Wilderness Girl

The Project is STARTING! Yayyyy.

2011-11-05T07:54:00.002-05:00

All new project. All new challenges.
I've started receiving materials. I've set up my office and I'm nearly done with the numbering of the prints and the spreadsheets.

All my tools are unloaded from the truck, sorted, and stacked in my office. The campershell is off my truck. Boy, does the truck look weird without the campershell.

I held a training class for two of the guys on my crew for the Forklift. One of the guys is as enthusiastic as I used to be. He's having fun running the forklift. I love to see someone embrace something new like that. I was always that person - thrilled to learn what others consider mundane.

I left all my work AT WORK, so this weekend is all freed up to relax. I might clean out the spare bedroom, maybe clean out the truck. Otherwise, I'll be painting and drinking coffee. I bought a pot roast and some carrots. That will satisfy my urge to smell something cooking. I also bought some pie-crust mix and a jar of apple pie filling. Maybe I'll bake an Apple Pie! Since I don't have to worry about the recipe, just assembly, I'll make the lattice-work top for it and sprinkle it with sugar and cinnamon. I haven't done that in years.

Mmmm. Apple Pie!

Have a great day!
MsAmber

I had a dream

2011-10-25T06:50:00.002-05:00

I dreamed that I knocked on the old lady's door, and when she opened it I pushed my way in. I was friendly, but insistent. Then I proceeded to introduce myself and started rummaging through her kitchen cabinets and refrigerator. She was bothered by it and was trying to protest, but I wasn't stopping. I told her I wanted to make sure she had plenty. In my dream, I was a little out-of-character with my pushiness, but it seemed real enough and do-able.

So now, I have this compulsion to see my next door neighbor. The little trailer she lives in is painted all white, and the windows are whited-out. There are pictures of Jesus and Madonna/Mary all over the place. One of each in every window. My landlord told me that she is in her 80s and insists on pictures of Jesus everywhere - including the lawnmower that they use to mow her grass.

Problem is: I've not seen hide-nor-hair of this lady. She doesn't appear to own a car. I've watched for evidence of lights, or cooking, or mail-checking. Nothing. I would even expect to see her peering through cracks in the window just to see all the activity of me moving in next-door. Nothing. So I bought a can of cookies and went over yesterday and knocked. Nothing. I detected no movement.

Now what do I do? I tried calling the landlord and asking him, but he is curiously not answering his phone. Is the old lady home? Has anyone seen her? Should I ask the Priest at the Catholic church around the corner? Call the fire department?
And why do I even have this compulsion, was it the dream?

I'm imagining an "Eleanor Rigby" right next door. If she is there, and is such a shut-in, I really think I should follow through with the instructions in my dream.

Or maybe my imagination is running away with me again. LOL. Won't be the first time.

Have a great week.
MsAmber

New Lisbon Wisconsin

2011-10-18T18:38:00.002-05:00

I'm here!
I found a mobile home for rent with a vacant space next-door for storing the RV. I've rented the mobile home and made all my utility deposits, moved all my furniture into the mobile home. I didn't know I had all this stuff in one tiny little RV. I only needed to buy an entertainment cabinet, bedframe, and nightstands.
Next I need to winterize the RV and clean it up real good, then close it up for the winter. I'm ready for work.
I cooked a good meal tonight and now I'm ready to kick back and watch a movie: The Curse of King Tut's Tomb. Sounds cheesy, right?
Yeah, I'm in the mood for a cheesy movie... lol.

Have a great week.
MsAmber

I get to leave here soon!!!

2011-10-09T21:22:00.002-05:00

That's the good news.
The bad news is: I get to jump straight out of the frying pan and into the fire.
I'm starting another project (just like this one) in Volk Field Wisconsin.
(Yeah, same latitude - can I get off the 45? Please?)

Actually, I'm pretty excited. I'm always psyched up for a new project. I'm not really distressed by the prospect of snow and cold and such, as I am wont to complain about. It just amuses me, really.

I've worked very hard here, and I'm ready to hand the baton to another and move on to the next job.
I've been searching for apartments - furnished, unfurnished, room-shares, etc; in Wisconsin, and I have to say the prospects aren't very good. I'm going to park the RV in a safe, southerly place, and move myself and my portable goods into an apartment up there for 6 months.

Hey, wish me luck.
See Ya!
MsAmber

Been in Alpena Michigan for 2 1/2 months.

2011-09-25T11:39:00.002-05:00

The project is going well. We have completed 18 buildings - over 600 drops so far, which puts us at the 1/3 milestone.

I've been in Alpena Michigan for 2 1/2 months already. Do you realize that I've been at the 45th latitude for the entire duration of Summer? Well, except for the time spent in Cincinnati with Robbie.

I get to use three days of vacation time next week to run down and visit Robbie. The contract that I am on expires on the 27th of September, so there will be a temporary work-stoppage, during which I can go make a booty call!

Okay, okay. Too Much Information. (I said booty call, tee hee hee.)

And yes, I DO know that my Grandmother reads this.

The time is coming when I'll have to hitch up the RV and take it South. I can't fathom trying to live through winter in this RV - especially all the way up here. Oh yeah, I forgot: my other project in New Lisbon Wisconsin is going to kick off in November. This means that I get to leave here and start that job right in the middle of the cold weather. It should last about 8 months - depending on if I'm running two crews or one. I do hope that I only have to run one crew. This job here has been like herding cats!

I bought a new bicycle. It's beautiful. It's a Schwinn hybrid. It looks like an old-fashioned cruiser but it has 7 gears. Red and White with a basket and a bell, and a wide seat for my old butt. (I said Butt. Tee hee hee.)

I think I will hitch up and move around the 22nd of October if the weather will hold out. I have to go to Oklahoma to take the RCDD exam then, and I can drop off the RV in either Cincinnati or Louisville for the Winter. This way: when the Wisconsin project is over I can simply jog down and retrieve it.

The truck is doing good. I should probably buy some more-aggressive tires for the Winter. Only 30k miles and they are already on thin tread. They just don't make tires like they used to...

I did laundry yesterday, and dumped the gray-water tanks, changed the sheets, and read a little bit of the TDMM (like, only 20 pages or so). So today I need to vaccuum and dust - maybe clean out the refrigerator. I'm thinking of packing my suitcase so it will be ready when I get off work on Tuesday. I might just hop in the truck and take off as soon as I get done working. I'm so excited to see my beau. It's like getting a shot of love-adrenaline. Gotta go, gotta go.

Have a great weekend.
MsAmber

Still in Cincinnatti...

2011-07-10T14:30:00.002-05:00

Besides being sick, I'm having a wonderful time.
We went Ziplining this last week. That's a real hoot. Ziplining is where you put on a 3-point harness and you hook up to some steel cables and ZIP from tree to tree. Some spans were upwards of 650' long by about 1200' above the ground. It was a blast!

I have some major chest congestion, along with a breakout of allergy-blisters on my hands and feet. Coughing, headache, chest congestion, itchy hands and feet, yeah, I'm a real piece of work right now.

I can't stand the air-conditioning. I think that's what brought it on. It's hot outside but I can't bear to be INSIDE. So, I'm outside with the fan blowing on me, sitting in my chair with a makeshift desk so I can work on my 332s.
Oh, how I suffer... lol.

I do feel, however, that I'd like to strip down to my underwear. Wish I had some soft shorts or something breezy to put on.
I think that's what I'll go look for in my wardrobe. Something wispy and breezy.

You have a great day.
MsAmber

Cincinnati Ohio (actually Oregonia)

2011-06-27T16:31:00.000-05:00

I got leave to rig up and head to my next project in Alpena Michigan, but I have a little time between the two projects, so I routed myself through Cincinnati. I am here visiting with Robbie.

We've had a wonderful time. Getting acquainted again: talking, talking, talking.
Called my brother and invited him and his wife and child to visit, which they happily did last weekend. That, too, was a wonderful visit.

Next, my best friend Lisa (Robbie's sister) will visit on Thursday on her day off.
It's been many years since I've seen any of these people, but I found it quite heartwarming to realize the history I have with all of them.

I've known my brother all our lives, haven't seen him since 2003 or 2005.
I've known his wife for about 28 years.
I've known Robbie for 26 years.
I've known Lisa for 26 years.
I've been "away" for too long.
It was surprising and pleasant to sit around a campfire or sit around a dinner table and just talk with people who have so many years' familiarity.

Well, I'll be heading out of here soon to Michigan, but this was really worth it to steal a little time for some heart-healing.

You have a great day.
MsAmber

My new companion

2011-06-01T19:39:00.003-05:00

I looked around at the local animal shelters - there was a St. Bernard, and a bull-mastiff, and some small dogs. But none seemed right. I looked at Craigslist and there was a Border Collie who was in trouble for killing chickens. The owners said lots of good things about her, but they couldn't tolerate a chicken killer. I arranged a meeting and I would like to introduce everyone to my new companion: "Haps".

"Haps" is a good girl. She's 7 years old, very fit and trim. Mature and quiet, but loves to run off-leash when she can. She makes me get up in the morning, which is a wonderful thing. Pretty much, she has all the good qualities from all my favorite dogs, wrapped up in one. So long as I don't own any chickens or rabbits, we're all good. She's darn funny, too.

Change of subject:

I bought a bag of nice ripe cherries on sale; I normally don't get ripe cherries or plums until July 4th weekend, so it was a pleasant surprise. I made Hamburger helper for dinner, then sat down to watch a Lara Croft - Tomb Raider movie. I got finished with dinner and decided to raid the refrigerator for something sweet - I found that I had forgotten about a bag of Dove Dark Chocolates stuffed in the door of the fridge. So I ate ripe, sweet cherries while nibbling on 3 Dove Dark Chocolates. Mmmm. Yummy. My forgetfulness sure does serve up some good surprises sometimes.... LOL.

Monday night I went to bed with a headache. I didn't have anything to take for it that doesn't contain caffeine, so I just thought I'd sleep it off. I woke up Tuesday with the WORST kind of headache ever! I dreamed that I was moving the longitude lines on the Earth because the minutes weren't correct and was calculating the TRUE circumference and my head was swelled up like a beachball and I had belly-buttons for eyes. I woke up with a terrible headache and couldn't bear the light and I thought for sure that my head really was swollen up like a beachball. I just covered my eyes and stayed in bed until 8:00. Well, I was late for work, I couldn't see, my eyes were swollen up pretty bad, but I was actually surprised when I looked in a mirror and my head wasn't a beachball. Light felt like big needles sticking me in the brain. I didn't actually feel better until about 2:00. It was awful. I haven't had a headache like that since 2008, I think. I actually can't remember when.
And to top it off: Tuesday was sunny and warm. I think that maybe big swings in barometric pressure set me off. I didn't get to enjoy the whole "warm sunny day" thing because I had a terrible headache.
The weather is turning rainy again, so I'm back to feeling alright. I had a pretty good day today - I guess when you survive a headache like that one, the next day you are giddy to be out of pain.

Ironic, isn't it?

"The Guy" that my brother recommended me to meet turned out to be my second boyfriend (joke's on me). My first boyfriend was Steve Conrad, in Jr. High, and he was killed in a 4-wheeler accident. My second boyfriend, during High School, was Robbie. We went to the prom together, and I was really infatuated with him. My brother has always thought highly of Robbie, I think my Mom and my Brother both conspired to keep Robbie in the family. In fact: Brother warned ME to be good to HIM. Yeah, tells you how well my brother thinks of me, right? It's all good, I'm not insulted much - we all know I'm not very good at relationships.
I'm intrigued by the prospect of getting to know him again, but actually quite scared of it too. I've been bullying and bluffing my way through life, and here's somebody who knows me and could actually call my bluffs. That's just not right.
I like to keep the number of people who can dis-arm me down to a handful.
Oh, but I DO have a certain fondness for him. I know he's a good guy - maybe too good - and I'm too much.
I told my brother - "Just because I'm lousy at relationships, doesn't mean I'm not a darn good woman!" (my defensive posture)

I don't want to proceed because for the first time I know it's somebody I don't want to hurt.
(There's the truth.)

The Base is playing Taps, so it must be 10:00.

Goodnight.
MsAmber

Just lonesome rambling...

2011-05-30T11:35:00.002-05:00

I need to go do my laundry.

It's another cold rainy day here in Great Falls Montana. I just can't seem to snap myself out of this - I don't know what it is - depression? Blues? Stir-craziness with an urge to get out, but a lack of motivation to do so? I really want to pack up and leave here. I know it's just a matter of a couple of weeks before I can go, but I'm ready NOW!

I bought a 32" flat-screen television and then went to Hastings and bought some great concert DVDs. It is kinda nice to watch concerts on a bigger television. I know I didn't need a new TV, but the bigger screen is so nice to watch.

I'm ready for a new adventure. Something exciting is just around the corner, I know it. Maybe SUMMER? Sunshine? Oh gosh how I need some sunshine. This rain is so oppressive, I feel it like a mute-button on the remote control of my life. Any minute now I'll be able to bust out and laugh or scream or (something?) again. Waiting...waiting...Somebody, anybody, please unmute me!

So I called my Brother. He's cheerful, I'm happy for that. I asked him if he has a friend he'd like to hook me up with - geez, he didn't even think about it for a second - he said "Why, yes, I do." Oh goodness.

I really didn't have anything important to say, I just felt like saying something. Getting the Megabyte memorial entry off the top of the blog, maybe.
My Excedrin is kicking in, the headache has faded to a dull ache in my neck, I can live with that.

I'm listening to Neil Young - Live Rust. Actually the song is my favorite "Like a Hurricane". I'm going to start it over and crank it up.

You have a great day.
MsAmber

May 19, 2011

2011-05-19T20:50:00.002-05:00

I'm starting to miss him less.
At least I don't look for him 100 times a day.
I still feel a lump in my throat when I think about him.
It's been 10 days since I put my best friend to sleep.

I still want to rush home after work to let him out, then I remember he's not there.
I still look down at the floor when I get out of bed so I don't step on him, then I remember that he's not there.

I tried to manage his pain, but still he cried and whined at night, I wanted to cover my ears so I couldn't hear it, it made me so sad.
I carried him up and down the steps every day. I gave him his pain medication twice a day. I consulted and researched and obsessed over it every day.
He gave up before I did.
I know he wanted to be pain-free, but I held on to every vestige of hope that he could get better or at least be comfortable.

On Monday, May 9th, I made the appointment: carried him in and set him on the table. He put his head under my arm and leaned in to me. I may be fooling myself but I believe that he knew what we were there for. He didn't get excited or upset as he usually would in a Vet's office.
The Vet was a nice lady, she talked to us for a few minutes and we discussed things like cremation and other stuff I can't remember...
The first shot put him painlessly and blissfully to sleep, I petted him for a long time and spoke my words:
"Thank you for being my dog. Please speak kindly of me when you meet God."

Then we gave him the second shot. I held my friend until his heart stopped and his breath was still.

I couldn't cope. My heart was broken. The sobs seemed to start somewhere around my navel and travel up until they hit the lump in my throat where they burst into awful gutteral sounds. I left his shell on the table, but I knew he was gone. I ran out to the truck because I had to get away.

I miss him. Terribly.

Megabyte, buddy. I'm grateful that I knew you. I miss you. You were a damn good friend. Send some light and love my way, would ya? I'm still hurting.

Peace.

Talking everybody out of the blues...

2011-05-06T23:07:00.002-05:00

Everyone I know, just about, has called me within the last week. I've spent time, energy, attention, and words to try and talk them out of their blues.

My private little joke is to tell everyone to open up their windows and doors because they all have carbon-monoxide poisoning...

Brother is blue: He is crosswise with his pregnant fiance.
Rob is feeling blue over finances.
Tayla is feeling blue over not being pregnant.
Ellen is feeling blue and wants to come stay with me with her two babies (she imagines that my life is all rainbows and sparkles).
Joe S. calls me and seems to have a special knack for being blue.
Father has called.
Jerry has called.
Dandelion called upset because Rob made her think I was considering putting Megabyte down prematurely...

I'm feeling a little harried and bluish myself. Megabyte is really in pain and it hurts my feelings to see him hurting. That's the most pressing issue on my mind right now.

I don't mean to sound selfish or uncaring, but I don't have the energy right now to lift everyone else up. I am crying every day myself.

Megabyte can't exercise enough to work up a bowel movement, so he gets stopped up for several days. When he finally had a bm on Tuesday, he messed all over himself and I had to wash it off. It's been four days since then, and Meg hasn't had another bm yet. I know he's miserable. I just keep giving him pain pills and making him go pee twice a day and petting him often. I can't emotionally handle the misery of my best friend - even if he is just a dog. He wakes me up several times in the night with his high-pitched crying. I can't tell too much of a difference between on-the-pain-pills and off, except that he can sometimes just fake a good mood and tail wagging session, but he pays for it later.
My dog makes me want to cry all the time.

I don't have a close friend to depend on for solid, encouraging, uplifting advice.

I just feel so alone.

I wanna go home. (Where is that exactly?)

I don't know how I'm going to get past this.

MsAmber

Spokane, Washington

2011-05-05T08:18:00.002-05:00

I left the RV in Great Falls. Megabyte and I left Tuesday afternoon and drove over here to Spokane, Washington for the week. I am assisting in a Valcom IP paging installation.

Next week, I leave the RV in Montana again while I fly to Tuscaloosa Alabama to attend all-day meetings. Then I'll fly back to Great Falls and wrap things up there and drive the rig down to Tuscaloosa to kick that job off.

I should be in Tuscaloosa for the Summer anyway.

Megabyte isn't doing too well. His pain level must be excruciating. He cries a lot. That is so unusual for him, he has the patience and temperance of a Saint. It makes me frantic and sad to hear him cry - but he always smiles and wags his tail when he sees me. I know his time is coming, I just can't stand the thought of losing him.

I'm in a fancy hotel here in Spokane - an office suite. The television is like 55 inches or so. I actually ran myself a bubble bath and took my time shaving my legs. I've only had the TV on the music channel, so it's not like I watch the thing. This is the most money I've ever spent on a hotel - the boss made my reservations - so I'm just luxuriating in it while it lasts. I know I wouldn't have chosen such fancy accommodations. But I have to admit - it is nice.

I have so much reading to do. The RCDD exam is on July 11th, so I have to read the TDMM - which is HUGE (I've read it before). I'm studying to take the PMP test (unscheduled as yet), I'm reading the TSIP for the CITS projects, the Valcom IP solutions manual, and I'm going to receive the SOW for the VA project in Tuscaloosa.
Most of the stuff I'm reading is fat with redundant paragraphs and unnecessarily wordy and boring. I'm just going to have to suck it up and get it over with. It's a good thing I'm a fast reader - I bet I'm looking at 3000 pages or so that I have to absorb in little more than a month. Yeah, over a hundred pages a day need to be read in order to get it all done...
On top of my regularly-scheduled work.

I'm going to have to buy a nice professional outfit of clothes for the meetings in Tuscaloosa. Unfortunately, I'm a freakin' retard when it comes to style. (sigh...)

It's 6:40 a.m. and I need to curl my hair and get going to work. You have a great day.
Mwah.
MsAmber

Great Falls Montana

2011-04-23T11:10:00.002-05:00

Sorry, I've been remiss.

I've been in Great Falls Montana for two weeks now. The snow attacked me first when I came through Billings. I had 200 hairy, scary miles, towing the RV through blizzard-like conditions. Then the weather cleared up nicely for a couple of days - made me think of Spring. It has snowed off-and-on every other day. Yesterday I woke to 6 inches of snow and ice on the truck, today it's nearly 60 degrees and all the snow is melting.

My brother got into an ATV accident and broke his left scapula and cracked his skull in a couple of places. He's in a lot of pain right now, but he's out of the hospital. It's had me worrying a bit for the past week.

The site-survey is coming along just fine. We've hit the 40% milestone.
Boss asked if I'd like to relocate to the Northwest. Washington State, actually. I'm initially intrigued; but a little hesitant because I don't know if he's trying to change my occupational specialty. You remember I've said it before: I don't want to stop being a technician. I love working with my hands out in the field.

We'll see.

I'm a little bit lonesome. I think it's the cooking that gets me. I try to cook for one, but I always have leftovers. I don't want a boyfriend: I want somebody to eat the extra food I prepare and tell me that it's delicious. LOL.

I keep re-playing the movie "Eat, Pray, Love". I almost feel as though I wrote it - well not ALL of it, but certain things are fundamentally familiar to my soul. The speech about being a "permeable membrane" seems like I've read it before, or wrote it before. And the "physics of the quest"... I'm sure I knew that, too. (When I was young and free, and before I developed Fear.)

Speaking of which: I've recently been a vessel to receive a few epiphanies. I know that each one may sound stupid; all I can say is: you'd have had to have been there.

"If you never go where you've never gone, you'll never see what you've never seen."
(It kinda goes with the concept that you don't even know what you don't know...)

"Do you want to Live? Do you want to Breathe? Then STOP smoking!"

"Fear is a lack of Faith."

"What's the difference between one kind of addiction and another? Nothing."

"You're hair is a direct reflection of your mind."

"You are the sculptor of your life."

Similarly, I have always held on to all kinds of souvenirs of my past. Old photographs, old letters, trinkets of people and places I've been. I'm ready to give it all up. I do not wish to look back anymore. That's my anchor; not roots set down anywhere, but that I carry my baggage around: ready to whip it out at any occasion to reinforce my feelings of regret and self-loathing.
Where should I put the trunk-full of History?

I'm doing laundry now, so you have a great day.
MsAmber

...Chew on that awhile.

Have a great day.
MsAmber

Megabyte Update.

2011-03-13T08:51:00.002-05:00

6 weeks ago, Megabyte was playing in the snow in Wisconsin. We were on a road trip. He jumped in and out of the truck by himself, and romped and played like a puppy. Since we've been back to Oklahoma, he has taken a turn for the worse. It started about three weeks ago. He wouldn't jump into the truck. He got up on the side and whined to be picked up. I picked him up to put him in, and he whined like I hurt him. Also, he wouldn't get up on the bed. I felt him over and saw that he was favoring his right rear leg. So I figured he injured it.
Then he started moping and not eating or drinking. Then he quit peeing. I'd have to put the leash on and make him go to the nearest tree to pee. That was intermittent. I would come home from work in the evening and he wouldn't go, but by the following morning, he would go. Finally, he just quit peeing altogether. After he had gone 24 hours without peeing, I went into crisis mode and took him to the vet.
The vet immediately zeroed in on Meg's mouth (and bad teeth) as the culprit. Didn't feel him over, didn't take blood, didn't look at anything but his mouth. The vet gave him a shot of antibiotics and an explanation that he has sepsis from all the infection coursing through his body, and we made an appointment for dental care in 4 days.
I was starting to have my doubts about the Vet, but I was committed to having Meg's teeth pulled anyway.
Thursday morning, I took him to the vet's office and got another veterinarian. I told her of my concerns...
She drew blood and ran a full panel to see if he was healthy enough for surgery. His bloodwork came back good. She felt around his back legs and hips. She showed me his muscle atrophy in the back end and we identified that his hips are bad. She pulled his leg back and he yelped and cried. So, he is down with bad hips.
They pulled 12 teeth and clipped his toenails and sent him home that evening.
I'm giving him his pain pills and glucosamine/chondroitin for his hips, and strong antibiotics, and he's eating soft food: Bil-Jack/doggie crack.
Yesterday he was markedly better, so I only gave him his pain pill in the morning. I wanted to see if he still needed twice-daily. He is drinking and eating very well.
This morning, he enthusiastically trotted outside to go potty. Then he spun around a few times wagging his tail when I let him back in.
I gave him his pain pill and other medicines and food. He ate it all then laid down.
I was just sitting here watching him, when he farted. He startled himself so he looked around, then got up and moved. A few minutes later, he farted again. So he jumped up and moved away from it again. I'm laughing hard at this point.
He feels good enough to run from his own farts.
I'm thrilled that he feels good enough to get up and move around. I was really worried that I was seeing the last days of his life, but he is doing wonderfully.
So, $489 later, my dog is on his way back to being his happy self again.
It was definitely worth it.

Have a great day.
MsAmber

Finally, the sun shines.

2011-03-02T07:43:00.002-06:00

The sun is shining in my front door this morning. It's not warm yet, but the wind isn't blowing.

