overheard my Mother say that people who slept curled up in the fetal position were insecure. I didn't know the meaning of insecure, so I asked what that meant. The explanation given was not completely understood but I took away from that answer: "weak". Well, I never wanted to be seen as weak so I made a rule in my head that I would never be caught sleeping with my knees bent. For years and years afterwards I would wake up to know that my knees were bent, so I would straighten myself out stiff as a board and mentally chastise myself for being weak, and go back to sleep. This became my first obsession. From the time I was 6 until I was in my late 20s I had this horrible secret: sometimes my knees bend when I sleep, which MUST mean that I'm weak. No wonder my Mother hated me. She must have seen!
Well, this subconscious knowledge drove me to overcompensate. I didn't want to be weak, I wanted to be strong. I was tough. I made myself swallow pain, sometimes choking on it. I made myself endure. In the process, I also made my brother endure. Whether directly: by torturing him, or indirectly: being an older sibling, an example.
We all know what happens to a person who wants to endure. Invariably they find more and more things TO endure. The addiction to survival. I've brought about so much personal pain and upheavals just to endure them.
Now don't misunderstand: I'm not talking about physical pain-endurance, like having a boyfriend beat on me or anything. I'm too proud and hot-tempered for anything that simple, besides, I know my own mind and I have always known better than to allow a mere human to get the best of me. What I am talking about is self-sabotage causing my own disappointments. Believe me when I tell you, disappointment-pain is quite acute!
So I go around looking for people to disappoint me. I put a lot of (supposed) faith and trust into someone unworthy and wait for them to let me down, which they invariably do.

The lesson I have just spelled out for you, is actually for me. To realize, remember, and rectify. (My 3 Rs).
It seems as though I realized this lesson before, but I forget over time and have to wait until I realize it again. This time will be better.
Rule:
Stop putting so much faith and trust into others. They are merely human and subject to fail and disappoint. It's not personal.

Thanks for listening.
Later Peeps.
MsAmber