I'm working from home this week. I'm too much of a distraction at the office. I have room to spread out, listen to music and dance around the table while I work on these blueprints. I get more done this way, and the coffeepot is just steps away. Still, I'm bored out of my gourd. I can't wait for one of my projects to kick off.

I know. I should be content to have a job, and I should be grateful for the slow period so I can slow down. But I live for the excitement, I feel stir-crazy just sitting. Patience... It will happen soon enough.

I've bought back my power washer. I had to sell it to a friend last January when I came up a little short on money. I just bought it back. That's a relief. I didn't want to lose it.

I packed up the boyfriend and sent him down the road a couple weeks ago. He was costing me too much, and inconveniencing my little world. He was a good guy and he tried real hard, but I'm just too set in my ways to have a lot of patience with someone who doesn't share my values.

I switched banks, which I'm sure I told you. Best decision I've ever made. I'm totally smitten with my new account manager: even if she is a GIRL!

I've been taking vitamin B12 and Vitamin C supplements, and I went to my Dr. and asked to be put back on Cymbalta. I'm eating Activia yogurt once a day. I'm only 10 pounds over my perfect weight of 137. Made an appointment for next week for my well-woman exam. I've just about kicked the blues that have been weighing me down for three months now.

I've visited all my girls over the past couple of weeks. Made some one-on-one time for them and had some good conversations. Went and visited with Rob and we had a nice time with our usual banter. He's part of the reason I asked to be put back on Cymbalta - he feels pretty strongly about it. Besides what I already feel about myself, I trust that he knows me as well as anyone.

So, I've taken control over my house, finances, health (mental and physical), and the sun is shining today.

Have a great day.
MsAmber

Back in Oklahoma

2011-02-19T20:51:00.002-06:00

I've been back in Oklahoma for a couple of weeks. The snow followed me down from Wisconsin and wreaked havoc on Oklahoma. Four inches here and you'd think the world came to an end. There were wrecks, and closed roads, and they nearly shut down the entire city over it. It was actually kinda funny.

I finally changed banks. Well, I didn't close my old account yet, but I opened a new checking account. I'll get the direct deposit working and make sure the bill-pay is working correctly, THEN I'll put my old bank on notice. My old bank was a pain-in-the-you-know-what. No solutions; just obstacles. With my new bank I actually have a personal relationship with an account manager! Woo Hoo! She is empowered to handle all my banking needs. This is so cool, why didn't I do this sooner? AND, and... She spelled my name correctly the first time, and continued to spell my full name correctly every time. YES! She didn't ask the same questions over and over and make me repeat silly stuff like my phone number and address. She was PROFESSIONAL!
I know, I'm so easily impressed.
I guess I'm annoyed by dumb people who have some semblance of authority over me. Like an illiterate banker, or robot-people at my cell-phone company. People who make constant mistakes in spelling, or ask me to repeat all my information on page 2 when I already did it on page 1. When Rob and I were married and had a joint checking account, the new box of checks came in with his last name spelled correctly and MY last name spelled incorrectly... and get this: It was the SAME last name! Yeah, really! DUH!
And then... you won't believe this: I started getting junk mail with the same misspelling. The bank insisted that they do not give out our information to mailing lists, but I disagree. How else would I:
a.) start getting junk mail at a new address?
b.) have such an interesting misspelling?

I made a complaint, but they insisted that it was impossible. Privacy notice and all that... yeah right.

Anyway.
The last two weeks have found me working on the Wisconsin blueprints. I have the job designed and the materials' list (nearly done). Monday, we are putting together the 332's and submitting the design for approval. Tuesday, I get to start on Michigan's blueprints.
I really can't wait to be back on a project. Too much time at the office makes me nervous. There are some people who I can only take small doses of. 'Nuf said.

I watched "Cold Mountain" for the second time tonight. The girls used to tell me that when they saw Renee Zellweger's character "Ruby Thewes" they immediately thought of me. I didn't really pay attention to the movie the first time to see the resemblance, but this time around, I believe I do. That's cool, I'm flattered.

I'm in the middle of a little "Spring cleaning" fever right now. Getting rid of a little excess baggage...
I'll be back to myself just as soon as Spring breaks. Meanwhile, I'm crazy as a loon.

I gave the Sugar Gliders to Tayla and Junior. They are really enjoying them. Junior fell in love with them last Summer when they visited, so I asked them if they wanted them, and of course they said yes. I'm cleaning house. Better watch out. If you don't move it, I'll wash it.

I actually bought bleach and did ALL the laundry today. Sheets, curtains, quilts, rugs, even stuff that wasn't technically dirty. Have you ever spent $40 worth of quarters at a laundromat? Me neither, until today.

Well, I'm going to crawl between my freshly laundered sheets and make some snoring noises.
Goodnight.

MsAmber

...On Being Sinister.

2011-01-30T09:08:00.002-06:00

I googled the word: Colloquialism, and it took me to an old dictionary.
Having nothing better to do; and it being one of my hobbies, I read several pages of this dictionary.

Sinister means: Left; not on the right; unlucky; inauspicious.
Sinister-handed means: left handed; unlucky.

I had heard Mother tell me that she fought with my teachers in kindergarten to NOT discourage my left-handedness. I could use whichever hand I preferred. I'm predominantly left, but some things; like scissors, I use right-handed. I'm actually quite confused with left and right, sometimes I forget which one I use for certain things. I don't think it's true ambidextrous-ness, just a natural adaptation.

Grandmother told me she was blessed with right-handed children, but when they were young she discouraged left-handedness. If one of her babies tried to use their left hand she would simply hold it and encourage them to use the right one.

I don't think I really understand why. But I'm going to have so much fun with the word sinister from now on.

I'm SINISTER! Woo Hoo!

MsAmber

Saturday in Wisconsin

2011-01-29T21:16:00.002-06:00

This morning, I didn't make coffee so I put on my slippers and grabbed my coffee cup and headed into the lobby. I went around the first turn and slipped on the ice and nearly face-planted into the nearest snow-pile. Unfortunately, my new "I Love Lucy" coffee cup was in my hand...
You can guess the rest.

I worked on re-naming and cataloging all 465 pictures from the survey today. Took nearly all day, then I went to the restaurant next door and ate an early dinner. The baked potato was raw. The cook made another. It was raw as well.

I went to the convenience store and bought a 6 pack of Leinenkugels, returned to my room, walked Megabyte again, painted my fingernails, turned on the tv, and...

I'm watching the "I Love Lucy" marathon with a Leinenkugel in my hand and my laptop on my lap.

What a day.

MsAmber

Wisconsin fun.

2011-01-24T18:23:00.002-06:00

Man, is it freakin' cold up here.

Megabyte and I went looking for a place to walk. All he's seen is parking lots and snowdrifts. So we went searching for a park or something. I pulled up into a park and there was a sign admonishing that dog poop spreads diseases and there is a huge fine for walking dogs without a leash. We decided to skip that place. Just seemed a little unfriendly. I drove on until I saw a turnoff for a wildlife refuge - that sounded good. I parked and Megabyte and I started to walk across a field. My leg sunk in the snow all the way up to my thighs. Megabyte sunk in above his chest. We decided that parking lots and snowdrifts are just fine. He was just as happy to get back into the truck as I was.

We started the site survey today. Seemed like everyone was a little pissy today. Except me, of course. I dunno. Maybe the guys all drank a bit too much over the weekend? I think they should all just go home. I can do this survey all by myself and be just fine - and probably more thorough.
I thought they were going to bite each other's heads off.
One guy thinks we're doing too much.
One guy thinks they're not doing enough.
One guy doesn't care either way.

I'm just having fun. I think we have enough time and access to do it all, but I'm always a little too gung-ho about everything. I would rather get chewed on for doing too much than get accused of being lazy.

Anyway. I have paperwork to do.
Have a great night.
MsAmber

Be True To Yourself

2011-01-20T08:50:00.002-06:00

I have decided, though not surprisingly because I already knew, to simply be true to myself.

I'm not afraid to stand alone. I've done it many times. I just let myself get gun-shy of the repercussions. I've had the flame-thrower pointed at me before, and though I forget sometimes that I came through it without being scorched, the memory of the fear and the flame seems too vivid to ignore.
I remind myself that fear is simply a lack of faith.

I had a nice two-hour discussion with my old mentor, Jerry Bateman. In case some of you weren't aware, Jerry was my boss back in 1999-2001. An excellent friend, he can always be counted on to give good, if cryptic, advice. Or sometimes levity, if the situation is too complex for straightforward solution...

I have learned much from my association with him: about business, social interactions, faith, and even telecommunications! (LOL)

One of my favorite memories - I shall try to recount accurately, but I'm afraid, dear reader, that without knowledge of prior events that you may not completely understand the full impact of these lessons.

It was quite by accident that I made my acquaintance with Jerry and Ardmore Tel Comm.
I was driving through Oklahoma in my 1980 Camaro (that I had built myself), when I broke down at exit 29 on I-35. The situation was hopeless. I had come from nowhere, and I was headed to nowhere, and I had very little money to do it with.
I was towed to the Chevron station at exit 31 in Ardmore Oklahoma. The diagnosis was grim: I had spun my main and rod bearings. I had my telecom tools in the trunk, and initially I pawned them to stay at a motel while my car should be fixed. It took 4 days to understand that the car would not be repairable under my budget. So I begged a job of the Chevron station and was gladly hired, then I begged a job of the Towing Company, and was hired as the night-dispatch. So, with two jobs and a small appetite, I managed to redeem my tools from the pawn within the month. I looked around and found the only telecom interconnect company in this small town and, forgetting my previous humility, I virtually demanded that they hire me. Something in Jerry's nature found me agreeable, so he acquiesced. Then, I asked for a place to work on my car. His son, Terry, had a garage so I called my Towing Company and, sight unseen, had my car delivered to Terry's garage.
So, working three jobs I was able to buy a short-block Chevy engine and borrow the cherry-picker and engine stand, the torque wrench and other assorted tools, and I proceeded to work on my car after midnight. My schedule was too incredible to try and explain, besides, you would immediately and sensibly dismiss this as a work of fiction when you added the hours together and determine that I couldn't possibly have gone so long with only a couple hours' sleep every night. But I did, and within a week I had a running Camaro again. It only took a couple of weeks more of work to clear myself with my two other jobs and I was able to quit and devote my time to working exclusively for Jerry. I got an apartment, secured my utilities with their unreasonable deposits, and was well on my way to becoming a resident of Ardmore.
I discovered that I had a beautiful little girl for a neighbor: her name is Hailey. She immediately found a place in my heart with her neglected life, bright eyes, and endearing quirk of singing made-up songs when she thought herself alone. We became inseparable when I was home. I took to buying two of every tv dinner so that we could sit and eat matching meals together every evening. I made her my primary concern in life; I couldn't change her situation, but maybe I could ease it a little.

Through my short (but seemingly long) association with her and her family, I experienced such heartbreak and frustration that I sometimes wondered if it was worth it. Should I walk away and wash my hands of this mess? Still, my love of the child strengthened me and I persisted.
One such morning of distress, I walked into Jerry's office and plopped down into a chair across from him, teary-eyed, I detailed out for him the cause of my pain. He listened thoughtfully, and when I looked up to him for his chastisement of my silliness he opened a large file drawer and held up a handful of small pieces of paper; just a sampling of the entire drawer-full. He said: "Do you know what these are?" I said: "No, I'm sure I don't."
He told me that for 14 years he has sat at that desk, and when anyone (for he knows everyone in that small town) walks into his place-of-business and says "Jerry, I've fallen on hard times. I need...(diapers/rent/beer/etc)." Jerry would open up his wallet and see what the Lord had given him for just this occasion. He would give, and the recipient would swear that he would pay it back just as soon as... and would sign an I.O.U. which Jerry would deposit into this self-same drawer.
I was aghast to believe that none of these people had ever returned to redeem their signed I.O.U.s. Really? THAT many?
Jerry didn't seem to care that the drawer represented thousands of dollars, his disappointment was that none had the integrity to return and say: "Look, I know I owe this, but I can't pay it back right now, may I sweep the porch or paint the railings to work off my debt?"
Then, he told me what his preacher had counseled.
A proud and arrogant man would never seek out the Lord. So God lets every man fall, in this way he brings man closer to Him. When God is bringing a man down to his knees, and you stop to help him, you are actually only serving yourself. You get to go home and feel all good that you gave $5 to a beggar. In Truth: you are making yourself an enemy of God. You are interfering with HIS work, and probably prolonging the pain leading up to the inevitable reconciliation. So, as a general thought: Never help a person who is on their way DOWN, just the ones who are on their way back UP. (But always help children and the innocents.)

I had never thought of it that way before - in the decade since this was taught me, I have seen evidence that this is a truth.
Now though, since my life-experiences have TRIED to make me jaded and cynical and I still seem to refuse to believe that my fellow-man is anything other than good, my family taunts me with the curse that I am "naive".
(I have to reply that I am not NAIVE, I just have optimistic hopes.)

So, still it is my lot in life to look for the good in people and feel the acute disappointment when I find that they are not.

But that's MY lesson to learn, and it will probably take another 60 years to get firmly planted into my naturally stubborn cerebral cortex.

...we are here to learn lessons. There is no part of life that does not contain it's lessons. A lesson will be repeated until it is learned, then you may go on to the next lesson...

Have a great day.
MsAmber

Oh Dear, blog.

2011-01-17T14:23:00.002-06:00

Gosh, I really need some moral support right now.
I feel as though I must censor myself here and NOT say what I feel, because some in my readership are far too connected with the disturbing events at hand.

There is a parable about the Talmud:

A Rabbi poses a question to his Talmud students.

Lets say you need to borrow your neighbor's lawnmower. Every time in the past, when you have asked, he has always said "Yes, certainly you may."
This particular weekend, the neighbor is on vacation and you really need to borrow the lawnmower, but asking his permission is not possible...
If you borrow the mower - is it stealing?

Most of the students said no, that it would be alright.

The Rabbi informs them that it IS INDEED stealing. According to Talmudic Law.

There have been debates for centuries over this simple concept.

Do I go along with the group? Do I keep my own hands clean and follow the moral code and thereby get the group in trouble?

Others of my acquaintance have a very self-serving view of themselves, they are self-righteous and greedy. I have been counseled many times that it is a posture of self-preservation that I need to adopt in my own life. That: "They don't care about you, you need to care about you. Get while the getting's good."

I am also systematically being disillusioned and disappointed in my current situation. I am slowly beginning to realize that "We" are the bad guys.

Oooh, how that rankles me.
I nearly cried at my latest revelation. I'm sure that I shall sleep fitfully until I can accept or find my way out of the maze.

I think I have been vague enough. I'm afraid I cannot be any more specific.
I do so want to be true, to myself, to others. I like to live transparently and have no secrets. Things such as this are like bricks to my soul.

What I wouldn't give for some wise counsel...

Goodnight.
MsAmber

I'm in Alpena, Michigan

2011-01-09T08:37:00.002-06:00

I found a cool little motel with beachfront access to lake Huron. It appears to be frozen over, but I haven't walked to it yet to check it out.

The trip was eventful. There were off-and-on snow storms. I drove 850 miles the first day, but I had to stop and get a hotel as soon as I got into Michigan. Visibility was awful and I was getting too tired to pay the proper attention. I ran over a plastic planter in front of a gas pump... that's how I knew I should stop.
When I drove near Chicago, (or was it Detroit?) I saw a beautiful oil refinery. I know, that's not normal, but it was beautiful. It looked like a miniature Tokyo with steam venting from each chimney. I guess the lighting was just perfect, or maybe the location was remote enough that it just glowed like a little standalone city. I regret that I didn't pull over and take a picture.

Yesterday morning I dragged myself out of bed and loaded up the truck and got ready for the last 350 miles of the trip. Everything was fine until I turned North on I-196. Then, it was hair-raising. It was 11:30 a.m. and there had been a snowstorm the night before - 16 inches or so. The snowplows apparently forgot about that stretch of the Interstate. I was crunching through the snow at 24 mph for 30 whole miles. I was a little worried that I would be in those conditions all day and the last 350 miles would take 10 hours. Fortunately, the snowplows had been working on the other areas and when the road cleared up, it was easy-cheesy the rest of the way.

It still took 8 hours to drive the last 350 miles and I got here at 7 p.m.
I got all moved into my motel room. Unpacked and set up the room. I brought my ironing board and now that serves as a makeshift desk.

I think I'll find a Wal-Mart to buy a 3-prong adapter (I brought a power strip but all the outlets in the room are two prong).

Well, I gotta take a shower and get moving.
You have a great day.
MsAmber

Alpena, Michigan and Somewhere in Wisconsin

2010-12-31T09:16:00.003-06:00

That's where I'm going. Nearly as far north in Michigan as you can possibly get. Doesn't that sound Exciting? In January!

I remember driving to Niagara Falls, New York in January once. I had a 1974 Ford LTD Sedan with a big block 400 engine. It was quite an adventure.

Christmas Eve.

2010-12-24T08:22:00.002-06:00

I am a little depressed as usual for this time of year. I had the whole week off this week, which I really didn't want. This means: no paycheck except for holiday pay. I try to keep working during the holidays so I don't have too much time to get bored or bummed.

I finished at Lawton and took a weeks' vacation to Kentucky to visit Grandmother and Uncle Chuck. I had a great time. Grandmother gave me a big picture of my Mother from when she was in her 20's. I have no idea where to hang it, so I just put it in the cedar chest under my bed. She also loaded me down with clothes - mainly skirts and blouses. She gave me a ruby ring, which she said that my Mother had given her about 30 years ago. It's very pretty, and I keep trying it on and wearing it for 1/2 day before putting it back in the jewelry box. I've never had a great big fancy ring like that before... interesting the effect it has on my psyche, although I've never desired the shiny baubles of uppity women.

I played with the goats and the Great Pyrenees dogs and the chickens, guineas, turkeys, pigs, etc. I helped with the feeding and watering. Uncle Chuck and I took apart the chimney pipes in an old house and cleaned them out and put them back together. We went shopping for guns. We talked about a lot of things, and had lunch at his favorite deli. The last night I was there, we went to a party and got the truck stuck in a mudhole. It really was a great vacation. I'll never forget it. I have tons of ideas for what I would do if I lived there. They've seriously invited me to come to Louisville to be nearer them. I also met my cousins - haven't seen them since I was 14 and they were toddlers. We could become great friends, I feel.

It's stirred in me a desire to be with family. Strange, I know. I've always been so distant and independent. I've been forging my own way for 24 years with no contact with any of my blood-relatives. Then, out of the blue, my Grandmother wants me to visit, so I do and I'm treated warmly. This feeling is so foreign. To be actually WANTED. Do I take the bait?

Ah, pure Amber skepticism.

So, I've posted a few inquiries about jobs in Louisville. I'm not going to push the issue. If it's meant to be, then I will move back. They are pretty grumpy people by nature. I'm tough enough to handle it - that's how I was raised. Just let the insults roll, I'm secure enough. I rise up during conflicts. That's a part of my training. I didn't know just how valuable it was until now. ("Step up, don't shrink, that's a sign of weakness.")

My Mother was tough. This is a subject I've tried to put away, especially since her suicide in 2003. But being with family and discussing it has given me a little bit more understanding. Her words had great effects on me, I was fairly neurotic about some things when I left home. For example: When I was about 6 years old, I overheard her saying that people who slept in the fetal position were insecure, so I asked. What is the fetal position? She described it as having the knees bent. I asked What is insecure? She described it as being weak. So, for 20 years, I refused to bend my knees while sleeping. I was paranoid about being seen sleeping with my knees bent, because it meant that I was weak. If I woke in the middle of the night and my knees were bent, I would chastise myself and straighten out (stiff as a board), and go back to sleep. Funny, right? It wasn't until I was in my late 20's did I realize why I did this and convinced myself that it was ok to bend my knees. Now, I sleep in any position I wish. I was so affected by her words though, that I am constantly questioning my motives for many of my habits.
Some are good. She drilled into me that "Only slovenly women sleep in past 7." After all these years, I'm inclined to agree. Though that doesn't help me to fix my internal clock. Especially when I worked until 2:30 a.m. and I really need to sleep in. I'm hardwired now to rise-and-shine at 6:50. Heaven forbid that I should be perceived as a "Slovenly woman". Ha ha ha.

Ok, that's enough about my neurosis for now. Maybe later we'll discuss things like my spelling fanaticism, not looking in a mirror for more than 30 seconds (sin of vanity), attachment disorder, and being a hopeless Gypsy.

I went to a few RV dealerships. I told them that I wanted to look at 100 rvs before I decide. I walked through dozens already. Some are really cool. When I got back to my own little rv, I decided to move to the rv park across the street and closer to the lake. They have cable tv and WiFi. My slide-in motor quit working. I think my RV got jealous because I'm browsing for a new one. It's possible that I just need a new battery - I hope. So I manually cranked the slide-in in, then moved, and manually cranked it back out again. I found that one of my self-resetting breakers has disintegrated, so I replaced all three. Now I need to get a new battery. Bad timing, considering that I won't have a freakin' paycheck this week.
Good times, good times.

Well, I've gotta go. I think I've rambled enough for now.
You have a great day!
MsAmber

Project in Lawton.

2010-11-27T07:50:00.002-06:00

I'm nearly finished here. When I originally designed this job (like, back in May?), I requested 12 wall-mount or ceiling mount speakers, and 117 2X2 lay-in speakers. I received 131 2x2 lay-in speakers to do the job. Now I have to get procurement to swap out some of the wrong speakers for the right ones.
I have gone as far as I can, and I'm ready to cut the system over, just waiting to receive the right speakers so I can install them in the hard-lidded areas. There was nobody at the office on Wednesday afternoon around 3 pm. Closed on Thanksgiving. So I had planned on going to the office on Friday to get my new speakers. Guess what? Nobody there on Friday. Good thing I called first. I was at the gas station filling up for the trip and I couldn't raise anyone on the phone. I called Bill Wright on his cellphone and he was in Dallas.
So, it looks like I have an unplanned 3-day weekend. woo hoo.
(I didn't WANT a 3-day weekend. I wanted to finish the job.)

I promised my Grandmother that I would arrange to come and see her in Kentucky as soon as I have some time. Between Lawton and my next project might be my opportunity. It hasn't gotten too cold yet - I don't think. I just need to figure out the logistics of this little venture.

I turned 40 last month. I had three birthday cards from different hospitals or women's clinics urging me to schedule my mammogram. I laughed. I got a phone call from my insurance carrier wishing me a happy birthday and reminding me to schedule my mammogram. I laughed.
So, all of a sudden when you turn 40, everybody cares about your boobs?
Another thing: is there a great big database of women's birthdays that all of a sudden activates at the magical age of 40? Where did all this mail originate?

I called the pet shop to inquire about the availability of a male sugarglider. I've been worried that Freydis was lonely. They told me that they don't order them until you've pre-paid for them. They called me back that they could get a male in about 2 days. Then I started corresponding with a breeder up in Tulsa. I got a phone call from the pet shop - they got the sugarglider in. Wait... I didn't order one! But since the poor little bugger was there and I'm sure: traumatized by the trip, I went ahead and bought him. He's a FAT little thing. And bold. He jumps onto the bed at night, and if my feet are sticking out, he bites me on the toe.
I can tell he's never been out of a cage in his life, and he was fattened up on cat food. He's not liking the sugarglider formula that I feed so he has taken to stealing dogfood nuggets out of Megabyte's bowl. I've named him "Gordo". He's starting to get his bearings and learning how to balance and run around like Freydis. I think he'll be just fine.

I did trade the Van for the '99 Ford F-250 truck. I'm selling the truck to a friend.
I sure miss that van, though. Jerry really likes it.

The weather here in Lawton has been cold. I disconnect the water every evening so it doesn't freeze. Today I need to clean house and I bought a new poster for the wall. I am decoupaging around the edges and framing it. I have my Elmer's School Glue and my hobby knife and dragged the table out from under the bed for my work surface. Getting ready to get all crafty up in here...
I'm such a nerd!

You have a great day.
MsAmber

Altus Oklahoma Is Finished!

2010-11-05T09:06:00.002-05:00

Yep, I'm packed up again and ready to roll out of here.
Finished the job last night and loaded up all the tools and ladders. Swept the air-handling room (my temporary office), and locked it up for the last time.
Everything is done.

I have a short-term project in Lawton (about three weeks' worth). I'm excited at the prospect of getting the heck out of here. I don't know where my next big project is, and that kinda scares me. Am I going North? South? West? East?
I'm hoping for South and West, but you never know...

I haven't blogged in a while, I've been flip-flopping between working days and working nights. I haven't been able to adhere to any sort of routine, which I really miss.

There was a freeze warning last night, so I disconnected the water. Now I have to get out there in the cold and hook it back up so I can take a shower and refill my coffee pot.

Gotta go, gotta go. (no, literally, I gotta go!)
Ha ha haaaa.
Have a great day.
MsAmber

My attitude seems to be better today.

2010-09-12T07:54:00.004-05:00

I woke up and it appears as though I'm calmer today. So far so good.

I'm drinking my coffee and checking emails. I opened the front door and the window beside my desk. I do love Louisiana in the morning. It's still cool outside, but it does get hot here during the day. I think it might stay overcast today. It feels very humid. Soupy.
I never minded the heat and humidity since I get up early, I heat up with the day.
I spent the entire day indoors yesterday. That's what I don't like. Hiding inside with the air conditioning. Makes me feel like I lost a whole day.

I would like to stop smoking and be able to run again. I'm not sure I can run anymore without gasping for air. I'm too young to feel this damned old.

My insurance agent has added the new truck to my policy. Now I'm paying $2k a year for auto insurance. I asked her to add the rv weeks ago, still haven't heard anything and the rv insurance is due for renewal on the 15th. Do I pay it to keep coverage or do I nag at my agent on Monday and do a rush-rush? I still have to come up with $1100 to pay for tags on the truck. Yep, wish there were two of me.

Crazy squirrel (aka: Freydis) is calming down nicely. She comes and retrieves her Apple Jacks cereal straight out of my fingers. She isn't afraid anymore. In fact: she's getting downright bold.
Megabyte is having mouth problems again. I have to get more antibiotics from the vet next week when I get back to Altus.

I'm trying to figure out if I should sell the van, or put it in storage, or trade it to Jerry for the 1999 F-250 with the v-10 engine and 200,000 miles? I'm supposed to take a look at the 1999 Ford when I pass through Ardmore next Thursday: give it a test-drive and think about it. Still, that doesn't put cash in my bank and I still have the problem of two vehicles and one driver. But if it's more salable than the van, it might be a good idea. That van wouldn't blue-book for much, but it's definitely worth $5k. I really don't want to get rid of it. The only thing wrong is the paint is peeling off in places. Otherwise it's solid - only 80,000 miles. I've put a lot of extras on it.
Another thing: it carries a lot more than the truck. It will hold my toolboxes and an entire IPDA installation. Seven-foot racks and ten-foot ladder racks and all the other equipment. The truck will not - it only has a 6 1/2 foot bed.
Makes me want to keep it. At least I know it's reliable.

Well, I really need a shower, so I'm off.
Have a great day.
MsAmber

I am angry today.

2010-09-11T10:00:00.002-05:00

I hitched up last Monday (Labor Day) and drove to Norman, Oklahoma. I loaded up both the van and the truck at the shop on Tuesday morning and drove to Russellville Arkansas. Installed two batteries and a Sensaphone alarm monitoring system at the VA clinic in Russellville on Wednesday, then drove to Conway Arkansas. I installed two batteries and a Sensaphone in Conway on Thursday. Then hitched up and drove straight down here to Natchitoches, Louisiana. I got here at 2:00 am on Friday morning.
I stopped in Shreveport and visited with friends for a couple of hours, but finished the drive that night.
Jeremy is with me on these installs, and he is driving my van.
I don't know...
He doesn't have the level of independence that I expect. He doesn't seem to care enough. He fixed a couple of things on the RV yesterday, but he left the back of my truck open all night with all my tools inside. I got furious when I woke up this morning and saw the back of my truck open. The good news is that nothing was stolen. Amazing considering that we are in a campground in Louisiana. But he doesn't have the means to replace all my tools if something should happen. How can you forget something so important like that? Shoot. I would wake up in the middle of the night and freak out "Did I lock the van?" and go check. I check and double check myself all the time. I'll even get up and see if I locked the RV door.

He tries to argue with me about shit that I KNOW. I discovered that my dc lights weren't working in the rv with the truck turned off, so I figured the battery lead might be disconnected or corroded. He tried telling me that "New ones have a printed circuit board that keeps the battery from running stuff when it's hooked up to the truck and the truck is turned off". I don't think so. I just shut him down by saying it's obvious he doesn't understand dc power circuits like I do, and that I would fix the problem when we stop. At least he took the initiative to look at the problem and fix it yesterday, but that's not the first time that he's bullshitted and pretended that he knows something that he really doesn't. That annoys me to no end.

I got angry when I woke up, and haven't been able to calm down now for two hours. Dammit.
I said "I can't believe you did that!" he answered with a high pitched, sarcastic "Sor-ry". Like I'm overreacting. I haven't opened my mouth since. I have my coffee and cigarettes and laptop outside and I'm staying outside until I can talk myself down. I am soooo pissed! My heart is thumping!
I see my reflection in the monitor and I have a deep furrowed scowl on my face that I can't wipe off... and bad bags under my eyes...

I need to put on my walkman and blast my head with some really loud music to make this anger go away. I need to clean something. I need to be alone right now. I need a cerebro-enema.
I don't know what I need, but I don't think it's here.

MsAmber

I bought a NEW truck instead.

2010-08-28T10:00:00.002-05:00

My credit wouldn't allow me to buy a used truck, but GMAC financing would allow me to buy a brand-new FORD. So I bought a 2010 Ford F-250 Crew Cab.
It's white with blacked out grill and sprayed-in bedliner. It has the trailer package, extendable mirrors, and built-in trailer brake module. Sirius XM radio. Bucket seats with a center console. It was built in Kentucky.
It's a nice truck.

I'm putting wind deflectors over the windows today, and I've already put seat covers and a steering wheel cover on it.
I need a locking camper shell so that I can secure my tools in the back. Eventually I need side steps to help me get in to the derned thing without having to do a triple-lunde.

I'm proud of my new truck, but scared of scratching it and bumping it. I've never had anything this new and nice before. Is it worth it?

Have a great day.
MsAmber

So, I'm trying to buy a truck.

2010-08-23T11:19:00.003-05:00

There are a few small obstacles... it seems as though finance companies would rather loan me $40,000 for a NEW truck than $31,000 for a used truck.
But the used truck is one I like.

Let me tell you about the used truck.

It's a 2008 GMC Sierra K2500. It has extended cab, tow package, 6 1/2 foot bed, bed liner, gooseneck hideaway hitch, 4X4, 6.6 liter duramax diesel, Allison transmission, and it's metal-flake black cherry (more of a plum-purple in my opinion). It only has 48,330 miles on it and it's beautiful.
That's the truck I want. It's a 3/4 ton, but it's not as tall as the new 3/4 ton trucks. I looked around at new trucks and they are all too tall. I can't even see into the bed of a new 3/4 ton truck without getting up on the bumper.

Anyway, keep your fingers crossed. I'm of the opinion that if too many obstacles are in the way of me getting it, then maybe God doesn't think I should. So I've been going with that.
I would like to have it though...

I'll let you know how that turns out.

Have a great day.
MsAmber

another pleasant morning...

2010-08-19T10:25:00.003-05:00

Door is open and I'm drinking my coffee and blogging.
This is what morning is supposed to be.

Hum de hum hum hum.

MsAmber

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

2010-08-17T11:14:00.003-05:00

Continuance: The boys decided to quit.
I wish them well.

Today marks officially three months on this project and I am more than 3/4 done with a four-month job. That's a good thing. I do need another tech though if I'm to stay on track.

I am having such an allergy/sinus fit. Sore throat and congestion in my neck. I feel the pressure when I bend over, it feels like my head is going to explode. I woke myself up several times last night snoring. You know that's bad when you snore so loud that you startle yourself. I'll live. Just need to knock this out before it becomes an infection. I've been handling a lot of mold and mildew lately. A bunch of the boxes of cable had gotten wet and when I broke down the boxes, they were full of mold. I knew it would get to me. That's the only thing I'm really allergic to.

Some storms rolled in last night around 9. It was wonderful. The temperature finally broke and it cooled to the mid 70s. It rained off and on all night. This morning it was still overcast with sprinkles. I have the door open and it's nice. So glad to be done with the 100 plus temperatures. That was kicking my ass. One of the only things I don't like about working nights is the unbearable heat of the day when I get up and get out. When it's this hot, I need to get up at 5 am so I can acclimate to the temperature rising. I usually started mowing the lawn at 6 am and I'm ok to work through the day because I heated up WITH the day. You can't just emerge from your air-conditioned house at 11 and start working. You'd have a heatstroke in 45 minutes. Lately though, because of my schedule, I sleep until 11 and it's already so hot outside that it feels like a blast furnace.

I smacked the back of my hand against a piece of sharp concrete last night. It turned purple and swelled a bit. Now it's just a real sore scrape.
Whimper, whine...

I need some alone time. Time to read a book or put on my headphones and jam out. I think my real problem is that I miss mornings. I love my early morning time. The days just don't feel right when you miss the whole morning. I like to sit outside or just open the door and drink my coffee and smoke my cigarette and get my head right. I do my best thinking during that time. In fact: I'm a veritable Einstein at 6:30 am. Solve all the world's ills. Yeah right. LOL.

I should put on a hat and get my butt to work. It's still early, but I like to go in early every day. I took two extra strength headache relief pills that have aspirin, acetaminophen, and caffeine, so my headache just left. I'm ready to roll now.
Gotta go, gotta go.
Have a great day.
MsAmber

Drama at work.

2010-08-16T13:14:00.003-05:00

Thursday after work, I held a meeting with the guys. I told them that I admired them both and thought well of them, but if they really don't like to work with me and follow the rules, then they need to report back to the office to be re-dispatched. They were late every day last week and left early every day. I lost about 20 hours of productivity between the both of them (2.5 hours X 4 days X 2 guys). "T" responded that the only reason he works so hard is so that he can get off early every day, and he would rather be doing roofs next week than put in his 40 hours here. I told him that was unacceptable. Take your tools and go home and think about it, if you decide you want to fly right and do the job, then come back on Monday. If not, I already have replacement technicians lined up.

Verdict is still out whether or not they're coming back to work.

Frankly, I hope they don't. "T" has proven to me that he can't be straight up and honest. He vents and complains behind my back about stuff that I know nothing of.
I can't fix what I don't know. Nothing worse than trying to guess whether or not somebody is going to flake out on you and quit. He's a pretty good kid, but definitely a weasel. Just hasn't been working at a real job very long. He hates being told what to do. The harder he's pushed, the more he rebels.
Sound familiar? ha ha ha.

I asked "R" to stay out of it, if the boys make a decision they need to decide by themselves. Don't give them an inflated sense of self-worth by telling them they are needed. I need the problem to be solved, not to continue as if I hadn't drawn a line in the sand. He likes to play both sides and I'm worried that he will coerce the boys by telling them that he will play interference with me if they will come back. That's not a solution. "R" told me today that he spoke with them this weekend and he seems to think they will be back.

I'm betting if they come back, that will be the reason why, and not because they decided to fly right. Or possibly because they still have one more week of perdiem left and don't want to sacrifice a paycheck to pay it back.

I'm going to request that they only receive perdiem one week at a time from here on out. "T" is too flaky to trust right now. (If they show up today - that's still an "if".)

Damn the politics.

Well, I gotta shower and go to work.
You have a great day.

MsAmber

The Mosque is two blocks away?

2010-08-13T12:32:00.002-05:00

Someone was quick to point out to me that the proposed building site of the Muslim Mosque is actually two blocks away from ground zero in NYC.

Now, That's an entirely different matter. Thanks for that. I'm not opposed to building a mosque. I have no problem with building a mosque. The news reported that it was AT ground zero. That's what I had a problem with. Two blocks away? No big deal. Freedom of religion and all that. Go for it.

And no, anonymous, I do not feel that all Christians should be held accountable for the Crusades, just the ones who are still "Crusading". Just as all Muslims aren't responsible for those who are engaged in "Jihad", just the ones who are still "Jihading".

I still wonder what in the world is wrong with some people...
I went to the lake a couple of weeks ago and was sitting on a rock soaking my feet in the water, having a pleasant afternoon. Some guys came up to the dam and stripped off their shirts and jumped in. They swam over to where I was sitting to climb out of the lake and I saw HUGE tattoo'd swastikas all over one of them.
Oops. Time to go.

My ex-girlfriend Shiloh invited me over to visit a couple of months back. She has a new boyfriend who she wanted me to meet. He was rude, self-centered, arrogant, and a general asshole. He had an "SS" lightning bolts tattoo on his neck. I told her that I will never visit again. She acted like it was no big deal that he has an "SS" tattoo. She tried to defend him to me by saying that she was sure there wasn't a political bone in his body. Well, sweetheart, I'm not mad because you're dating a Democrat. You need to wake up and smell the coffee.

Freakin' American Nazis. What the Hell???!!!

I still don't get it.

Have a great day.
MsAmber

A mosque at ground zero. Really???

2010-08-11T12:12:00.003-05:00

It feels like a blast furnace out there.

The hospital seemed warm last night also. We were all wet with sweat last night. It finally cooled off to 91 degrees outside about 10:30 pm. The hospital was at least 75 inside, maybe nearly 80.

I've completed my paperwork for the past two days and I'm just sitting here jamming on some music, drinking my coffee, and playing on the 'puter. It's not really morning, but it feels like it to me. I have three hours before I need to be at work, and I'm still in my pajamas. If my mother could see me now...

I try not to get in to social issues on here, but I am quite disturbed by the news of a Muslim Mosque being built at ground zero NYC. I don't think the Feds can really do anything about it because of the whole "protected status" of a religious group. It's all being handled by the media and the private sector. Why don't they just paint a great big bulls-eye on the damn thing. Do you really think that many of the disillusioned and angry Americans are going to pass up on a chance to blow up a Muslim Mosque that was built as an insult? I'm trying to think up the reasons for wanting to build RIGHT THERE a mosque, and the only thing that comes to mind is that it is an insult. I thought that Muslim Americans were just as outraged about the bombings as we. This idea just flies in the face of decency and propriety.
It's like putting a sign in a widow's yard that says: "I killed your husband and I'm not sorry, ha ha ha." and she can't take it down.
At this point, the site of the twin towers should be considered hallowed ground. I know in NYC that buildings come and buildings go, and property values are outrageously high, and everything is for sale to the highest bidder, etc. But can't we stop this? As outraged Americans, can't we stop this? I would rather spoil the ground than see an enemy prosper off it. Burn it. Curse it. Whatever.

Whatever happened to the plans to make a memorial? Has that been abandoned in the name of the almighty dollar, or did all the procrastinators lose their chance?

There is a lot going on in the news that makes me wonder why, but this one simple issue is the one that seems to be ringing in my head the most. I am seeing into the future and I think that the insulting mosque will be a target for anger, and a catalyst for polarization of loyalties. It will divide us. Particularly when the peaceniks begin to take up the banner of the "victims", (who weren't victims to begin with), and all we'll be left with is two sides in opposition. I see a soon end to the complacency that has made us soft, but I'm not a little afraid of how it will break.

Viva la revolucion.

Unfortunately, I know all too well the ignorant scum that is going to wind up on the side of the Loyalists. The haters, bigots, and American Nazis - all with guns.

I'm going to cease this line of thinking for now, it just irritates me.

Have a great day.
MsAmber

I volunteered to help...

2010-08-09T14:24:00.002-05:00

Jeremy's parents' house has a bad sinking spot between the bathroom and the dining room. Right in the middle of the house. Let's not understate the problem, there is a BAD sinking spot IN the bathroom and dining room. Like you are lilting and walking downhill. The toilet leans also.
We decided to tackle it.

We have some 2X8 pressure treated boards, several 4X4s and 2 20-ton house jacks.
We ripped up 6 layers of flooring to get to the floor joists.

OMG!

The more we get into it, the more we see needs fixed.
It looks like we need to demolish out the entire bathroom, shower, cabinets, pull up the toilet, and replace/brace all the joists. We did a beam replacement last night. Broke a water line and had to fix it. Made one heck of a mess. The wall is not supported on a beam. The doorway looks like it was in "Beetlejuice". The wall has no footer and the 2X4s are rotted. The floor decking layers have been holding puddles between them for quite a while. As we jacked up a joist, we thought we had a water leak, it was just a puddle draining off. Goodness, what a mess we got ourselves into.

It needed to be tackled sometime, anyway. Just wish we had a full week to get it done without having to stop.

Wow.

This is FUN!

You have a great day. I gotta go to work (at my REAL job).
MsAmber

Hunger makes me mean...

2010-08-08T12:24:00.003-05:00

Yep, I finally figured it out.

So. Yesterday my friend Jeremy and I went to Lawton. I wanted an extension cable for my dremel and a power-washer. I saw the Sprint store, and since I've been having problems with my phone for a while, I stopped in. The first thing I said was: "I have a problem and I need you to fix it, and I don't want to spend all day!" They diagnosed my problem as a battery issue and it's not under warranty and they don't have any batteries. So I got a little aggravated and proceeded to eat their faces off while they sold me a new phone and extended my contract for another two years. While they activated the new phone and moved all my contacts over, I went outside for a cigarette. Jeremy said "Remind me never to go into a Sprint store with you ever again!" We had a little heated discussion outside, I finally pulled my head out of my ass and realized that he was right, so I went back inside and apologized for being so awful. I did tell them that my experiences with Sprint have never been good, that something always gets screwed up, but that wasn't their fault and I shouldn't have taken it out on them.
They took a long time, and they said it was because they were transferring over all my pictures to the new phone.
Guess what? My pictures are NOT on my new phone.
Everything else went smoothly though, and my new phone works. I was eligible for an upgrade, but there was an $18 upgrade fee, and the phone cost me $108 (normally $300 or so they said.) and there is a $50 rebate that I need to mail in.
Gosh, Sprint aggravates the hell out of me.

Afterwards, we went straight to Arby's and ate lunch. My temper went away and we had a good day of tool-shopping.
Jeremy observed that I'm impossible to get along with when I'm hungry.

That definitely explains the past year. I went through the summer of '09 only eating fish and rice and drinking black coffee. I was hungry and I was mean.

So there you have it. Hunger makes me mean.

We went to Lowe's and looked at power washers, then we went to Home Depot and looked at power washers. I almost settled for a Honda, but then we cruised through the refurb department and there she was: a Ridgid commercial 3000 psi with a Subaru engine and a rebuildable pump, refurbished with a 3-year manufacturers warranty. Marked down from $600 to $427. I bought an extra 50' hose and a gallon of soap.
She's AWESOME!

I power washed my rv in the dark last night. I just couldn't wait to try it.

We went to Sears and I also bought a flex extension for my dremel and a couple of new tips.

Yesterday was fairly expensive. I'm staying away from Lawton for a while.

I don't consider tool purchases to be frivolous. They are an investment, and I can make money with the power washer. I collect tools, and I have a lot of them, if the world went to hell tomorrow, I can still make my way.

I'm such a freak.

You have a great day.
MsAmber

Quality

2010-08-06T11:16:00.003-05:00

I like tools. I like creating something. At the end of the day, I like to look at something tangible as the reward for my efforts.
Although I'm responsible and reliable, I prefer to stay "down here" as a worker-bee because it makes me happy. Granted, I'm not a 20-something anymore, and I have to guzzle a gallon of coffee to fake it, and I can't run circles around the boys like I used to... I'm still really good.

I have two young guys on my crew who work like squirrels on crack. I love it. Then I have two older guys (my age...) who hate being on my job. They talk all the time about how they've worked for the past 10 years trying NOT to use their tools. They consider it a slap-in-the-face to be demoted to pulling cable. Their words are poison to my soul.

They are trying to make their case to me by telling me that I'm not a kid anymore either, and someday I'll wake up and my hands will be arthritic and I'll realize that I should have been climbing that ladder to be in management. I should have been wearing that business suit and making the big money. I should have been an engineer, etc.

I've given this a lot of thought. Nope. I won't regret it. I'm not geared that way. I cannot find satisfaction in a paycheck. I find my satisfaction in a job well done. I LIKE creating, building, working with my hands. I shall work until I can't. I don't seem to be able to express this very well, they don't understand me any more than I can understand them.

You may disagree with me, but the paycheck means nothing but "we appreciate you". I deserve a raise, but it's not the amount of money that I make that turns me on. A raise would just show that I'm appreciated. Gosh, I give away more money than I spend on myself. That's terribly unheard-of these days, but I really don't give a damn about money. I can make money standing on my head. It's simply a means to get what you want. If you don't use it now, it will expire and disintegrate. (I know that's not really what happens.) I am happy every day just knowing that I have another project to complete. It's the work that I love.

I do intend to teach telecommunications someday. When I'm too old to keep up, I'll teach it, but don't expect me to stop DOING it.

It is starting to drag me down to listen to them go on and on about their dis-satisfaction with having to work physically. They consider themselves "above" this menial labor. I'm trying not to take it personally, but neither one is better than me. In fact: if I had to give them a report card, they would barely make a "C". I'm sure the reason for their lack of quality is their lack of enthusiasm. They just don't give a shit. I was raised to do everything to the best of my ability. If I'm digging ditches, I'll dig the best ditches you ever saw. If I'm washing dishes, I'll wash the dishes, the wall, the backsplash, clean the oven, and take out the trash. If I'm folding sheets, I'll have a daydream that I'm in the National Sheet Folding Contest and I'm contending for the trophy. I guess that's just the way I am.

Their poisonous words are starting to affect me in that I'm losing heart. I almost have to drag myself to work. I wish they would just go away. Silly, I know. I smile and listen, try to inject my enthusiasm into them. The negativity is causing a little resentment with my young guys also. They are feeling a little resentful that they are uncomplainingly carrying all the weight of the job, but the two older guys are carrying all their self-importance around.

Imagine working with guys who think they are too good to do the job, they lack the quality, they won't go the extra mile, they question every decision ("I'm just saying, if this were MY job I would...") and honestly: their bearing and manners just aren't fit for public. They talk loudly and inappropriately for an indoor environment. I almost want to hide them in the basement sometimes.

These really are small matters. Nothing big enough to request help for. Just minor, temporary aggravations.
I wish I could just do the job. Plug in to my music and get in the groove and make some beautiful artwork out of a perfect installation.
But no, I'm the project manager. I have to balance the personalities with the abilities and get the job done.

But if I were able to really call the shots?

I would never hire anybody over 30. I would train my crews myself and we would get it done. I have so much knowledge to teach, and so much enthusiasm, and my love of quality. I would turn out some magnificent technicians if they could hang with it for just one year. Senior technicians if they could hang for two.
This stuff really isn't hard. Like my old boss used to say: "If it were easy, a girl could do it!".

I still say that to myself from time to time and chuckle.

You have a great day.

MsAmber

Don't Forget...

2010-08-02T11:32:00.003-05:00

The four day work week drags on and seems to never end. The three days off fly by and I can never get everything done. Perception, I'm sure.
I don't know whether I'm coming or going.

I sometimes have these weird nightmares about bathrooms. In one of them, it's a big house with lots of nooks and crannies that have toilets, but no doors. I get panicked that I can't find a private place to go to the bathroom. In another dream, it's a big long chicken-coop type structure with screened windows down both long walls and a double row of outhouse holes running down the center. It kinda feels like a concentration camp but that's not the distress: I can't find a private place to go to the bathroom. I have bathroom nightmares. Not all the time, but often enough that it makes me think and I laugh about them.

The other night I had the opposite dream. I was sitting in a restaurant having dinner with friends and there was this little booster chair in the booth beside me. It was a little porta-potty. The urge hit me so I just slid it under myself and started straining to poop. I was suddenly snapped to embarrassment when the woman across from me leaned over and said: "Amber, there ARE bathrooms." I was flabbergasted and humiliated. It was like I just forgot myself and started shitting in public. I was mortified that I just started to do that without realizing. I turned red and felt the worst kind of embarrassment ever. I was relieved when I woke up and discovered that it was just a dream. It left me with the impression that I just lost my mind and forgot what NOT to do.

When I went skydiving, I remember overriding my brain. My brain said "NO!" and I deliberately fell out of the airplane anyway. My punishment for such a crime was to dream that I broke that safety mechanism in my brain and I would jump off buildings and fall off cliffs with regularity. My brain got even with me for forcing it to do something that it was hard-wired to stop. I even imagined that I felt the little "pop" of circuits breaking. I've had my doubts since then, if overriding safety protocols is really an okay thing to do. The bathroom dream reminded me of this because the falling dreams made me wonder if someday I might "forget" not to jump off a building. Now I wonder if I'll "forget" not to take a shit in public.

I might laugh about this later, but right now, I'm just a little disturbed.

Change Subject:

When I first came here to Altus, there was a guy Frank, and his live-in pregnant girlfriend Ellen and their little boy Junior, who lived in a decrepit rv right behind me. I befriended Ellen and I've taken her shopping a few times, and we got our nails done together every Friday, and I hire her to help me with stuff around the house. Frank was a real piece of work. Couldn't hold down a job. Prioritized beer over his kid or pregnant wife. I really didn't care for him much.
Friday, Frank fell off a grain elevator and died.
Ellen is 7 months pregnant and though she's a gold-hearted little gal, she's severely under-educated and I'm afraid for her future. She now has to figure out how to bury him and feed Junior and house herself. She told me that his employer may not help pay to bury Frank, and it seems to me that the situation is pretty near hopeless. I don't know what to do. I'm actually scared to get involved and I don't want to step-in and fix everything and take on all the responsibilities. I don't want her to know that I feel Frank's loss wasn't terrible. I don't know how to help. I'm sad for her.

That's what's on my mind right now. I'm out of words.

MsAmber

Insecurity is very unattractive...

2010-07-30T14:20:00.002-05:00

I am dynamic, powerful, enigmatic, confident, and self-assured.

I am competent, imaginative, caring, and a good listener.

I am hard working, honest, loyal, and practical.

I am intelligent, well-read, open-minded, and adventurous.

I walk with purpose: an important destination, with a clear rhythmic heel-toe sound.

These things are Good. I should keep them.

I worry about my weight.(I'm 140)

I worry about not being feminine enough. (yeah, I work with men.)

I shop when I'm upset (Bought $300 worth of tools one night last week at 2:00 a.m., now I own two full socket sets and a dremel and a new set of diagonal cutters. Just lucky I didn't buy a power-washer.)

My "fall-in-love" thingy is broken. I break hearts with startling regularity, but not intentionally. ('nuff said.)

I chain-smoke when I'm not working. If I didn't work, I would probably smoke two packs a day.

I don't drink enough water - ever. The Most Dehydrated Person On The Planet.

I have a temper and can fire off sarcasms far too easily.

I can't forgive and forget. I may intentionally forgive, but the forget part never happens, and I have to keep reminding myself that I forgave that person. I keep revisiting a hurt and re-forgiving the person, trying to move on, but it never sticks. I need an amnesia pill. I'm holding grudges for two decades or longer.

I push people away when they get too close to my vulnerabilities. Over and over, lather, rinse, repeat.

I don't work hard enough to maintain my friendships and family relationships. I haven't even called my father for father's day last month. Thank goodness most of them know me well enough to forgive me. But still, it is just a phone-call and I still can't bring myself to do it. What's my frakkin' problem?

These things are Not Good. I should do something about them.

Is it Rosh Hashonah yet?

Have a great day.
MsAmber

My constant companion: the Headache

2010-07-29T11:52:00.002-05:00

I know it's only been a week, but it seems like forever that I've had this stupid headache. Yesterday, I woke up feeling great. The headache was gone and I was thrilled. This morning it's back. First sip of coffee and it throbbed at me. "Knock, knock - I'm here." It's not an unbearable headache, just a nagging one. A slight tension over my right eye, until I move the wrong way or exert myself just a tad, then it thumps at me until I stop what I'm doing and let it settle down. An ever-present annoyance. It's no wonder I'm a little irritable. I feel like I want one of those little rubber hammers so I can thump it back.

So, I've been having a lot of time for personal reflection. I haven't had any huge epiphanies, just some sad realizations about myself. I'm really not that good of a person. The parallels between my Mother and myself are disappointing. I thought I had broken some chains, changed my destiny, made some better decisions. I find that my temper and impatience is very similar to hers. My famous stubbornness. Independence, and inability to forgive, and constant running, and cynicism, and seriousness. My bearing and posture. My selfishness. My chain-smoking. My solitude. My inability to trust.
God, I'm a real mess. I'm becoming what I despised.
The only REAL differences are that I never dragged children into this mess and I don't have a drug/alcohol habit.

So, from this lesson am I supposed to: Find forgiveness and compassion and understanding for my long-dead mother? Or am I supposed to take inventory of my life and make some changes so that I don't become what I hate?
Do I accept and love myself for who I am or change into the kind of person I want to be?
Forgive, Accept and Love?
Change?

I know better than to choose the path of least resistance, which would indicate that I need to change. But is that REALLY the answer?

Option number three: Distract.
This is the option I usually choose. Learn something new. Get completely involved in something else so that I can distract myself.
This is the reason for my utter absorption in my work sometimes, or the plethora of hobbies that I've undertaken, feigned interest in, then dropped.

Do I need someone to call me up and say: "You're okay."? Are these doubts about myself precipitated by negativity and a slight sensitivity to scrutiny? Maybe. I've been hit with a lot of "advice" lately.

Change subject:

It bothers me that I work for a company that has some people in it who actively hate me. They are ready to cut my throat at any opportunity. And I'm not being paranoid, I assure you. Little victories seem to keep me going, but I'm getting worn down. Part of me wonders why I'm so hated. Is it me? Then I get told (kindly) that I'm perceived as that "bitch". Which is a word I've never appreciated much. There are people who smile at me and pretend that they are on my side, but I know that they are split-tongued and the words they use are designed to plant seeds of discord in my brain; supposed to inflame me and make me actively join the fight to defend myself. I'm going to learn to dismiss all this eventually. But does it damage my self-image? Yes.

I don't think people who tell me the "latest gossip at work" are truly my friends. They are distracting me. I don't want to know. I don't want to know who is hating me, and what they are saying, and how I'm being held over the fire.
I don't need to know that somebody is drunk-dialing somebody else and starting shit about my job. I don't want to know - because it just makes me angry.

I used to say that the biggest problem with working with women is the petty jealousy. As women we need to be building each other up, not tearing each other down. Celebrate and encourage one another's victories. It's hard enough competing with the men without the women holding each other down. Now I realize that it's just as bad with the men. Those twirps are worse than an office full of women. They golf together, hunt and fish together, drunk-dial each other, all so they can further their petty agenda. How often am I the subject of that discussion?
Nope, I'm still not being paranoid. I swear it, I KNOW...

I fantasize that someday I'll snap and I'll just work like a maniac and save a bazillion dollars and buy the whole company and fire the bad guys and watch them denigrate into plumbers or sanitation workers...
Not very imaginative, I know. But still it gives me pleasure.

In reality, I believe the best revenge is to succeed. This is why I persist in the face of so much resistance. But why must I tear down every brick wall? Why can't I just go around it or turn around and go another way? Do I really only make the choices that are the hardest? Is that the right way or am I just hard-wired to always choose the toughest paths?

Okay, I've thrown down. I'll re-read all this tomorrow and think some more.

You have a great day, I'm going to work.
MsAmber

I am grumpy...

2010-07-26T12:05:00.002-05:00

There is no particular reason for me to be grumpy. My job is going well, I'm fed and warm, I should be content.
I am never content. Why is that, do you suppose?

I went OCD on the van yesterday. Removed all the trim and pulled the seats out and removed all the carpeting. I hung it on a tree and blasted the dirt out with my hose. I only put the front carpets back in, and most of the trim. I washed the van inside and out, and re-blacked the bumper, tire-shined the tires. Re-packed the toolboxes and put them back in. I am leaving the back carpeting out for a week so that I can keep working on getting it perfectly clean. There was black mold underneath it in the back where the water leaks in. I degreased the engine and got the mouse-nests off the intake manifold. Then I wiped and shined all the black rubber hoses and the breather. The van looks brand-new under the hood and inside. I washed the outside and windexed the glass. Scraped off the little fairy stickers from the back glass.
Nothing is clean enough for me right now. I washed down the ceiling and walls in the RV the other day, hanged new curtains, organized my junk drawers... the only thing I haven't done is shampoo the carpets, but you can bet I'll get to that within the next 48 hours...

I've also just started my period. I know you are thinking: "Ah hah, that's what's wrong with her!"
I really hate that that's the only explanation for my obsessiveness. I've been feeling sick: muscle soreness and a tension headache, constipation and heartburn, sweating when it's cold, cold when it's hot, a lump under my armpit, and I've chewed a sore on my upper lip. I'd almost be willing to bet that I'm grinding my teeth in my sleep again. Somehow in my mind, I believe it will all go away if I take care of everything that's bothering me. I'm tired but I'm restless.

It also just dawned on me that I was admiring a big full moon last night.

The house is clean, I'm drinking my fourth cup of coffee. Two scented candles are lit. My paperwork is done. I'm too antsy to sit here and write any longer. I have a nagging feeling that I need to stock up and hunker down... I wonder where that comes from?

Well, I've got to go shower and get my fanny to work.
You have a great day.
MsAmber

Too bored...

2010-07-24T09:31:00.002-05:00

I got out the dremel last night and polished all my jewelry. I sorted through all the lagniappe and threw away pieces-parts of broken jewelry and mismatched earrings. I was about to throw away an old silver filigree and coral ring that I've never gotten to shine, but since I was bored, I took the dremel to it. I'm glad I didn't toss it. It looks very nice now. Boy, a dremel tool is cool! I obsessed with it for 5 hours last night. I have a pair of earrings that I haven't worn since 1997, but since they shined up, I have them on now.

The flies around here are awful. Little biting flies. I try to get them, but they are elusive little buggers. As soon as I pick up the flyswatter, they disappear. As soon as I'm trying to concentrate on something else, they buzz my face or bite my ankles. Aargh! Freakin' flies!

I think I'm going to give up on the computer tower. It has a browser hijacker that has been evading all attempts at finding and destroying. In fact, by fixing an error, I think I've fixed the hijacker. It's working wonderfully. It opens browser pages and redirects me to advertising pages perfectly! If I ever meet the programmer...
Anyway, the point is, I'm going to force myself to work exclusively off this laptop. Vista and all. I need to set up my Outlook and VPN account for work on this thing. I will slowly and surely get all my personal files transferred over. Just waiting for a rainy day...
I need to hook this thing up to the docking station, though. I can't stand a laptop keyboard. I keep touching the stupid touchpad - I'll just be typing along and find that my cursor has jumped to the middle of the previous sentence. Also, the screen on this laptop is glossy, it reflects too much. I need to either: hook up my monitor, or black-out the room.

Well, I'm going to go sand on my cedar chest for a while. It's nice and breezy outside today. I also need to go pick up my laundry.

You have a great day.
MsAmber

Yup, still in Altus.

2010-07-23T20:55:00.002-05:00

Okay, this is really a one-horse town.
There is nothing to do except play Bingo on Friday/Saturday nights.

I bought a Keurig coffee maker. My old one takes too damn long to serve me up a cup of coffee in the morning. It was also getting pretty kruddy inside, so I was due for a new coffeepot anyway. I'm drinking my first cup of hazelnut coffee right now.

I bought a Stevens Savage model 620 - 20 gauge shotgun. It's an old pump action that has been well taken care of. It has a poly choke 5-way on the end of the barrel. It's a very pretty little shotgun. I want to buy some shells and take it out this weekend to see how she does. I'm going to break it down and clean it tonight. I looked up the breakdown instructions, already tried it, seems very simple. It had a wooden block in the shell cartridge so that it only holds two shells. I called uncle Chuck about the gun, he has some good information, but was unable to tell me anything about the poly choke. I removed the wooden block, but when you are hunting duck, you are only allowed to have three shells in the gun. I asked why you can't just put three shells in, why do you have to put a wooden dowel in it? I suppose to make sure you never have more than three shells in the gun. That seems a little silly to me.

Anyway, I like it. Maybe I'll show it to Rob and get his take on it. Uncle Chuck suggested sawing off the barrel. Nah. I like it just the way it is. No scratches or dents - it's beautiful for a 50+ year old gun.

I'm getting pretty close to my time of the month, so I'm exceptionally irritable and easily annoyed. I've been feeling sick for three days. Back aches, neck aches, top of shoulders ache. My stomach is sticking straight out like a big fat cow (Moo!). I can't go poop. I'm covered with bug bites and bruises, and big bites WITH bruises, and bruises with bug bites. I have a sore on my top lip (actually it's from chewing on my top lip) from tweeking on caffeine. I'm cold when I should be hot and I break out in a sweat 15 minutes after I'm back in the cold air conditioning.
This is what happens when I work in an air conditioned building in the heat of the summer. I always come down sick - what? Strep? A summer cold?
Yeah, I'm feeling sorry for myself today. This is day three of feeling like crap.

I already wiped everything down with pine-sol, just in case.

Freydis is still crazier than hell. Four ounces of badass. I really need to get some pictures of her at her funniest. You should see how she looks if I wake her up in the middle of the day, she sits back on her tail and has a three-point stance with one arm sticking straight out to the side. She looks like a drunk squirrel reaching for her bottle. I feel guilty keeping her in her cage, so I let her roam too much. I have to hunt for her every morning to make sure she's okay. I've plugged all the important holes - like the center cone of my bass speaker. This morning I found her in the toaster. Now that's ruined. Good thing it was unplugged. I don't mind when I find her in a vase or behind the books on the shelf, but I kinda got spooked to think she would climb into a toaster. Talk about kid-proofing a house... have you ever had to squirrel proof? There are all kinds of little dangers lurking around. I'm glad she's not a rodent. She doesn't have the desire to chew on stuff or I'd worry myself to death.
I just hate to keep her in a cage all the time. So far it's working out okay to let her have a little freedom - I just wish she would return to her cage when I tell her to instead of having to CATCH HER!
There's slapstick if I ever saw it.

You have a great night, I have a gun to clean.

MsAmber

Two in two days... wow.

2010-06-22T09:42:00.002-05:00

We had a very productive night. New Guy is going to work out just fine.

Once again, I woke up too early this morning. Maybe I can get in a nap before work; I'm sure I'll need one.

I found the name for my Sugar Glider.
I remembered a story about a Viking princess; daughter of Erik the Red. During the initial exploration and colonization of North America, the Indians kept attacking and killing the early explorers - these were the "Skraelings", (which is where JRR Tolkien got the idea for the name, I think. I'm just too lazy to look it up and get my facts straight.)
Anyway, Leif Erikkson's sister, Freydis, was pregnant at the time. She tried to rally the men to fight, but they ran away. So she turned to face the Indians, bared her breasts, slapped the sword across her chest and screamed at them. The Indians ceased their attack and turned around and left.

This mental image has amused me for a long time. So I think "Freydis" is the perfect name for my Sugar Glider. She sometimes spreads her arms wide and bares her chest at me and screams... it's just too funny. All she needs is a little Viking helmet and a little sword.

High temperature today of 101. Lovely.
Yesterday was officially the first day of Summer.

I need to brush my teeth, put on a hat, and go get my nails filled.
You have a great day.
MsAmber

Update ... finally.

2010-06-21T09:50:00.002-05:00

I'm still at Altus AFB in Southwestern Oklahoma. It looks like I'll be here until mid-September (or this Wednesday if I win the 97 million dollar lottery).

It's incredibly hot during the day here. Instant melt when I step out the door. I do so hate to be cooped up in the air conditioning, so I open the door and turn off the a/c until I just can't stand it anymore. Which is usually noon.

I bought a Sugar Glider. It's a little marsupial critter. Kinda like a cross between a flying squirrel and a kangaroo mouse. She's funny. I haven't named her yet, but I think it's hilarious that a little 4" critter thinks she's bad enough to attack me. Can you imagine the audacity it takes to be only a few inches tall and want to attack a big human? I need to find the perfect name for her. If she were male: I'd name her Quixote! She spreads her little arms out to her sides to look bigger and chatters at me. She's starting to settle down, I'll be handling her within the week, I'm sure.

We are working from 4:00 pm until 2:30 am, and this schedule is kicking my ass. I'm having a hard time making myself sleep past 7 am, but I know that if I don't; I'll be crashing midway through the night. I have to drink a 5-hour energy shot at 9:00 every night to refresh my energy.

Uncle Chuck called me this morning and asked me to call my Grandmother. He will email me her contact information. That seemed kind of strange to me. I didn't think that she even really cares that I exist. But apparently she wants to hear from me...
That's just odd.
I keep up with my Uncle Chuck, and let him know how I'm doing and where I'm working, etc. I figure if anyone inquires as to my whereabouts, he'll get to answer that I'm fine. Regarding the tad bit of affection that I have for those people who are related to me by blood; they know me not: nor I, them.
Uncle Chuck is the one exception, however. He and I have forged a good friendship and I am proud of that. I actually LIKE him.

I know some of you would argue that "blood is thicker than water", and that concept should inspire in me some sort of unequivocal loyalty, but I've been alone in this world for 25 years to forge my own way. No friendly advice, no safety net, no big brothers/cousins to defend me... the isolation has made me a stronger person, no doubt, but now my independence has become an ingrained habit. Hard not to be skeptical of those who want to cleave to me when I'm finally succeeding. I always remember that I was 15 years old when abandoned to make my own way. Just a few months into the 10th grade...
I'm not a resounding success, by any means, but I'm doing just fine. I COULD have wound up toothless with 5 children living in a trailer in the hills and soaking up welfare, or a strung-out junkie on the streets of some big city. That would be the average expectation.

Why, Yes, I DO have abandonment issues... how did you guess?

Okay, this is creepy. Roy Orbison just came on the radio singing "Crying". Ha ha ha. Time to pull my head out of this little pity party.
Frankly, I have no regrets.

C'est la Vie.

Today should be interesting. My Harris contact is coming in from Italy to see how we're progressing. I have no idea when he'll be here. I should take my shower and be dressed and ready for a phone call at any time.

I think I'm in the market for a motorcycle. Rob sent me some links to some cheap but nice bikes for sale in the area. I could pick up a nice little cruiser for $2500. I'm thinking about it. I'm only apprehensive because I would have to transport it in the back of the van while I'm hitched up to the RV.
The gross weight of one of the smaller 250s is about 350 pounds. Plus 1000 pounds on the hitch with the RV. Think my 3/4 ton can handle it? Maybe. Then again, I wonder if extending the frame on the back of the RV for a bike carrier is plausible.
I definitely need to figure out the logistics of this little venture before I just "up-and-buy" a motorcycle.

Anyway, I need to get moving and get ready for my day.
You have a great one.

MsAmber

What a weekend!

2010-05-24T07:39:00.002-05:00

This weekend, I washed the outside of the RV, did two weeks' worth of laundry, shampooed the carpets, washed down the walls and ceiling, serviced the air conditioner, and waxed the cabinet doors.
Today, I'm bathing the dog!

We start working nights this week. I tried to stay up late so that I would sleep in. That didn't really work out like I had planned. I still woke up at 6:30 this morning. I'll try to take a nap today. We will be working from 4:00 pm to 2:30 am.

So far last week, we built out the CMR and cored the 7 penetrations. Then built the 8 penetrations downwards onto the ladder rack. We've pulled the 3/0 copper halfway - it's very heavy and hard to pull. Today we'll finish that up.

Every firewall penetration has to be logged and labeled. There are tons of them.
But the job is coming along just fine.

I need to call the office and make sure everything we need is added to Mike's truck this morning. I'm also getting my new laptop battery today, yayy!

You have a great day.
MsAmber

...and the project begins.

2010-05-18T07:08:00.002-05:00

Mike and I did our walk-through yesterday. This job is going to be as perfect as I can possibly make it.
There are requirements for inspections and random testing. I have to keep a log of all wall penetrations. Ten-foot service loops at each end, support every 5 feet, a drop density of three cables per 60 square feet, complete clean-up nightly, split the bundles and terminate from left and right, perfection, perfection, perfection. I love it. If I have a good crew, this should be the acme of installs. I've made my notes of subjects to discuss, and written down today's goals.

I do have a spot of great news:

Yesterday morning, I went and met with my neighbor Ernest(with the dogs), and asked him for a dog-whistle. I mentioned that I wouldn't mind helping him to train them not to bark, as I will be working nights and sleeping days. He seemed fairly receptive to the idea. When I walked Megabyte, they went into hysterical barking, so we just stood there and let them wear themselves out. I went to work at 10. When I arrived back home at 3, I walked near their cage and they barked, so I told them to hush and they did. I was really surprised.
This morning, Ernest knocked on my door, and I told him that the dogs are doing great, I told them to hush and they did, and I was happy about that. He told me that at lunch yesterday he bought a barking-trainer. It's a birdhouse that hangs from the tree and when the dogs bark, it emits an annoying sound. It works great, the boys have stopped their incessant barking. I thanked him and told him it was working wonderfully. I'm so happy! That was so nice of him. The problem is solved and Ernest and I aren't enemies. Isn't that cool?

The only obstacle left to peace-and-quiet is the shrew with the toddler. It turns out that the toddler isn't the noisy one, it's his mother. She has such a grating, loud nature. She hollers at the kid like she doesn't like him. Quit! Stop! No! Don't! --- Just like a shrew. She's pregnant, and smokes cigarettes worse than me. You should hear her coughing and hacking in the morning. Ugh!

Oh well. C'est la vie.

You have a great day.
MsAmber

Sometimes, everything is hilarious.

2010-05-17T06:05:00.002-05:00

So I called around at the three rv parks here in Altus. Only one seemed to have plenty of space, but the lady didn't know. She walked around and called me back. She said she and her husband just bought the place and was still quite new at it.
I got here and took a look at the two spaces she had thought of for me.
I decided on one with a big tree, got permission to cut a branch off, and wiggled my rv into the spot.

My sewer line runs over to my front yard, the water is located at the front right corner, only the electricity is in it's proper place. I got set up, and only then did I realize that the two gigantic barking dogs next to me never shut up and the family right behind me have a screaming toddler. This will be fun! We will be working nights and sleeping during the day.
I shall invest in ear plugs, I'm sure.

Today, Mike and I will go get our badges and do our walk-through. He is the PM, but he's still obligated to another project, so I'll pretty much be running the thing. He stopped by my rv last night and we sat out on the patio and discussed important matters such as: fill ratios, working hours, the location of the nearest Wal-Mart, etc.
I am really very glad to be back on a project. I was getting a little stir-crazy.

It's 6:00 am, I was awakened by the cacophony of hundreds of birds singing in the tree that overhangs my bedroom. Now that it's starting to get daylight, they seem to have simmered down a bit.

I think I will invest in a dog-whistle. It seems the best solution to the barking dogs next door. They spend the day in a 10X10 chain-link kennel, and they are huge black labs. Their owner didn't show up until 9:00 last night. I'll just train the damn things. Wish me luck.

Well, today has begun, you have a wonderful one.
MsAmber

I'm feeling hopeful again.

2010-05-15T08:05:00.002-05:00

The boycott of Amber is officially over. It was silly to begin with. They've put me back on a project, I'm headed to Altus AFB down in the Southwest corner of Oklahoma. I know I'm not everybody's cup-of-tea, but goodness, it seems once you get on somebody's shit-list, it takes a while to get back off of it. In this case: it took seven months. Meanwhile, I had to stay stubborn and pretend I didn't care. Grovelling wouldn't have improved the situation, and with these guys: you can't show weakness or they'd have eaten me alive. The pecking order is restored, all is right with the world.

It's a cold, rainy Saturday in Blanchard Oklahoma. It's been rainy and stormy for a couple of days. I'm drinking coffee this morning, playing some Bob Dylan, simmering some cinnamon oil, have the door open and the heater on. I like living alone. No-one to nag about my wasting electricity or annoying me about being in a Bob Dylan mood. Megabyte doesn't seem to mind.

My agenda for today is to get the propane tank filled, re-organize the van, and start securing the floatation in the rv. I have to meet Rusty some time today to pick up a Lucent Partner processor. Monday morning first thing I have to do a quick service call to Frederick USPS. Their phone system took a lightning hit. I have to rig up tomorrow and drive to Altus, run the service call on Monday, then go to the AFB to start the project. I should be on the project for two months, but I'm not the PM this time, just the lead tech. They wanted to keep me freed up so I can leave the project if another comes through.

I finally ordered a new battery for my laptop. It should be in next Friday, I'll pay for it over the phone then send my boss to pick it up and transport it to me. It was actually only $108. If I'd have known that, I would have bought one sooner.

The big knuckle on the pointer-finger of my left hand has hurt for three weeks now. I'm not sure how I bungled it up, but it is really annoying. I told my Dad about it and he gave me a roll-on bottle of a supposed horse liniment: DMSO Dimethyl Sulfoxide. I'm a little wary about it. It's only indicated as a solvent, and the instructions declare that any use other than as a solvent is strictly the responsibility of the end-user. Hmmm. Several people swear by it, I'll give it a try; I'll try anything if it will help this pain. The laughable part of it though: whoever heard of a roll-on solvent?
It's not really a stretch, I've heard of people using WD-40 for arthritis, and it reminds me of the Greek father in the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" who declared Windex as the cure for everything. That still makes me chuckle.

I borrowed a really neat old book. The 1946 edition of "Pauline Bonaparte - A Woman Of Affairs". She was the youngest sister of Napoleon. I'm pretty enthusiastic about reading it. It's a fragile old book. I just love old books.

Well, I should hop in the shower and try to get my task list knocked out before I have to go get that processor. You have a great day.

MsAmber

I don't wanna get out and work.

2010-04-18T08:37:00.002-05:00

It's Sunday morning. It's still raining. I have a slight (ever so slight) hangover from the four beers I drank yesterday. I was chilled to the bone when I left the mud races. It must have been 45 degrees out there. Soaking wet and buzzed and cold; I had the full-body shivers. It was a hoot though. The van has chunks of mud over the whole driver's side. Apparently everyone slung mud on it as they were leaving. I was worried about getting out of there myself, but I just gunned it and ramped out. Poor van! We went to the Cherokee truck stop afterwards and ate dinner - I had a buffalo burger. Megabyte acted as though even HE was cold and he stayed in the van the whole time. Wimp-dog!
I woke up to the coffee pot beeping this morning and decided not to get out of bed so I went back to sleep. I roused myself up around 8. I have to do laundry this morning and figure out what's wrong with the slide-out motor, get the rv rigged back up and move back to Norman. Set-up again at the other rv park and go to work tomorrow.
Man, weekends just aren't long enough.
It feels like winter here. Cold and still raining this morning.
Can't I just pretend it's not Sunday morning and go back to bed?
I think I'll drink that little energy shooter in my refrigerator, take two ibuprofen, and suck it up.
Lots to do.

Have a great day.
MsAmber

Sorry, sorry, sorry.... um. No I'm Not.

2010-04-17T06:43:00.002-05:00

I've dropped off blogland for a while.
Internet connectivity has been a major part of it.
I've been working on the road, but I left my RV parked in Lafayette for a few months, so I've been staying in motels and in my van a lot. I rarely boot up the computer when I'm on the road. Just to upload timesheets and delete my junk emails. I haven't been to my blog or Myspace or Facebook. No playing around at all.

It's a rainy Saturday morning in Norman Oklahoma. I have my RV back on the road so I'll be blogging more.

Since last I updated: I've been to Tuscaloosa, Al; Jackson, MS; Homestead, FL; New Orleans, LA; Ozark, AR; and other places I just can't think of right now.
This week I've been organizing the shop in Norman, Oklahoma.

I bought four new tires for the RV last week. Pretty tires. I wonder how much spinner rims would cost for the RV? I think that would be downright hilarious, don't you?

I'm headed to the Mud Races in Geary, Oklahoma today. It's raining, so that should be quite fun! Wish I could participate. I haven't decided yet whether I should take the RV up there - it's about 70 miles away. I think I might. Just in case I get muddy and cold, I won't have to worry about driving all the way back down here.

You have a great weekend.
MsAmber

It's 2010.

2010-01-07T11:08:00.004-06:00

The irony of the opening song to CSI Las Vegas being "Who Are You" by Pete Townshend just struck me.

I'm so easily amused sometimes.

This past couple of weeks have made me blue. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the season, or maybe it's just that time of the month... who knows.

I came back to Lafayette. I bought wiring and repaired the brakes on the trailer, I bought a new refrigerator vent cover for the roof of the rv and replaced that which was dry-rotted and disintegrated.
Chad and I removed the bathroom wall and door. He refinished the end cap of the wall and trimmed out the damaged area on the ceiling. I have much more room in the bathroom and bedroom now - it was fairly claustrophobic in there before.

It's raining today, the driveway is a mudhole again. I called work and fairly begged them to find me something to do next week. I have $27 left and an automatic draft coming out of my checking account for $79 on the 13th. Better fill that void quickly!

I don't have the motivation to get out of the house, much less fix my hair or paint my face. I managed to get out of bed today, but that's the extent of it.

I took the dogs to the vet last week while I still had money left. The vet was a real bitch - she labeled both my dogs as "aggressive". Not true.
I guess part of what I'm angry about is she diagnosed Spotsky as positive for heartworms. Megabyte is still negative, thankfully. A couple hundred dollars later, all I really came out of it with was bad news and a bottle of antibiotics for Meg's mouth.
I'm not sure of how I'm going to deal with Spotsky's diagnosis, I bought the heartworm medication to keep them from multiplying, but that doesn't kill the adult worms. My research suggests that the cure is about $400 and it involves injecting poison into the dog and keeping him sedate for a few weeks until his immune system dissolves the dead worms. This, I can neither afford, nor do I think it a good idea for a dog who has epileptic seizures. He had two seizures this morning - albeit not bad ones.
I'll just keep the heartworms from multiplying and hopefully it will buy some time until I can comfortably afford the treatment.

My girl Tayla had her baby last weekend. She was in labor for 17 hours, but she and the baby girl are doing just fine. I'm hoping to see her when I blaze through town next week.

It's raining and cold outside right now. I'm torn as to whether I want to go outside and get cold and wet and then take a hot shower, or simply lay down and take a nap... what do you think?
Yep, a nap.

MsAmber

Biloxi, Mississippi

2009-12-20T05:25:00.002-06:00

When I finished El Reno, I hitched up and was ready to leave and discovered that the brakes weren't engaging on the trailer. So I pulled in to Happy Trails automotive: the same guys who installed the rear air-assisted springs on my van. They took the trailer wheels off and discovered that my brakes were completely Kaput. The new brake systems weren't in stock so I drove to OKC to buy four of them at $70 bucks apiece. It took nearly all day to install them. Then, we figured out also that the power wire on the trailer only works one side. The other side doesn't work. So I only have brakes on one side of the trailer. I told the guys that I can't afford any more labor so just install the wheels and I'll take care of the wiring when I get home. This week I need to run new wires over to the other side of the trailer.

I drove to Rob's house and did my laundry. I stole two things: my ceramic grease pot with the little mouse handle, and the feather mattress. I called Rob and told him what I stole and told him that if he wants the feather mattress back, it'll have to wait until Spring. Man, is it nice. It really helps when it's cold in here. He said I could keep it. Thanks, you may have saved my life with that one.

I loaded up equipment and drove down to Biloxi Mississippi. I was joined by Travis and we got the job knocked out in four days. Racks, power, ladder-rack, switchtails, MUXs, CSU/DSUs, PC, KVM switch, alarm monitoring panel and all peripherals. It looks great.

Well, I paid for a week at the RV park here, so I called Chad and he was free this weekend so I drove to Lafayette and picked him up. We are playing in Biloxi this weekend. We walked on the beach yesterday, ate breakfast in Waffle House, took a long nap, ate at the IP buffet for dinner, and watched "Inglourious Basterds" last night. Definitely Quentin Tarrantino's style - but not as much squirting blood as I expected: he typically uses gallons of fake blood, spraying everything red. The last scene is perfectly Quentin though... LOL.

It is now Sunday morning.
I got up early, the dogs were rattling their collars at me at 5:00 am to go potty, so I'm drinking coffee and blogging.
The weather is cool - a high of 55 degrees, but it's still nice. Chad's driveway is completely mudded up from all the rain they've had in the past week. I'm not sure where I can park when I get home. But I have to be off for the holidays, so I'll figure something out.
We still have one more day to play at the beach before I have to worry about that.

I bought a spare serpentine belt for the van. One less thing to worry about. I may put it on next week, when I wire up the brakes on the RV. Always something needing fixed, right?

You have a great day.
MsAmber

Leaving El Reno . . . again.

2009-12-11T05:48:00.002-06:00

Yayyy. The job is done.
Wednesday, the mission was to install a T-1 card into the old switch and Ma-Bell was porting over all the phone numbers to the T-1.
Well, Ma-Bell ported the numbers at 2:00, but the T-1 card wouldn't come up in the old switch, so we made the decision to install the NEW switch. We set out all the sets, swung the customers over to the new cables and patched them over, and created the database and installed the new switch - in one night.
In order to get out of there early (2:00 am) we just installed the old voicemail on the new switch. Thursday morning we found a little problem with that solution. You couldn't leave any new voicemails. So the new voicemail was installed and the contents loaded over - presto, no missed messages. It sounds exactly like it did before. So that was accomplished Thursday morning at 8:30 am. Then Thursday evening we went back and finished the programming, brought up the last 20 phones, hung the backboard and mounted the paging equipment, cleaned up the old cabling and replaced the ceiling tile, then cleared out the room and swept up the mess. We were out of there at 7:30 pm on Thursday night.

Cutover wasn't actually scheduled until Friday night and Saturday.
So... what shall I do with myself today?

It's been freaking COLD here. Tuesday night the wind blew constantly at 40 mph, I thought the RV was going to blow away. My water froze up solid. Wednesday, I did what I could with my hair and went in for a 14 hour day at work. Then had to try to thaw some water out to clean myself up on Thursday to go back in to work in the morning, then I got to come home for a while and take a nap, then back to work that evening at 5 - but we got finished up at 7:30 last night.
Today I shall work on getting some water thawed out, take a shower, then hitch up, drain my tanks (if they're thawed), and drive to Norman. I may see about dropping by my ex's house to do some laundry.

Sunday morning at 8 I am going to the shop to load equipment then I'm heading SOUTH!
Biloxi Mississippi, to be exact. Near the beach in the dead of Winter! Woo Hoo!
I hope that job lasts a few weeks... I'm petrified that I'm going to wind up working in Erie Pennsylvania in January.

You have a great day.
MsAmber

Okay, I'm blogging one week at a time now.

2009-12-03T09:09:00.002-06:00

On Monday, November 30th, I hitched up in Lafayette, Louisiana and drove to Tuscaloosa, Alabama (412 miles). On Tuesday I did the walk-through meeting at the VA. Wednesday morning I refilled a propane tank and got the oil-changed in the van and raised the hitch. Then I rigged up and drove to Norman, Oklahoma (738 miles). It rained nearly all the way to Little Rock, Arkansas. I pulled in to Norman at 2:30 this morning. It is now 9 a.m. and I just hooked up the water so I can have a shower and I'm drinking my coffee. I need to wake up just a little more so I can go in to work.
Man, am I tired. Pulling a trailer in the rain just drains me - plus I have a caffeine hangover. I drank black coffee all day long yesterday. It's cold here, there is frost on the ground. That's why I didn't hook up the water last night when I set up the camper. I didn't want my hose to freeze. It was 35 degrees inside the camper last night so I fired up the furnace and I'll bet it ran for two hours straight to get it up to 65. I didn't stay up to wait for it. I turned on my heating pad and curled up and went to sleep.
I DID learn something though. I had traded mattresses with Chad to see about making more room in the RV and lightening the load a little. We moved the Sealy Posturpedic into his house and I got his Tempurpedic. That Tempurpedic mattress is temperature sensitive. When it's cold, it's hard as a rock. The place where I turned on the heating pad sunk in nice and soft, but the rest of the bed was hard as a rock until it warmed up.
Spot wiggled himself under the covers last night to warm up. I think I shall prohibit this new activity - I don't want dog hair under my covers - but I understand it was cold so I let him snuggle for a little while.

I lack the imagination to make this blog entry interesting.
I'll write more later, I suppose.

Have a great day.
MsAmber

Gosh, this week has FLOWN!

2009-11-27T07:34:00.002-06:00

On Monday I re-wired the trailer wiring harness and mounted the connector into a bracket on the bumper. I added a couple more wires to control the brake module. I installed the trailer brake module and I'm pleased to report that it's working. I mounted the two 30 amp self-resetting breakers to the firewall behind-and-above the battery. I also cleaned the battery, re-mounted the ground to the frame and smeared no-ox on all connections. I tuned up the engine and installed new plug wires, plugs, pcv valve, distributor cap and rotor. The engine has really come alive. I broke traction the other day and peeled out! Mu wa ha ha ha ha haaaaa.

On Tuesday I turned in my timesheet (late). Then I cleaned and rewired the RV's battery. The wingnut was completely corroded through, so I dug until I found the right nut to replace it. Smeared everything with no-ox; it looks real good. Then I organized and oiled ALL my tools. I emptied out the big black toolbox and filled it with automotive tools - jack, pry bar, four-way, oil, ps fluid, brake fluid, carb cleaner, fuel injector cleaner, Heet, extra fuses, jumper cables, reflective cones, pully puller, gear puller, extra bulbs and flasher relay module, air gauge, air pump, fix-a-flat, gap tool, etc... Yep. It's full and heavy.
Then I vacuumed out the entire van, washed down the ceiling and walls, and cleaned the windows. Then I performed the most amazing task ever: I sorted through all my nuts, bolts, washers, screws, terminals, and lagniappe and put them into a big compartmental case. Yes! Really! I did this! I now know where to find any kind of screw or nut-and-bolt that I need. I also was able to throw away any that were damaged or oxidized. The case is very heavy, but the dividers are solid so the stuff won't migrate into adjacent compartments. I love it. It was a gift from my friends at Builder's Best. It used to hold router bits. I went in there and talked to them about my last road-trip and bought a new tape-measure, I happened to mention that I needed something with dividers and was having a hard time finding exactly what I wanted. John went into the back and dug it out for me. I'm so happy! I'm finally organized!

On Wednesday I went to the DMV. It was $393.00 for tags for the van! $355 for taxes and $38 for paperwork. Man! What an expensive friggin' set of plates. Then I came home and I was so frustrated that I washed all the curtains in the house, starched and ironed them, washed the windows, changed the sheets, re-hung the divider curtain to the bedroom, fastened all the pictures in the house to the walls so they will never fall down again, and added a hook-and-eye to the cupboard so it won't fall open when I travel. Cleaned out a junk drawer (still have one junk drawer left), gave all the aquarium supplies to Nicky (a few less things to carry around), filled my shampoo/conditioner/soap dispenser in the bathroom, killed all the mildew in the shower, and shampoo'd the carpets. Yeah, I should get pissed off more often!

Yesterday (Thanksgiving), Chad built and installed my new bookshelves. It's like a hutch over my dresser. Three tiers high. I dug out all my books from under the bed and filled it immediately. Then I got out my gold wire and a mess of miscellaneous beads and made retainers across the front of each shelf. It looks really cool. I won't have to take my books down when I travel, hopefully. I randomly strung up the beads and some old necklace pendants so it looks like a funky-chunky charm bracelet across the fronts of the shelves. I should take a picture.
Then we went to Golden Corral for dinner - stuffed ourselves silly on steak and ribs. Who needs turkey?

Today, I am going to tackle the LAUNDRY, the second junk drawer, the shoe storage, and the space under the bed. Fill my empty propane bottle, and get the oil changed and an inspection sticker for the van. I should top off the gas while I'm in town. There's also a slew of dirty coffee cups in the sink. (Damn, I'm an addict.)

I have to be in Tuscaloosa Alabama on Tuesday morning, December 1st.

You have a great day.
MsAmber

In Lafayette for the week.

2009-11-23T08:04:00.002-06:00

After work on Thursday, I took off for home. I went and rigged up and started driving. I stopped in Ardmore and drank two pots of coffee with Jerry, then tackled the DFW traffic. I made it all the way to Alexandria, LA. Actually, I was only 86 miles from home when I had to stop and crash at 4:30 in the morning. I just pulled into a truckstop, let the boys tinkle, crawled into bed and crashed for 7 hours. I got here on Friday afternoon.

Saturday I went to the Auto Parts store and spent $213.00 on parts: I bought plugs, plug wires, distributor cap, rotor, PCV valve, heavy duty flasher, trailer brake module, four colors of wires, two 30 amp self-resetting breakers, bracket for my trailer wiring harness, gap tool, and I splurged on a pair of wire-pulling pliers. On Sunday, I tuned up the truck and installed the trailer brake module, and re-wired the trailer wiring harness. That took all day.

I'm proud it's all done, and now I don't have to worry about my stopping distance. Heavy traffic was scaring me to death with the extensive amount of distance it takes me to stop 9100 pounds of forward momentum with just the van's brakes. I feel so much better about hauling this thing around now.

Today, I am going to clean and reconnect the RV's battery leads, vacuum out the van, and re-organize my tools.
I suppose I should throw some laundry into the mix. I'd best be keeping up with that.

I switched the dogs first to Pedigree senior formula - it supposedly is easier to chew, and they snarfed that bag right up. I went back to the store to find some more and there wasn't any. So, I've switched them again - this time to Beneful. They really love that stuff. I've decided to stop buying Pedigree. The boys eat the Beneful much easier and seem to like it more. Meg is full of energy - he's the first one to bust out after a squirrel. If I'd have known that switching his food would have this kind of effect, I would have done it sooner.
So Rob... consider changing Brinka to Beneful if you think of it. It's kinda stinky, must be the salmon, but not excessively so.

Well, I'm going to get after my day. You have a great one.
MsAmber

El Reno. . . Again?!?!

2009-11-14T08:07:00.002-06:00

Still here.
The job isn't going blazingly fast. The crew is out of Tulsa, and they schedule themselves pretty short.
I'm kinda in a quandary: I have a reputation for not liking the quality of work by subcontractors, so my bosses roll their eyes at me when I give disparaging reports of others' work. Fact is: I could do the entire job myself, but that's not the reason I have critical eyes towards their work. But I know that if I complain about yet another subcontractor, that it won't change anything and I will simply be reinforcing my reputation as a malcontent.

I see things like: Not showing up on time. Not staying as long as they should. Terminating cat6 without using the retaining clips. Not using the box connectors on the Valcom speakers. Taking 8 hours to terminate 48 cables. Not doing exactly what they said during the conference call. Not adhering to the schedule that they announced during the conference call. Pulling some cables too short. Labeling cables without underlining the numbers (is it 99 or 66? 81 or 18? etc.) If I didn't nag so much about labeling the jacks, I think they would bypass that step also.
My new boss wanted me to watch how THEY do things so that I can duplicate their quality during the next install. What a joke! I feel like my talents are wasted sometimes. The subcontractor is really hating having a babysitter (me) and is doing their best to keep their work away from me - they gave me the task of dressing-in the closet on Wednesday. That kept me busy in the closet all day - it looks real good, by the way.
They are a small-town company. The son works for the dad. Remind you of someone? (Ardmore Tel-Comm, Jerry and Terry Bateman! I love those guys!) Stubborn as all hell - "This is the way I've always done it!" (It took me forever to re-train Terry Bateman from stripping cat5 all the way back. Ah the memories!)

"Yeah? Well that doesn't mean you've been doing it right. Where did you learn to terminate Cat6?" (This is what I wish I'd said.) He says the cat6 clips get in his way. I think he just doesn't know how to use them - I thought they were a pain-in-the-ass the first time I used them, but then I got used to them and I find that they work beautifully and save a little time in a high-density panel. Besides: nowadays the cable sticks out straight from the panel, not bent to the side. I hope his cables pass, but I kinda doubt they will with that sharp bend. We'll see. Today we test! Unfortunately he won't be there. He is going to a wedding today, so they are sending a substitute technician to finish the punching-down.

Well, I've ranted enough. You probably have no idea what I'm talking about anyway.
Just smile, Amber. This job will be done, and nobody will care about retaining clips and box connectors when it's through.

Have a great day.
MsAmber

More El Reno

2009-11-08T09:26:00.002-06:00

Well, we got the cabling roughed in. I installed the paging speakers and wiring. I tested that with a toner and everything appears to be working fine.
I'm off today, but I need to change out my air filter on the van, find a place to refill my propane (on a Sunday, no less) and do my laundry.

I was out of propane when I woke up this morning. Since I went to bed with wet hair, it was quite a mess and I thought I would take a quick shower to tame it down a little. Surprise! No hot water!
How... ummm. Invigorating!

I've repainted my nails this morning, and drank a gallon of coffee, so I think I'm ready to bundle up and head outdoors.

You have a great day!

MsAmber

Where the hell am I? Oh yeah, El Reno, OK.

2009-11-04T17:07:00.002-06:00

On Thursday, October 15th, I was headed to work at the VA in Billings and the electrical system in the van died. I called the replacement technician and told him I would be a little late and started troubleshooting the electrical problem by the side of the road at 7:15 a.m. I tore apart the dash, I took out the fuse block, I chased the wires down, I pulled the stereo out. I found that my ignition wire was a dead short to ground - but WHERE? By 11:30 I couldn't solve the puzzle so I called a tow truck and had it towed to Speedo & Electric in Billings. Guess what he found? Mice! Yep, I had mice chewing all over my wiring harness under the doghouse. The ignition wire was absolutely shorted to the block. At least we found the problem(s) and fixed them before I hit the road. I was leaving Montana on Friday, so the timing was perfect. That was $260 bucks. Then I rented a car-dolly and towed the Nissan all the way to Shreveport. I stopped off in Norman to unload some equipment and picked up Megabyte. Dropped off the Nissan in Shreveport, returned the car dolly to U-Haul in Shreveport, dropped off a KVM switch to the VA in Shreveport then drove home to Lafayette.
It rained nearly every day that I was in Lafayette. The yard was so full of water that the van got stuck in the driveway. I just knew I wouldn't be able to pull the RV out.
Friday, October 30th was my 39th birthday. It rained all day. When Chad got off work, I cooked dinner for everyone and he baked me a pumpkin pie. I didn't want to call it a night - being as it was my birthday and all, so I waited for my friend Nicky to get off work, she showed up finally around midnight and we sat around and got drunk and talked until 2:30 in the morning. Then the next morning I whipped together a couple of caveman costumes for Chad and myself, painted up and fixed up his youngest daughter, and we all went trick-or-treating. I may have been a little on the grumpy side - tad bit o' hangover and all...
It didn't rain at all on Saturday, Sunday, or Monday; so I thought maybe I could get the camper out of the yard after all. I packed up, hitched up, wired up a trailer harness, and Tuesday morning I pulled it right out. I drove the 631 miles yesterday. The transmission is real weak, but it pulled it just fine - I just took it easy. I got here in El Reno last night (well, this morning), found a camping spot, set up the camper, took a shower, and went to bed. I got up this morning, drank my coffee, walked the dogs, checked my emails, and went to work.
I'm done now - and I don't have to work tomorrow except to sit-in on a conference call at 1:00.
Whew.
I just opened a beer - say goodnight Amber.
Goodnight Amber.

(Grin)
MsAmber

1995 Dodge Ram 2500 PowerWagon

2009-10-11T08:15:00.002-05:00

...with the Magnum V8.
I bought it! It's mine.
I'll be spending the next few days loading my stuff into it and getting it ready to roll. I have to wire up the trailer wiring harness, unbolt the toolbox from the back of the Nissan and move it into the van. Remove the back seats. Get a power inverter so that I can charge my cellphone and laptop. This is going to keep me excited for the next 4 days.
Gotta go. Worky worky, busy busy.

MsAmber (grinning)

It's Snowing!!!!

2009-10-05T08:58:00.003-05:00

I woke up this morning, it didn't seem like an extraordinary day. I got dressed and brushed my teeth. Then I stepped outside...
There is an inch of snow on my truck and it's still snowing. It's a peaceful snow - didn't hear a thing, the wind is not blowing, just a silent blanketing over everything. It's warm snow. Slushy and wet.
I'm at work now, facing a window watching as everything turns white.
It's cool. I'm enjoying it. Except for the whole "my feet and pants-cuffs are wet" thing.

You have a great day!

MsAmber

Counting down the days...

2009-10-04T10:04:00.002-05:00

I put a Dodge Ram 2500 van on layaway. I've already paid $1800 on it, I just owe $1700 more. It just came out of the shop - I made a deal with the guy to have a tow-hitch installed. I'm counting down the days before I can pay it off and start packing up to get the hell outta here. I'm free to leave on the 15th, but I don't get my paycheck until the 16th, so I'll pick it up then and rent a car-dolly to tow the Nissan back to Louisiana. I'm starting to get excited and impatient about leaving, that'll make the days drag on...
I can't wait to see Chad again. He hitched up my trailer and moved it to his place to re-pack my wheel bearings and fix the mushy spot on the floor. The prognosis is good, he found the source of the water that damaged the floor and the wall - it was a bad assembly problem. I'm so glad he's a carpenter!

I slept in until 7:00 this morning, and I'm feeling a little strange today. Kinda light-headed, shaky and unsteady. I don't know what that's all about. Maybe too many cigarettes and too much coffee and not really being acclimated to this elevation? I did sequester myself to my room this weekend instead of getting out and walking around. The weather is turning cold, threatening snow, according to the weather reports. I just don't like to be out in the cold wind. (wimp!)

I usually have my laundry done by now - I've been making it to the laundromat by 7:30 on Sundays to beat the rush. It's now 9:30. Now I'll be fighting for a dryer. I may just wait until this afternoon since I'm not feeling all that energetic right now anyway.

I bought a subscription to "unclaimed money" and I've been searching names of everyone I know and relatives. It's kept me busy for a day now... What shall I do next? I'm tired of reading books, don't want a nap... I know, maybe I'll paint my toenails? That'll take up all of 20 minutes.

Man, the waiting is KILLING me!

MsAmber

Two More Weeks! Yayyyy!

2009-09-30T07:34:00.002-05:00

Had a final meeting yesterday. My boss, the COTR, the heads of the Billings OPC, and myself had our MOU meeting yesterday. Everything is good. I have to babysit the system until the 15th of October, then hand the baton to the onsite tech and I'm outta here.
Isn't that awesome?
The honchos are all getting on their planes this morning and leaving with a warm fuzzy that it's all handled.

This morning, I woke up with my right eye swollen shut and a bit of an allergic reaction. They just changed my sheets yesterday, and they might not have rinsed all the soap out. I usually react to laundry soap, so I think that's the problem.
Funny. The timing is perfect.

Well, I gotta go.
Have a great day.
MsAmber

Saturday in Billings...

2009-09-19T17:25:00.002-05:00

I went in to work this morning. I hanged (hung?) both alarm panels and discovered that the manufacturer did not include power cords. Lovely.
So I set out phones. I actually set out more than half the entire clinic. So it was a pretty productive day.
The switch tech got his remote access device working, and ran a few of his cables - dressed them in perfectly. I couldn't be happier with the quality of his work. I made some changes to his database as I was setting phones, so he's going to work on the programming from his motel room tonight and tomorrow.
Everything is progressing just fine.
I still need his alarm contacts so I can put them in the panel. I have the alarm cable from the rectifier bay, and I have the link cable to the remote ran already. Just need power cords and the alarm system will be functional. Easy cheesy.

I went shopping today. Yeah, I know. Booo.
I bought a dress on sale at Dillards: 70% off. Bought two new brassieres at Victoria's Secret (not on sale). Then I went to Pier One and bought a lap tray for working on my laptop in bed, and a smelly thing to make the motel room smell good. Oh yeah, and a new coffee cup with lid. I'm drinking Chai tea in it now. The microwave soup cup that I had bought to drink coffee in just isn't working out. It's too big. I will use it for soup, and my new coffee cup for coffee. So kill me already.
Yeah, I know. I'm saving up for a truck. I'm sure two bras and a dress isn't going to break me. I need to put my blinders on until I buy that truck though.

I had a pretty good day. At least I wasn't bored, sitting in my motel room stirring up trouble on Craigslist.

You have a great evening.
MsAmber

Oh my dear blog, how I've missed you...

2009-09-16T18:54:00.002-05:00

This has been an exciting week. I'm here in Billings working, as you may already know. I got my power plant built. I have the electrician running my circuits now, maybe tomorrow I can fire it up. I can't wait for it to come alive. My back has been aching for days now after stacking those batteries. But thanks to Icy Hot patches - or as Chad calls them: "Aphrodisiac pads", I can nearly walk straight again. I go around all day and I keep getting a whiff of mentholatum. It takes a while to realize the smell is coming from me. Ha ha ha.
All the ladder rack is up, my power cables are ran. I'm waiting for the electrician to finish before I connect the battery leads to the rectifiers. But it's all assembled and bolted down - ready to go.
I bought a 5-wide punch down tool. I've always wanted one of my own - so now I have it.
I drove downtown and parked at the corner of Montana and 27th. I started walking... I saw that there were people so I went that-a-way. There is a Farmer's market. They were just closing up, so I asked somebody where the car show was. They told me to jog over 4 blocks and turn right and it's at the end of the street. OK.
I walked 31 blocks to the car show. Then I had to walk 31 blocks back to my truck. Oh my. My feet were sore and blistered from that. Like a dummy, I wore my cowboy boots. It was fun anyway - I took hundreds of pictures.
I found a thrift store that I like. I bought some books and a new (used) set of laptop speakers. I also found a pawn shop that I like, and I bought a DeWalt reciprocating saw. I determined to quit spending money now, since I still have to buy a truck. So, I spend every evening now reading in my room or messing around in the Rants and Raves section of Craigslist. Those guys are always good for a laugh or two. Most of the time they just look for ways to offend, hoping for a good argument or an insult session.
I was staying at the Extended Stay hotel, but that was costing me $381/wk, so I found a cheaper place. The only problem is the train tracks. Those trains run all the time and blow their horns constantly. I'm learning how to tune it out, but I just hope I don't get so deaf in my sleep that I can't hear my alarm clock. "Life ain't nothin' but a funny, funny joke." (John Denver song - Thank God I'm a Country Boy)
Landlady called me yesterday and asked me for $100. I put a check in the mail to her. I don't mind helping HER out, but I guess I do resent being asked for money. Usually I'll call her and volunteer, this time she called me and asked. If the vagrant son wasn't in the picture, I wouldn't resent it - but I know the reason she is broke is because she's supporting him. He confronted Chad (who was house-sitting my place) and asked him for money last week. What a freaking loser. I wish he would drop off the planet. Do us all a favor.
I just get so mad when I hear anything to do with Larry. He's just three months younger than I am. I want to scream at him: "Get a job, quit sucking Tit!" He makes life miserable - for her and me, and I'm just a tenant. Did I tell you he threatened me again, the day before I left for Montana? Yeah, he "KNOWS people" and will "take care" of me.
My evil daydreams are carrying me away again. Change subject.

I told Chad that if he's feeling up to it, I would appreciate him moving my trailer to his place and maybe re-packing my wheel bearings and fixing the mushy spot in the floor. I may need to take it to Fayettville, NC next month when I'm done here.
If not, I'll re-pack the bearings before I take off. I know it needs done anyway.
Hey Chad - this isn't a "girlfriend deal" - how much to do the job? I'll pay you.

I think I'm starting to acclimate to this elevation. I haven't had an episode of heart palpitations in about a week. I still see wigglies in my peripheral vision sometimes, and that's a little disconcerting, but I'm starting to feel more energetic than I did when I first arrived. I do hate the fact that I'm in a more Western time-zone, so getting used to the time on the East Coast will be interesting. I don't get out of bed until 6:00 here, which is 8 on the East Coast. Damn.

Well, I've written enough for now.
You have a great day.
MsAmber

Friday Morning in Billings

2009-09-04T10:02:00.002-05:00

I wrote a blog entry last night, but I must not have published it.
I wrote a comprehensive, inspired dissertation wherein I solved all the worlds' ills. It's a shame it's lost forever. I certainly can't remember what it was...

I got my batteries in. It's an 880 pound stack. Each battery is 220 pounds. These are just little baby batteries. Certainly easy enough to maneuver compared to the big honkin' things we usually install. Today I'm hoping to receive my rectifiers and inverter bay. I'll be ready to rock-n-roll then.

I have a three-day weekend coming up. There is a classic car show going on downtown I was thinking of checking out. I'm also going to move to less-expensive accommodations. I would like to buy a truck real soon, and the more money I save the sooner I can realize this.

Anyway, that's about all. If I think of the solution for all the worlds' ills again, I'll be sure and save it this time.

Have a great day.
MsAmber

Today was ok.

2009-09-02T17:01:00.002-05:00

I assembled the racks and got them square. Staged and inventoried the equipment that has arrived already. Bought plywood and painted it.
...and then stood around all day.

The floor crew is sealing the tile and I had them bump my area up in priority because I will be bringing in heavy equipment to install soon and I need them to be done with their work in my switchroom and a path to the outside door.

I'll probably be standing around all day tomorrow also. I don't have much to do until equipment comes in, and I have to be there to receive the equipment...
I'm always bored and impatient until stuff starts to happen, then I have lots to do and not enough time to do it in.

Fun, fun.

MsAmber

I'm just a little bummed tonight

2009-09-01T19:42:00.002-05:00

Sergeant St. Ann called me today. I've been blocked from joining the Army. Many years ago I had an episode of depression. My Dr administered a test, and prescribed Cymbalta. I took the anti-depressants for a year or so, then I just quit taking them. Partially out of embarrassment for having to take a daily medication, and partially because I couldn't afford them.
When the Army requisitioned my medical records - they flagged the Depression diagnosis as the reason for my rejection. I tried to argue it, but they won't budge.
So, I'm not going into the Army after all.
That's a shame, because I would have been really good at it.

Well, here I am in Billings Montana. I met my POC today and we did a walkthrough of the facility. I met the electrical contractor and I got him started on making me a bid for some electrical circuits and conduit that I need. I looked at the materials that have already been delivered. I have enough stuff to get me started. This will be a fairly easy job. It's only 300 phones, and the power plant is small also. I can handle it by myself.

I think I want to go to the bar down the street and drink a beer. Just one.
I'm feeling a little stir-crazy.

Have a great night.
MsAmber

I made it to Billings

2009-08-31T08:47:00.002-05:00

I left Lafayette at 10 p.m. on Friday and drove to Norman, Oklahoma. I stopped at Rob's house and did two loads of laundry, visited awhile, and slept. Saturday evening Rob, Kandelyn and I went to dinner at Applebees, then we sat around and chatted until 'way too late. I didn't leave there until 11 p.m.
Megabyte heard me and nearly tore the back door down trying to come in and see me. It was good to see my boy, I miss him.
The starter on the truck is starting to act up. When I was in Gainsville, it went out. I was at a gas station push starting the truck and some guy was leaning up against the fuel pump. He hollered out: "You're gonna have to go faster than that!", I hopped in and popped the clutch and it fired right up. I couldn't help but laugh. So far, that was the only episode. It's worked fine ever since, but I know that is my warning shot. It WILL go out, I'll just watch how I park it in case I have to push start it again.

It was a hard drive, but rather uneventful. Yesterday evening I saw a guy struggling with a flat tire. I was bored so I pulled over to help. It was a large chevy 3500 duelly and he'd blown a front tire. I saw that he was using the scissor jack, so I pulled off to see if he would rather use my big floor jack. He declined, but he didn't have a 4-way and couldn't break his lug nuts. I handed him my 4-way and a can of WD-40, and helped him get the spare out from under his truck. For some reason he wouldn't let me touch a tool, but I could tell he wasn't accustomed to changing tires...
Turns out he's a Ph.D. Yeah. I don't know a single doctor who would change their own tire. He struggled with it and I thought he might pop a vein, but by golly he got 'er done.
I was amused by the fact that he was treating me like a girl when I've certainly more experience than he in automotive mechanical work. It was quaint and cute.
Then: he tried to give me money. I wouldn't take it - I mean the dude wouldn't even let me help, did he think I only stopped to con him out of a few bucks? I took his business card though. I think I'll make him an offer on his truck. Now that it's got a fender-bender on it, it might be within my budget. He's a Dr., and he'll probably be too uppity to drive a truck with body damage. Maybe not though, it's still a really nice truck. Might be out of my price range for 8 more years or so. Though it wouldn't hurt to try...

I pulled in to Billings at 10 p.m. last night. Found the Extended Stay America and got checked in. The price is too high. I got her to knock it down a few bucks, but still: $381/wk is too much for what you get. I paid up for a week, but I'm going to look around for more reasonable accommodations. I would like to save a bit more of my perdiem to help pay for the truck I'm going to buy.

I toted 3/4 of my stuff up here to the 3rd floor and got unpacked. I'm strange that way: I have to set up the bathroom counter, unpack my clothes, and arrange the room to suit me before I can go to bed. No matter how tired I am.

My lower back took a beating on that ride. I had a muscle spasm in my right hip all day yesterday. Pinched nerve. I can hardly walk a straight line this morning. I've taken two ibuprofen and I'm drinking my coffee now. I'll be right-as-rain in just a few more minutes.

Mike called this morning already. I told him I was going to call him later to get the "Who, what, when, where, and why." He just wanted to make sure that I didn't show up on the jobsite this morning until he got approval. That's groovy, I wasn't planning on just showing up with no clue anyway.

I'm going to shower and get myself ready for the day. Maybe I'll get to have a meeting with my new crew and get oriented. The weather is beautiful. I opened the window to my room last night because it stinks of stale smoke in here, but the temperature is perfect. I slept like a baby! My window faces the highway, and beyond that is some mountains. I like being on the 3rd floor. The view is good, and I can open it up and get some air. Not too claustrophobic in here.

I was thinking to myself: wouldn't Chad just shit if I told him I liked it so much here that I'm staying? (not funny, MsAmber!)
I do love my mountains though. I'm really an Appalachian girl, but I loved the Rockies for over 9 years. I nearly forgot how much until I saw them again.
Actually, I tend to find something to love about every place I've ever been. Fickle, fickle, fickle.

You have a great day.
MsAmber

Alright Peeps - I'm on the road.

2009-08-28T19:13:00.002-05:00

Truck's all packed, gear stowed. I just have to take a shower and hit the road.
I think I have everything...

Landlady's son poked his head in the door and said: "You're going to Montana?" I said yes. He said "Well, lemme tell you something..." I didn't catch all that he blurted out but it was something along the lines of: I better not hack into their computer and get their personal information and spread it all over the web in Montana or he KNOWS people and he will take care of me.

HUH?

My goodness. Was that a threat?
And why in the world would I even bother to "hack" into their computer? Like I don't have anything better to do than to hack into some old lady's computer and see how much trouble I can cause. Shit. If I wanted to hack something, I'm sure I could think of someone MUCH more interesting than my landlady and her son...
Geez.

Can you say: Mental?!

Have a great weekend.
MsAmber

Had a great time powerwashing!

2009-08-27T09:19:00.003-05:00

Man, I want one!
Fired up the 5.5 hp powerwasher and went crazy. I washed two houses. That's a hoot. The cool part is that it may be 105 degrees outside, but with all the overspray, you stay nice and cool. In my opinion, that would be the greatest outdoor job ever. Sunshine, water, and a real sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. I really want to buy one. I never knew how much fun that could be.

Yesterday we went and installed some mortar between bricks, a vent flue for a stove exhaust, and a microwave. Then went and unloaded two semi-trucks full of lumber. It was a good day.

Today I'm off. I need to start getting ready for my trip to Montana. I called Nicky and told her that if she doesn't come see me this evening, then I won't see her for two whole months. She was surprised and said "It's that time already! Oh shit!"

The slave cylinder on the hydraulic clutch is acting up, so I'm going to run by my mechanic's place right quick.
Gotta go, gotta go.

You have a great day!
MsAmber

Monday fun.

2009-08-25T07:04:00.002-05:00

Did roofing repair yesterday. Pulling up old leaky shingles and replacing them with mismatched ones. Early in the morning, went downtown and replaced two parking stops. Pulled up the old ones, carried the new ones out of the parking garage, re-drilled for the pins and placed the two new ones. I had a funny little "oops". I was pushing the dolly with the new parking stop on it and I had to get a running start to get it over a hump. Well, I made it over the hump, but the forward momentum pitched me upwards and I nearly was catapulted over the handles. It was funnier than hell. Thank goodness I wasn't hurt, but it did give me a real perspective on my weight in relationship to a big ol' chunk of concrete.

Today I get to powerwash three or four houses. That sounds like a hoot, and I think it will be a bit easier of a day than roofing, or heaven forbid, insulation!

I'm counting down the days before my big road-trip. We bolted down a toolbox in the back of the truck and I've packed all my tools. I got the spare tire, and the truck is ready. I moved the wringer washer over to Chad's carport and cleaned out my storage. The RV is squared away. I'll just need to do laundry and pack my clothes and I'll be ready.

Having a visit from Mr. Monthly. I'm feeling a little irritable and serious, so don't mind my post, if it appears to lack my normal affability. The timing is perfect however. I'll be over it in time for the physical on Friday, and the driving to Montana. That'll be good, I really hate going through that during a long drive.

I would like to solve the music problem before I leave. It would be nice to have some tunes to listen to during the trip.

You have a great day.
MsAmber

Saturday fun...

2009-08-22T11:49:00.002-05:00

I went to the junkyard this morning to find a spare wheel for the Nissan.
I've been driving without a spare for quite a while, and it concerns me. I have my jack and 4-way, but that would do me no good without a wheel.

I've got to go to Billings Montana next Friday. I will work construction here Monday through Thursday, then on Friday I have my Army physical, then time to pack up and hit the road on Friday night. That will make for a loong day. I have to get up at 3:30, leave at 4:00 to go to New Orleans, then stand in lines all darn day. If they fail me, then it's all over for my going into the Army. I'm going to try not to install insulation this week, that tends to mess with my lungs too much. The last time my physical was scheduled, my boss had me installing unfaced insulation for two days prior. If they put me through a breathing test I might be somewhat compromised.
Otherwise, I'm healthy as a horse and strong as a mule.

I have a serious hankering for a rare steak and some raw spinach. I hate to let go of the money, but I've gotta feed that craving. So tonight it's steak, raw spinach salad, and watermelon. Mmmmm.

I've got to go clean out the back of the truck and drain my blackwater. Chad made me a pseudo-pressure-washer wand so I can rinse out the tank. The gauge has been reading 2/3 full even when it's empty, so I need to hose it out real good.

We went to play bingo last night... the kids had fun in spite of themselves. The little one insisted that she didn't like bingo, but I think she liked it afterwards. Oh how terrible it must be to be forced to sit and play bingo with the old people for a couple of hours.

Dumbass, the landlady's son, just poured two-cycle mixed gasoline into the lawnmower. It's smoking something awful. I thought even HE would know better than that. He has a history of breaking lawn implements, now he's torn up the lawnmower. Ms Doris will have a fit when she sees that. What a dumbass.

Hey! When did the design on the penny change? I just looked down and picked up a penny. It has a log cabin on the back, instead of the Lincoln memorial. Am I the only one who didn't know about this?
Geez.

You have a great day.
MsAmber

I'm back in Lafayette.

2009-08-21T11:22:00.002-05:00

The drive home was a little hairy. Thunderstorms all the way. That Mitsubishi Gallant hydroplanes like a bitch! You wouldn't expect that from a front-wheel-drive car, but it's really quite dangerous to drive through heavy rain. I wouldn't buy one.
Otherwise, the car did fine. It got me there and back and the gas mileage was great.

While I was gone my hot water heater plug blew out and it dumped 3-400 gallons of water on the ground. Chad came by after work to pick up the dog and he found it. He shut off the water and the two switches (gas and electric), but alas, it was too late. My electric heating element is fried, and I'm out of propane. So I came home to NO HOT WATER. I need to refill my propane tank today.

I got all my survey stuff together and fed-ex'd it to TT, then I faxed my timesheets. I'm hoping they pay me for drive-time, because I didn't make a penny off of mileage - having to rent a car... Anyway, I submitted 31.5 hours. Here's to hoping that they accept my time as submitted. Since it DID cost me 4 days' worth of work at my other job, I think it's only fair.
You never know, though. TT can be real sticklers about stuff sometimes.

I have to get fixed up and run down to the recruiters to finalize my paperwork and set my physical appointment in stone, then I'm going to refill my propane tank so I'll have hot water this evening for a shower. I also need to do the dishes...

You have a great day!
MsAmber

In Memphis...

2009-08-19T17:51:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I understand you may be a bit confused.
Things have been moving rather quickly so try to keep up.

I worked construction last week and got paid on Friday. On Saturday I went to the thrift store and bought $45 worth of new clothes. I gave the landlady another $100 for her prescriptions (just a donation to the cause because she's in pretty bad shape)I worked Monday, then I rented my girlfriend's car to drive to Memphis.

It's a little Mitsubishi Gallant. She's getting behind on her payments so this benefits both of us. TT fronted me the mileage reimbursement, so I offered her $100 per day for three days. That left me enough to pay for gas, and she spent a few dollars to fix the tire and replace the headlight bulbs, and cleaned it up for me.

I left Lafayette at 10 a.m. on Tuesday, drove to Memphis and got a hotel room about a block away from the VA hospital. I'm here to do a VA walkthrough and RFP meeting with all the "Suits". My mission is to gather all the pertinent information and see what it would take to install a new DC power plant, phone switch, and 3000 phones in this VA hospital. I was at the meeting this morning in my nice pink button-up blouse, dark jeans and cowboy boots. Most everyone was in dress slacks - you know - salesman clothes. That's why I call them the "suits". There was actually only a couple of technicians - me, and a Blackbox technician who was representing my company also. I think I left a good impression. I never really can tell - so riddled with insecurities sometimes - especially when I'm surrounded by "suits". I think I prefer being a tech to anything.
I was talking to my girlfriend Nicole afterwards and she said that I shouldn't feel that way, those guys were probably just saying "uh-huh" to everything so they don't look stupid and I was actually visualizing what has to be done, so my site survey is a lot more practical. I know I'm the only one who brought a measuring tape. I guess they will be leaving all the details to their technicians to figure out how to make it work. Unless they are all just SOOO professional that they can see a solution without any research... ya think?

I see challenges here. The switchroom is too small to accommodate two sets of everything. The customer doesn't want the new phones working in tandem with the old phones, he wants them replaced during the weekend of cutover (that would take a lot of manpower). There is no room to stage the equipment, so a storage trailer would have to be rented, and possibly an office trailer. A lot of small obstacles. I can think of workarounds to some of the issues, but that would require some after-hours work and some delicate-finesse work. In a way: I would like the opportunity to tackle these issues, in another: I hope we don't win this bid because these challenges make this installation VERY precarious. I see a high chance for mistakes in which I wouldn't want to be the girl standing there wearing tools and a nametag when the magic smoke is released.

Ah, good times.

Anyway, Sergeant St.Ann called me and all my medical records are in. I told him I won't be back in time to take my physical this Friday, so schedule me for Friday the 28th.
I've decided that since I'm getting paid to be here for two days that I'm going to join the bid meeting again tomorrow and get more measurements. I've compiled all my notes and my drawings, just need some more measurements of the switchroom. Then I'm going to drive back to Lafayette.

Chad and I have a Bingo date on Friday night and we're taking the kids.

After my physical on the 28th, I'm heading to Billings Montana for an install. It should last through October 24th. Mike is requesting a company vehicle for me, but if he can't get me one, then I'm going to have to buy something rather quickly. I wish they would let me know soon, because I may have to use my mileage reimbursement for a down-payment. I would hate to obligate myself to a stupid car payment only to have them insist that I take a company truck to haul equipment, and on the flipside, I'd hate to expect a company vehicle and find out at the last minute that I need my own car. Mark Sorrells is a pain. He refuses to communicate even rudimentary stuff to me. No consideration at all. Leaves me hanging every time...
Oh well. C'est la vie.

Mike tells me that coming up are: Asheville, NC; Clarksburg, WV; and somewhere, PA. I'm a little excited about Clarksburg, WV. That's 40 miles from my old home. Wouldn't that be interesting? Last time I was home was in March 2003 when I buried my mother. I told everyone that would be the last time they ever saw me, I ain't coming home no more. But lately I've been talking about my mountains, and thinking about my mountains, wanting to smell wood-smoke again and sit in a maple syrup shed. Louisiana has it's charms, but it's not Appalachia. Like I've always said: I don't care for the people, but I love my mountains.

I suppose this means that I may be getting back on the road with Trans-Tel. Well, depending on what happens with my Army physical. One project at a time. Let me get Billings Montana done and we'll see what comes up next. At least Mike is happy to have me back. He has always been encouraging and helpful. It really is nice to feel appreciated.

Anyway, I just have one more day of work here then I'm headed home to Lafayette. I may get to work on Friday, then four days next week before my physical. Gosh I really need the money, I'm so broke I can hardly pay attention! Wouldn't it be nice to win the lottery right about now?

This entry has taken 'way too long. I've always used an external keyboard and I find that some of my keys on the laptop are gummed up badly. Especially the F and C. I have to backspace out my sentence and re-add the F's. Too unny.

And my thumb keeps hitting the touchpad, so I'll just be typing along and find that my cursor has jumped somewhere else.

I'm going to hop on Craigslist now and see what the price for short-term rentals are in Billings.
You have a great evening.

Ciao
MsAmber

Tuesday, August 11

2009-08-11T05:50:00.002-05:00

The construction company called me to work on the 5th. I carried 20' studs all day the first day, then on the second day I installed unfaced insulation all day. I got a call from the recruiter saying that he had a waiver for me to go ahead and get my physical on Friday (right after breathing all that insulation: thanks), that the MEPS didn't need all my medical records since the surgeries weren't life-threatening. So on Friday I got up at 2:00 a.m. and the recruiter picked me up at 2:45, we drove to New Orleans. I spent half the day standing in line and following hard-to-hear instructions, getting paperwork, filling out forms, and being shuffled around. Then, just as I'm getting in to see a doctor, bang! I have to stop. They want to see my medical records. So I went home.
I lost a full days' worth of work, and it will have to be rescheduled when I get all my medical records. Shit!

The collections' office started calling yesterday about July's RV payment. I was nice enough, but I told her I would make a payment when I can. You've got a job to do, and so do I, have a nice day. So I suppose I shall receive a call every day until I get that caught up. Oh well.

I almost had enough money saved up for the RV payment but the landlady asked me to pick up the water bill for her because she ran out of money (just days after she received her SS check), and I had to put some groceries into my house and gasoline in the truck. THIS time I'm not going to choose to pay my RV payment over eating and other necessities. I can't go hungry while working. They'll get over it.

I have more insulation to install today, and the boss asked if anyone wants to do some extra work this weekend painting - I think I will volunteer. I need to catch up. My ox is in a proverbial ditch.

But at least I have coffee!
It's all more tolerable with coffee.

You have a great day.
MsAmber

Medical Records.

2009-08-05T07:14:00.002-05:00

The Army can't schedule my physical until they get my medical records. I spent a bit of time trying to round them up. My primary care doctor had quit private practice and now works the E.R. at Norman Regional. I finally spoke with him yesterday evening. He was/is a great doctor.
My surgeries were over 3 years ago so all my records are in "off-site storage" and they estimate a couple of weeks to retrieve them.
One of the hospitals where I had a surgery has changed their name and was nearly impossible to find.
Goodness. Had I known all this ahead of time I would have kept copies of all my medical records any time I had a procedure or a visit.

My background check is coming back good. Every ticket and transgression that I 'fessed up has come back fine - just like I knew they would. I've kept all my tickets and receipts since like: 1990. The Army recruiter was amazed at my record-keeping. Now if only I had kept my medical records as diligently...

Today I should like to clean out my truck and empty my blackwater tank. Maybe I'll even get around to doing a load of laundry. I have several irons in the fire to get work - if I'm lucky I may get a phonecall... still hopeful after all the disappointments.

Well, I feel pretty good today. I'm going out the door to embrace the sunshine and get moving.
You have a great day!
MsAmber

Yesterday - Monday

2009-08-04T07:05:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I fixed myself up and went down to Universal Communications. I got there early and waited for the owner to show up. He said he just wanted to know what kind of talent was in the area, he didn't have any work for me yet, but he would call if he got any big jobs.
Then I called Jay (carpentry), and inquired about his laborer opening. He said to give him a couple of days to think about it.
So I drove over to Paul's. He said he had a couple of days' worth of work for me. I went with him and pulled nails and tacks out of old cypress. What he thought would take me a couple of days I finished in 6 hours.
I came home and Mike Samples called. He wanted me to consider something. He asked if I would be interested in doing the Billings Montana job, then staying up there to support the system for a one-year contract after cutover. I'm really thinking on it, but my camper trailer would be of no use in Montana, so I would have to get an apartment and still pay for my trailer down here. I also told him that Mark Sorrells is putting me off and that I need work, so he said he would call around. He thinks he may need me to go to Houston and run a DC circuit off a power bay to a Siemens 400. I'll take all the work I can get right now.

I should probably be using this time to get my camper squared away, do the laundry, clean everything up and organize myself for travel. Bolt down a toolbox in the back of the pickup truck, vacuum it out and wash the windows. I should be prepared in the event that something comes through and my participation will be required immediately. That's the way things work in this business. When they need you: they need you NOW. (As opposed to when you need THEM: you can wait a few weeks.)

I also expect to be called for my physical any day this week. As soon as they requisition my medical records from Oklahoma, it will be scheduled.

I haven't made my trailer payment for July, I am $105.00 short of the payment amount and I don't want to give up the last of my money right now because I may need to float my own travel expenses until I get reimbursed. So I expect that the collections' division will start calling any minute now. But the electricity, rent, insurance, and phone bills are paid.

Larry (the landlady's son) has been creeping around lately. He asked me for a cigarette. I said no. He asked me for gasoline for the lawnmower, I gave him what was left in my gas can. He asked me for $1.60, I said no. He got mad. I told him that he has no right to bum off me, especially since I'm struggling to make ends meet and I'm working odd-jobs. He said at least I get paid for my work, (Well, duh!) and he's been mowing MY lawn for free. I said that I've mowed it all 5 times for free myself, and I'm not paying him to mow the lawn, besides, he always uses MY gasoline, AND he still owes me $10 bucks! I noticed that Ms. Doris is back from her daughter's house. She must have gotten her Social Security check. I expect that Larry will hang around until that's spent then he will leave again. Isn't there something wrong with a man who thinks it's alright to suck money from struggling women? He tries intimidation and bullying, and spouting violent nonsense, it ain't working with me. No mo'. No mo'. Mr. Wilton said Larry was over at his house trying to bum money and was all in his face and bumping chests. Mr. Wilton is 76 years old. Larry really needs to be knocked down a peg or two - imagine bullying women and old men! When Larry doesn't get what he wants he has a temper tantrum. Sometimes I worry about repercussions. I worry that he might snap and burn my house down or stab my tires or poison my dog. I think he knows it, too. Every time I look outside I see him creeping around somewhere. He stays within view of at least one of my windows. I don't feel comfortable hanging around outside in my lawnchair in the evening anymore. I can do it in the morning because Larry doesn't get up until about 9:30 or so, but during the day I shut and lock the door. That boy is mental.

Well, I'm going to run through the shower and start cleaning up. I don't have any paid work to do today.
You have a great day.
MsAmber

ASVAB test.

2009-07-31T08:45:00.002-05:00

Well, I slam-dunked the the ASVAB. I got a 95%.
I have to be at the recruiter's this morning to schedule my physical and to see what they are offering. I think I will get to choose from any job the Army has available except "Algebra Teacher".
I solved all the algebraic equations with no problems, but they got me when they asked me to break the equations down into their "factors". I missed that part in school, so I was completely lost. I tried to extrapolate based on the answers but nothing made sense. Now I need to learn how to "factor". Whatever THAT means...
I think one of the questions was a trick question, none of the answers made any sense at all.

I'm feeling a little under-the-weather today. My tummy gave me hell last night. I finally got up and ate some crackers and fell asleep on the couch. My eyes still haven't turned bright white and I've been up for hours drinking coffee. I may be trying to kick some kind of stomach bug. You should hear my tummy growling - Ms. Vicky heard it across the room this morning and asked me if I was hungry. Sounds like something out of a fast-food commercial. I also sprang a fever blister on my lip. Usually when I'm aggravated or concentrating I'll bite my upper lip and where I have a sharp bottom tooth against my lip it will blister there. So I'm not sure if the blister is from a fever or biting my lip, but it sure is tender and bothersome.

Well, I've gotta go heckle my recruiter. I beat his score by 19 points, and he expects me to come in and give him hell about it. Also, I'm going to find out when my physical is scheduled. My last obstacle to enlistment!
Repeat after me: "That don't hurt", and "There's no CRYING in the Army!".

...Fake it 'till you make it!

Ciao!
MsAmber

Blocked at every turn...

2009-07-30T07:52:00.002-05:00

Something inside me keeps whispering: "It isn't meant to happen, don't force it."

Is it a shortcoming of mine that I consistently impose my own desires and ambitions in spite of resistance? Or possibly because of it?

Do you know what makes a beaver build a dam? The sound of trickling water. Yes, the sound of trickling water triggers something in a beaver's brain to stop the sound, it drives them crazy so to speak. In the same way that I feel the compulsion to open every door and tear down every brick wall that stands in my way. The problem is: the brick wall may have been put there to guide me in another direction. Instead of turning my course to go around it, I have to stop and break it down. I didn't know for sure that I wanted to go in that direction until I saw the obstacle, and even after conquering the obstacle, I still didn't know if that was the direction I wanted to go, but I commit anyway.

I'm not sure that I'm explaining myself concisely so let me tell you about the past week.

I went to the Army recruiters and started the paperwork to join the Army. I needed some information from a previous employer so I called Trans-Tel. I spoke briefly with the VP and he asked what I was doing. I told him that I had been struggling to find work so I was considering joining the Army. He said that he may have work for me so give him a few minutes to call Mark Sorrells and he will call me back. He called back a few minutes later and said that he spoke with Mark who is good with my return to Trans-Tel, that there is work for me and asked me to call Mark that evening. (Mark and I have a past: he never wanted to hire me in the first place - back in 2003) I called Mark that evening and he said his phone was about to die, he would call me back when he got it plugged in. He never called back. I tried him at 7:00 am the next morning, 6:00 pm the next evening, 7:00 am again, 6:10 pm again, and then at noon on the fourth day he finally answered. He said he already had Mike Wright slated for the Charleston job and he didn't need me, that he may call me if something comes up. Then he feigned anger that the VP said there was work for me and told me that he is going to "have a talk" with the VP and he would call me back afterwards. I didn't hear from him all day Friday, so I drove up to Norman to be in the office for Monday morning. I wanted to find out what's really going on up there.

I was received warmly enough, saw some old friends, gave Megabyte to Rob to keep for me, (whether I go on the road or join the Army I needed to put Meg in a good home), and attempted to figure out what's going on at Trans-Tel with regards to me. I honestly don't know... Rusty Nail is there as a recruiter and he seemed receptive enough until he talked to Mark, then: Brick Wall. The feeling of being shut-out was tangible. I can't explain it any better than that but you can just tell when things are changed but no-one wants to speak it.

I called this morning and spoke to Rusty, he said he will talk to Mark Sorrells this evening and call me back when he knows something.

I have the ASFAB test this evening, I'm still pursuing the Army. I turned in all my records and aliases and divorce certificates, filled out the SF86 background check information, ad nauseum. I've been studying some of the little things that I've forgotten: like how to calculate a hypotenuse; order to solve algebraic equations (pemdas - thanks Kandelyn); looked over the first 500 prime numbers; looked for a formula to find a damn prime number (no formula really exists); and other little trivia stuffs that I may need.

I have always wanted to go into the military and it turns out that I'm too old now for the Navy or Air Force. I'm still age eligible for the Army, I just need to pass the physical and get a waiver for the new rule that GED's are only accepted with 15 college credits. I'm hopeful there. If they accept me: GREAT. If they don't: at least I gave it a shot. I would always wonder "What if...?" if I never tried at all.

Meanwhile, I still have a boat to float here. I need a couple hundred more dollars to pay up my July bills, then the clock starts all over. Yay. So much fun.

When I was driving back to Louisiana from Oklahoma (with no radio or air conditioning), I had plenty of time to think. The more I thought about things clearly, my spirits began to rise: I had all kinds of ideas on how to get a job, and speeches prepared for companies I've applied to who won't call me back
and I was psyched up and ready to kick some proverbial ass! Then when I got here, I deflated. It's like this place is so depressing that it knocks the wind right out of your sails. Crazy, right? Where's that indomitable spirit that I was carrying with me all the way down?

I don't get it.
So, am I forcing things to happen that aren't MEANT to happen?
I am a queer duck sometimes.

Have a great day. I've got swampwater in the sink that I have to take care of.
MsAmber

I got a J.O.B. - finally.

2009-07-16T06:24:00.001-05:00

I got a job.

Well, two small jobs actually. I'm going to be working two night shifts and one day shift per week initially at my first job, and cleaning three times a week at my second job. Then after August 1, I can pick up more shifts at my first job. I'll still squeeze the cleaning job into my schedule - that pays an extra $60.00 per week. So, even though I'm late on my bills this month, I should be able to catch up soon.

My cellphone service may be interrupted again this month until I can get it caught up, but that's no big deal.

We've had a lot of rain this past week. The lawn took off growing like it's springtime. It's already nearly knee high and I just mowed last Friday. Crazy, man. I don't know when I'll get time to mow it down again. Maybe Saturday or Sunday? I was hoping to go to the thrift store on Saturday - I desperately need clothes that fit. Everything I have is too big and baggy. Even shirts that used to hug my tummy now look like I'm a kid playing dress-up in daddy's clothes. I've passed the 50 pounds mark. I don't have a scale to keep tabs on my weight loss, but the flat belly and the jeans that I just got (which are already baggy) are speaking volumes.

I was approached in the parking lot at Mel's diner and a guy gave me his phone number. Then at O'Reilly's auto parts, a guy followed me out and gave me his phone number. Then again at B's Poppa P's, a guy waited for me and gave me his phone number. Geez. Must be the blue jeans... or maybe somebody snuck up behind me and doused me with pheromones. I dunno, but it seems as though the bucks are in a rut this week.

Actually I'm kinda enjoying the attention. It seems a little weird to me to be approached and looked at like that. Partially I resent them, because I know this wouldn't be happening if I were still chubby. I know they are all just looking at my figure. They have no idea if I'm a psycho, or a drug-addict, or a welfare momma lookin' for my next "baby daddy". Well, maybe not the guy at O'Reilly's, he was intrigued by my automotive skills - and my butt.
I'm pretty sure at this point that it's not my sparkling personality and witty sense of humor that elicits their attentions.
Men. Go figure!

I'm going to have to adjust my sleep schedule. I'm so used to getting up early and going to bed early. Now my schedule will be more random. I go in to work at noon today and will get off at 8 p.m. I'm actually very relieved to know that I'm done searching for a job. Now maybe my stomach can settle down. I've been getting a little panicked watching deadlines sneak up and I can't make the obligations, and knowing that usually I have a two week holdover before I see a paycheck, etc. It's had my stomach in knots for a couple of weeks now. I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch: but if hard work and enthusiasm can make a job fly, then mine should take off like a 747. I just need some cute clothes to cinch it.

Well, I need to take a shower and do the dishes. My cd player is on the fritz, so I may move the speakers back to the laptop so I can have some music up in here.

You have a great day.
MsAmber

Crush

2009-07-13T07:30:00.005-05:00

My boyfriend Chad.

I feel like I've met my male-counterpart. He's very much like me in so many ways. A jack-of-all-trades, does the best he can, conservative, likes the old way of doing things, great work-ethic, and interested in survival skills. He's as anti-social as I am. I found someone who can take off with a backpack and know he'll be fine - just like me. He drinks as little as I do, no drugs, wakes up early, anti-television, disciplined, naturalistic, holistic, reads books, imaginative, physical, wide-eyed fascination with everything, interesting, philosophical, not hung up on the superficial, somewhat corny in his sense-of-humor, and open to changes. He's also only 3 1/2 months older than I. We've had enough difference in experiences to keep it interesting.

I've officially decided that I like him...

I avoid writing about boyfriends on my blog because I don't want to have to delete my blog when we've decided to break-up. I don't get attached very easily, and in typical Scorpio-fashion, I start compiling reasons why it won't work out from the very beginning. That's a terrible thing, I know, but in my life I've experienced shattering disillusionment and disappointments. Psychologically I'm right on par with Freudian expectation. I'm comfortable with Chad. I see and feel his vulnerabilities and empathize in the same way he sees, feels, and empathizes with mine. We are equals in so many ways - I feel as though I could trust him. Neither of us have the eternal sunshine of the spotless conscience, but we persevere anyway.

Just to be funny, we're both amateur nudists also. We are going to start nude hiking. Backpacks and boots. The first time I get arrested I'll let ya'll know. "I'll take that ticket, but you know officer, I have no pockets to put it in..."

He also thinks I'm beautiful, not only does he say it, but I can see it in his eyes. He doesn't care if I comb my hair and shave my pits, or if my clothes match. He doesn't like makeup and perfume, but he never fails to compliment me if I decide to wear it. He's unpretentious with his own appearance also. Grey t-shirts and jeans with work boots and his hair in a ponytail.

He calls me "onion butt" because every time he sees it, it brings a tear to his eye.

He has long hair and a goatee, broad shoulders, tanned arms and legs, hairy chest, and a very pleasant smile. He turns his shoulders sideways to walk through a doorway as a matter of habit. Rough carpenter's hands that can be both strong and gentle.

It's been only four months since we started dating, so I'm still a little sheepish that I put all this in writing, but for the first time in my life I can see into the future. Not an unrealistic pipe dream involving lots of money and a fairytale ending, but a practical evolution of us with our eclectic outlook and complementary sensibilities.

Ok. There it is. I've said it. Chad, you are now officially in my blog. Let the whole world know: MsAmber likes Chad - very much.

This ends my cheesy mushy post. Back to real-life next time.

Have a great week.
MsAmber

I found a little work...

2009-07-12T08:01:00.005-05:00

The neighboring storage place asked me to clean out a climate-controlled warehouse. I spent most of the day on it yesterday and I need to finish today. It's a big dusty mess, but at least it's some work, and it pays cash.

I mowed the property on Friday, and I had to stop in one place because I found what I thought was a huge beehive. I called a guy named Rob, he's a beekeeper in the area to come get it. He showed up that evening and walked straight up to it. Put his nose within inches of it and took his sunglasses off, he stuck the arm of his sunglasses through it and said it's a swarm, no hive at all. It was about three feet long by about a foot-and-a-half in diameter. Thousands of honeybees. He went home and got a bee box and his equipment; a smudge pot, bee screen helmet, gloves, etc. He came back and cut the branch and dropped all the bees into his bee box and left it overnight. He returned Saturday evening and took them all away. It was really cool to watch him work. I learned a lot. He said that when a hive gets too populated, they will hatch another queen. She takes off and half the swarm accompanies her. Wherever she lands, the swarm covers her. That branch was just the temporary resting place. He thanked me for calling him, that was exactly what he was looking for. I was just glad I could save their lives, I just knew that somebody would get alarmed and spray them with insecticide, so I guarded the swarm until I could get somebody out to get them. It was really cool.

Well, I've got to go finish the warehouse this morning. You have a great day.
MsAmber

Wednesday Morning

2009-07-08T08:13:00.004-05:00

Yeah, everything's peaceful around here so far. It rained all night Monday night, and all day Tuesday until about 2:00 p.m...
It's pretty soggy outside. I think we got 4 inches here.
I'm shampooing the carpets today, the dogs have tracked in a fair amount of mud and I can't let it set-in the carpets.
Spot has been acting particularly scared of the thunderstorms. He wouldn't go outside unless you essentially dragged him out. He never had an "accident" in the house, but I just knew he shouldn't be holding his pee that long. Poor dude, clung to my legs like a wet nightgown the whole time.

I dug out the demo cd from a friend's band "5th Wheel Avenue", and I've been listening to it on repeat. It's actually really good, it's a shame there's only 4 songs on it. They have a site on Myspace if anyone cares to check it out. Daniel is the drummer and Samuel is the bass player. They are a couple of good kids who worked on my crew in Shreveport last year. They have a good sound, I went and listened to them play a couple of times.

It seems as though someone has taken to commenting on my blog anonymously. They obviously don't know me well or they would realize that I have no misery, I'm a "roll with the punches" kind of girl. Does it seem as though the tone of my posts have been pessimistic of late? My apologies if that is so. I get a little frustrated every now and then, but otherwise I'm a pretty happy person. I enjoy life immensely, even when it presents challenges. I blog about current events as a way of documenting timelines so that I won't forget when things happen, but I've never claimed to be a victim of anything but my own decisions. Which I guess is exactly what the anonymous commentary said. I just feel it's a little creepy that someone won't at least sign their name or an alias to a comment directed at me.
Oh the intrigue...

Chad has decided that his side-work is getting busy enough that we may be able to step out on our own as independent contractors. I've always wanted to learn carpentry, he's been tutoring me a little on using the speed-square and the most common angles, marks, and terms. I'm ready to embark on a new adventure. It will be great to learn a new skill, especially one that I've dreamed of learning for a long time now. I'm psyched! He's really very good at it, I couldn't have aligned myself with a better teacher. I have my tool-belt already set up and ready to go. I dug out all my tools, cleaned and oiled everything and organized them. I even replaced all missing drill bits from my index, I'm just missing one 3/4" paddle bit. As a present: Chad bought me a set of chisels. Isn't that cool? I have a set of chisels!

Anyway, I need to get the carpets shampooed before it starts getting hot. You have a wonderful day.

MsAmber

P.S. Anonymous Poster: feel free to sign your comments with some alias or something. At least give me some sporting hint as to your identity. Please?

I smell trouble brewing...

2009-07-06T12:34:00.002-05:00

I got the landlady packed off to her daughter's house on Friday. I swept out her floorboards, loaded up her stuff, loaded the dogs and got her gone. She's been very grumpy and stressful since she got a phonecall from California on Tuesday or Wednesday. Some guy called her real early in the morning and asked if he could send her son home. (Oh boy.) She gave me a key to her house for emergencies (not to give to him), and left instructions to tell him that the back window was unlocked, and asked me to pay for the taxi cab if necessary when he gets here. Saturday morning about 10:00 a.m. he arrived. He had money to pay his own taxicab, and I gave him the instructions on how to get in. Then I called Ms. Doris at her daughter's house and told her that he looked real good. Sober, tan, and well-fed.
He knocked on the door as I was getting out of the shower and I'm sure he got a free peek because I was just wrapping up in a towel. Pissed me off already. He wanted a ride to Chase bank. I looked at the clock: it was 11:50. Everybody knows that the banks are closed on Saturday afternoon, plus it's July 4th. I told him I was tired, I had been moving the RV all morning and I wasn't planning on going anywhere.
A little bit later a green pickup truck pulled in, and left within about 15 minutes. Apparently he called somebody to bring him a 12 pack of beer. Within the hour he was drunk. He sat out on the porch facing my house and kept yammering on to anybody who would listen: "Hey, listen, when I bury my momma that's going to be a sad day, I'm going to kick my brother's ass, makes me cry just to think about it, that (expletive) hasn't called momma in over a year, hey listen, I'm gonna kick his ass. When I put my momma in the ground, everybody's gonna know...I'm the baby of the family...hey listen, when I bury momma..." blah blah blah. He was drunk and talking shit. I came into the house and closed the door so I wouldn't have to listen. Ms. Doris called me and told me that he called her and he was partying with Jason and he had $50, and she isn't coming home until he's broke. I was a little angry, she and I had agreed to set some house rules that this is an alcohol-free property and he will not be drinking if he is going to stay here. A little while later, I bathed Spot in the bathtub and took him outside to shake off, and Larry was still out there on the porch. He was still talking. He said he liked me, I'm just very direct, he thanked me for taking care of his momma, and started talking about kicking his brother's ass again. I wanted to say: At least your brother isn't coming around and sucking off the old lady's social security every month, but I didn't. Why pick a fight with a drunk. I came back inside and started bathing Megabyte in the tub. Chad said: "Next time he knocks, I'll get it." So, sure enough, Knock knock on the door. I just had Meg lathered up. Chad was working on a bid for a job and he got up and answered the door. I heard him tell Larry that Amber was busy. Then he told Larry that HE was busy. Then Larry started yelling "I've been traveling for three days and I just got home and ya'll are going to treat me like a fucking Nigger!" That's when I came out of the bathroom covered in suds and I stuck my soapy hand out the door and yelled "Larry, get out my door! Go home, don't you knock on my door anymore! You are supposed to leave me alone! I'm a tenant, not your fucking friend!" He said he was going to kick my ass, and I better get ready to pack my shit because as soon as momma gets home I'm getting kicked off the property. I told him I can move and I will move if I want, don't think I feel threatened, and I slammed my door in his face. Chad called the police. The officer showed up, and he said he's dealt with Larry before and he went over there and told Larry that I'm a tenant and he needs to stay away. When the police left, Larry shouted from the porch "How do you like them apples?" and he turned up the music as loud as it would go and proceeded to have a one-man party. All night long.
I heard a truck pull in at 3:30 in the morning on Sunday and it left at 4:00, so I got up and started the coffeepot. Larry was still partying with the music turned up and the door open facing me - just being creepy. I started working on the pile of garbage outside about 6:30, he shut his door but kept the volume up. He didn't turn it down until about 9:30 in the morning. That's when I figured he went to bed. Ms. Doris called me about 10:00 and was concerned that he was dead or overdosed or something because he wouldn't answer the phone. I just told her he was probably asleep. She called again that evening about 7:00 pm, I told her I hadn't heard anything or seen any signs of life from him all day. She was worried and wanting to come home. I told her don't worry, if I see him alive and well I will give her a call. He stayed hidden all day, all night, and now it's 1:15 pm on Monday and I just now see him walking down the driveway. I figure that he thinks if she's worried then she'll come home. I just now called her and told her that he's alive and she said she's coming home today. There's no food in the house and she's coming to put groceries in the house for him. Well, why didn't he buy food with his damn $50 instead of beer and whatever drugs he bought? Geez.
No freaking common sense. I do wish she would just stay at her daughter's and enjoy the visit.
Well, anyway. I don't give a shit what happens, just as long as he leaves me alone. And I'm not feeling too much like sympathizing with Ms. Doris right now either. She's creating her own misery.
I'm done with this post.

You have a great week.
MsAmber

Saturday Morning

2009-06-27T08:59:00.002-05:00

Alright, it's only 9:00 a.m. and already I'm ducking for cover from the heat. It's 87 degrees in the house. Probably low 90's outside. I hate locking myself up, so I might just get out the hose and wash the truck. I feel claustrophobic when I close the doors. And, yes, I'm still drinking hot coffee. Probably should switch to lemonade.

Spot attacked Meg under the table the other night, so I whipped his butt and made him go lay down. He's been acting strangely since then. He doesn't listen, and insists on going out the door when I go, and coming back in when I do. He is clinging to me hard. Chad and I wrestled for a minute in the kitchen yesterday and Spot got very upset. He was snappy all evening. When Chad's daughter reached down to kiss Spot on the head, he snapped at her. Scared the daylights out of her. He's regressed to his aggressive behavior, which I thought I had cured. I probably shouldn't have raised a hand to him when he attacked Meg, but Meg was yelping and I overreacted. So, I need to reassure Spot that he's still my boy, and get him over his insecurities again. One step forward and two steps back. I can't show preferential treatment to Spot, though, or he'll assume the dominant stance over Meg again. Poor Meg. He wasn't hurt as far as I can tell, he's just a tender-hearted old man.

I have a little wart growing on my right-ring-finger knuckle. I need a razor blade to cut it out. I'll probably get to that today, so the tenderness will be gone by Monday. I just can't stand the thought of a wart. Ewww, disgusting.

Already I'm bored. Isn't there something I can do? Maybe I'll dig out all my mending and get that done. I know there are a couple of things missing buttons and my white sweater has a hole in the back...
I just don't want to sit around all day in the cool indoors.

You have a great day. I'm going to go find some mischief.
Speaking of mischief: I want to find my old boss's truck and saran-wrap it real good. Doesn't that sound like fun? Preferably in the evening when he's in a bar getting drunk. Harmless prank. A friend suggested that I pull an old-fashioned bologna fry - that's when you put a bunch of slices of bologna on the hood of a vehicle in this heat. I understand it peels the paint off in perfect circles. That's a little too hard-core for me, I don't want to do damage. Just a friendly reminder that I'm still offended and still around. That's the statement I want to make. I'll probably never get around to doing it, but I can't help fantasizing about it. Saran-wrap. Too funny.
I heard through the grapevine that Nate fired Penny. It will wind up being a good thing for Penny when she finds another job. She's a very good girl and sharp as a tack. Some company will be very lucky to get her. I'm glad in one way that she's free from his abuses, but sad for her because I'm sure she feels slighted. Just think of it like this: you've been ejected from the trash. Not because you're not good enough: but because you are too good.
I've worked for a lot of companies and I've never felt this hateful towards any of them. This will show up in a search engine someday: Atlantic Cable Services Incorporated in Lafayette is the worst company to work for. Abuse, dishonesty, crappy pay, broken promises, and hostile work environment. Nate Yancey is the sorry Manager of Lafayette ACSI. Wanna sue me for this? Go right ahead and try. I have documented these abuses, this is my blog, and I stand behind my words.
Now, if you have any questions about this company, just respond to this post.
MsAmber

Tuesday evening blog...

2009-06-23T19:40:00.002-05:00

Yesterday morning I went and bought 5 gallons of gas. I put the Toyota and the Nissan nose-to-nose and hooked up the jumper cables, then I ran a piece of fuel line from the fuel pump on the Toyota directly into my 5 gallon gas-can and fired-that-mother-up.
It idles for a bit, then it loads up and burps through the carburetor and dies. Sometimes it works through the loading up and returns to normal idle, but it never idled for more than about 3 minutes at a time. But it sure was loud. With that catalytic converter removed, it was very noisy. I had the neighborhood's attention anyway. They all heard me working on the truck.
Mr. Wilton's grandson, Jason, came by and tried to tell me that he thinks it's the fuel pump, (even though I told him I changed it) and he wanted to stand over it and pour gas from a bottle directly into the throat. We did discover that I had gasoline in my oil. I just changed that oil and now it's about a quart overfull with gas. Sooo, Jason thinks he can finish the Toyota and he made me an offer of $250.00, (actually, he came up with $249.00) and I let him take it away. Boy do I feel relieved. It's Outta Here!
Mr. Wilton came with him to pick it up, and I tried to tell them what I've already done to the truck and he shushed me, he said he knows what all I've done. So at least they know what they're getting into.
I'll take my time and find another builder, but it will be at least a 3/4 ton.

I wasn't feeling all too energetic today. I had an interview this morning, and put my paycheck in the bank then came home. I stayed inside all day - I took a little nap under the air conditioner vent and woke up and I couldn't breathe. My lungs were totally seized up. I hate it when that happens.

This evening I cooked shrimp-n-grits. My specialty. I had Chad and his daughter over for dinner, and I fixed a plate for Ms. Doris. She never heard of serving shrimp with grits but she loves it. I'm still stuffed. There's a leftover brownie from Saturday in the fridge... maybe I'll eat that too. Mmmmm.

You have a great night.
MsAmber

I mowed yesterday.

2009-06-22T07:11:00.002-05:00

I mowed the entire field, moved the Toyota and organized my stuff. It looks rather nice if I do say so myself. Got a little more tan. I'm really getting dark across my shoulders and arms. I have freckles that I never knew I had. It would seem also that I'm becoming impervious to the heat, or maybe it was just that pleasant outside yesterday... who knows. I have a tiny touch of a headache today, I think it was from breathing all that dirt and grass.

Man, I couldn't sleep a wink last night. I tossed and turned and tossed and turned. I was tired, but I just couldn't shut my mind off.

Why do ant bites always make a little white head? There's a mystery for you.

Yesterday, being Father's day, I was unable to get my Dad on the phone. It went straight to voicemail. So I left him a happy message.

My friend Nicky went back to work for ACSI. She was getting a little frustrated looking for another job, so she went back and asked to be reinstated. Not me, I'll dig ditches first. I feel as though some serious grovelling and apologies are due me before I would even consider it. Life is hard enough without having to hate your job. I'm naturally a cheerful employee, and some jobs bring out the best, some bring out the worst. I belong in a job that brings out the best in me.

Well, I got my jeans on, I think I'll head down to the grocery store and stock up on cheap-foods while I still have a little bit of money. Mmmmm, ramen noodles...

You have a great day.
MsAmber

I've been remiss.

2009-06-20T08:28:00.002-05:00

OK, I was reading through some of my most recent posts and realized that I've left out some important stuff.

I went for an interview on a Friday (not yesterday, but the one before), and found a start-up company that installs root barrier systems. The gal is nice, and she's certainly a talker, but I'm pretty sure her mouth is writing checks that her ass can't cash. We'll see, the verdict is still out. Anyway, she wanted a website, so I came home and bought the domain (www.TLCProtectiveEdge.com) and directed it towards my hosting space at MsAmber.com. I threw down a simple three-page spread. She had my friend Nicky call me and ask for tri-fold brochures also. So I made a simple brochure. I'm pretty sure that I won't get paid for my efforts, but I am supportive of what she's trying to do, so I'll help out. But I did tell her that I can't afford to hemorrhage money, so unless she has work for me to do, I don't plan on driving to Rayne just to show up. She's offering $125.00/day to go put in barriers. The job primarily consists of digging and cutting roots.

Well, it dawned on me that I needed to solve my transportation problem pretty quick. If I am to take any decent job, I need wheels. Just so happened that Mark Crabtree called from Shreveport to see how I was doing. I told him about my lack-of-transportation and he offered to loan me his old red Nissan pickup. I said "Hell, yeah! I'll be there tomorrow." I joked that I would ride my bicycle to Shreveport if I needed.

Saturday morning I started hitchhiking to Shreveport. I got to Opelousas and the police stopped to check me. I discovered that I had left my stupid wallet on my desk. (Remember, I bought that domain name?) I had memorized my license number, but boy did I feel dumb. I didn't have any money or my debit card. How was I supposed to drive that truck back? Anyway, I was too far to turn back so I just kept on truckin'. I caught some good rides, I left at 8 a.m. and I got to Shreveport at 1:00 p.m. A strange coincidence of the day: Two different guys who picked me up were named Michael, and a couple pulling hay gave me a ride and they had two Archangel Michael medallions hanging from their rear-view mirror. I can't help but think that Michael was looking out for me. I had no incidences and I didn't walk too too much, but boy was it hot! The last ride practically forced me to take a $10.00 bill to buy something to drink. (I counted the change in the bottom of my purse and it came to exactly $.99 cents.)
Mark and Missie were glad to see me. They saw how skinny I am and they asked me what I did with Amber. I responded that I ate her. I had a nice visit. Missie handed down her small jeans to me, because I was lamenting the fact that I have no clothes that fit. I gave her the clothes I was wearing, and I left with a really cool pair of patched jeans and a low-cut black and pink polka dotted top. We dug out all the change to be found = $12.00. So, I left with $22.99 and I found a penny on the ground when I got to the gas station. That was just enough to get home on. I was worried that I was driving on fumes by the time I got here. I ran the whole way without air-conditioning to increase my gas mileage, glad I did.

So now I have transportation. I don't have any solid job prospects yet, but the main obstacle to progress has been removed. I washed the truck real good. It has a front license plate that says: "Stay Clear Bitch On Wheels", which I think I shall turn around. I like statements, but that's not exactly what I want to say.

So, I'm going to end this entry with a heartfelt shout-out and gratitude to Mark Crabtree and Missie. Thank you guys so very much.

MsAmber

Went out last night.

2009-06-20T07:59:00.002-05:00

Two beer, two soda, three games of pool. Had a great time.

I'm sitting at my desk this morning, a little later than usual, drinking my coffee and responding to emails. I'm listening to some Bob Dylan, and the sound of the washer agitating my final load of whites. It's only 8 a.m. but it's starting to warm up a bit; my indoor thermometer says 82 degrees. I have the doors and windows open and a fan gently blowing my direction. Is this heaven or what?

I got the clothes all sorted and put away, so my closets and cupboards are completely organized. All my tools are safely stashed away. My only real chore left is to put air in the flat tire on the Toyota and push it around to the other side of my camper. I filled my air-tank for this occasion, but I really can't do it alone. It needs to be pushed AND steered, and it's unfortunately settled into some really deep grass. I'll wait until some unsuspecting victim comes by for a visit. Muwah ha ha ha haaaaa.

...Tangled Up In Blue.

I think I'll soft boil an egg and make toast.
You have a great Saturday (Sabbath).
MsAmber

Biting off more than I can chew.

2009-06-19T10:31:00.002-05:00

Doesn't that seem like me?
I'm doing laundry right now and sorting out my clothes. I want to put away all cold-weather stuff, and bag up all the clothes that are too big. So far I have done the drawers, and now I'm pulling all the clothes out of the cupboards and closets and piling them on the bed.
I erected the cabin-tent to use as a shed, and I've stacked all my outdoor stuff inside. Bicycle, lawnmower, fishing poles and tacklebox, my tub of automotive liquids, extra stuff like that. I need the storage space under my bed cleaned out so that I can store my tools. I have tools in the back of the Toyota covered with a tarp, and all the tools that I just unloaded from the company truck. I need them in a safe place, so the storage compartment under the bed is being appropriated.
I may have undertaken too much of a task. It's only 10:45 and it's getting so hot out there that I'm soaking wet in 10 minutes. Whatever, I can finish tomorrow if I must.
I took a cool shower and shaved my legs and lotioned them. They are getting a little tan, my shoulders and back are splotchy from peeling, I'm a little self-conscious over that, but my chest, neck and arms look real good (IMO, of course).

I paid all my bills and I'm proud to announce that I am $84.00 in the positive!
Oh, I have to laugh at myself for some of the situations I put myself in.
It's only money. They'll print more, right?

OK, I'm cooled off enough to get back at it.
You have a great day.
MsAmber

Got into a little "tiff" yesterday.

2009-06-16T10:48:00.002-05:00

I went to the shop at 7:15 in the morning yesterday to get my tools and final paycheck. Nate was in a mood. He handed me the spare keys to the cab of the truck, but not the tool boxes. I hung around for an hour, expecting that the kid who was driving my truck might show up - by 8:15 he still wasn't there, so I asked Nate if the kid was coming in. He started yelling and gesticulating wildly with his arms: "I TOLD you that I have the keys, you can either wait until I'm not busy or come back LATER!" He screamed. So I mimicked him back and waved my arms around wildly and said: "I was fixin' to TELL you that I have some place to be and I will have to come back LATER!", and I stormed out. I went to Rayne and took care of that business and came back to the shop. I was back at 9:20. I received the Fed-Ex envelope which contains the paychecks and found out that I was not allowed to have mine. Penny called Nate to inquire whether I could have my check and he flew off the handle at her for putting him on speakerphone. She started crying. She's had enough of him yelling at her for everything and nothing. (Nate himself ALWAYS calls people on speakerphone.) He said I would just have to wait. I left, but I was once again outraged at his behavior towards Penny, so I called ACSI corporate and inquired if Nate had any justification for holding my check (and my tools, by the way). The receptionist put me on hold and called Nate. Apparently he was really rude to her also, she commented to me that he wasn't acting very "managerial". (There's the understatement of the year!) Later in the day when Nate came in, he called everyone but me to come pick up their checks. This morning I again showed up at 7:15, I was treated with a bit more courtesy. I was allowed to remove my tools. He almost tried to accuse me of taking a cell-phone charger, which I proved that I gave over to Jherric. I turned in the few company-issued tools and got them signed off and gathered the rest of my stuff. He tried to get the guys to corroborate with him that he handed out checks yesterday and I could have come in the evening and picked mine up - all I would have had to do was call and ask. I said "That's wrong, you're just trying to cover up the fact that you withheld my check deliberately yesterday." We almost engaged in another battle, but he was being cautious because his boss was there. I'm grateful that Barry was there because the transition went smoothly, but in a way I wish he wasn't because I was ready for another screaming match today. I'm not letting that bully push me around another second. He may make Penny cry, but I assure you he will not treat me with less than the respect or courtesy I deserve. I'm still daydreaming of slapping him soundly across the cheek for his past transgressions.
Well, I'm proud to say that my business there is wrapped up. I got my final check and I got my tools. I said my "goodbyes" to the boys. Each one confiding that they can't take much more of Nate themselves. It's a shame. That crew consisted of some good guys, I enjoyed working with them most of all. At least I made some solid friends while I was there.
Anyway, that's it for that little adventure. I'll keep you updated on what else comes down the pike for me.
You have a great day.
MsAmber

Official Results:

2009-06-14T09:56:00.002-05:00

I went to WalMart this morning, and I'm thrilled to report that I weigh 129 pounds, fully clothed. Yes, that's right. I have lost 41 pounds and I am now smaller than I've ever been. Previously my skinny weight was 137. I never dreamed I would get down smaller than that.
I rarely drink soda. No sugar or cream in my coffee. I eat one meal per day, with a little snacking if I'm absolutely starving-hungry. I've pretty much shut down the feeling of being hungry. I barely recognize it anymore. I would estimate my daily caloric intake to be around 500. I drink mainly water and coffee, but the other day I drank a whole gallon of apple juice, just couldn't help myself.
I sweat all day. I am out in the sun doing something every day. Whether it's mowing, laundry, or moving stuff around, I'm outside.
So, this is the secret to me being skinny, suntanned/burnt, and happy.

Just thought I'd share.
You have a great day.
MsAmber

I like this poem. I think I shall print and display it.

2009-06-10T07:20:00.000-05:00

At the next vacancy for God, if I am elected,
I shall forgive last the delicately wounded who,
having been slugged no harder than anyone else,
never got up again, neither to fight back,
nor to finger their jaws in painful admiration.

They who are wholly broken, and they in whom mercy is understanding,
I shall embrace at once and lead to pillows in heaven.
But they who are the meek by trade, baiting the best of their betters with extortions of a mock-helplessness,
I shall take last to love, and never wholly.

Let them all in Heaven - I abolish Hell -
but let it be read over them as they enter:
Beware the calculations of the meek, who gambled nothing
gave nothing, and could never receive enough.

My charisma is failing me.

2009-06-09T07:45:00.002-05:00

Never in my life have I had such a hard time finding a job. For those of you who are out of the loop, or are dependent on this blog to know what I'm doing, I quit ACSI.
The work was too physical, paid too little, and the bullshit/degradation was too hard to take. I've never had to tolerate being screamed at for no good reason, and I've always been enabled to take responsibility for crafting solutions to attain complete customer satisfaction. There, I was "merely" an installer. Too much bending of the rules, too little common-sense. So, yes, I sabotaged myself again. I am sitting here in Lafayette with no truck and no job. Am I crazy? Probably.
I have faith that I will get back on top again soon, I just dread the struggle sometimes. The last fight cost me 30 pounds. I don't have 30 more to spare. I have few clothes that fit, I'm recycling the same two pairs of pants. But I have plenty of dogfood for the dogs and plenty of rice and coffee for me. I bought a bicycle also. I can ride that bugger till the cows come home if I must.

This town is just so hard to break into. I feel like an outsider in a closed community. I guess if I drank, or hung out with the locals more, I might find a way in. Surely there's a job for me around here somewhere. I'm just starting to feel the burn of being without my truck. I feel a little trapped.

Today I'm going to finish painting the wheels on the Toyota and take it down off the jack-stands. I haven't solved the fuel problem yet, but I will before the end of the week. I need to move my trailer away from the doublewide house that's being moved soon. I've been told that they are coming this week to haul that thing off so I'm not going to wait until I'm in a bind to get my rig moved out of the way temporarily.

I woke up around 1:00 a.m. with my hands itching like crazy. I got up and washed them, lotioned them, then grabbed the cold compress out of the refrigerator and slept with the cold compress on my hands. It was weird to have such horribly itching hands.

Well, I have a lot to do before it gets too hot. The days have been near 90 degrees around here. Noon is not the time to be riding my bicycle to town. I felt the heart-palpitations and faintness of over-exertion yesterday, came home and laid down (for just a minute), I crashed for 4 whole hours, complete and total unconsciousness. I need to be more careful in this heat. The good news is that I'm drinking a lot more water nowadays. I'm sure my kidneys appreciate it.

You have a great day.
MsAmber

I had a bad dream last night.

2009-06-03T05:38:00.002-05:00

I threw the dogs in a pond. I noticed that neither dog was swimming, they went straight to the bottom. I jumped in, it was only waist deep. I pulled Spot out, he was just sitting on the bottom, holding his breath and his eyes were wide open. He was waiting patiently for me to pick him up. I grabbed him and tossed him onto land, then I looked for Megabyte. I couldn't find him anywhere. I was screaming for some light, the water was so murky and I was feeling around with my hands and feet. I lost Meg. I felt so bad because he trusted me to find him and I could not. I was panicking and heartbroken when I woke up.
I'm still sad and I'm awake now. Both dogs are just fine, though. Why didn't they swim? And I'll never forget the look on Spot's face, just holding his breath and looking up, waiting for me to get him. It was pure trust.

Shake it off MsAmber, it was just a dream.

I have today off. I'm going to do laundry.
You have a great day.
MsAmber

I defurred the house.

2009-06-01T05:05:00.002-05:00

I never got around to working on the truck yesterday. I wound up taking all the furniture out of the house and I cleaned every inch. I even scrubbed the shower walls. I rearranged the furniture a little bit, and Windexed the windows. It was overdue for a thorough cleaning. I feel so much better now.
RVs should never have carpet. I would like to remove all the carpet and just lay linoleum on the floors and a few scatter-rugs. Easier to clean. I shampoo'd the carpets and they are good and clean for the time being, but with my muddy boots and the dogs' muddy paws, it won't last long.
I really don't have anything else to say this morning, so I'm just going to hit "publish" and call it good.

You have a great day.
MsAmber

...so glad it's Sunday.

2009-05-31T06:02:00.002-05:00

I had a good day yesterday. I knocked out my three 10-12's in record time and they put another job on me at the end of the day. I did 6 jobs total yesterday. All of them were ladder jobs. I had to put the ladder on the span once, and when it was time to bring it down, I hesitated. I actually had a weird feeling about it, after hitting myself on the head last time, I wanted to just leave the stupid ladder up there. This time I was surrounded by parked cars and the wind was blowing. I was worried about dropping it on a car. I unhooked it from the span, then got it vertical, collapsed it, then I pushed it over sideways in the only safe direction and let it fall. Problem solved.

I had a job to do over in the money neighborhood by Girard Park. The customer is a corporate pilot. He just purchased this old house and has plans to renovate. I told him that I thought the '60s wallpaper was adorable and some of the '60s styles are coming back. Then I told him about my favorite stove: a 1961 Frigidaire Flair Custom Imperial and all that it could do. I was just raving over it. I walked into the kitchen and guess what I saw? Yep. A 1961 Frigidaire Flair. It wasn't as big as my old one, it only had one oven, but there it was. He says he's going to remodel the kitchen and put in new appliances. I told him all about the stove - the temperature controlled burner, the meat thermometer, the oven being stainless steel runs a little hot like a convection oven, etc. He said he would call me if he decides to sell it. He doesn't care for antique appliances. Man, does he even know what he's got? That's a professional cookstove, they don't build them like that anymore. I hope he calls someday, even though I don't have a place to put it yet, I would certainly take it off his hands.

Ahhh, sunrise is beautiful this morning. I'm so happy to be home today. I'm also glad that my desk faces the East. Such a beautiful color in the morning - golden light through the water condensation on my window. It looks awesome. I bet even I look good in this lighting. (har har)

Well, I'm going to put on some shorts and tame my hair a little, maybe brush my teeth... Then again: who am I going to kiss? Kidding.
I'm on my third cup'o'java and I might just get back to working on the truck today.

You have a great day.
MsAmber